Don’t drink me,
I’m am a
curdling,
cold,
black,
sticky and viscous emulsion.
I’m Poisonous,
noxious,
cumbersome toxic,
a blinding,
corrosive and horrible mutagen.
I oxidise at higher temperatures
and my vapour ignites in a tremendous hellfire.
My LD50 is 0.0064
Love me all you want,
just leave me **** alone.

N.H.

I got an invite to a baby shower,
I don’t even know what a baby shower is.
Am I supposed to bring gifts or something?
I don’t know…
I’m not good at these things,
like I’m not good at weddings
and birthdays
and funerals and stuff.
I just feel like I’m supposed to
attend and do,
say
and feel like the characters in the movies.
I usually just end up laughing at how stupid I feel.
Someone help me out.

N.H.

You just don't get it.
Pain is fuel for a fire,
you just haven't learnt how to light it yet.
Instead you just keep waiting,
waiting until all of the excess fuel has you
bursting at the seems,
oxidising and igniting an uncontrollable,
raging inferno.
-
You need to learn how to use it correctly.
It is an imperative.
Trust me.

N.H.

It's a shame...
It’s a shame that sometimes
a closeness that once felt so strong and stable between two people,
can in a matter of minutes become a boundless distance,
cold and devoid of any positive emotions.
But still,
those of us left fighting the waves in the wake of such a crisis
swim strong and constant forward.
-
Like a shark if we let ourselves falter,
or rest,
or linger on the past we will die.
We'll grow stagnant, pathetic and wanting.
So breathe in a warm fresh breath alongside me.
Know that we now swim together as family,
towards a common purpose;
Growth, adaptation and survival.
Hoping that one day the storm will calm and the ocean flatten,
presenting us both with the clear horizon we've been waiting for.

N.H.

And then I woke up.
I woke up one day
and everything was different,
Finally there was colour again.
-
I could see silver in the clouds,
Emerald in the grass,
Topaz painted across the mountains on the horizon.
Sapphire in the sky and obsidian amongst the stars.
I was alive again.
-
This time I'll be better,
My armour thicker,
My wits sharper,
My fists unscathed,
My tongue poisonous,
like the biblical snake upon the ear of eve.
I am born again,
I'll run each day,
Train each day.
I'll eat only the finer foods,
For nutrition and not taste.
All the while my mind will be honed, sharpened like a ****** blade.
Chemistry, biology, physics, mathematics.
I'll lay the stepping stones towards Valhalla,
My path towards the übermensch.

N.H.

I’ve come to learn recently, or perhaps it’s better said ‘relearned’ that people aren’t to be trusted.
I’ve rediscovered that people are not some endless pool of bountiful happiness and fairytale happily-ever-after endings. People are bitter, bitter hedonists at heart. And like drugs they’ll smile and they’ll wink and fool you into thinking that they are what happiness is, but the truth is… Or at least in my case, the truth is that real happiness can only come from inside yourself.
-
I’m starting to think that all those monks spending a lifetime looking for enlightenment and happiness must be right in their own bald and orange-clad way.
-
I see it as like a state of plateau, where you finally understand that the only person you want to trust, or impress, or love unconditionally or be loved unconditionally by, is yourself. And i think that in most of the extreme moments of happiness you’ve ever found yourself in, this is what you feel, or some form of this. Because being with people you enjoy or being enjoyed by people or travelling or ******* or eating or whatever you fancy as happiness is just a way of making yourself whole, a self-approval based on outside influence or approval.
-
Because when it comes down to it, long after that person that made you believe that they would be there isn’t. Or that guilty pleasure has run it’s course and left you with nothing but a little guilt. One person remains, and although you might have arguments or disagreements from time to time. Or even though they may even insult you or hurt you sometimes, they will always be there at their fullest capacity. It’s your love of yourself, but the only way that you can be together fully, is if you confess your unconditional love for one-another.
-
The true path to happiness is to rebel against everything in this life that believes that they hold some semblance of control over the state of your happiness and self-love. I think that in doing this, you’ll eventually find a way to light up like a lantern to all the insects of the night. You’ll find those who only wish to bask in your glowing warmth in the dead of night instead of steal it.

N.H.

Bloodied knuckles,
Scabbing fists,
Held quite fast to stinging wrists.
A mark or two that perfectly fits,
Hidden beneath where a watch now sits.
-
A can of tuna, once a day.
An apple keeps the hunger away,
Black coffee keeps the pain at bay.
A darkened head is my mainstay,
Tomorrow begs for a brighter day.
Here's to hoping I don't fade away.
But no, forget  now.
No, not today.

N.H.