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Nik Krutilla Aug 2017
To be a person
Who boasts
Of your own accomplishments,
Is to be
Someone who is living
For others attention.
To be a person
Who others
Bring attention to
Your accomplishments,
Is to be
Someone who lives for themself.

Nik Krutilla Dec 2015
Some people are so dehydrated.
They crave codependency to fulfill them.
Be thankful you can stand on your own two feet unaided.

Know if you grow wings in time,
You'll have a stable place to fly from.
I don't know how to explain to others. It's incredible,
To never be wavered.

Nik Krutilla May 2013
I wonder if people
how telling me I'm
is less of an
and more of a
to my odd little

Nik Krutilla Jun 2013
I've realized
No one can move
Like you can,
When you dance
Oh, so close
Behind me.

Nik Krutilla Jan 2013
I just wish that
When I opened my eyes
I could see an answer
Instead of a forlorn face
Through these tears blinding my sight.

Staring back at me
In that mirror
The yellow sticky note that says
"You are perfectly imperfect and that is beautiful"
Just makes them run faster
And has me forgetting the question.

Nik Krutilla Mar 2014
We focus so hard
To balance our minds
We also need to remember
To balance our hearts.
Not too open but never too closed.

Nik Krutilla Aug 2013
Some people
just don't have the strength
to realize that those wounded parts
inside you are also
what contribute to who you are.
Like a mossaic
we are all made of tiny pieces
of unique traits that make us.
For some of us
it would be wonderful to just truly be okay
and not struggle with depression of some sort.
But that struggle
is what helps us see hidden beauty
in those moments of serenity
that most would bypass.
It helps us to be grateful
of good days and
sparse moments of a calm mind
that are taken for granted.
The dark inside us
also let's us shine the brightest when we can.
If someone is unable to cope
with all the sensitive parts of you,
light and dark,
it's their loss out of knowing someone amazing.
Every bit of you is worth acceptance.

Nik Krutilla Sep 2012
What is happening right now...

You say I feel like native petals
of somewhere you've never been.
Soft and mysterious,
exotic and raw.
Bewitching you to absorb the aura.
My web in which you spin.

I say you feel like steel
surrounded by marsh in deep bayous.
Strong and intriguing,
arcane and fierce.
Luring me to immerse in your essence.
Your web in which I spin.

Backwards it seems we have tumbled into each other...

Bodies knowing
new flesh.
Minds welcoming
familiar allies.
Spirits embracing
old friends.

Connecting erupts
a verbal rampage.
Words spilling on top of one another.
Passing sentences half formed
back and forth.
Beginning of my thoughts
turns into ends of your understanding.

The sun hasn't risen and slept
in the time we have mesmerized each other.
But yet you say you feel like
you've known me your whole life.
Like a shadow that's been around
just never taking form...
And I can't agree more.

So I say nothing...*

Just sit here and not think and adore,
your passionate voice, your shy laugh, your tempered sighs,
your fluid movement, your assailable face, your unimpeded body.
I unknowingly mimic you and you me and we dance intuitively.  
Until we exhaust ourselves to sleep.

Who knows if tomorrow will bury our today...

Nik Krutilla Jun 2013
I want to reveal
things about
and have you
seek out their
I want you
to pour over me
the pieces of you
I don't know

Maybe we need
to stop.
Stop allowing all
the doubts
infused from everyone,
to keep our
thoughts tied.

What have we
to lose
time and hiding.

In my gut
I feel a weight
could be evaporated
from us.
A light
glowing dim between
could be
Completion and
a knowingness of
who we are already
is not a hole
either are trying
to fill.

Maybe we just want
a hand to hold
after our struggles.
A comforting embrace
to melt into
after our pain.
A heart to accept us
and love again.
we just don't want
to carry fear around

Intimacy is something
vulnerably created
and hardly given,
I know.
Spiritual connectedness
is the highest of highs
and I think
we're both wanting
to fly.

