Being Invisible

Why can't people see me?
Is the question I ask
Looking at me with their judgemental eyes
That look I despise

Being invisible walking through life
No one recognizes my pain and strife

Not opaque
Not even translucent
Just plain ole invisible–transparent

People look past me, through me
They just can’t see me
Taking my kindness for weakness
Mistaking my smile for meekness

Every single day I pray
God how much more can I take
Am I being punished for my past mistakes

Then, just like that, I open my eyes
Did I just dream I was invisible?
Was it just visual subconscious lies?

Could someone really be invisible?
I mean, is it even considerable?

Being invisible
To the seen it’s unseen
Can a person really be invisible?
Or does that only happen in an invisible person’s dreams?

Upon my doorstep, laid a black rose.
Where it came from, no one knows.
Who would dare leave such a hideous thing?
I looked around, but there was no one to blame.
Black Rose, why are you here?
Is it an omen?  A curse? Is it a sign that the end is near?
Oh, what such horrible thoughts for any person to think!
Black Rose, are you here to remind me of something?
You are as the night, yet there is beauty within.
The longer I stared, the more you let me in.
Hideous, was my first thought, but I’ve since changed my mind.
Intrigued by your darkness--
You left me suspended in time.
The feelings that overcame my soul brought forth a thirst that I could not explain
Black Rose you are an inspiration
In these words, I will now begin my translation!

I watched marriage as she gasped for air.
It was a pain that I could no longer bear.
Marriage had been so good to me.
To see her taking her last breath was slowly killing me.
I tried to give her mouth to mouth resuscitation
But my memories of what she had become made me fill will anger and devastation.
She tried to hold on and so did I
But there comes a time when you must let her die
I hated to see marriage go
Her heart beat began to go slow
Her chest no longer rose as she breathed her last breath
It was sad to see marriage go through this last test
But even in death new seeds can be sewn
New hope can be grown
But the true pain from the loss will never be known....
Until you watch the Death of a Marriage.

©Nikki the Pen

Sometimes it is necessary to venture into the valley
It important and almost essential when we continue to tally
All of our problems that we think we can’t solve, but when we
Get deep in the valley we realize who can handle them all.

It’s not a punishment and definitely not a curse
The valley is a time for reflection—a time to discover our worth
It’s all good when we are climbing high and reaching all our peaks, but as soon as we have one stench in the valley, we forget all our strengths and become weak.

The valley is not a punishment and definitely not a curse
Get on your knees, look high and say, “God, I thank you for my peaks, but also my valleys because they strengthen my faith!”

Do You Know Death by Nikki Rountree
You know, Death, can be a very scary thing
Death and the Grim Reaper having their fling
A snap of  Death's finger and then **** you are gone
There is always this battle between how we want to keep them
And when God wants them home
Oh, Death, do you have a heart at all
They are here one day and then they're gone
I'm perplexed--just like others I start thinking, who's next
Dare I say that you are not very complex--at best-- I would call you simple
Oh death, you are no friend
because we know eventually you will win
Grim Reaper, yes, that's your identical twin—
always creeping around looking for his next victory to win.
Death, I don't have to see you coming to know that one day you will.  
You and that reaper---always asking, "Can I keep her?  Can I keep him?"
As the old song says and I am glad to sing it to you --Weeping may endure through the night, but the joy comes....in the morning.
Mourning--no one can tell you a timeline. No one can countdown the days you grieve
Mourn at your own pace; there's no race,
but also seems like there is no reprieve
Death--we know you are real-I believe I do believe
Death-- you know that you have power in the tongue
It's said that death comes in threes- please don't take another one
I was told to write this poem...thinking it might take my sadness away
Spill my feelings by putting pen to paper;
Drying up my tears as I spill my thoughts like—
a person spills the beans
Releasing the ink that will break the link;
that makes me wonder what all this means
But then in the twinkling of an eye, you make us have to say good bye.
to the ones we love
Oh Death, today will be the last day I shed a tear
because this poem has released me
to no longer have any fear
over losing what's held so dear
Because, just as much as we hate the loss
It's inevitable that we not become lost
Live life to the fullest each day
Tell the people you love
how much you love them in every way
Because as you can see, if you don't, you won't have time
and death will come when it’s the very last thing that’s on your mind.
Like I asked....Do you know death?

