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Jun 2014 · 269
do you know
n Jun 2014
do you know how much it hurts
do you know how much I cry
do you know how much blood I've lost on purpose
do you know how much pain has demanded to be felt
do you know how many sleepless nights I've had
do you know how many pillows I cried through
do you know how many blades I've used
do you know how many scars I've made
do you know how many haunting thoughts I've had
do you know how many wishes I made
do you know how much I want to be different
do you know how many times I've been so angry it's bought tears to my eyes
do you know what I've had to deal with
do you know anything
no
because if you did you wouldn't still be here
- n
Dec 2013 · 903
demons
n Dec 2013
theres a monster in my head
and a demon in my soul
they're tearing me apart
with every second they take their toll

sometimes i talk to them
but i don't like what they say
they tell me no one cares
i believe it everyday

they tear at my skin
and break my mirrors
they send tears down my cheeks
and make me skip dinners

at first we were fighting
i thought they only lied
but its okay now
were on the same side

the demons want me dead
but they promised not to tell
anyway of dying
is better than leaving in this hell

i thought the demons killed me
but really i killed myself
i let the demons in
that was worse than anything else

never let your demons in
don't let your monsters rule your head
for if you ever do
you will surely end up dead
Dec 2013 · 792
Sorry
n Dec 2013
I'm sorry
I'm sorry for being a failure
I'm sorry for being wrong
I'm sorry for being an embarrassment
I'm sorry for making you hate me
I'm sorry for being different
I'm sorry for being me
I'm sorry for crying all night
I'm sorry for using a razor
I'm sorry for having scars
I'm sorry
I'm just so sorry
Nov 2013 · 464
Freedom
n Nov 2013
i didn't get it
i mind as well quit
my heart doesn't need a beat
i admit defeat

i lie to myself
saying "i don't need any wealth"
or, "I'm pretty no matter what"
but still i give myself another cut

my tears are all dried
i havent cried
not yet at least
soon all will be ceased

your eyes don't lie
you want me to die
at least you words don't
i hope you won't

maybe you'll regret
or maybe toll just forget
you crushed my heart
quicker than you can throw a dart

so,
ill get a rope
clean my cuts with a soap
stand on a stool
and wear a sweater made of wool

jump gracefully
end the chase finally
freedom
here i come
Nov 2013 · 750
Remember Me
n Nov 2013
when you're sad
and you want to flee,
think of the good times,
remember me.

i was here for you,
held your hand,
for you i would have,
run all over the land.

but you choose her,
she was number one,
and you left me waiting,
looking oh so dumb.

you destroyed me,
i was shattered
stupid little me,
to think i mattered

now I'm sitting
on the broken tiles
i wish i had been,
the reason for your smiles.

i feel so lonely,
emptier than before,
my wrists are bleeding,
yet still screaming for more,

you're not just a boy,
you're my reason to cry,
please don't give me,
another reason to die.

remember me?
i was your "girl"
now when i see you,
i just want to hurl,

you hurt me,
for the last time,
by next week,
you'll see your crime.

because ill be gone,
this time for good,
you missed out saying,
all that you should.

i hope you feel guilt,
when you see my grave,
i hope it washes over you,
just like a wave.

you had the chance,
to tell me it all,
now when things go bad,
who are you going to call?
Nov 2013 · 303
Not Ever
n Nov 2013
i need you
don't you see
without you...
I'm alone
I'm unwhole
I'm missing
broken
out of place
i want you
so bad
but i know i shouldn't but i do
i shouldn't go back
i shouldn't hold on
... but i do
i cling on with all i have
but now I'm in to deep
there words have left my mouth
you
your the only one
you broke my walls
...only to break me
you left
again
and again
and again
when will i learn?
i need you
but you don't need me
i guess i thought it would be different
maybe this time you actually meant it
maybe...
well now you've lost me
no going back
not this time
not again
not ever
Oct 2013 · 1.5k
The Mask
n Oct 2013
Hidden from true sight
The mask shields my feelings
it hides me from the light

i fear the truth underneath is to
hideous to be seen
the mask protects me from intrusion
it holds the wicked thoughts and the absolute unclean
underneath the mask i'm writhing with shame

my true identity has become lost
as i've become unfamiliar, unfriendly
even with my own name
protecting or hiding the years have
blurred the intent

i'm lost and confused all the time
the mask has taken away everything that it meant
i search for someone who would know my pain

i remove the mask for a moment
and i would feel as i found someone,
bu the flood of unclean would make
me loose that again and again

The mask returns to hold back what is deep with in
please dont look to  hard
i couldn't find anymore who understood
any place to go, much to my chagrin
this is what's here, what is and you what is not
my mask is my shield
it may not be the right way to be
protected but its the only thing i've got
Oct 2013 · 778
Deathly Silence
n Oct 2013
shes hiding in her bedroom
her blood splattered on the floor
her blade in her hand
her back to the door

she has a reason you know
theres a voice in her head
saying: "your not good enough"
"you deserve to be dead"

she looks in the mirror
and burst into tears
the voice comes again
pounding in her ears

