it felt like coldness, a january night
the feeling of certainty leaving my body

when the numbness passed,
and my chest was made of raw nerves
and the tightness in my throat
made my eyes swell
i am sinking.

with empitness, you assured me
you might have never loved me.

i was frustratingly
madly
deeply
recklessly
in love.

all on my own.
and you promised me stars
while you covered my eyes
and lied when i asked if that
was the sound of you leaving.

you left when you were still with me
and called an empty body a presence.

haunted by the ghosts of your memories
not even selfless love could spare you
the emptiness of that heart of yours

you said you loved my lows
but it was the storms that ate you.

you promised you wanted my sharp corners
but they reminded you of all your cuts.

you swore you loved me fully
but that love drained you.

you confuse intensity with lack of reach
and i am a too much for the likes of you.

but why then does it feel like you left
taking all my love with you still?

my heart aches.

my darling, i begin at the end
with leaps taken and the shreds for evidence.

you asked and i gave and such
is life.

i feel the drain upon my body
my heart already slowly broken and
my prophecies fulfilled.

i trace my stars of cassandra
and i wonder if i brought this ruin.

my love engulfed you and tore you apart
i am my own ruin.

i wrote always as a bystander
lives were words yet to be put down
a ****** of life and of the pain of others

the world was best experienced as tourist
never really there, just a stranger in a photo

'you'll barely remember me' i said
the sound of glass shattering beneath my heel

and i would wonder
'why are you so fragile?'

it was pain seen by a lens,
if i caused it, you'd understand
later rather than sooner
i need those tears to fuel my pit

how can i hurt if i'm not really there?
ghost of an idea you created
a fiction of smiles and words tailored

it was sweet when i was told
'you're softer than you look'
because how would you know?
i lie and i hide, i always warn but it's a
self fulfilling prophecy

i'd say i didn't mean
but i didn't care enough to think
so casually cruel, it was never me on the line.

i write this in confession of my crimes
because i've seen the result of what someone
more similar to me than i would like
did to you, my darling dearest

i'll mend you not to atone my sins
but to cleanse yours

it's care and concern that drip from these lips
and i make your pain ours, i make your frown
mine.

this is my love letter to you

i live in fear of
all things left unlived but
i do not fear you.

i fear fear itself and the end
which always comes but i can hear
it coming for me

always

i was made to stand lonely
but you see my pain and tell me
it makes you whole

this could be it, sunshine