Bruised and confused
Not much left to lose
The fork in the road
Which path to choose
The worst times
I leave behind
To begin again
And let the sunshine shine through
An end is another's starting block
Feed me lies
It's better than reality
I ask too much
The lines we've drawn
Bring too much clarity
You murdered love
And stuck me with a curse
Of not forgetting
Wanting change
And forgiveness
Honest attempt at being my best
Man, father, brother, son, friend
Throwing regret into the gutter

I sit and wonder
What type of man
You would be today

You were my best friend
And we had taken each other's qualities
I miss you

I remember you
But I have forgotten
The sound of your voice

So long ago
I've lost some of who you were
But I remember

You were stubborn and direct
Before the rest of us
Even knew who we were

You fell in love first
And told me about that
And how it felt

You were my only "blood" brother
Besides family
And that's how it was

We were young and stupid
Together
And it was awesome

I miss you brother
I love you

She ****** my **** and fell in love
I mentioned that it was a bad idea
That I was broken and not ready
She pushed for us to go steady
I found myself not listening
As I had already predicted
Yet she kept on keeping on
And wouldn't leave it alone
Trying to fix me and change me
I knew from the start that wouldn't happen
But in the end
She still ******
She was the one that needed fixed

Romantic and sweet
Darling, you make me weak
Never having felt this before
What it really meant to give
Your heart, soul, and passions
What it meant to love someone

For a king to kneel to his queen
Not behind but besides stands she
Until you came into my life
Something had always been missing

It had always been you
Maybe our paths will take separate routes
Or maybe we will travel the same road
I am just glad to have met you on my journey
Because I don't have to continue to search

Not knowing what I was looking for
Was something that ate at me
I didn't understand why I felt empty

Because I have found you and I know that you're out there
The world just doesn't seem that bad of a place anymore

Thankful of our paths having crossed
Of those lips having kissed

Not worried about the destination
But blissful of the journey
Finding you
Instead of forever searching
I was set free

As cold winter's wind
Touches our skin
It robs us fiercely
Of our precious warmth
It takes without asking
But serves it's part

All the seasons have purpose
And winter serves to remind us
That it's nice to be home and cozy
If you have someone to love
Hold them a little closer

A warmer tomorrow is never
That far off

As much as I know
All that I've learned
I'm taking a chance with you
A shot in the dark
No telling what the future may hold
If I should be the one to hold you
Or another
Being unsure is the struggle
We have to combat our doubts
Even when happiness is beating down our door
Being tricked
When trouble is wearing a disguise
Gives potential, demise
Letting the past **** the future
Is a hole you sit in
Fear of the unknown
Forever wandering
Never home
Wanting to move on
Not knowing what direction to take
Lost inside yourself
Not sure who to ask for help
Life goes on
With or without you
Never asking for permission

I wish you were there for me
Like I've been there for you
But you're not
Because this is a one-way street
And you're headed the wrong way

I'll be the spark
To light your fire
I'll be the water
To quench your thirst
I'll be the blanket
To warm you up
I'll be the breeze
To cool you off
I'll be the light
To guide your path
I'll be the hand to hold
In this journey
Young to old.

I thank you all for today
It's no easy jump
Friends and loves are hard to find
Eww...
Nerds...

Thats just grown up.
When is the last time time
You thought about holding someone?
I don't want to **** anyone again for that
Meg is a terrible self.

But I love me some Family Guy.
Ummm...
Irresponsibility with your family,
I bet you love that
You ******* person.

Sorry,
My fault as well
Nerd.

The Irish are going to go hard soon.
You gotta wake up my friend...

If you want my heart
You will have to take my hand
And show me how to love again

The responsibility is both of ours, most definitely
But you should know
This will come with rough edges for me
After being cut so many times
I learned to quit giving people the knife
But I do want to love again

I just need to know that it will be okay
And that you won't take advantage
Of my opened heart
Of my desire to please
That you will really love me for me

Nothing should ever be rushed
But no one is getting younger

Asking you to hold my hand and be gentle
Isn't too much, is it?
But I will be as kind to you
It can be a journey together
You and I

