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Mar 11 · 50
It is
Nathan Pival Mar 11
Here I am
I've felt more but not now
I'm just telling anyone right now
Something is broken

Or not.

I don't really feel anything anymore
It *****
I miss being able to write
My life is good though
And maybe that is the problem

I like my kitties though
I feel a fairness with them

Force it until you make it
And that is what I'm doing

=HELP

But I don't even know what that means
I'm having a problem
And I don't even know what it is
I JUST DON'T FEEL ANYMORE

It *****
I'm doing my best, I think
But it doesn't feel like enough
Feb 3 · 46
Untitled
Nathan Pival Feb 3
She was many things
But she wasn't like the others
Aug 2023 · 477
Untitled
Nathan Pival Aug 2023
Wonton soup

I got Chinese
For sure you and me

Out of surprise you came to my left
I gave you a right

Now you have a black eye

And now I have no soup
Aug 2023 · 317
I have pain in my eyes
Nathan Pival Aug 2023
I think it's hard for others to see
But it's not

Things remind me daily
Of the pain I've been through

I don't want to be here
But I do

Sometimes I just want to be far away
From the pain I still see

That pain that goes through me

I thought others can't see it
But they do
Aug 2023 · 206
Just say it
Nathan Pival Aug 2023
I love her
It's just so hard to say
I love everyone a little bit
And I love her a lotta bit

I want her to know
But I don't want her to know

I want her to know
Everything
That I do love her
I do

I'm protecting her
More than myself
She's alright
She's more than alright

She's my real friend

I am confident
I am the MAN
But I feel shaken by reality
When I know my last breath
Is unpredictable

Just say it
Aug 2023 · 88
Go to sleep
Nathan Pival Aug 2023
I'm ready to start writing again.
It's here
I have something to say
Probably some ******* or nothing that matters
It may always matter
I don't know
Just wondering if I lay my head down
Will I be a better man tomorrow?
We're all a little broken
It's okay to think about yourself
But what do you need?
What do you want?
What is the point?
Are you okay with being okay?
The sky will always be blue
Long night, feeling reflective after seeing my son
May 2021 · 537
Untitled
Nathan Pival May 2021
Life is short
Love is unfair
Don't waste your precious time
Being bitter and hurt
Love your time with them
As a learning experience
No matter the past
Wish them the best
Focus on yourself
Move on
Nathan Pival Oct 2020
Feeling lost sitting at home
I've been on autopilot so long
I'm making tracks in my carpet
Nothing but a figurative circle

I keep telling myself
It will be okay
It's only temporary
You are not alone

And I know
This is just how life is sometimes
But that doesn't take the pain away

Sometimes you don't even need a reason to hurt
Your brain just starts to send the wrong signals
I am writing right now and it doesn't matter if it *****
I am speaking to no one and to everyone
Just to not feel so alone

I'm not afraid to cry
But I'm tired of feeling like crying
It's a melancholy thing I suppose
And even if it doesn't feel good
I'm still appreciative of the ability to feel

This isn't a matter of actually being alone
I just feel like a stranger in my own skin
People are trying to help me
And I'm not denying it

It's only temporary, right?
I'm obviously in a state of depression right now.  I used to write a lot and it was very therapeutic for me so this is a forced attempt to start again.
Aug 2020 · 269
All Things Past
Nathan Pival Aug 2020
All we can ever do is our best
There is nothing more
Sometimes even that
Isn't enough
And we are left, defeated
But who cries that final ultimatum?
Only ourselves
We are the biggest critics of our own lives
That simple reality
Is too much sometimes
I fight it
But I know
I am the biggest ******* in my life
Bringing me down
I haven't killed my dreams
But I plague them
I sold my future
For a low-grade donut
But I can steal it back
I hate you for doing this
But I still love you
I can ask why all day
But I know the answer
Because I'm still here *******
And I'm not going anywhere

Quit self sabotaging
Jun 2020 · 175
2020 06120240
Nathan Pival Jun 2020
This is the place to write
That I'm incomplete
And just broken enough
To be searching

For something that fixes
Or completes me

Sometimes,
That would only be silence
To my questions
Jun 2020 · 181
2020
Nathan Pival Jun 2020
I've lost my foothold
The world seems incorrigible
And no one is listening to me saying,
"Just be a good person!"