Nik Krutilla Mar 2014
When the intense fire
That sparks around inside
Can stir our spirit
To ignite everything it touches...
We call that passion.
When another flame
Can dance in step,
Fueling us
And expanding our heat...
We call that love.

Nik Krutilla May 2013
Roaming in orbit
My responsibilities
And routine.
My current life.
I notice from
How smudged and
Water stained
Everything has gotten.

Nik Krutilla Sep 2012
Thanks for putting the spoon back
When you were done,
Even though,
You forgot to mention

There's no more sugar left.....

Nik Krutilla Feb 2013
If guarded thoughts
can be whispered
into air as mist...
Would it feel like cleansing  
to the ones those words
fall upon?

Nik Krutilla Jun 2013
Touch the back of my hand.
Feel that tremble.
That simmering warmth radiating
Into your palm.
You do that.
You bring that from within me.

Control is all I know,
And you make me lose it inside.
I ache to scream about it from
The fullness of my lungs.
Unsettle it from under my skin.

Just a chance.
Just a change.
Around and around the possibilities
Swarm like thunder clouds
Needing release.

Finding bliss

Nik Krutilla Dec 2014
While I've prepared for this day,
I find I am not an island.
I too, need strength,
In the form of loving support
From friends and family to help me stay strong.
So thank you...
To family for being there.
To my friends for being there.
I do see the people around me,
Who've given me that awareness
That I'm not alone in this,
In life.
I thank you immensely and
I deeply love each one of you for it.

Nik Krutilla Jan 2013
Does it ever
Feel like
I can see
Into your skin...

When my eyes
Are roaming
Over you?

I'm the one
Who feels bare
To the bones...

When my gaze
With yours.

My breath
Turns to mist
Just sighing
Around you...

And when we

I can almost
Taste the sulfur,
That wants to

Between our tongues.

Nik Krutilla Aug 2014
You attract...
Silly little girl giggles with admiration and the "oh you're so funnies".
I can't be a silly whip of half meaning amusement.
I'm not that girl.
I can't be...

You don't want admiration.
No, you do want it but you don't need it.
You need someone who will look at you when she laughs and means it.
You need someone who's going to sit down across from you on some chaotic night,
A night where nothing about the day made sense
And you're still swirling in a fog of your own perspective.
That's when you'll need this woman.

A conversation that clambers up slow,
Like steadying yourself after a carnival ride.
You'll trigger a vulnerable ***** by a wayward comment.
That's when it will happen.
Blindsided be ruthless honesty.
A sharp cut through the bravado *******...

She'll take that loop and jump in head first,
Feet landing solid on your insecurities.
One by one all of the hidden thoughts about yourself will come to life.
Every one of your self loathing fears and regretted actions.
All the ever present flaws you hold in your hands will be taken and laid out...

One uncomfortable, excruciating reminder at a time.
Every quirk you hate,
Every past stumble into a wall,
Every stitch in the side of your pride will be brought to light.

Presented back to you through new eyes.
Picking and dissecting and analyzing,
Whatever it was or is,
That makes the ground you walk upon gravel filled.
All your shame and remorse could be embellished;
Projector like against the writing on the walls.
Things you wish to hide or fix would be emblazoned like a gaudy pin on your shirt.

Your inner mind dwellings, torn down to petty pieces at your feet.
All of this would be blown back into the mask you try to wear that's a size to big.
Once the pulling and scrapping of every bit of shadow feelings and impressions you have been harboring deep inside are collected...
Covering the table,
Strewn in no particular order.

This woman will pick it all up in a sweeping display.
Fluttering around in waves of bouncy escape.
She'll gather every last part and fold her hands.
Then slide them into her pockets that have remained unfilled on purpose.
That's where, the last however many hours, will stay.
Budded up tight and inside somewhere safe for you .

You'll look at the empty table.
Maybe with uplifted eyes.
You'll look back at the cause of this character dismembering.
And see that her eyes have never wavered.