"you deserve all this"
"every single cut"
"you deserve to die"
"you stupid little ****"

your right she thought to her self
i deserve it all
i dont deserve to be here
all it need is one big fall

she went to write a note
but she threw them in the bin
world could never describe
how she let the voice in

do it! do it!
"you fat ugly cow"
she stepped onto the ledge
she had to do it now

it taunts her
when she's lying in her bed
it screams bad thoughts
and whispers in her head

she took a breath
all she wants is silence
her own mind back
the only answer was violence

now she knew
as long as her heart was beating
the voice would be there
always repeating

no one even heard her
as quiet as mice
she finally got her silence
but her life was the price
Oct 2013 · 556
Forget Me
n Oct 2013
you tease and taunt,
make me feel so ****,
i feel so on edge,
one push and i'll lose it.

i'm not crazy
just unstable
wondering if i could
hang myself with this cable

i hate myself
the way i look
everyone judges my cover
like i'm some book?

my heart was pure
you destroyed that
all from a few words
dumb, ugly and fat

i hate my life
i want it to end
i can't even tell
my only friend

everyone has problems
some never tell
why won't you hear mine
do i have to yell?

it's clear i'm troubled
the cut's on my skin
my mother looks at me
like my birth was a sin

i can't do this anymore
your words rule my brain
i'm ready to jump
just waiting for a train

i'm gone for good
you don't bat a tear
you pick a new victim
i'm forgotten in a year
(n.t)
Oct 2013 · 374
The Escape
n Oct 2013
Blood drips down my wrist,
The pain is like my escape,
i bite down my lip,
as tears star to take shape.

This is my life now,
putting up a wall,
blocking everyone out,
acting like i dont care at all.

i want to scream and shout,
i hate the way i've become,
my insecurities defeated me,
the cure? seeing my blood run.

i walk around in school,
acting like i'm fine,
i feel so on edge,
maybe this is my time?

all it takes is one jump,
one cut, one rope.
no more pressure.
no need to cope.

something stops me,
every time, someone saves me ,
the tiniest thing,
then i feel so free

it may not last long,
but it makes me smile.
i have some hope.
i can hang on for a while.
Oct 2013 · 1.3k
Cut
n Oct 2013
Cut
just a cut
just a scratch
"what's that mark"?
"it was the cat"
just an excuse
just a lie
"whats with all the bracelets?"
"just fashion why?"
just a tear
just a scream
"why are you crying?"
"just a bad dream"
But it's not just a cut or a tear, or a lie
it always "just one more until you die"
(n.t.)
Oct 2013 · 353
Pain
n Oct 2013
I tried to mend the wounds you made,
But they're deeply cut and will not fade
Fingers stuck down my throat,
And pills sit next to my death note,
Anger,fear,sadness, and more,
I don't know how much pain i can endure,
"It'll just be one" i tell myself,
But soon the razor has cut more than i can even count
Oct 2013 · 746
Uncurable
n Oct 2013
Does it feel good,
calling her a freak?
Do  you realize,
It makes her feel weak?

I hope your happy,
With yourself
Because she's at home
Going through hell

She sits in her room,
Tears down her face,
All you ever say,
Is she's a waste of space

She pulls out a razor,
Wanting it to end.
All she ever wanted.
Was to have a friend.

The deeper the cut,
The better she feels,
Do you feel bad,
That they'll never heal,

Covered in blood,
Tears on her cheek,
Crying at the thought,
It will happen next week.

Your word cut deep,
Worse than a knife,
And you still continue,
To destroy her life.

Week by week,
Year by year,
The words 'I'm sorry'
Are all she wants to hear.

To know someone cares,
Or at least feels regret,
Could be the difference,
Between life and death.

Weeks go by,
The apology isn't said,
The teasing gets worse.
She hears voices in her head.

Spur of the moment,
Her decision is made.
On her neck,
She feels the blade.

One last cut,
Will end it all.
One more slit,
Until the angel will fall.

You could have stopped,
Saved her from it.
But you didn't,
Why couldn't you quit?

Her fates have been decided,
You have to live with guilt,
All because of,
The depression you built.

A simple smile,
An apology.
And you wouldn't be hearing.
This eulogy.

I hope you feel guilty,
You had her chance,
But you ripped her to pieces,
Without a second glance.

She's uncurable,
Forever she sleeps,
You just sit there,
Continue to weep.

She's gone for good,
There's nothing left to do,
Her smile, her face,
Will always haunt you.
Oct 2013 · 1.5k
Judge
n Oct 2013
How many people have to do suicide or self harm for everyone to realize that bullying is so bad.
That it hurts people worse than you think.
Did you know that people who are actually in pain don't always show it.
i know i don't, i'm in so much pain but i laugh to hide the tears and smile to not show my pain.
People always judge for no reason, everyone says just be yourself but honestly,when you are being yourself you get judged.
People expect you to be perfect.
Someone please define perfect to me then tell me who is, everyone has flaws and everyone has problems.
Don't judge people you don't know
Sep 2013 · 327
Untitled
n Sep 2013
Here's to the boys and girls who skipped a meal who hide their scars with long sleeves and bracelets who had their heart broken without even being in a relationship who cry themselves to sleep every night who fake a smile who will never it to see another day.

— The End —