I see her take test shots
of a sunset so perfect
it could of been painted by the girl she
is about immortalize in film
And I wonder if this is what she planed

A fast food servant
at Jimmy John's
Photography on the side
and of what A high school senior's face

Is this where she imagined
Her college diploma would take her
To take photograph after photograph
of an awkwardly posed girl
This is her
Art
And I wonder if this is how she wants to express it

I look at that warm purple, red, orange, and yellowed sky
It could have been a water colored painting it was so stunning

My sister came out to the yard
A multi-acre pasture
Some clicks later and my sister's photo-shoot ends

I wonder if I will end up like my Cousin Emilee
A slave to a fast food chain.
Will I write poetry
After my shift at some random fast food place
Desperately trying to pay rent
All the while making sure I can get to the next
open mic night
Waiting for a break I may never get
Is this meant to be my fate

I wonder if when I am looking at my cousin Emilee if
I am glancing my own future

I am a bird trapped in a cage a red hot cage
And I try to break free but the feathers on my wings become scorched so I screech out in pain
then no one can bother to hear me
and I fall back to the floor of this cage and my feet are then set ablaze by the pain
and so I flapp back up to ceiling of my cage to relieve the pain in feet
only for my wings to unable to fully open and I fall back down unable to breathe
parts of my body are burning all around me
me

And so I skeech to the sky Into the blanket of cotton plastered to blue
I know I belong there
yet still I am burning
and burning
and I try and I try
to reach the sky to feel the cold wind
on my burning unhealing body
and I just can’t seem to get it out of my head that everything will be alright
And so I cry out but no can bother to hear me
And I hate them
because they can’t be bothered to help me
yet I love them because I need them
I
need
them

and I just wish to be free to feel the cold breeze on my burning unhealing body
yet I can’t break out of the cage so at night I take turns on each side of my body so one side heals while the other burns
only for the sun to rise in the morning
and I am still left morning
because I hate my life and hate those who can free me
yet loving them because only they have the key to the door of my cage
and so I’m left loving my life because I can only seem to imagine my future where am freed from this cage
this cage

I am tired of only knowing this cage
and I am just now starting to realize that for me hate in love are one in the same
because it is what I hate that I love
I love them
because I need them
and hate them because I need them
I need them

they say my depression is genetic
so what am I fighting for
when I am told that their will always be days after days
after years after years that I will still wake up in hell
funny how I have fell so hard
only to look up and realizing I have started falling more
I am tired of fighting
with all of my mighting
smiting all of the demands my genetics has given me

the say my depression is genetic
so why am I fighting
I just want to die
I just want to lie  down
and close my eyes

they say my depressions genetic
so I am  left wondering
why I am still fighting
why I am still lying here on my bed
the demands that run through my head
to take me tonight

they tell me my depression is genetic
that the demands have been lead to me by my genetics
They pop me all kinds of antidepressants when nothing seems to work
my dopamine levels are running low
but they can't seem to fix it
and tell me that it is all genetic
and that it is not my fault
because it is genetic
they still tell me though
that it will get better
even though every day is harder than the last
they still tell me it will get better
that is just genetic
genetic
genetic
genetic