I hope when you get that moment...
That moment that you can just sense is a profound thing.
I hope you feel real acceptance,
Real faith,
Real love.

Nik Krutilla Sep 2012
The trick here is to remember
Just as wonderful things
Can turn ugly,
Great and wonderful things
Can grow from bad foundations.

There is a balance to life
It might not be in our favor
Most of the time
But remember these things

Amazing sunrises we see,
First breaths when we wake,
Delicious foods we taste,
Beautiful music we hear....

It's sad for those who don't get to have that anymore.
We look back in 2, 5, 10 years
See how far,
How much we've grown
and changed
Survived in our life...

This one chance existence
This complex and sacred state of being alive...

I don't know...

It's incredible that we'll never be who we were
5 minutes ago,
Let alone 5 yrs ago
The people we are in our present moments
Have a chance,
a future,
To change everything
With a single breath...

Nik Krutilla Aug 2017
If we were sea creatures
In a restaurant tank.
You would be the one
I'd save from the dinner menu.

Because you're my lobster.

Nik Krutilla Dec 2014
Sitting around and doing nothing is so exhausting sometimes.
Lacking inspiration to feel like you're actually "living" life.
Never enough, never enough.
That's what your mind tells you.
You run in circles, same thing every day.
It's often frustrating to feel like a impending explosion inside.
Just wanting to get out of this chapter and move to the next.
Is this the bad part of being alone?

Nik Krutilla Sep 2012
She sits across from me sipping and slurping her fat free french vanilla.
While I'm pacing myself with cappuccino imitation.

"All I'm saying is, that if he starts calling me baby, I might wanna keep him!"

She says it with that cajoling tone.
But I can notice the glimmer in her eyes that tells me she longs for that.
That sweet pet name that would mean she's special to him, in her mind...

I never could get comfortable around those names.
Cutesy little endearments reserved for a child's affection.

What is wrong with me?

She's vibrating with unmasked giddiness, glancing at her phone.
They've been dating for only months but she is lost in him.

With his once a week date nights
and clean shaven face
and joking interaction with her friends.  

She's full of soft embrace and warm affection and vulnerable interest.
Wanting never looked so form fitting on a person.
Like a cup waiting for a refill...

"If you want, I could see if his friend is up for dinner next week? You know it's been months for you..."

I hope she doesn't choke on her millionth slurp with the glare of indignation leveled at her cherub-like face.

"Ah thanks, but no thanks." races out of my mouth before I even hesitate to pretend to consider her obvious proposal.

How is it that easy to just offer companionship like that? Do I give off a "desperate for love" vibe?
And what the hell makes her think I can't find someone on my own **** time?

"Okay, okay. It's just...I hate seeing you alone. Don't you want to not be alone anymore?"

I know she loves me but those kind of questions from her caring heart, make me contemplate knocking her in the head.

My alone-ness she says.
My singular existence.

I'd laugh at her if I didn't know it would hurt her feelings.
To disregard her feeble attempts at pairing me up with whatever half-assed man candy she could sway my way.

I'm staring at the ring left from my coffee,
wondering if I should just give in this one time for her,
for me,
for the over used batteries at home.

"I'm not lonely you know. I just, haven't felt that connection yet."

Looking pitifully back at me she wonders aloud, "You're always waiting on that connection but have you ever felt it before? I mean, how do you know it's even real, that body, mind, spirit...magnet pull you believe so fiercely?"

It's the first time I've given her a genuine smile today as I tell her yes I have felt it before.
Bitter sweetly...

I just never got his last name.

It might have been years ago but I can still recall with clarity that electric tornado that seemed to have surrounded us.

We had only been gifted ten hours together but it left a mark on me for over fourteen years.
His face is definitely matured I imagine and his body shaped differently.
But I'll never mistake those sea green eyes, haloed by dusty blue cloud rings.  

The only boy who has ever made me want to get lost and never be found.

"Well...good luck with that. But until mystery man crashes back into your life, for god's sake live a little huh!"

