Nellie 55

Nellie 55 Oct 2020

Random

Never knew how to start a first page
Always scribbled my poor choice of words
Attempted to improve but made it worse
But I learned how to make it work
Always writing to increase my experience
Hopefully others can somewhat relate

Nellie 55 Oct 2020

Throwing Knives

Hurts to find new blades, trust comes in waves. Throwing knives because they're two faced. Sharp pain in my back must of been A new blade. Loyalty is rare I'm in need of A new place. Thoughts to myself to keep me safe.
One day I'll heal from these blades hitting my back. Opportunities to seek peace I'm sure everyone can agree with that.
They're Throwing knives while I'm moving forward, I guess now it makes sense when they say watch your back.

Nellie 55 Oct 2020

Dream

Dream is unique
Dreaming big is A future goal
One day we all reach for the stars we gaze upon
Once upon A shooting star
A wish for every impulse dream I've got
Sleeping with nightmares because I've had A dream I once forgot
Dreams and goals
Nightmares and false hope
Which one is likely to be A reality?
They say never stop dreaming but I sleep to nothing
Darkness or fast hours before I wake
I'll atleast day dream with A world that doesn't hate
What's your dream?

Nellie 55 Oct 2020

Agree

People who know of me
Still will never understand my story
The trust of my circle always repeated stabs in my back
But forgiveness is strength and I'm okay with that
I agree that I'm complicated
But I never gave up
You don't **** with depression
Pain demands to be felt and it'll come with aggression
Ask anyone I bet they'll agree
I'm no one else but me
**** being anyone else but everyone taken

Nellie 55 Oct 2020

Closed curtain

In these walls I get intimidated
Closed curtain, with IV plugged in.
Bodies irritated
Anxiety blowing up
Discomfort on my hand with the IV pumping
Cold room
Blanket warm for a minute
But now I'm paralyzed in pain
Have to go to another hospital for a specialist
Time dragging
Needle pain
In my vein
But its to improve health
This closed curtain is hell
Found out I had to go to a different ER to do tonsil surgery
My anxiety came in a hurry
So dad drove me
They went straight to work
Opened my mouth and shoved a needle in to **** the pus out
Slit the tonsil
To use medical plyers to manually get the rest
Pain everywhere
Eyes losing focus
Gagging pus and blood
Worse feeling ever
Felt like forever
Closed curtain
Supposed to be healthy again
But I've been nervous

Nellie 55 Oct 2020

A distance

Watching couples from A distance
Wondering if mine has an existence
Someone to hold hands with
I know it aches my heart
But I can see my worth slowly crumbling apart
I want someone to spend my holidays with
Family time with stories to share along with A kiss
No even worried about gifts
Hanging with each others parents and playing with kids
Holding hands on car rides
Sharing drinks & sticking by our sides
Is that to much to ask for?
The more I daydream the more I can't ignore
Will someone take me?
I hate begging, I'm impatient for love
I'm to be patient but why not start A new journey
I'm slowly burning, Discomfort has me learning
I'm watching couples from A distance
Began to think mine has no existence
Nothing but A harsh experience
Why am I smiling to wake up in A dark reality? Someone deserves this best part of me
I wasn't the greatest in my past
But tough love I've learned pretty fast
I believe I'm good to show my commitment
I've been told I'm A gentleman
Take it from me not them
They only noticed my flaws not the real story
Trust me I'm worth something no need to worry

Nellie 55 Oct 2020

Will

Will someone appreciate me
Passing notes and keeping each other company
The compliments when we're acting shy
Selfies instead of a goodbye
That's just something I'm craving
Supposed to work on behaving
Jealousy
The sign of fear
Will someone appreciate me
The way I deserve to be treated
I'm not complicated

Might add more or rewrite this later