You gave me a dozen roses
Thinking it would ease my pain
But instead it only reminded me of what I bear in shame.

I accepted these flowers and again you do the same.
The repetitious behavior that only a boy can bring.

Never learning from the mistakes and forever making more
Not a man, but still a boy that fails to understand the value of love.

These red, red roses...so beautiful and fragrant.
The intent behind which they were given already withering away.

I dare not place these roses in a vase, but instead return them today from whence they came
For, today I make this promise...you will never have to give me roses again.

Words flow but are not a river or a stream.
Passion exuded but it’s not in a dream.
Poetry causes tensions to cease and desist.
Words so calming and smooth the ears cant resist.

I am a poet—even if it’s in my own right.
Brain won’t stop sparking synapses.
Time won’t stop the prolapses of an ego that won’t stop getting excited because of the reactions—from me—a poet— a limerick mind assassin!

What's in a moment
A quick passing
A brief encounter
You begin to have these feelings
and you can't explain the power
The power of that moment
When two hearts combine in a night
You couldn't explain it even if you tried
Two souls become connected
Soon to lock in a quick embrace
Lips locking
Tongues popping
Bodies rocking
Only in a moment--that no one is stopping
It could last an hour or an eternity
It's just best to embrace the moment
and let the feelings lead you
to where you are meant to be.

Is it too much? By Nikki R.

Is it to much to ask that people love one another?
I mean the same type of love that one has for their mother!

Is it to **** much to ask that people be honest?
I mean the type of honest like when you were a kid and said. “A promise is a promise is a promise!”

Is it too much for us to look beyond a person’s color, religion, ethnicity, or creed?
I mean with all this being said you bleed, I bleed, we bleed —the same color blood! Yes, Indeed!

Is it too much to ask that we stand as one, sing in unison, or march to the beat of the same drum?

Is it too much I ask?
I am pleading that we start to work together as one before this great country of ours dwindles and the day is done.

Stand up! Unite! Fight!  
Is it too much to ask that you simply do what’s right!!!

Isn’t it funny how fate works?  You think you have it all planned out--no problems--no quirks.
Isn’t it funny how fate works?  One moment in time can cause either the joy or pain of a lifetime.
Isn’t it funny how fate works?
Can’t fathom how it happened or why?  Fate is funny that way---sometimes keeping out of the view of the naked eye. Isn’t it funny how fate works?  A stranger or maybe someone you have always known--can bring you the happiness you never had, but wanted so, so bad-everyday living your life with sadness--not to include the other mental madness. Isn’t it funny how fate works?  It can be Karma’s good twin.  The twin that will always let you win.  That can show you how to let happiness and love in again. Isn’t it funny how fate works?
It pokes at you. Or, it might just smack your face.  It shows you things that you have been blinded to.  Things that you tried to pay no mind to.
Isn’t it funny….fate, the dealer of life’s deck of cards.  You--the unexpecting gambler who normally doesn’t take chances.
But, you take that chance and allow fate to let the cards fall where they may. Fate will faithfully guide you to your proper place---where your destiny lies.  Where happiness is a daily thing---all sadness fades away.
Where you can become the person you have always wanted to be.  The person who let fate and destiny lead the way.

My Black Matters ©NikkiR

Politicians sit back while their pockets get fatter
Watching young people **** each other
As the violence we hear gets louder

My black matters
You say I speak incorrectly because my chatter "ain't" like your chatter
My dialect isn't what you expect, but these degrees I represent
Are displayed so you won't forget that my dialect had no influence and no matter what you say, the world can't undo it!

My black matters
I wear my hair natural
But if my natural is offensive to you
Be offended because my natural is oh so beautiful

My black matters
I will continue to climb higher
You will not hinder my elevation
Because my black will rise above all deprivation!

My Temperament by ©Nikki R.

My temperament is like the warmth of a summer's day
My smile illuminates and shines through clouds as the trees soak up all the photosynthetic rays.

It takes more than a storm to rattle me
I will not be moved by people who fail to see the iridescent beauty that is within me.

My temperament can be like the oceans and the seas.  
Don't think I'm incapable of rising with the tide to defend my pride.

My temperament can be like a raging storm or a gentle rain shower that quenches the thirst of spring flowers.

