Loneliness is nothing more than the condition of being alive
So be lonely
When the entire universe has its back turned to you,
Be lonely
Let the world know you are human
Feel.
And feel more deeply than you ever imagined you could
Embrace the loneliness
It isn't killing you
It is creating you

When you ask of me, why poetry
I'm not sure you understand
That it's the center of my universe
The very depth of who I am

The molecules in the air I breath
Oxygen pulsing through the veins
The storm brewing beneath the surface
The pounding of the rain

It's the timeless anticipation
Of the thought that's yet to come
The tearing open of life's seam
The beating of the drum

The first peak of the desert flower
When it feels the gentle touch of spring
The smile in the eyes of a child
And all the joy it brings

The in and out of the tide
In the pulling of the waves
When you ask of me, why poetry
What more is there to say

You pull me down
Never letting me go
No matter how hard I try to get away
You always seem to grab me

You have to be careful of what you touch
Everything you ever lay your hands on
Will forever remember the way you held it
Until it fades away into the dust that it came from
The pen will remember how you held it between your fingers
How much pressure you put on it when you wrote her a love letter
Her doorbell will always remember the way your hand shook
The day you took her out for the first time
The passenger side door handle will remember
How your hand was slick with sweat when you tried to open it for her
The fork and knife you used to cut your steak that night
Will remember how you fumbled with them because you were so nervous
The steering wheel will remember how tightly you held it
As you drove her back to her house after dinner
They will always remember every detail of your touch
So think twice before you reach out to her and take her hand
Because when you touch her your fingerprints aren’t only left on the surface
They will sink below the surface of her skin and seep into her blood stream
They will course through her entire body
And just like the pen she will never forget the way you touched her
*~W.C.

I blanket myself within torment and pain,
Refusing to peek into the ever soft light.
I tear at my flesh with a blade,
Hoping that doing so would end my fright.
I cry myself to sleep using my tears as lullabies,
Only to sleep a nightmare filled never-ending slumber.
I wake forcing my limp body out of bed,
Knowing that by nightfall the sorrow that the day would bring,
Is the only thing that I'll care to remember.

you say you're scared of clowns
but i don't understand
how can that fake smile scare you
and yet you spend so long trying to find comfort in your own

m.g.

Everyone talks about depression as if they know it.  

But what they don’t know is that depression is a hooded figure standing just outside of a wooden doorway,

it’s feeling the blood dripping down your skin and having the sick thought of  “Oh, look how beautiful the red is” (they always say red is my color).

Depression is lying on your bed for hours on end, salt tracks lining your face like the scars on your ankles, staring at your ceiling tracing patterns in the paint and accepting death in life with this hole in your chest because death is a reward, an escape from this pain you deserve to feel.

Depression is writing sick poetry on skin and publishing it with scars, cutting on ankles, not wrists because you’re scared you’ll get in trouble but you so desperately need to be seen, and never are.

Depression is writing the word “alone” and seeing the word “home”, accepting the pain like a gift because you deserve it.

Depression is admitting suicidal thoughts to paper and not to people, and loving the broken things, hoping to tie them together, thinking maybe things will get better, but knowing that’s just wishful thinking.

Depression is hearing your mother call you monster and disgusting through the too-thin walls of your door when she thinks you can’t hear, and then telling you to your face that you have no right to cry, as if sadness is a privilege and you’re so pathetic that you don’t deserve it.

Depression is shutting yourself up in your room and hearing your family laughing downstairs because you feel like you can’t be a part of them and learning at a young age to love family always but that family isn’t always love

Depression is wanting to take love and your heart and break them into tiny little pieces and throw them into waves, to throw them away

Depression is a foot when the shoe hasn’t been broken in yet, is you when you haven’t broken life in, is seeing happy people and thinking they all look the same, like the front covers of magazines with smiles reaching their eyes when yours can’t.

Depression is wishing you could package your smiles into tiny little piles and hand them to people more deserving of them because you know you’re wasting them with half-assed lines of “I’m fine”

Depression is having to view your past as if it wasn’t yours, because to accept it as reality is to accept finality of your life through suicide.

Depression is a hooded figure standing just outside of a wooden doorway and when you close the door out of fear it keeps pounding, possessive, ******, and when you open the door out of anger you shout, “I’M SCARED” to thin air but your voice comes out as a whisper.

I've come to the point in my life
at what I thought would be a crossroad turns out to be a cliff.
Not one that I have to climb mind you
but one that I need to step off of.

...and yet I hesitate

I know that what awaits me over the edge
is the loving Father
and all the blessings and adventure I could ever imagine.

But could something also be waiting for me
beyond my imagination?
Could God ask something of me I'm not willing to give
or give up?

That's what frightens me.

I look behind me and see my comfortable life
with it's share of joy and heartaches and I do want more.

But do I want more of this

or more of

God

Will God ask me to move to Somalia or
just move off my couch.

I don't know what tomorrow might bring
but I do know that if God brings it...

It's all good!

and so here I am at the edge...

and...
            I...
                  step...