Nellie 55

Nellie 55 Nov 2020

Creep

Woke up paralyzed, tried to move but ended up watching unexplainable things moving closer to me. It creeps, I'm trapped under my sheets. All I can hear is my heart pounding a new beat. It's so dark but I think I hear voices. Afraid to make a sound but I don't think I've got a choice. What's my surroundings? I've got chills down my spine, I don't think this place is mind. Is this a dream or is this reality? Something consumes the light out of me.

Nellie 55 Nov 2020

You have a match! Someone admired you!

My next girl better relate to half of my issues
Keep me safe when I feel insane
Scars across my back
Girls claim a difficulty
But mess around with the wrong guys impulsively
(New baby daddy)
These girls get attention from every direction
Men like me face nothing but rejection
In the past my intentions broke armor
Now loyalty strength is stronger?
I get matches from girls that I admire
But jokes on me I guess I get fire
Burned out that match
Now I'm trying to not look back
I use to be varsity
Now I'm second string
My depression has a pulse
Pumped second thoughts out of the open vein
Love had a sharp blade
Hardly felt the pain
Still paralyzed
Betrayal has a strong disguise
Now good faith is rare and a surprise
Thanks for the false hope
Messing with my feelings ain't a joke

Nellie 55 Nov 2020

Not worried, just annoyed

Spent a lot time being concerned about what people say about me.
Put hours in my boots and no overtime this concerns me.
Started and lost jobs but I slave till I make it again.
Refuse to leave my doors open.
I'm all good here I've changed my locks.
What'd they say about me nevermind I forgot.
I know my worth, I know the truth.
Not really worried about the words coming from you.

Nellie 55 Nov 2020

Old journal entry

I will always be the one to burn,
Scooped my ashes and spread them in the air. I'll always be ready to learn, I won't care. The feelings are spreading in the air.
So what! I'm no alcoholic, I just simply got neurotic. In between conflicts and places with all conversations I'm a bit sporadic. 12 pack by my side, sipping a dozen. Alone the the darkness I hide, gave it my all for nothin.
My anxiety up high, the past catching up everytime I was ready to say bye. Ask me to be happy, I'm always going to isolate and begin acting. Where's the benzodiazepines?
I Want to forget everything for a little bit.

Nellie 55 Nov 2020

We're on a break

I know I'll regret this
But I just wanted someone to kiss
Midnight strikes soon
I'm getting drunk too
Let the world stop for a second
I'd a trade my soul for that smile
Now I'm lonely and glad she didn't stay for a while
My chest was always beating
Heart misleading
Five more hours of pondering out the window
She home? Guess I'll never know.

Nellie 55 Nov 2020

A crush

What A beautiful girl, has this amazing sound. Smile filled this type of beauty that stunned me. May I get to know her personality?
Can we start off with A name?
If I had your contact I'd wake you up with compliments everyday.
Who is she? I would like to get to know this cutie.
Watch A movie and go out for coffee.
Explore the outdoors and drink together at A party.
Wake up to watch the sun rise, stay up late to watch the sun disappear.
Hello beautiful how are you doing?

Nellie 55 Nov 2020

Held

I held on to the weight of her guilt.
Carried the regrets she once felt.
I'll still seek forgiveness for the way I once was. Simply not meant to be. But we work on ourselves to be happy. False hope and filled with misery. Wishes fill the field and the sky. Please take me away from this planet. I will be better I demand it. Here's my agony you can have it. Held on for nothing! Held myself for comfort, Also held a bottle. Even then I still felt the pain. Held that pain in between my arms. I held on to her weight of guilt. With the false hope I've once built. I will hold my own, Find A new home. Sick of the darker thrown. My experience has grown. Now it's time to plant me A new future. I had A gut feeling when the toxic relationship started.
She's the one that gutted me and no longer felt guarded. I held myself for so long.
I killed my love and she got so cold.
Lost my world, I held on to let go.
Don't know if I regret my choices.
Wanted someone to hold. Please forgive me. I can't forgive myself. We kept secrets, lies with bad conversations to ourselves. All that to make sure none of us will go insane because we wanted safer health. Held on for so long. Let go so we can move on. I'm sorry I emptied A clip to your heart. Lost my shot and we both fell apart. I forgive you and I will get better. I'm slowly finding out who I am