My temperament.  It is what defines me.
It is my temperament. So, don't you dare judge me.

My temperament is Me and I AM SHE!

#poetry #poem #poet #spokenword #womeninpoetry #author #IAMSHE

© 2016 Nikki R.

Not just a memory
But a stored moment in time that you savor

Not just a sound
But a wave of harmonious lyrics that tickles your eardrum

Not just a taste
But the flavor of many seasonings that bounces across your taste buds like thousands of pinballs

Not just a sight
But visual ecstasy that dilates the pupils and allows light to send blinding rays of optical bliss

Not just a feeling
But the pulsation of electrodes across the skin as it makes the thousands of hair follicles stand at attention

Take a moment to reflect and see that every day we are blessed with the gift of life...it's NOT JUST life, but it's the opportunity to hear new things, see new sights, taste new flavors, feel new feelings, and make brand new memories.

It started off as a simple plan to rob a man to pay the Man
I thought it would only be once, but it turned into something that I could not stand.

I felt guilty because I knew it was wrong, but Paul kept harassing me to pay it all. Peter, not expecting to be taken again, but it happened again and again and again.

I knew it was wrong to Rob Peter to Pay Paul!

Was I a crook? Was I a thief?  All I knew was that I needed relief.
So, no matter what it would take, I would continue to Rob Peter to make all ends meet.

Paul, in turn, wasn’t a friendly man.  All he did was hold out his hand.  Give me! Pay me! It’s due today.  You see, Paul had consequences if you paid him late.

Stuck between a rock and a real hard place, I knew I had to do something before it was too late.

I put a gun to Peter’s head and took his money and turned and said, “I did it Paul! Now, here you go.  The money for the car note, groceries, lights, a new coat.”

He looked at me with no remorse in his eyes.  A look that I really despised. He said, “Great.  You did it.  Now, do it again.  Unless you do something different, you will be doing this again, again, and again—my friend.”

Have you ever been on a seesaw?
It's kind of like life...you know?
It goes up and down
Depending on the weight on the other end you may be at your highest point...living and loving life.  
Screaming out in elation...oh, what joy you have.  High...in the sky...on the high end of that seesaw.

Then it happens....that heavy burden that weighs you down.
Bringing you down, down, down….down
Sometimes so close to the bottom that you are forced to get on your knees for support.

Causing you to lift your head and arms up to the sky and yell, “God help me.  Please release this weight that is bearing down on my soul.”

Then, after what may have seemed like an eternity,  the other person at the end of the seesaw jumps off...thrusting you up and forward.

Reminding you that the weight that bears you down is only temporary....like the motions of a seesaw.

So many memories they tend to cloud my mind
Smells of the food cooking in the kitchen
Family gathered— ready and at attention
So many memories they tend to cloud my mind
I remember when we used to play in the park
I remember when our Grandma told us to be in before dark
So many memories they tend to cloud my mind
Sounds of laughter at Christmas time
I remember when we used to wait up for Santa
We were threatened with pepper in the eyes
Remember that?
Scared into sleepiness because our young minds didn’t know any better
With the morning sun, we rise and shine to open presents together
So many memories they tend to cloud my mind
I remember these memories represented our close knit bond
People grow
People change
I guess it’s naivety to think it would forever stay the same
It’s the memories we cherish and should hold them close
Keeping the people near and dear that we love the most
Because there will come a time when the reaper must stake his claim
We never invite him, but it doesn’t matter because he already has the name
He may come in quick or take his time, but when he comes it leaves us blind
Blinded by hurt
Blinded by pain
Blinded by the fact we will never see our loved one again
Blinded by the new memories of a new type of hurt—a new type of pain
Then the memories overflow and fill the frontal lobe-the part of the brain where memories and speech are controlled
You become speechless because you become filled and overwhelmed with the loss
Family comes together to comfort each other  
You haven’t seen some in years—it’s been so long since you’ve seen them you want to burst out in tears.
Kids have grown and don’t look the same
So handsome and beautiful, but you don’t remember their names
That’s how long—how long it’s been
Again, it’s a shame.  
You ask, “Why does it take death to bring the family together again?”
Then, in an instant, tears begin to form in the wells of your eyes
You realize how things have really changed and you don’t quite understand why
So many memories they tend to cloud my mind
I remember that there is a need to change the timeline
I remember when I decided to finally say
Don’t let the family, your blood, fade away
Embrace each other
Love each other
Motivate each other
Cherish each other
Protect each other
Keep each other
Continue to make memories—no matter how old we get
Make sure the family remains close knit

Yep, so many memories they just tend to cloud my mind
Family should always be together—until the end of time.