Everything is an argument
But why?
I see what is happening here
And everywhere else

The time is now
To begin to work together
Instead of fighting
But, demand change

The human RACE
Has only ever really benefited
From working together
The fighting needs to stop

Stand up and be you
Dec 2019 · 314
Be Happy
Nathan Pival Dec 2019
I can't write
When I'm happy
Because I would feel like
I was throwing it in the face
Of people that are unable

I'm not sure that I'm sure
How to ever let myself

Be happy
Dec 2019 · 387
In the Madness
Nathan Pival Dec 2019
Sometimes,

The most simple things
Will confuse and lose the mind

Yet another reason
We all

Search for our place
In the madness
We're all too alike, don't ya think?
Dec 2019 · 194
Duh
Nathan Pival Dec 2019
Duh
No one ever said beauty
Was in the eye of a waist
Shut your heart and eye up

How do you feel about yourself?
It's not easy but give someone a chance

Be you
Be brave enough to feel yourself
Please! and I trust you
That isn't what free is

Free is being a good person without being asked or expected to be
Dec 2019 · 282
Dadness
Nathan Pival Dec 2019
If I was to tell you
There was a way to love
That was right
I would be wrong

But I've been wrong
A lot

Sometimes you're wrong
And that doesn't make you wrong
But with love
We're only wrong
Until we're right

Which is most of the time

I don't know what I'm doing
And I don't expect someone
To put up with my *******
My pain or hurt
I am not that unique
And none of us are

Our pain is the only thing
That makes us universal
Yet we argue
And debate whose is greater

We are only human
And once adults, broken
Never lose your empathy
Or your own heart

But never,
I, repeat, never
Give someone's happiness
More value than your own
Besides your children

Tomorrow, is a day
With, or without sunshine
You can smile or not
But, I promise
That, is a choice
Dec 2019 · 235
Just Another
Nathan Pival Dec 2019
I've been lost
And gone a while
But I'm still here
And I'm not sure
Who to thank for it
But I'm thankful

It's weird being alive sometimes
Because nothing makes sense
I drink because I drink
And I love because I love
But I don't think because I think
Do I?

Everything has flip-worlded on me
And now I'm just wondering
What is everything
A value of time?
Or of some other *******

I haven't been able to write in a while
Yet I've never forgotten
But at the ends of my fingers
I try to explain
I missed that

I am lost but I'm here
I went there but want to be back
Life is a mess
But I kinda like that

We think we are alone
But there are so many that feel this way
I had to break the block and just write.  I had to drink for this to happen which kinda ***** but something had to happen.  If alcohol kills me that's one thing but I don't want my kept up soul to **** me.  I'm lost.
Jul 2019 · 218
No Mayo Please
Nathan Pival Jul 2019
We've been worrying and stressing for so long
Just to get by
And to keep a breath
And a sandwich in our mouth
Nothing other than to just survive
The focus on surviving

We have forgotten how to live
How to love
Hug
Feel
Experience

Our lives are at the end of our cameras
I am guilty as well
But, I haven't forgotten
Jul 2018 · 346
Your Alpha
Nathan Pival Jul 2018
Your eyes gave away how vulnerable you were
And I welcomed you with trust and listening ears
No advantage was taken but I softly guided you
To places you'd never been
Dominance over you was nothing of control
But your protection and feeling safe in my arms
More intimately, your pleasure
Which you found could reach new heights
Or keeping you warm on cold winter nights
With great honor and responsibility
I am your Alpha and your man
I will always keep you safe
And treat you as best that I can