I won't forget
The world is unfair, equally

All we can ever do is our best
There is nothing more
Sometimes even that
Isn't enough
And we are left, defeated
But who cries that final ultimatum?
Only ourselves
We are the biggest critics of our own lives
That simple reality
Is too much sometimes
I fight it
But I know
I am the biggest ******* in my life
Bringing me down
I haven't killed my dreams
But I plague them
I sold my future
For a low-grade donut
But I can steal it back
I hate you for doing this
But I still love you
I can ask why all day
But I know the answer
Because I'm still here *******
And I'm not going anywhere

Quit self sabotaging

When I was young
When I was small
The problems of the world didn't phase me at all

Small in stature
And in understanding
Wanting to be an adult
Then my life would be of my planning

The adults said, "Enjoy being a child while you still can!"
"Because time goes by fast and one day you will be a man."
Not realizing how short that time really was
I shook my head and didn't listen just because

I just didn't get it as a little person
That life really was easier as a child
Free to be free
Growing like a flower wild

The day of becoming a man
Came and went long ago
Lost was the sense of home and comfort
Once the weight of the world fell upon my shoulders

I now tell my son,
"Enjoy being a child while you still can!"
"Because time goes by fast and one day you will be a man."
He smiles and shakes his head
"You're probably right.  Okay dad."
And for that,
I'm glad

I can't write
When I'm happy
Because I would feel like
I was throwing it in the face
Of people that are unable

I'm not sure that I'm sure
How to ever let myself

Be happy

The ghosts of my past
Continue to haunt me
They stalk in the night
As I try for sleep

Slowly into my thoughts
Their presence made known to only me
Reminding me of heartaches
Of what my eyes can't unsee

I fight them with hope
And sometimes that is enough
I am left alone for a while
But it never seems to last

I never seem able
To fully defeat the ghosts of my past

10 pm Beer and Music
11 pm Liquor
12 am Dancing
1  am Beer, Liquor, and Dancing
2  am Bad dancing
3  am Arguing
4  am Crying
5  am Kissing and the rest
6  am Sleep
11 am Nooooo!!!!!

Don't lie to me
Don't sneak around
Stand by my side
Don't do things you have to hide

Be honest with me
A necessary policy
Open your heart
Expose your soul
So I can see

Believe in me
So I can believe in you
Trust in my empathy

The love that I give isn't free
It comes with a price
The price that I ask
Is mutual respect and patience
Especially when the going is tough
And times are unkind

If I could count the moments
That I've waited or wanted you
I would be waiting

And you leave me waiting

Sometimes,
It's as simple as wanting to hear your voice
Or a hello
It's always simple
Because I don't ask much

I keep waiting
Because I want to
Whatever you do to get to me
It works
Despite everything before
That tells me better

I wait for you
Because I understand the possibility
The possible future if you give up
The demons weighing you down

I won't wait forever
Because I've got **** to do too

But right now,
I'm waiting on you

It's been so long
That's I've forgotten many things
Pertaining to you

What you smell like
How it felt to be next to you
The joy you used to put in my heart
These things aren't necessarily forgotten
But their memory has lost it's meaning
And that part of my life now seems unreal

I remember when we parted ways
That I felt lost and that I was confused
About what the future may hold
Falling in love again, with someone else
Seemed impossible at the time

Yet, here I am now
Wondering why I ever even fell in love with you
To begin with

When the heat of the moment was gone
There wasn't enough left to make it worthwhile

I won't disgrace our time together
By saying it was a waste of time
But I know now that true love
Is unforgettable

I've forgotten so much about you

I am not a stepping stone
I am not dirt to be walked on
I am not yours to be tossed away
I will not let you undervalue my worth
I will not be taken for granted
I will not be abused
I will not let you disrespect me
I will not build you up
Just to be left behind
The feelings will be mutual
They will be reciprocated
And if they aren't
Well then
You just don't have a chance
If you want my heart
You will have to steal it
Break down the walls that guard it
Catch me by surprise
Tread lightly
And I will welcome you with open arms

Your eyes gave away how vulnerable you were
And I welcomed you with trust and listening ears
No advantage was taken but I softly guided you
To places you'd never been
Dominance over you was nothing of control
But your protection and feeling safe in my arms
More intimately, your pleasure
Which you found could reach new heights
Or keeping you warm on cold winter nights
With great honor and responsibility
I am your Alpha and your man
I will always keep you safe
And treat you as best that I can

Tantric Poetry 2018

The moments that take my breath away,
Are the ones that make me want to keep on breathing.