Sow a Good Seed
When you sow a good seed, you see a good harvest
You work hard every day and try to stay modest
You pray every day and try to live honest
You may have some problems but you own and then solve them.
Sow a Good Seed
Your harvest is plenty and hard work is not futile
The clouds grew dark and the winds were brutal
You just keep on plowing because your dedication is undisputable
Sow a Good Seed
When you sow good seeds, you reap a plentiful harvest
Don’t think it was easy because you didn’t see me through the darkness
No matter how many seeds are sown
No matter how many plants are grown
Know that if the harvest seems like its slow, it is not a blessing denied, but instead, a blessing postponed that's waiting to be bestowed!

It’s that split second decision that will haunt you for the rest of your days.
Was it justified? Was it based on some racist ways?
Will we ever truly know?
What goes into that split second decision?
Does the color of the person’s skin determine if they will ever get up again?
What goes into that split second decision?
When you are staring down the barrel of that gun, who do you see?
What do you say to yourself?
Does it matter if it’s a woman or a man?
Does it matter that some child will never see their parent again?
Does it matter that they have their whole life in front of them?
Would it matter if it were you and not them?
What goes into that split second decision?
How do you know when it is right to pull the trigger?
Does it matter if it was a policeman or a black male living that **** life?
What goes into that split second decision whenever you decide to take a life?  
How do you truly decide who goes home and who dies tonight?
Let’s reflect on the police brutality, the black on black crime, the deaths from domestic violence, and realize that the split second decision doesn’t really care who makes it…
It’s the life at the end of the gun that matters when the split second decision takes it!

Take a Look at Me by Nikki R.

Take a look at me. I am like an Eagle.  I know you see me soaring.
Better yet, compare me to a lioness.  I know you hear me roaring.
Take a look at me.  Watch and learn.
I have so much to give and expect little in return.
Take a look at me.  My potential is glaring.
Take a look at me.  Trust me, I won’t stop you from staring.
Please understand that you can’t define my elevation by your lack of motivation.
You can’t dull my illumination by throwing shade in your conversations.
You can’t stop my zeal because my joy—you will never steal.
Take a look at me.  What do you see?  Take a look at me.
I Am She!  ©Nikki R.

Time Has No Hands  ©Nikki Rountree
Time is ours
Turn on my powers
You spark my desires
Your love’s all I require
Just let it take us higher
Time has no hands
Time has no hands
Oh, I like your style
You drive me wild
You make me smile
Love, Joy, Pain
It’s all the same
But, this ain’t no game
No one brings me joy like you
My love for you is true
Time has no hands
Time has no hands
Time is yours and mine
When I’m with you our hearts align
Time has no hands
And I have no plans
I can spend my whole life loving my man
The clock hands never change
When I am with you
When time has no hands
There’s no time when my love
For you will ever end
Time has no hands
Time has no hands

Utopia

I would love to tell you it's a place that I would want to go
Unlike the world we live in today, I imagine it would be amazing in every way.

I see it...

Utopia!
Utopia!
Utopia!

Who wouldn't want to go to a place where there isn't any

Hurt
Pain
Rain

Where the sun shines ...all day
Where you can be who you are without

Judgement
Hate
Prejudice

It would not matter my color
It wouldn't matter if we were in love with one another
It's time for the nonsense to stop

Racism
Classism
Bigotry

In Utopia, we could live together in harmony.
In Utopia, we could live forever.

Free
No worries

Maybe...just maybe
...only if Utopia were real and not just a made up fantasy

I never met a person who makes it a life mission to grow random seeds but not tend to them and then complain about the harvest they reaped.

I never met a person who has more wealth than man has ever known but spends it feverishly without giving one cent to those who only know money as an unknown.  

I never met a person who could speak so many sweet things in many different tongues, yet when asked a single question about who they love—suddenly their words go numb.

I never met a person—wait, maybe I have