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Mar 2020 · 105
Nicole Alyssia Mar 2020
When I’m asked,
“What are your expectations?”
I tend to evade the question,
Because, realistically, I know
No one could ever meet mine.

I admit,
I’m inclined towards lofty ideals
And raw romanticism,
So it’s not anyone’s fault
but my own...

What I want,
Is you,
And your love
And devotion
In the purest form

My souls counterpart
That I see beyond the physical,
But appreciate for their beauty
And pine for nonetheless

I want to share sunsets
And when I gaze into your eyes
I’m struck with the same feelings
Of breathless awe and admiration

I want to have the ability
To catapult you right over the precipice
With the mere touch of my lips
Pressed against yours

I want to explore and travel
The crevices your mind
In every country, city and state
In every way, shape and form

I want you to know that relationships
Are not always meant to last forever,
But that our love will remain
Through this life time and the next

I want to touch your soul in a way
That will forever change it;
Catapult you to your highest potential
In heart, mind and body

But, most of all,
I want
Yes, I know it’s not a poem. These are my thoughts
Mar 2020 · 96
Nicole Alyssia Mar 2020

make my heart sing

its new favorite

Nicole Alyssia Jan 2019
immersing myself
in the absence of actuality

to save itself, my mind
must be made numb

by simply running from
one dream to another

lured into temporary bliss
with each sip, relationship, drug, job

gravitating towards
triviality and banality

for most of my life,
i’ve done nothing but run

from myself
Jan 2019 · 351
love | hate
Nicole Alyssia Jan 2019
funny how
is a word
that fills
some people
Jan 2019 · 335
apologies in advance
Nicole Alyssia Jan 2019
‪accept my apology‬
‪in advance:

‪i’m impossible,‬
‪in every possible way,‬
‪and i don’t know‬
‪how to hold on to people,‬
‪because i’ve never,‬
‪been held on to‬
‪myself ‬
Jan 2019 · 264
Nicole Alyssia Jan 2019
i am so grateful i was tricked, you see,
without honesty,
as i reflect on your undeniable misogyny

i could only give you so much,
and only that much,
is what you could take away from me

so, i can only thank you!
for your disdain and haughty contempt,
confirmed the delusion i once called love
Jan 2019 · 335
Nicole Alyssia Jan 2019
‪accept my apology‬
‪in advance

‪i’m impossible,‬
‪in every possible way,‬
‪and i don’t know‬
‪how to hold on to people,‬
‪because i’ve never,‬
‪been held on to‬
‪myself ‬
Nicole Alyssia Nov 2017
secrets seek refuge in the darkness

is where my demons find solace;
ostracized, ignored and seemingly forgotten
forced to tread the depths of my unconscious
while i give way to this self-perpetuated artifice
and swallow every evil fed to me
by the master hidden behind the curtain

i can no longer reject the notion that my demons live inside of me.
i am bound to them.

the longer i chose to ignore them,
the louder they slam and rattle these chains.
Nov 2017 · 781
pretty mess.
Nicole Alyssia Nov 2017
just know,
on the other side of this skin
there is virulence….venom….rancor

you’d be a fool
to take my innocence at face value.
Sep 2017 · 295
to my dismay
Nicole Alyssia Sep 2017
the nights grow
longer, colder
and i,
more reclusive;
static, impenetrable
engrossed in
a self-perpetuated
state of catatonia
on my worst days

thoughts simmer
inside my mind
while i sit,
gazing out
my bedroom window
patiently waiting
for the sun
to break through
the rain
Sep 2017 · 221
Nicole Alyssia Sep 2017
to think
can not
control himself;
we see
controlling himself
witnesses are
Individuals with ASPD  are legit another breed of lower level human
Sep 2017 · 4.5k
narcissism 101
Nicole Alyssia Sep 2017
the only
used by
an abhorrent
parasite in
selecting a host
to extract from is

who has the most
to take from
and who is most
readily available

nothing more,
nothing less.
Sep 2017 · 379
Nicole Alyssia Sep 2017
one of my many
is that i absolutely
love writing with
distinctive, extra fine tip
with silky black ink,
of course.
i can't help but chuckle
at myself
for attempting to get
the same effect
writing with some
broken, old
dull tipped
piece of lead
A weird metaphor, but true nonetheless. never settle for dull old pencils ✏️
Nicole Alyssia Sep 2017
the most wretched moments
have been best for my art
Sep 2017 · 1.5k
Courteous Congeniality
Nicole Alyssia Sep 2017
“I mean, I don’t necessarily want to admit this”, she said rather candidly, gazing down at the stand of icy blonde hair she has been running between her index finger and thumb.

“But to be quite frank, if I heard him knock on my door whilst the winds howled and raindrops pounded the concrete…” Her gaze peers up and she looks directly into my eyes with a sullen whisper, “I don’t believe I’d care enough to even answer it."