Tantric Poetry 2018
www.facebook.com/tantricpoetry/
Jun 2018 · 481
Untitled
Nathan Pival Jun 2018
When everyone is already broken
Is there ever a chance for a new start
When pointing fingers and passing blame becomes an art
Never owning up and never growing
Only dying on the inside
A young, dried up heart
The past won at murdering the future
and now you're lost in a familiar land
Loniliness and guilt are the only company you keep
And you befriend every bottle you meet
None of this is ever gonna change until you do

Nathan Pival 2018
Sep 2017 · 477
Until We Meet Again
Nathan Pival Sep 2017
Until we meet again
Know that I carry
you in my heart
I cherish every moment in
your presence but loving you
reminds me that life is short
I know that I have not the
time enough to hold
you in my arms
So that every goodbye
breaks my heart,only to be
healed every time you come
into my life again
I know that no matter where
I end up or life takes me,
I shall always find my
way back to you.
There is a beacon in my heart lit
by my love for you that
always shines a light on my path
guiding me home where
you keep my heart.
https://www.facebook.com/TantricPoetry/photos/a.861324534021827.1073741829.622071057947177/877277545759859/?type=3
Nathan Pival Aug 2016
Out of sight
A mere mention
Of yesterday's sunlight
The golden touch
Upon your soul
The peace it portrays
Gone now is the comfort
Of the sun's protective embrace
As the clouds roll in
Made aware of being cold again
Lonely and vulnerable
Sunshine and safety stolen away
And made a distant memory
It goes on and on
Not a ray of light in sight
So long that the darkness
Becomes the norm
Being cold becomes the norm
Being alone becomes the norm
And the night comes
Devoid of the light of your memories
The clouds finally are defeated and retreat
And the moon shows her face
Reminding you that the sunshine never really leaves
Even if it is faraway
It's coming back for you
To warm your skin
And hug your soul
Aug 2016 · 866
She is a poet, I am a poet
Nathan Pival Aug 2016
Here I am
Frustrated
Because I feel like the poetry isn't flowing
Then I think of you
You take my frustrations away
You paint everything in poetry
And it flows
You are the blanket that warms and comforts me
Late at night
The shooting star that inspires me
My beautiful princess
We sometimes ask ourselves
If dreams come true
I know they do
Because of you
The purest heart
Yours I hold
You've given me my innocence back
With your heart
I would like to grow old
Hold my hands
While they age and tire
You will always be the spark to my fire
Tantric Poetry 2016
Aug 2016 · 2.4k
Working Man
Nathan Pival Aug 2016
All day
New pains exposed
Hard work?
An understatement
It even hurts to write
Right now
Dirt and sweat mixed together
Sometimes with a little bit of blood
Oh how it burns when it flows
Into your eyes and into the small cuts
But
Hard work does offer some clarity
Some satisfaction
Some pride
Knowing that you worked hard
Is rewarding
But
It can **** patience
For complainers
Abusers and users
Freeloaders and those that made excuses
People forget that in order to make
Dreams come true
A certain amount of work is required
Sacrifice is necessary
If you really want something bad enough
You gotta chase your dreams down and work for them
Jul 2016 · 583
Be Yourself
Nathan Pival Jul 2016
It's been a while
Since I've been a child
There is heart in me
That is young
There is patience
That is old
I am living
But always dying
The same holds true since birth
We come into this world
And open our eyes
And get told how to live
All you really have to do
Is be yourself
Jul 2016 · 972
Someday, Somehow
Nathan Pival Jul 2016
No matter what
I will continue to search for you
You made me smile
You lit my fire
You are my desire

Someday, somehow
We will come back together again
The only place I'd rather be
Is with you
In your arms
To feel your embrace

You pick me up
When I am down
You mend my wounds
When I am hurt
You are the piece
That completes me

There is such an emptiness in my life
Without you
I dream of you and wake up
With you gone
That is my nightmare