She means well I'm sure but like an eager pup I just tsk at her goofily plastered expression and finish off the grainy remains of my only afternoon delight. She's in a hurry to make her "honey bunny" a homemade dinner anyway so it's not hard to cut things short on our weekly coffee shop vent session.

She's floating out the door before I even get my coat above my elbows but I can't feel offended.
Mulling over the uncomfortable idea of boring interaction with another stranger I decide to grab one more drink for the ride home.


Oh, she's planted that seed.

Shaking it off, I order my vice and move benignly to wait and resolve to not think about anything related to that anymore either.

"Seems outrageous they charge so much for imitation don't you think?"

The question's asked to me but I pretend I can't hear it. A guy hitting on me today is not what I want to deal with.

And he seems to be standing right behind me
making goosebumps scatter across my neck.

He tries again, "So I guess you like buying bottom of the barrel cappuccino?"

This time I've gotten a little itchy from his voice and want him to just stop in his tracks.
So I turn to tell him where, in fact, he can go...

But I'm the one stopped short and a bit flabbergasted.

No way do things happen to me like this.

Those coincidental, lucky, fated things...

I almost wish I was a liar right now with the things I just spilled to my loyally, encouraging friend.
Because there is no way the universe would be this cruel.

Finally I exhale and word *****,

"They're the only place that taste just like the ones at my grandmas' house every summer when I was a girl. I waited a long time to find that connection again, even if it is just coffee..."

The smirking face and broad shoulders that greet me aren't the cause of my temporary delirium.
Not even the wild hair and black rimmed glasses.

It's the sea green, haloed dusty blue eyes centering all the rest that shallow my breaths

Of all the places.....

Like a falling satin sheet his face morphs into a query riddled expression.

I hear the barista call out a name and he reluctantly steps away, never taking his eyes off mine whispering,

"I' right back. Don't move...please?"

I'm nodding like an awkward parrot and he turns to grab his imitation coffee.
The same kind I'm waiting on.
And I start smiling after a second.

Not because of the similar drink order, which could be anyone...

But because of something I haven't known until this moment for over fourteen years.
All thanks to fate, or destiny...
Or perhaps the oblivious barista.

His last name...

Nik Krutilla Dec 2014
Maybe we have been approaching LOVE backwards.
That what we want is really to be LIKED.
When I enter a relationship with someone
I still want to be able to say I like them.
Like who they are as a whole.
One year from now, ten years from now.
We lead with LOVE in everything we do in life.
It's what we already do but sometimes don't realize.
Putting yourself in someone elses shoes,
It's practicing empathy eveytime you do it.
Showing respect and acceptance for fellow humans.
We are loving beings incarnate.
Now, LIKING a person is something special.
It's a choice to be active in your own life.
Having a chance to build that trust with them.
You can LOVE someone without liking them.
Family, old friends, ex partners.
I think it's when you mix the LOVE and the LIKE,
That's worth something to hold onto.
At least that's what makes sense to me.
Projecting LOVE is effortless and selfless.
Giving it away without reciprocation.
To LIKE a person, I think that's what we're wanting.
That's where you would like something back.
To know the unique You is what's being appreciated.
That's when you require balance.
To know you're LOVED is a wonderful feeling.
At the end of the day though,
I think knowing that person just plain LIKES you...
Is pretty sweet.

Nik Krutilla Dec 2012
You said I look at you different now,
Something in my eyes...
I don't think I do.
I don't feel strange
Or out of my norm.

I enjoyed you.
The long talks we shared,
The unexpected laughter we found there,
The pull.
The comfortable embraces that overtook us,
Into the middle of the night...

As days passed on,
And months grew.
I realized what you said was true.
And I had been looking at you.
Not just stopping there but,
I had been feeling too.

That isn't something that I do.
Animated...come to life like.
Looking forward and looking new.
Growing out from myself.

But that is exactly what I was doing.
All while looking at you.
While you said I was amazing and inspiring.
You seemed to think as I did.
For those were thing I would describe in you.