With that I realized, he'd never be allowed back in and would be lucky enough to merely have access to her front stoop.
kind souls shouldn't feel this way, should they?
Sep 2017 · 1.7k
forcing it
Nicole Alyssia Sep 2017
beginning to see
i only write about you
whenever i’m bored
Short, direct haiku; i just really want to write about something, but your love never ignited that creative flame in me. I've always had a habit of trying to pull things from places that don't exist!
Sep 2017 · 1.9k
Nicole Alyssia Sep 2017
it's so easy
to harbor darkness
and tear others
to shreds
i suppose the outside
is a reflection of
the inside
and there's nothing
attractive about
my incessant need to
scratch, gnaw
and rip open
a scab
that hasn't fully healed
if only i could
just. stop. picking. at. it.

...i'd probably feel a lot
Aug 2017 · 3.8k
a love affair with sadness
Nicole Alyssia Aug 2017

i think i enjoy wallowing in pain.
i'd rather feel angst, crippling pain,
the depths of despair,
and to cry myself to sleep at night

than to feel

so often i confuse the
longing for intensity
with the intensity of love.
Aug 2017 · 2.0k
future faking
Nicole Alyssia Aug 2017
by nature,
i've never been
a jealous woman.
for lack of a better word
          fits the bill
so, i guess
what ignites this
fury within
is knowing that
i'm the sole reason
why you're no longer

i know deep down
you still wish you were
and perhaps
she was just a
feeble attempt at
recreating what we had.
the opposite of hate
is indeed love
which is how i know
your energy was spent
loving me
all the while.....

for now, i cling
to my fantasies
faking futures with him
that in my bones
i wish
were with you.
a future lost
can never be rewritten,
but the only good
that comes from
this realization
is that i now know
you know this
just as well as i
No one compares to you and no one compares to me. The only comfort in a lost love that will never be
Aug 2017 · 710
Nicole Alyssia Aug 2017
i surrender myself
to time,
because what other options
are there
aside from waiting?
          “patience is a virtue”,
they say
          “faith keeps us alive”.
hope, quite literally,
annihilates the heart
chamber by chamber
valve by valve
a slow,
insidious death

Aug 2017 · 850
sick over it
Nicole Alyssia Aug 2017
our hearts
into poems
that they
don't even
care to
Aug 2017 · 5.3k
Nicole Alyssia Aug 2017
each time the wind shifts;
and you
have another
change of heart
the pain always lays
somewhere in between
incredulity and incapability

          i can’t decide which
          end of the spectrum
          hurts more.
Aug 2017 · 3.3k
Rose Garden
Nicole Alyssia Aug 2017
i've learned
that planting seeds
and tending
to a garden with
the utmost love and care
will not prevent
flowers from
wilting, shriveling
and slowly dying
      from neglect
in the hands of
a careless owner
       who buys pretty flowers
       to brighten his day,
not simply for
a love of roses
If you care about your heart, be mindful of who you give it to.

Perhaps he had a thing for tulips...? A selfish love seeks to make itself whole; relationship after relationship after relationship....
Aug 2017 · 2.5k
Nicole Alyssia Aug 2017
unrequited love
pierces through my chest
- a bloodied dagger
stabs my heart
and drains me dry
but somehow i survived

you have blood on your hands.

yet somehow it's my fault
for causing the perforation
simply because
you're unwilling to see,
to admit,
that i was defending
my already wounded heart
from further betrayal

remember this -

desposing the knife,
moving to far and distance places
and eventually
finding your way back
home, to me,
does not give you the right
to seek my warmth and comfort
after you've been stabbed
by someone else.
**** me, why don't you. Own up to the part you played instead of continuing to torment and destroy whatever is left of my heart.
Aug 2017 · 2.2k
is this worth the fight?
Nicole Alyssia Aug 2017
on hands and knees
     as i fight my way back
     to you
in a web of memories
dragging myself through
the dead and debry
mummified thoughts
and emotions;
now stagnant,
yet petrifying none-the-less.
i'm not sure how much
more of this i can endure
with each passing day
i lose a little bit more of
     my strength and stamina;
     faith, courage

Why am I doing this to myself? There's a fine line between idealism and fantasy. If only the former weren't so exhausting.
Mar 2017 · 4.8k
Corporate Conundrum
Nicole Alyssia Mar 2017
i sat awake in bed
for the past three hours,
"how can i do this better,
more -
alas, it hits me!
its impossible to become
a busier worker bee
when you're a different species
i hear a voice within,
"spread your wings,
butterfly -
Nicole Alyssia Oct 2016
i feel you under my ribcage
and all the way down to my toes
through my veins and through my airways
as i exhale through my nose

right now, i shutter in silence
at the faint hollow sound
of you strumming on my heartstrings
somewhere in the background
sometimes they just never want you to move on
Oct 2016 · 9.3k
Nicole Alyssia Oct 2016
i just can't seem to understand


every time i tie up my sneakers
and attempt to go for a run

it starts to rain.
Sometimes there's no use in analyzing. You accept the cards you're dealt and keep it moving
Aug 2016 · 9.8k
Nicole Alyssia Aug 2016
Go ahead...
Hit me.