I have this friend
She's quite a bit younger
Much more inexperienced
Yet
She understands whenever
I talk about real things

Emotionally,
Her shape has sharp edges
Not knowing how to handle her
Will get you cut

She is a fine art
Not to be appreciated or understood

Only the professionals will know her worth

She is my friend
Who holds her weight in gold

As the sun warms my body,
Your heart warms my soul.
To know a love like this,
Is to know true bliss.
And to think it all started
With just a simple kiss.

Oh the troubles!
What a difficult time
Between sleep and despair
What does one turn to?

A comptemplating cigarette
Or otherwise
To access a reality
A brief compromise

Without judging or pointing
At best
Trying to understand
Waiting to make some sense
This nonsense
Of a joke
That has no fans

Young and free
Feeling like the world is yours
Avoiding advice
Saying, That won't be me!

Your weekend with friends didn't go as planned
Now you've got a baby on the way
And you haven't got a man

Up in the air
Your life got out of hand
No answers in sight
And you haven't got a plan

All your "best" friends
That you hold so dear
Can't make time to help you
They've made that clear

Alone the future brings fright
Not wanting to admit it
Your parents were right

Time passed
As you raised your baby on your own
Doing everything in your ability
To make a home

You made it work
Even when money was tight
Good men came along
But you pushed them away out of spite

You and your child got along just fine
Afraid to let anyone else in
Never letting someone
Hurt you again
Not this time

We were young and you caught my eye
My eye was dumb and I knew it
So I pushed you away
Because you were too young
You fool! Get away!!

I avoided you as long as I could

But you found your way into my heart
I know exactly when it happened

I came home from the army and you were different
You were a woman
You were beautiful

Cut to the chase
I made you mine
I was happy about that
We were happy for that

We made a baby
Out of love because I loved you
You were there and had me
The whole time I was gone
Overseas with no one to know
I did have you and you had me

I came back and things
Slowly started to break
I was broken
But we were young

I was so confused
About everything
I put a lot on you
And I am sorry for that

I still want you to be happy
I always have
I am here and I made it back
That is an issue I have been dealing with
Since I've been back

But, thank you
For looking out for our son in my absence
I know this won't make it right
But you won't talk to me
Face to face
And remember,
I used to be your best friend

I'm still here
And I'm trying to make things better
I am
Only a man

Ughh...
Morning light
You tease me with your beauty
For I am not ready

This morning came too quick
My bed was so cozy
Inviting me to stay a little longer
Alas, I cannot!
I've got work to do!

Trying to build up
Enough momentum to go
Two cups of coffee down
Enticing my blood to flow

Alright, it's not so bad anymore
Bed
I shall return to you
Later tonight
And our reunion
Shall be such a delight

When I needed words of encouragement
I came to you, vulnerable and broken
Instead of lifting me up
You cut me down
Your words were like a razor-blade had spoken

When I looked to you for guidance
I came to you, open mind and open heart
Instead of showing me the way
You snapped at me
Your words were the teeth of a shark

When I really needed someone to be there
I came to you, so I didn't feel so alone
Instead of being someone to lean on for support
You let me fall
Your words were like rocks thown

I had been alone the entire time
You had been by my side

When I needed you the most
You abandoned me

Left to figure it out on my own
It didn't take long
Before I knew I was better off
Without your negativity in my life

But I now know
I need to take more time
Before making a woman my wife!

Every now and then
It can feel good to be alive
To be happy to be yourself
To feel thankful
To be the one that walks in your shoes

These days only come every now and then
So we have to make the most of them
They give us strength for when the days aren't so kind
When the tears well up in our eyes
And everything has us feeling overwhelmed
Maybe not that loved or appreciated
Or just downright defeated

It's the memories of those days
That only come every now and then
Where it feels special to be alive
To keep us in our place
To keep our feet on the ground

To just know that it's not so bad
Every now and then

These cats
With their paws
As upside down
Teddy bears

I resisted for so long
I did not value
Your ability

I admire your soul-searching
And determination

You are a creature
Of both great design and desire
You constantly quest and take
What is yours

There is much love
In your heart
Always living in the moment
To this, I relate

But you, kitty
Live as a fierce realist
As do I

Smash stuff around
Be angry
Your primal emotion
Things aren't fair and you're upset about it
Stomp on others
Spread your negativity
It is contagious
Your vibe is ******* with us all

You are a grown baby
Nothing can make you happy
You wouldn't know happiness
If it landed in your lap
Free costs too much
Nothing takes too much
Compassion is selfish
An easy day is too hard

The best you have is pretend
That is all on you

You're so full of ****
It smells

You'll never get enough mother's milk
You big, ******* baby
Keep *******

Writing with the wrong pen
Ruins things
This one has a ****** barcode on it
Why did I even buy this pen?

