I shower, put on deodorant, and brush my teeth ; then put on the same ***** clothes I've been wearing all week

Here I lie, drowning
Face down
In two inches of lukewarm misery
A cool breeze of self loathing in the air

I sit in my empty home and cry
Thinking of all the people
That could have been here

I see you
I wonder
Can you see me?
Behind this veil
With my hatred
Pointed at your skull
I can't help but wonder
If I would prefer it in pieces
But then what would I do with your
head?

I drink till I puke
Smoke until my lungs are black
I **** till I hate

A good place to start
I don't know where it will end
But I know it will

If you're wondering
Where I am; remember
where did you leave me?

Stick me in the ground
Cover my body with dirt
My soul won't be saved

There is a monster inside of me,
It takes all I have to contain.
It has hurt me, It has lied to me,
It has taken control of my brain
Lurking in my head silently
It waits to inflict It's pain

I live so close to train tracks
It would be so easy
To just take a rest
And be rid of this world
I never asked for life
I've only begged for death
But what of the people
Whom I've crossed paths with
If I could only explain
The pain in my mind
Festering from birth
Consuming my life
Maybe they would be okay
Maybe I will be okay