Nicole Nov 2014

I tried to fly today
the sound of his voice, it made me think...
maybe this time, I'd grow wings.
metaphorically of course.
Well it didn't work
I'm not a bird
or even Superman, for Christ's sake.
Why did you tell me that one day I would
fly away, that I would be great,
when you knew it wasn't true.
I mean, look at you...
I bet you never even tried (to fly)
and why would you?
You are so comfortable here
complacent, sitting on the ground.
Walking and running is as fast as you'll ever go.
And all I want is to be untethered and free
as a bird.

found this in one of my old notebooks
Nicole Nov 2013

and i pretended to be a philosopher
unaware of property and possessions
pretended i could be satisfied by just a poem or word
but even this computer cost my family a pretty penny
and who knew that a house could mean so much
that all of our learnings and knowledge could be taken away
that simple mistakes could crumble to pieces our
and i cried myself to sleep with
pictures of red notices and destitution behind my eyes
and we are no longer middle class
we are losing, we are lost and

Nicole Oct 2013

he felt sad today so i asked what i could do
he said just love me even if i'm ugly, sick and blue
and i said oh my darling
don't you know
all my poetry and hums are about you

Nicole Sep 2013

I wrote a poem once
it reminded me of a scalding hot shower
that drives into my back.
Like when the water seeps under my shower cap
and I know it's not supposed to but I think it feels good.
When the drain clogs up and the ideas pool around my feet
I wonder if I should redraft like when i reshave my legs
because I missed a spot.
But life isn't a do-over and
I have razor burn.
And I'm afraid the glass will fog up and cover my face
and maybe I just wish the stupid timer would go off
and just turn out the lights.

Nicole Sep 2013

and you might undo me
yes you might be my undoing
in the nights i don't know what to
you will
and can you not see that this could unravel me
that this could control or unlatch me
because you, you are unbound

Nicole Jun 2013

and maybe one day we'll learn to be ok again
maybe one day we'll learn to live for love
we'll soar above our sadness
and remember that we are above
all of it

Nicole Jun 2013

There's a bump on my ear
     maybe this isn't going so well
it's where i pierced the skin
it's where i showed them i was gone
i was different
there's a bump on my ear and i'm not supposed to touch it
    i'll infect it
i'm not supposed to touch it but
i rub it and mangle it and
     maybe this isn't going so well
they keep asking what's wrong with it
"i guess you shouldn't have gotten it in the first place"
but it was supposed to be a blessing
it was supposed to be different
it was supposed to be my independence
   i was supposed to be independent a long time ago

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