So I have to wonder.
For how long has this been stirring in me.
And why do I just recognize it now?
And maybe...
Just maybe,
You have been looking at me too.....

Nik Krutilla Jan 2013
I'm sorry
I couldn't remember
the story
you've never told me.
You forget
I haven't known you your whole life,
even though it feels that way
to you.

Nik Krutilla Jan 2013
If you

had a

house of cards,

Would it

tempt you

to be

a magician?

Nik Krutilla Apr 2013
You call this love.
Because it ain't lust

It's not passion either.
Absolutely no trust

It's just you and me
Down it seems


Nik Krutilla Jan 2013
Faith o faith...

I'd like to think,
That all the bricks
Of disappointment
And tragic inevitability
Are giving me
The heavy strength
In which
I'm going to build the foundation
I will rise from.

The confused spaces
And doubtful understandings
Will turn into stairs.
Leading me up to the potential
Of pure grace
In this life that I'm living.

I pray the welcoming door
To the house of me,
Stays as compassionate and open armed,
As my spirit feels
In this moment.

Nik Krutilla Jan 2013
If you're not going to say those things  
to me anymore.
If you're going to distance
yourself from me.
If you're going to spend the days pretending you don't think of me.
Then please I beg of you,
For my sake,
Try to stop looking at me the way you do.
Even though
It's the last thing I hope you do.
Mercy me.

Nik Krutilla Jun 2013
To be a daisy maiden
with fragile fingers in my hair,
Is not who I came to be,
though strength lived inside this vessel fair.

So burdened I was, with thoughts of
clever rapport and satire deeds.
Catching the intense beauty all around
not just looking within me.

I walked barefoot on muddy journeys,
collecting trinkets too precious and plain.
Graceless bellows of happy words shouted out
never caring for judgements name.

So when I came across a devilish looking man,
a humble heart in disguise.
I surely followed that tether
feeling my solitude world's final demise.
What I saw was a bit frightening, slightly...
only because of his eyes.
They were not uncommon but still unique,
something behind them I recognized.

They held secrets and wonder,
twisty worlds and something familiar.
Showed me tales and revealed quiet emotions.
I swear they were something of a mirror.

So when he disappeared from my sight
but called to me with his lingering light.
Laid out subtlety but inviting none the less.
I started after, caring not for the rips of my traveling dress.

Climbing up toward his castle of
vibrant colors and crests.
Venturing inside to find where the human delight
my sticky heart believed had come to rest.

Finding him sitting front row waiting docile in a chair,
I proceeded ahead with a confident flare.
Unbeknownst at first while focusing on the one
I was chasing.
There was an obstacle in waiting like a beast's heavy pacing.

Past lives and insecurity followed this creature about.
Like wasps hunting a victim waiting to make them shout.
A mask of confusion clouded this face simmering with doubt.
Trying to reach toward me, to let go and get out.

He said there was hope in his heart
but demons he still had to conquer.
He was so lonely and wanting to love
but feared he was too tired.

I responded that
if it's your evils that chase you
down to the pyre.
Well, I guess we are meant to be,
for I am a dragon slayer
And I too, breathe fire.

Nik Krutilla Apr 2013
Maybe someday in a different life,
With a different smile
You would love me.

It's not much now,
My spirit...
But maybe you could just brighten it up
A little more.
At least let it see that it has a time and
A place.  
Where it can be.

That could be our rhythm for now.
Just until I'm me,
Really... me.
Until I know who that is indefinitely.
I would really like that.
It's comforting to think about you,
One day thinking of me too.

If only huh?

I'm not good now, soon though.
I will be.
Good enough for me.
You might see.

Tag along and see how much
In love we could be.
I adore you for existing.
I just have to say it.
Maybe you will too, for more or less.
That would be nice.

You're out there.
I'm here.
Maybe somewhere,
Ending up with one another.

Maybe, that could be us.

