Artem Mars

Artem Mars Mar 2020

Empty and shaking
I sound insane
But I really am
So I guess it's ok
Cries turn to laughs
Cries for humor
Laughs for help
Wring out the arms for blood
And the eyes for lies
Pooling on the floor
Seeping through the tiles
Karma’s a *****
But I’ll do you one better
Look you in the eyes
And I twist the weapon
Not for the fun
For the revenge
On all those that scared me
On all those who helped me
Laugh out the last of my guts
Cry out my lungs
Always the same
Repeating sensations
Fleeting rotations
Murderous flirtations
Mourning probations
But it's worth the pain
And the fear
And the guilt
For the ties and knots
They clog up my throat
To appear in my windpipe
And disappear in my scars
Hold back no words and show no silence

hi

#cries #silence #scars #fear #funny #insane #apathy #crazy #greetings #me

Artem Mars Mar 2020

Dried Roses

I hang up flowers in my room
I try and make you smile but I seem to fail
You still choke and cry
And I’ll laugh and try
To hide the pain
I gave you my hoodie
And many notes and things
I thought you would like
Remind you of me
But it’s nothing compared to laughing
Numbing myself
The pain becomes too much my body needs a pause
Cough up blood so I don't bleed anymore
It all will end
I tried and failed
What is left for me other than dissolving my emotions
Or the ones that remain
Hope and pray to an all-seeing eye
Beg and wish for mercy on the ones you love
There’s none left
They showed you true pain
You must return the torture
If only they had seen it before it was a wreck

sorry I've been gone, coronavirus is non stop

#sad #alone #sick #roses #dried #driedroses #allseeing #eye #allseeingeye #tired

Artem Mars Mar 2020

TV Static

She sits and writes
For hours
Made of pills and scotch tape
Her father halfway across the country
The snow fell in Wisconsin first time in weeks
On the night of her birth
Three feet
Of ice
Always emotionally cold
Broken and tired
Made of sleeplessness and self-deprecation
Full of snow and shaking nerves
Anxious and sick of life
Opening her eyes is a ten thousand mile run
She needs sleep and hunger
But the sleep she gets is tortured
The sleep she gets is mournful
The world she made is lonely
Her head is loud and her mind is cluttered
Filled with useless feelings
She is too cowardly to talk to
People
She is too broken
She is too annoying
She is too clingy
She is too selfish
SHE IS A BAD PERSON
She should be avoided like the illness she is
A parasite
The demon she chokes
Is the demon she is
The way she will speak
Is through the eyes of her fears
The way she will eat… are her thoughts
Her brain is folding in
And her bones are giving out
Her breath is failing, oxygen running low
Her medication is taking over
Her body is going through and eating itself
it is giving up
on her
and on everything else
take this as a sign
that these thoughts are real
they are happening
but they don't leave

my life is falling apart
the illnesses are getting worse
my body and brain are getting worse
my will isn't strong enough
im cracking apart
my body is going into panic mode
my break is pushing people away
i don't know what to do anymore
there is nothing i can do except make everything worse
i've cried my lungs out
i've done it all, poetry, self-harm, therapy, all of it
nothing works except self-destruction

#self #destruction #live #stayalive #awake #sad #broken #eat #harm #cry

Artem Mars Mar 2020

Push your emotions down

My family doesn’t care
They pretend to not anyway
My family says “hide it”
“Push it all down”
“Bottle it up”
And you’ll be ok
But I won’t and I do
I tell myself I am open and my emotions aren’t stuck
But I lie to myself
And I torture my health
And I hope that one day they can all finally see
That I am suffering
But I might be gone by the time we reach
That point
She says “We are getting medication,
But not for ADHD”
Antidepressants
And anxiety meds
That’s what she meant
But see, she suffers too
I see it in her eyes
She don’t want that for me
But she should’ve told my dad,
broken + broken
Never equals a free
I’m trapped here like you guys
So hey, look at me
Or avoid eye contact too
Whatever you see fit, because
I trusted you
And you pushed my feelings down
That’s just what we do in my family
Because between you and me
My family’s depressed and anxious you get it?
Insomniacs and dreamers
We’re all tired and alive
Except for the funeral
50% chance of a free kid
I had it decided for me

my family is great

Artem Mars Mar 2020

Drinking's in my blood

“And I will search the fcking depths of this
Stupid place my kids will have to live
In order just to smile a little bit
But you know
I'm thoroughly in love with you
And yeah, I'm really scared that I may never change
But I'm so fcking done being so afraid
I really hope that you find happiness”
“At best, stay the same, so you'll be f*cking world-renowned
While I'm getting drunk at my house”
“So I will sit and I will drink myself to either to sleep or my untimely death
Either way, I hope that you don't cry, you know
That's just a part of life”
“Because there's something that's inside my head
That will click and make me drink until I'm dead
So I will sit and I will think about this life
And if I even like it”
Happiness by Hobo Johnson is a really deep feeling
Hits a little too close to home
And I’ll have to spend time healing
Because emptiness is growing
And I start to feel something is showing
Like the little signs inside my brain are telling me to do it
My genetic structure is fulfilling its purpose
And I start to feel worthless
And all I do is heartless
Now I start to hurt us
And you think it isn't worth it
But I promise I’m just hurting
And I’ll get over forests
And I will be a burden
But that's ok
You know? It all fades away
Until I'm nothing right?
And everyone starts laughing at me
You know I'm right
I paid my price
The worst is yet to come
And everyone is stunned to see I made it
Because those nights got really dark
And I played it
Right, but I don't have the cards
Success, correct? They all think I'm happy.

Using some quotes from Hobo Johnson

#hobo #drink

Mar 2020

Emily Ward

Anorexia - For the so called 'pro anas'

Anorexia is not collar bones.
It is the smell rotting of flesh as you dismantle your body bit by bit.
Anorexia is not a thigh gap, it is your knees so weak they shake as you fall to the ground.

Anorexia is not self control. It is the feeling of utter hopelessness as your life tornados into a blizzard of nothingness.

Anorexia is not fashionable. It is your mother’s sobbing eyes as she sees her child dying
Anorexia is not 80 pounds. It is the weight of a thousand pulsing suns on your shoulders.
A thick black cloud in your mind, and rules spelled out like chains pulling you towards the ground.
No matter what measure of gravity that you have in this earth, it still hurts, it’s still real.
So to you 'pro anas' who so blindly say 'hunger hurts, but starving works' think before you act.
Suffering is an addiction, please do not harm yourself with this affliction.
- *Emily Ward

I wrote this when i was in a unit recovering from anorexia. The main reason for it was to highlight to people who are pro anorexia, the real and disabling effects of this illness. To highlight that it is not a fashion statement or a 'fad' diet.

#self #food #control #ana #anorexia #thin #recovery #unit #pro #pro-ana

Artem Mars Mar 2020

Hey, a PSA

so, my poems are in no way actually good. I know that. But, if you have any interest in brutally honest metaphors, please follow me or just like something or leave a comment. They make me happy so please just leave something to let me know that I should even keep writing. Just leave a smile in the comments on a poem or on a poem you even remotely tolerated. That would help me I think. So, you by no means have to, you can just ignore this if you want to. But it would mean so much to me. Also, if you have any advise I'm always open to notes.

Ok, going back to writing ****** poems

#hello #psa #note #like #comment #smile