it's not fully heartbreak,
but because of this whole mess my heart now has an ache.
i want to feel like you love me still,
but what if what happened is like our relationship's seal.
i love you more than you know,
please tell me we aren't at the end, and at an all time low.

words, you reap and sow them,
so with words i am writing a poem.
words are harsh at times,
just like ugly, janky rhymes.
sometimes we use them to plot,
and it turns out those feelings churn in our stomach as a knot.
to believe words is an inclination to trust,
but without trust a relationship can decay and rust.
how is it that i can't articulate,
the words that get mechanical and perpetuate.
honesty with words is something new,
but you don't see that my honesty is something you already have seen and knew.
if we are our words then who are our actions,
and why do we act with different reactions?

i've been waiting for someone like you for my whole life.
and i hope that someday, a few years from now, if things keep going well, i get to be your wife.
because looking in your eyes, i feel like i'm safe and sound.
and when i'm feeling lost and alone, i know that with you, i would be found.
i sometimes feel crazy admitting that i'm absolutely in love.
but i know that every day i thank whoever is up in the sky above.
because they led me to you by some shallow-started state.
but maybe just maybe, i'm beginning to believe that you are my fate.

and maybe it's all the little things...
all the words you've said,
all the times we've laid together in bed,
all the ways you show you care,
all the times you're with me when life is hard to bear,
not because i can't do it on my own like i have before,
but because i think you actually care and are a person that in turn, i care for.
in all these little things that i've grown to see,
i hope i can become a better woman, one that you might need me to be,
i want to comfort you if you need it most,
be the first girl there to be proud of your accomplishments and raise a toast,
i never want to hurt you,
but i want to always apologize if i ever do.
in all the little things one thing is clear to me,
you're the only man for however long we may be a 'we', that i want to see,
in all honesty i was afraid of trusting you with my heart,
but now i see that you've slowly just become a main part,
you're everything that i've ever hoped for,
and i hope you know that you mean all of these things above and more.

i write most of these poems when i'm hurt or upset.
but also when i feel like i went wrong or have something i said that i regret.
it's to clear my thoughts and imagination.
to give myself time to think with very little hesitation.
it's never that i don't want you as the person in my life.
but rather me handling any fear i've felt and my inner strife.