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Jun 2015 · 569
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Nicole Jun 2015
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****, it happened again,
where I pull my feelings out,
and put them back again,
my feelings shouldn't matter,
but apparently they can still get shattered.
comfortable, uncomfortable, and comfortable again,
it keeps happening the same, is it a shame or just lame?

I got it stuck in my head that all I wanna do is go to bed
holey socks shocks my classy mother,
who asks if I still wanna be a mother
Repetitiveness runs through me,
Obsessiveness comes ruining this so-called "life"
that I've come to live,
Cheers, I made it through another year,
is it really that important?

It's like shittin' on all my dreams
whenever I open my eyes,
let the pendulum swing
till it tells everything
feels like a little kid today,
but I keep hatin' away
police make me nervous,
maybe a little curious,
it's nice outside,
*******,
I like when it's like ice outside
hide your scars like you hide your feelings,
no one ever sees them,
everybody thinks you're fine,
and no one knows you're lyin'
hatin' on your body,
hatin' on your insides,
don't try callin' me,
you won't make it better,
shoot me in the foot,
it would hurt lesser
than the feelings I keep feeling,
****, I don't even listen.
I say things won't help because I've already tried them,
don't say it, I'm stubborn
I'm not gonna let you help
because I'm just a ******,
****, this *****,
roll a blunt, and just give up.
{in treatment/recovery}
[second attempt at a rap]
Jun 2015 · 294
Sharing Your Space
Nicole Jun 2015
sharing your space,
the space I love,
the space I crave,
you keep me warm,
you keep me comfortable,
the heat in our minds,
the heat is fine.
reds,  oranges, and yellows make up you,
blues, greys, and blacks too
the sky and the earth come together,
the sky and the earth are one that is treasure
sleepy, sleepy,
need to wake up
sleepy, sleepy,
remember our luck?
the luck we have,
the luck we share,
the space I need,
the space that cares
{in treatment/recovery}
Jun 2015 · 191
Reflections
Nicole Jun 2015
looking past my pain,
I like the rain.
my hatred is gone,
so,
so long
I hope I won't miss you,
because away I flew
into the air,
drifting,
floating,
not fading away,
so  you don't have to stay
with me because I can do this on my own,
with my  crown being shown
light now fulfills my dreams,
nothing terrible I wish among me,
at least not anymore,
as I stare at the floor,
the creaks in the wood,
I thought I never could.
{in treatment/recovery}
Jun 2015 · 375
Trauma
Nicole Jun 2015
The things I remember
stay in my brain
because of this,
I am still in pain.
you may not know what it is,
I am sorry I didn't tell you,
but please, please understand this:

It won't seem to fade,
this memory of shame,
how can I stop being afraid?

I  am scared shitless
it will happen again,
but this time will I be the witness?

I love you so much,
but you're not safe,
what  will you do this time,
bash in my face?
{in recovery}
Nicole Sep 2014
He says he loves my mouth
Says he wonders what my lips feel like
He says that his eyes are glued to me,
And that if he saw me, he would just stare
I would stare back.
Sep 2014 · 3.2k
I Have Stomach Problems
Nicole Sep 2014
You have a leaf on your shoe,
I bet that was noticeable for you
By the time you got to my house I had the flu
Stuck in bed,
I have to fix what's inside my head
You're so nice to be around,
You make me forget my stomach hurts
Normally I would ***** at the sight of anybody else,
But I guess that's just because you're afraid of *****,
When people are much more terrifying
Aug 2014 · 132
Untitled
Nicole Aug 2014
You say true happiness comes from within,
Well I can't ******* find it and I'm too tired of looking.
Aug 2014 · 590
Like Glass
Nicole Aug 2014
Spending too much time writing what I am spending too much time on
This should be simple.
Clear and simple,
Clear and simple.
Like glass,
Clear and simple
You call me cute while you break a shard of unspoken about glass, and You dig it into my skin, my throat.
Me, hoping to die,
You, hoping to show me how much you love me, if you love me at all
Knuckles cracking,
You hurt me,
You make me sad.
I love you, but you're always mad.
Aug 2014 · 697
Fruit of the Loom
Nicole Aug 2014
My old favorite underwear
Missing, probably trashed
You wouldn't approve, wouldn't dare
I have to always look pretty,
Even if I have to ***,
Always have to wear something that shows me off
When I really just want to wear ******* socks
You want ****, hot,
Lacey aught
To do the trick, right?
Can't I just wear my
Fruit of the Loom old underwear?
Why do I have to follow your rules?
*******, you're a fool
You can't make me do anything,
So I won't do anything for you
Aug 2014 · 613
I Know You Can Be Happy
Nicole Aug 2014
I know I'm only a year older
But I think I might be able to help you a little
Don't let what you think the truth is, smolder

You're a small flower bud right now,
I wish you didn't have to go through this
I've been through it all, still going through it,
I'll help you blossom into something extravagant,
Something you'll adore while you're here and human
Well at least I hope you will

Small hopes and dreams will help you create
The confidence to grow
Don't sell your thoughts to someone cheap,
Value them,
Cherish them,
Keep them safe, don't just share them to anyone
Keep yourself safe as well,
If you think no one cares about you,
I do, and I know that isn't much,
But I just met you and you are worth trying for.
Please try to remember that.
Aug 2014 · 13.5k
Diamonds Are Overrated
Nicole Aug 2014
That diamond smile
Your diamond teeth
Your diamond tongue
Your diamond fingertips
Your diamond wrists
Your diamond eyes
and your diamond thighs

How you sparkle so
much you brighten
my days

you glow inside
while I shatter black fluid out of my eyes

shards of liquid piercing
through my palms

I can't remember the good feeling I had
Aug 2014 · 319
Not a Very Good Goodbye
Nicole Aug 2014
I hate you all
Forced to live
With you all
It's unfair
That you all
Don't really care
******* all
I'll live alone
Without you all
I don't need
You all
So why should I
Care about you at all?
Jul 2014 · 272
Untitled
Nicole Jul 2014
dreading to go home
unfinished memories lie upon my youth
can't wait to not see you
my dear friend,
i am sorry, but I do not need you
my dear family,
i am sorry, but I do not need you
my dear hometown,
i do not need you

i cant wait to be gone
out of here
but not home
i want to be gone
away
alone
i do not need anyone
i do not need anything
i do not need you
nor you
nor you
i can and will survive alone
isolation has always been mine

i do not need your *******
i do not need anything
go away,

i am sorry, but i do not need you
Jul 2014 · 1.3k
Spinach
Nicole Jul 2014
My leaf is still okay
Like our friendship will be someday

Green and vibrant
Who said I was violent?

No one, but a daisy
Delicate and lazy

The world is mad, how we live like this
What makes us need to hurt instead of kiss?

Down the line,
The world is divine

Worthless but great
Forever, ending in fate
Jul 2014 · 390
Take This Out of Me
Nicole Jul 2014
Longing for freedom
Longing for peace
Longing for calm
Longing for ease

Longing for anything to disrupt this pain
This pain that just won't stop
It won't stop
Just ******* stop!
I'm tired of you
Please go away
All this pain you're causing me
Just can't seem to fade
I'm longing for strength
I'm longing for something to get me through
I'm longing for the ability to finally wake
From this nightmare I am done with
What am I saying, I don't deserve a break,
The quality of my actions aren't enough
Just ******* shake
this feeling out from inside of me
I am no where near getting better
I am alone, don't you agree?


I've longed for worth
I've longed for meaning
I've longed too long for happiness

— The End —