I should’ve never talked to you the way I did
I’m sorry for the words that were said
No level of any emotions should
You ever be talked to the why I talked to you

Xin loi, langga.

And you didn’t.

From now

From now

Love always wins
It’s just a matter of time
And if the time never comes
It will continue to exist

Every word that shatters my heart
Every silence that aches through my veins
Every thought that I don’t wanna start
Every time you push me away

I find strength in the littlest place
I find hope you’ll come back again
I find love in the saddest state
I find reasons under my skin so thin

Why it still feels right
To hold on to you so tight

And my soul is tired.

You can’t make me leave
I have nowhere else to go
Why can’t you just believe
My path is paved towards your heart

I need to do my dishes
I need to fold my laundry
I need to clean my place and
I can’t find motivation
I’m sick of coughing
And feeling under the weather
I’m on my period
And I feel heavier
I need to take care of me
But it’s so hard to breathe
So what is the purpose?
When all I feel is emptiness

I was never here to compete with him
My main purpose was to make you smile
I know my chances are very slim
But every chance is worth the while

I don’t compare him to myself
To try and change the way I am
I want you to see me for yourself
How I can be more than a man

I don’t write poems just to woo you
I don’t play music just to trick your heart
I do it because it is what I love to do
And it’s my favorite kind of art

So don’t question the love that I have
I don’t do it because I want to be wanted
My intentions are genuine and innocent
Because it’s more pure that I ever imagined

“Active now” is the only dose I have left
19 hours since our last word
Now I’m scrolling through our best
Memories that made our world turn

Each hour that passes
The ache in my heart screams louder
Will I ever surpass this?
I can’t imagine life without her

I never wanted to let her go
I swear I didn’t give up on her
I just wanna let her know
Without her I’m a goner

My love.

All the happiness I feel
Love is indeed real
Come to me and say
Oh can I join you?
Hoping this will last
Only for a moment
Long lived inebriated

I told her to come over
But she was too tired
To deal with the exposure
Of his continuous desire
To interrogate her
Of an affair she hasn’t retired

She asked me what’s for dinner
I wanted to reply “home cooked meal”
Alcohol and nicotine simmer
Through my bloodstream to be real
My heart is stuck in winter
With the facade of a glimmer

This bliss is a drug
For it never lasts
All I need is a hug
And a spell is then cast
Until I unplug
I’m back in the past

It always feels like a dream
Being with you feels so right
So I will choose to stay asleep
Just to hold you one more time

Two lives, three hearts broken
Pretending, with words unspoken
Trying to omit, this sin we commit
Not wanting to admit
That we should just quit

I said love would conquer all
But where’s the strength to stand tall?
Persevere in this war alone
For the blame is what you own
Stay true to your shadows
Be strong when the wind blows

Call me stupid, call me pathetic
Use every negative word to describe me
Don’t be sympathetic
Nothing will stop me, just let me be
I know that you care
For me and my well being
But life isn’t fair
Without pain it’ll have no meaning
Let me go through this heart break
To feel every agony and suffering
I know what’s at stake
I know my pace is buffering
But it’s the path I chose
And this is not for show
Cuz I’m gonna love her
And that’s what I’ll live for

I forget about my self every morning
For one more “hello, love”
I bury my feelings every conversation
For one more “I miss you”
I neglect my mental health
For one more “good night”
I swallow my pride everyday
For one more “I love you”

Behind closed doors
Texting for a while
Staring at the floor
Trying to hide your smile

Inhaling to hold your tears
Expressing you’re tired
When you’re in your feels
Her company is desired

Short hugs
Don’t say “babe”
Pull drugs
Stay contained

We live in shadows
And stay positive
Hoping it won’t show
Our love so secretive

Where does your heart lie? Does it hide behind the lies and the smiles you portray love to be? To be fake in the face of your children to see? Does it hide in the truth the  “you” came out to believe? Is it that hard to accept the color of the blood that runs through the leaves that grow on your branches and miss the chances of living a life so free? These are the questions that posses the expressions of answers that are “Yes.”

Tonight, I looked deep in your eyes
I held you in my arms so tight
I kissed your lips just right
Your love touched my soul
And I’ve never felt so full
Complete
Nothing can ever compete
For what we have
So magical
And unexplainable
A fairy tale that may never come true
But that’s okay, as long as I have you