It flows smooth but bleeds through
That
I am not a fan of

A shot at my mark
To follow thru
And find true
Hidden behind frustration

It's shortcomings cannot change the words
But the original point of this poem was lost
In the poorly
And obviously hurried
Design of this ****** pen

A true crime
Is shutting someone out
That only wants in

To be a part
Of your madness and misery
That accepts you
In your current shape
Recognizing who you really are
Beyond your broken state

It's easy to shut someone out
And keep your distance
Locked away only with yourself
It's much safer
When there isn't anything to lose

A true crime
Is denying someone that chance
To help you heal
So you don't have to go it alone
Just because you are afraid

When fear dictates your life
You cease to live

I should like to tie you up
    So you have only one choice
That choice is trusting me
Giving me control
    Over your pleasure and passion
That would be my pleasure
In that
I do not feel that I have a choice
It is my responsibility
To make you mine
To want your all
To feel your all
To take care of you
To protect you

You will let me
Show my strength
My power
My dominance

My love

Without you
I have nothing

I may ask of you
To give control to me
But your hands are upon my heart
And that is where true control lies

I am your man

I've told you once
I've told you before
You are the one I want
And no more

You have some things
Not of my desire
But you have everything
Of what I do want

Within you
Is the person I've been searching for
You are the first
To sate my fire

You are my love
And my heart

NO matter what
You can always talk to me

Just don't be stupid
And don't disrespect me

I don't ask much
But I ask that of you

The love I have for you
Will always exist
So I hope you care for it
And nurture it

I want to help you grow

In the depths of solitude, I find
A reflection of my soul's design
A space where shadows dance and play
And loneliness becomes my guide

As time rains over me,
It washes the pain away.

Cracked
Broke
Wondering
If this is a sad joke
Never a final answer
Drinking to forget
But forgetting why I even drink
Too much trouble over nothing
Too much stress over nothing
Just looking for a little something
Between hate and love
A short link
Wondering
What it all means
Who has got your back
When you need it most
And not much is left
First world problems
Complaining and *******
About how everything is wrong
Sitting and waiting
For whatever comes along
Patience is a virtue
When it doesn't take that long
Pain doesn't cut you slack
Experience makes you pay
No discount
Still taxed
Revenge may be sweet
No point in paying that **** back

I had the best of times
I will never forget
You were the best
But
Wait
Wait
Wait

I forgot

We are young
Maybe not forever
Being carefree
Moments don't last

Sometimes our paths are set in stone
Burning out too soon
Leaving someone
A family
Alone

I've learned of you
Through family and friends
The best was always said
You were a best friend
Before a dad

But
You became a dad
Unknowing that the future was short
Two sons, your name
The seeds you planted
Each, each other
Never the same

We have grown up on different paths
Never forgetting
Our father
Who didn't have a choice
To not be there
Because cancer is a ****
Gave you the last time with us
Being sick

We don't judge you
We only miss you
And try to be the men
You would have wanted us to be

My heart skipped a beat
Not once, but twice!
In her presence I felt weak
On the edge of my seat
Vulnerable and nervous
I was afraid to talk
Not knowing what to say
"How are you doing today?"
And that seemed to be okay
She smiled the sweetest smile
It's direction was obvious
It's purpose intentional
I fell victim to it's power
And I knew at that very moment
That I would fall in love with her
I already had

A series of die rolls
And you still ended up being you
What's the chance of that?

No matter how dark the night
The sun will come again

There was a space inside of me
Hidden from even myself
I didn't realize it existed
Until you came along
And then I knew

That space had been there and empty
Waiting for you because you were the perfect fit

You made me understand
That I had been empty and incomplete
For the longest time until I met you

You are my best friend, my lover, and my muse
I think there might be a point
To all of this madness we call living
If happiness like this is something true

You make me believe
Anything is possible