They say pain comes in waves
But it always feels more like I'm standing in the rain with you.
All fake smiles and sun showers.
She says he holds her hands like they're daisies.
Remember the time you watched my fingers tremble for three hours?
It was the first time I let you turn me into an earthquake.
She says he won't let go, that's shes afraid he never will.
I don't know if that's a curse or a blessing,
But I do know that when it came from your lips,
it was as a promise.
She says he doesn't really love her.
Explains that he doesn't actually want her,
he just doesn't want anyone else to have her,
As if this is all new to me.
She doesn't see the way my eyes go dark when she says this.
She doesn't know about the J carved into my ribs,
Doesn't know that its been burning me since the day you explained to me how much easier it is to leave than to stay.
And i bet you don't know that leaving has been my trade mark ever since.
She says they're just empty threats,
That he'll get over it, doesn't really mean it.
I try to listen to her speak over the sound of you telling me "I won't ever do it again" over and over somewhere deep in my head.
Somewhere where memories and dreams collide,
A place where the image of you still lives like a photograph I keep trying to burn.
She tells me again about the other boy,
The one who is sweet and soft
Who doesn't mind waiting
and leaves her notes on her car.
She smiles as she talks about him,
And I helplessly watch as the color fades from her face as she tells me she's afraid.
I remember the fear you made me feel.
I remember believing I could never have him as long as I had you.
And no matter how hard I try to forget it all, my biggest regret is never letting him love me because I was too busy loving you.
She uses the word "toxic" and I flinch.
I choke back the taste of your name bubbling at the back of my throat,
Listen to her tell me it's time for her to move on.
I never tell her that seven years later,
I still wake up screaming your name every night.