There's nothing
You can do to me
That will hurt me
More than I hurt myself
Aug 2016 · 2.0k
Just Stop
Nicole Alyssia Aug 2016
Do not romance me with words
I've written better
Nicole Alyssia Aug 2016
the worst part of having
a mind like mine
is how it opens the doors
and welcomes
with open arms
Aug 2016 · 9.4k
Enter At Your Own Discretion
Nicole Alyssia Aug 2016
with each passing day,
i realize
with increasing certainty
that there are not many
out there like

cut from a different cloth.

perhaps, you haven't been
properly warned
about me.
Aug 2016 · 2.2k
Walking Dead
Nicole Alyssia Aug 2016
wake me from the dead
my lover
for my heart yearns
to beat
and my hand yearns
to write
I am nothing without a muse.... A hollow shell, going through the motions, floating lifelessly
May 2016 · 639
I Often Wonder
May 2016 · 1.4k
Nicole Alyssia May 2016
I sit here
Like a love sick puppy
Waiting by the door
Patiently waiting
For my owner,
My lover,
My heart
To come home

I can only wonder
When I'll begin to accept,
that this will never happen
May 2016 · 406
Another Poem I Love
Nicole Alyssia May 2016
“If You Forget Me

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.”
― Pablo Neruda
May 2016 · 416
A Poem I Love
Nicole Alyssia May 2016
“I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.”
― Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets
Jan 2016 · 5.1k
I Give Up
Nicole Alyssia Jan 2016
my body is homesick
for a place
that refuses to
accommodate me.
Oct 2015 · 2.4k
Nicole Alyssia Oct 2015
Ever feel the alluring,
Nagging pull
Of someone
Thinking about you?

Perhaps I've gone completely mad
And it's just
Some type of illusion

Maybe it's just a craving....

An unequivocal need
To feel, to touch, to taste
Every inch of you

You arouse something in me...

That I ever so desperately
Try to pull from others
Where it doesn't exist

I hate to admit,
You drive me absolutely mad
Yet, I love every second of it

That inherent animalism
Makes me feel
So ******* alive

Wont you take me baby?
After all,
I'll always be yours....
Oct 2015 · 5.9k
Nicole Alyssia Oct 2015
My breath is but a whimper
A faint hollow sound-
Inspiration, passion
Where are you hiding?

October is the cruelest month
For nostalgia creeps at every corner
Following, lurking
Seeping through my unconscious

You creep into my nightmares
I just can't seem to escape
Anxiety, cold sweats
If I didn't like it id be lying.

For months, I've felt dead
I hate you, yet I crave you
You set my pulse on fire
Yet I'm the last to admit I want this.
Jun 2015 · 952
In Search of A Muse
Nicole Alyssia Jun 2015
A contrived monologue,
brimming with empty words
cannot cure my insanity.

Perhaps there is no cure.

Just a deep craving,
an insatiable yearning
for something only
a muse can appease

For it's the muse alone that
engulfs my consciousness,
leads the pen across the paper,
permits me to paint
my dark thoughts
into a bright canvas of words.

Without my beloved,
I'm utterly uninspired;
not a writer, nor a person;
Just a maze without an exit
Nov 2014 · 7.9k
Nicole Alyssia Nov 2014
I get lost in your eyes
With no intention
Of finding my way back...
Oct 2014 · 4.7k
Burn Me
Nicole Alyssia Oct 2014
My heart has been engulfed
By an all consuming flame
Never mind the poison from the smoke
Nor the burning or the pain
The dancing embers of desire;
What a lovely sight to see
I choose torture from the fire
Over setting my heart free
I'd rather burn to death than live without this
Aug 2014 · 1.4k
An Ode To Poetry
Nicole Alyssia Aug 2014
I am a slave to no one
Well, there's one exception -

More like a willing servant
Available at your beckon call
Ready and willing to
r e l e a s e
What you desire me to share

The catharsis appears to come
From me
But I am nothing more
Than an instrument
A mere slave
To your greatness.
Aug 2014 · 34.5k
Emotional Hemophilia
Nicole Alyssia Aug 2014
Asking me to hide my emotions
Is like asking someone
To hide a gushing wound
When the **** won't close
And the blood won't clot
Easier said than done.
Coming from someone on the outside
Who can't feel the actual pain
And would prefer
Not to see the gore
Or clean up the mess.
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