Nik Krutilla Jul 2013
It was a dusty moonlight fall
when I walked into your room.
I had this urging inside that made it impossible to sleep.
Talking to you in whispered laze about trivial things that were always on our minds soothed me.
So I decided calm my stormy mind with placating conversation.

Sickness had been shaking up your serenity lately but it was nothing you couldn't tolerate, you always said.
The air in waking life had been feeling coppery.
You were already awake as I stepped through the door and directly to the window.
Let the breeze join us.
I sat down easy on the side of the bed and huffed.
Indicating the verbal sieve was full.

You broke the waiting with a quote by a Greek poet that I remember you referring to more than once over the years.
Rolling my eyes at the familiarity, I just nodded in understanding.
So then I let out the worries.
I haven't felt the need to get so deep in a while.
It felt comforting to share my darkest bothers with you.
You, always knowing how to put me in perspective.
Finding the brakes to my crazy train.

When I'd lightened up some you told me innocuous counter thoughts.
Like always.
Smiling and giggling at the inevitable jokes that followed eased things.
My heart brimming with warmth, I wished to have the ambiance captured in a jar to take with me into the light of day.
Maybe to wash away the constant taste of pennies.

I chose to conclude our banter with a confession.
One that I knew I'd be teased relentlessly for but with empathy no doubt.
I told you of a person.
One who swept into my life.
Swept me up.
And you snorted at that.
I would've gotten offended if not for your encouraging smile that was plastered on your face.

I guess that was the moment you thought was perfect to give me the ultimate ego boost.
Life lesson or what have you.
Linking our pinkies you said to shut up and listen to what you were going to say.
Don't interrupt with sarcasm, you warned faux sternly.

You said,
"I love you silly girl.
If you believe anything in your life.
Out of the books your read, the music you hear, the people you talk to, remember this above everything.
You deserve love.
You deserve to work hard and struggle.
Having a piece of the world in your palms is your right by being human.
All of your flaws behind that guiless face deserve notice and acceptance.
You are a divine piece of perfect creation in Gods eyes.
You deserve love.
And you deserve to give that love to whomever needs it.
When it comes down to it, all that's left is what the heart has squeezed out over its lifetime.
That's what is born and remains.
You deserve love."

Squeezing the finger that linked us, signified your wisdom was finished.
Shaking out the hair in my eyes had camouflaged the tears that snuck up.
I had to think up something to say that wouldn't give away how much that rattled me with something soothing.

I lifted my head, fighting back my self conscious need for a quip, to tell you I believed you.
I did believe you in that moment.
Because you knew me better than anyone.
I believed you.

Looking from the window where a few leaves fell in from the breeze I opened my mouth and took a breath.
I stopped short.
You weren't looking at me.
You were before though.
But not now.

Then I just knew.
I shook our fingers to be sure.
But my guts knew.
I didn't even get to tell you I believed you.
Or that I loved you.
My chest ached with a swirl of emotions that ricocheted around the small cavity.

I didn't realize until much later that you left me something.

Nik Krutilla Apr 2013
Sweet baby girl
With ocean eyes,

Go ahead and
Keep on crying.
Let the tears go
Until they're drying.
Your sadness won't
Want to stay.
You'll forget it all
In yesterday.

Soft little girl
With ocean eyes,

It's okay to
Keep on crying.
Let the tears go
Until they're drying.
Your sadness won't
Want to stay.
You'll forget it all
In yesterday.

Hopeful young girl
With ocean eyes,

I know it's hard
To still be crying.
Let the tears go
Until they're drying.
Your sadness wont
Want to stay.
You'll forget it all
In yesterday.

Strong woman
With ocean eyes,

I know you're tired
Of all this crying.
Let the tears go
They're almost drying.
Your sadness seems to
Want to stay.
But at least it lives
In yesterday.

Nik Krutilla Sep 2012
I want to wrap you,
tissue paper,
and throw you
in the sky.

Watch you fly

Never have I
in anyone
as I believe in you.

