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Nellie 55 May 2021
I can barely stand
But I know how to crawl
I can barely laugh
But I can give you a smile
I maybe broken
But I'm in repair
I will not be able to fake it now
But I'll be okay
A lost cause
But a redirection
Not a failure
Just a learning experience
One step away
But I keep the progress going
Nellie 55 May 2021
To sit and to think. Too enjoy that silence of peace. Where's that better place? I change my mind...... this is the best I can ever get. Once upon a broken heart I've realized it's easier to let go but not to forget. My favorite is sunset with some tunes. No one but me. I think this is a sign, I think for once I'll be alright. NO!
I am alright, I am in a safer place. The beautiful lies people feed me. The tough live I've got. For once in my life I'm fine. Not a person can change that.
Nellie 55 May 2021
I'm just sick of it
Not how I imagined it
I'm decent
I'm fine.
I'm good, I'm great, I'm fine.
Not drunk, not sleep deprived.
I'm slowly getting stable.
But I'm also just fine.
I'm fine once
I'm fine twice
Call it a double tonight.
I'm fine
Nellie 55 May 2021
Once a lost cause, but I forgot them all. Started walking forward and that's all that mattered to me. I do appreciate comfort but that'll lead to destruction. I don't listen when it means nothing. But watch that grammar check. How about I'll be the one to light my own cigarette. Always busy now, thoughts begin race now. But who really understood that. I'm watching my own back. I've been watching my actions cause that affect. Still not a regret. My poetry the same but put in different words. Maybe I'm the problem. I've got to take a break then begin to solve them. Either a past tense broken heart finally on a recovery. Still feeling empty. But it's bearable. I wished for no one else to be miserable. I've got attention that has a habit of leaving. I've got journals about me grieving. Accomplishments I'm receiving. No longer having these arms bleeding. I'm slowly succeeding. Just don't let me down because you've got that power.
Nellie 55 May 2021
I've tried to diet, my belly can't hide it. Low key despised it. I would like my motivation back. Bring happier me back. Drinking to avoid a comeback. All I can eat, but I can't hardly see my feet. Not even the slightest peek. Just another drink. I'll just fight another insecurity. That a new part of me. In fact, my doubts became a part of the family. Sharing a room with depression. Anxiety attacks for my counseling session. All I can think about is some medicine. Shots with a fresh bottle and my minds open. A handful dose. Pill me drinks with no jokes. I'll do a **** it diet, blood shot again with no way to hide it. Mentally laughing out loud. Trapped in my head with no safer way out. No such thing of a happier side of me. Is this a demand from Anxiety? I'm downing this dose until I feel empty. Just a pill another shot till I feel hollow, over dose and pray for a hangover tomorrow. Then grab me a blade to borrow. Then for once this belly will be truly empty. Don't try to baby me. I don't need sympathy. **** a diet, I've tried it, let's just wear baggy clothes to hide it. Doesn't help I'm a ghost to dating. Confidence fading, a bunch of ******* body shaming. Then I feel like I'm crushing my lungs to puke it up. All this empty puke had me feeling so rough. Every ounce counts I swear I'm tough. Tears forming, but a fresh bottle with pills pouring. Now losing this weight off my chest isn't so boring. A pill shot, had my gut rot, but my security was left without a thought. Just the bottled emotion  I bought. At this point I'll full send like this dose would go out of stock.  I've tried to diet, over weight and can't hide it. I guess it's a failed attempt but I'll still try it. Really despised it. I'm just lonely. That last meal controlled me. Sometimes I treat it like it's my only. Don't hold that against me. Anxiety attacks for a counseling session. Sharing my room with depression. My weight the center of attention. Doubts joined the family. That insecurity took control of me.That's my belly I can't hide it. No judgments as my diet. How about you try it!
Nellie 55 May 2021
One more chance after another
There's no way I'm a bother
Not a glance of each other
Heart open
But broken
Feelings spoken
False hoping
Feels like I just went through this
Always ended with a blank kiss
Life dimmer
A fallen angel because I'm a sinner
Just a beginner
Never found my winner
A bottle for some sleep
A case to get motivation to eat
Now some shots to feel at ease
Can't get out of my head I need peace
I've tried a diet
Insecurity has no refunds and I keep buying it
Nellie 55 May 2021
We're all good people here
Laughing and dancing with a beer
We shout and cheer
Having a good time here
I might be a DD
But I'm pretty happy
We watch our own
Even though I'm to stay home
Would rather bring people safely home because that choice is my own
Stay safe everyone
We all just wanted that company
Worth bringing you home safely
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