Because you believe in me

This gypsy heart
is not
a fickle lover
of you.

So vulnerable

Be my bright sky
I'll be
your guiding moon.

Nik Krutilla May 2013
I got caught in a daze, within my daze.
Lost in my thoughts, minding my own, I was bombarded.
The sight of you in my zoned out vision line.
The pressed gray shirt you were wearing was untucked.
Your shoe had come untied.
You cleared your throat obnoxiously, on purpose.  
And I think a piece of your hair was sticking straight up in the back.
But all I could focus on was the chain hanging down your chest.

Nik Krutilla Sep 2017
Having a gentle heart
Is rare in this world.
Being kind and accepting is an art form that takes daily practice.
To be a good person is important.
But as it's said...

"Beware the company you keep"

Sometimes you think you are a positive influence.
Helping people to be the best version of themselves.
Supporting and uplifting them because it's what comes natural.

But in the same vein,
You also notice a declining faith in yourself.
A muddled discernment in where you've put your confidence.
A feeling that this is a siphon connection.

That's when you realize you are not keeping company anymore.
You are tolerating them.
And they are bleeding you dry.

Nik Krutilla Jul 2014
I can only remember this part...

Maybe a lucid dream hope I've gone to bed with every night.
Perhaps a sleeping memory.

Running your fingers a hairs breadth away from my skin.

Traveling carefully...
From my forehead down to my tinted cheek,
Moving the curls that had been in the way as we talked.

You gently pulled back your hand,
As if, not to offend me by its retreat to your pocket.

You murmured an apology to yourself and I could only muster half a laugh...

Partly because of the endearing gesture,
Also... the surprise of your touch.

You spoke up louder after a second, all the while staring at me with a misplaced bewilderment in your eyes.

"That's what scares me about you" is what finally materialized through the cold fogged breathes our impromptu conversation inspired.


I didn't know if you meant the idea of it,
Or the realization of the fall.

Nik Krutilla Sep 2012
Since the last time you touched me...
All I want is to feel your hands on my skin.
On my face and through my hair.
Feeling your body heat up against mine.
Taste barely contained anticipation on your breath.
Smell the comfort that you emanate.
Drinking the passion from your lips.

I want you...
Anchoring me down,
Vulnerability plunging into my eyes.
Stealing the air from me.
Swallowing the noises you incite.
Tangling feet and twisted fingers.
Embracing and submerging in honey junction.

Just the sound of your tenor,
Erupts a burn that speeds throughout my veins.
Heart stuttering and dizzy and trembling,
All from the presence of you.
Wanting to lose myself with you.
Forget all reason...but then what is reason?

Since the last time you touched me...
I long for the next.

Nik Krutilla Sep 2012
The tasteless, faceless wind

at morning,

brushes away my waking

mourning of dreams still


getting settled behind

the place inside of me

I keep open for

the changing road of life

has no value when it's cast out

to a sea of precieved desire

bold and usurping

the unconscious impulse

to speak a word, picture a place

when it all comes

again wait until the nightfall blankets

you can't fly with your shoes

on the ground

is a safe home

for the nameless breeze is to

bring it again.

Nik Krutilla Apr 2013
A blue haze fills my vision.
Leaves moving,
Dancing with the wind.

Naked towers arching over my head.

Walking down into a ravine
Where foxtails and wildflowers
Smother my senses.

The sky passes around so silently
Even the rain whispers.

Oak wood burning,
Warming my hands
The scent clings onto my clothes.

I take it everywhere I go.

Nik Krutilla Sep 2012
Functioning alone inside a place,
Where I don't have to have a pleasant expression
Is a nice reprieve.
Just being able to contemplate about things
In no particular order
And let the mind roam around,
Until it bores and moves into the next thought.
That's when I feel centered.
That's where I feel free.
Not out in the world exploring and
Experiencing sights and sounds
But letting solitude open my imagination
From a remote spot.

Buil­ding up the resources for when the time comes To go outside
And let free all of what I've been evolving.
Letting the world see untethered me.

Nik Krutilla Dec 2014
Do I miss you too hard?
Do I speak to you too softy?
I'm not sure what the proper way to respond to this is...
I've seemed to have lost volume control when I think about you.
These interactions become so heavy.
Where these memories of you are so fleeting, like whispers in an open space.

Nik Krutilla Dec 2014
Sometimes it'd be nice to overlap time.
Have a chance for people you love
To me each other in the same life.
Maybe paths do cross somewhere along those journeys.
That's what I hold faith in.

Nik Krutilla Sep 2012
When there's no mode to make my way,

And I have nothing left to barter,

I push to stand and not fall,

For myself and my daughter.

Keeping the home warm and safe,

Lights and sounds while we're awake,

The smile I wear and words I speak,

Enough to get through til she's asleep.

In the cover of clouds the stars can hide

The wind flows by and the crickets tink,

That's when I think to let my wall crumble down,

To drown myself in sorrow is all I think.

Why am I doing this, why do I try

How long can it last, how much should I cry.

Over the years you figure yourself out,

You plan your days trying not to burn out.

You struggle and laugh and blink a new you,

Battling the little seeds of doubt that stew.

Of who you were, where you've been

Who you are and what might end.

It's tiring and annoying and you just want a break

But there's something that keeps you going,

Something that you can take.

It's a shot of anticipation, a tall glass of peace

A hit of a challenge and the chase of that dream.

Because when I look back and around

I don't really know why I'm here,

The reasons are complicated and the meanings not too clear.

Just hoping to be seen for the reality that it is.

That's all I can do, motion through to higher water,

Cause when the tide comes in

And I'm not drowning with my daughter,

I hope that I won't be questioned by myself

Of "why did I bother?"

Nik Krutilla Jan 2013
In the
Sweltering summertime dawn
I was
Pleasantly stunned
By the
Spontaneous presence
Of you
In my life

In the
Soothing autumn afternoon
I was
Immensely intrigued
By the
Familiar disposition
You have
In my life

In the
Slumbery winter twilight
I was
Overwhelmingly enchanted
By the
Comforting spirit
Of you
In my life

In the
Arousing spring moonlight
I was
Incredulously cognizant
By the
Undeniable home
You have
In my heart

Nik Krutilla Jul 2014
Beautiful, lighted creature.
How could any,
Anyone with a heart beating of their own...
Not see the encompassing brilliance of you soul.
Fervent heart.
Fragile being.

Who would ever want to toss you away?

Nik Krutilla Oct 2012
You're a song in my head
I hum every night before I sleep.
I want to play you on my acoustic
But I'm missing a chord,
Or a transition.
I need to put words to you,
So I can whisper-sing the lyrics
Under my breath when I daydream.
You resonate around my cerebral walls,
Clear and deep andante when I remember being in your hands.
Sometimes barely encapsulated four-four time
When I think of us drifting around each other.
And your agape eyes are the bridge

Nik Krutilla May 2013
I'd like to have tea with you
Every morning
Until you look like your grandfather

Nik Krutilla Jul 2013
People question why
unfortunate circumstances
happen to them,
and why are they alone.

I believe we need
to experience these things;
for our souls to grow.

Though we are never
sent out as sheep without a
guardian to follow.

Nik Krutilla Oct 2012
You know,
A warm summer night
Can blister my skin.
Make me pray
For the slightest breeze.
Make my eyes droop with fatigue.
Keep me awake.
Dangling just out of reach of slumber.

But if you say my name
In your hushed tone.
If you look at me
With equal laze in your eyes.
It can cool me inside
Like a submersion into the sea.

I can't wait for the winter

Nik Krutilla Jun 2013
Reach in and ****** the parts
I keep hidden.
You might pull back confetti pieces
Of me that have lingered.
Open your mouth gently
To taste the unspoken words
Behind my lips.
Devour a malachite trail from my core
And have it melt down your throat.

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