I hope to find you again
Because you are my dream
Jul 2016 · 638
These Shoes
Nathan Pival Jul 2016
If you ever walked a mile in my shoes
You would understand how much I love you
It actually hurts
There is pain inside
But only
Because you're not really happy
That breaks me
Everything I've ever done
And stood up for
Made me a better man
And helped you to fall into my heart
I am no fool
But I sincerely love you
Your happiness is still my responsibility
I cannot walk away in these shoes
My happiness is your's now  
If you find someone to take your heart
Away from me
Let me know
I would give them up

I want you to be happy
Jul 2016 · 554
If I Ever
Nathan Pival Jul 2016
Should the heavens ever allow it, I would touch your hand and our eyes would meet.

If you touched my hand what would you feel?
If our eyes met what would you feel?


Magic.  Everything pure.  Beauty.  There are not words to describe it.
You touch me from miles away and make the world seem large and small.

You silence me in the way that my lungs are incapable to gather air, my heart dances to its own beat and words are a language I must learn again.

There is something especially special about you.  Maybe you are designed for me.  Maybe I am designed for you.

What I know is this.   I design a kiss.
A kiss that consists of me and you would not and could not be described as mere fireworks that would be a crime to represent it as such for it would be much more than that


A total crime.  Everything about you takes me.  Away.  From all my troubles and hurt and pain.  There is something inside of you that heals me

Miles apart but not my heart

That which heals also needs healing at times,
Dark evil beings haunt me and you chase them away without hesitation


That which heals also needs healing at times,
Dark evil beings haunt me and you chase them away without hesitation


I am broken. Beautifully.  You have touched me deep in my heart and other places.  I'm still a kid.  I have wonder in my heart and you poke it.


* You may be broken beautifully yes but my darlin there is gold in your cracks and diamonds have formed in your eyes,
I dont think you realize the hold you hold on me,
It is almost as if the first time we spoke the universe decided we would never part ways creating stars with out names on them.

I want to fix your hurt and heal your bruises,
And make you see there is no need to be sorry for feeling hurt at times

Can we make everything okay? Can you save me from myself?  I am so broken.  I don't want to pass that along o you.  Because I really love you.

*I will hold your heart in mine,
I will keep you safe from all that harms you till my last breath escapes my lips and my heart ticks for the last time,
Cos darlin,
You mean the galaxy to me
I wrote this with a fellow poet, whom I truly desire and who lights my fire.  Her heart beckons mine.
Jul 2016 · 444
My True Love
Nathan Pival Jul 2016
I used to believe that it wasn't possible
True love
Two people designed specifically for each other
I spent most of my life, as I know it
Thinking this
You came into my life
And took me by surprise
That first kiss
The gentleness
We said as many words with our mouths
As our eyes did
They told me exactly
What you wanted
I wanted it too
You
Found yourself in my heart
As my true love
Jul 2016 · 1.7k
The Love you Keep (10w)
Nathan Pival Jul 2016
The love you keep inside
Is what makes you survive
Jul 2016 · 519
Regret holds Weight
Nathan Pival Jul 2016
If I sit and think
About all the things that I don't regret
They outweigh the things
That I have done out of selfishness
But they still hold weight
Regret searches you out
Squeezes your heart
Tells you no
Makes you not want to take a chance
Teaches you shame
It is a sad world when you can be broken
By yourself
A couple of true friends
That love you for you
Can sometimes be the difference
Between being lost or found
Jul 2016 · 1.5k
Silence of the Night
Nathan Pival Jul 2016
As the night grows more quiet
And the stars become more still
Your memories will slip in
And take you back in time
You can get lost in your own mind
Wondering how you arrived where you are
Questioning yourself and the decisions you've made
Not knowing if you were right or wrong
Sometimes knowing
You were wrong
The silence of the night will find you
And let you see yourself without the distractions
Jul 2016 · 779
Love Truly is Blind
Nathan Pival Jul 2016
No matter what I say or do
Nothing is going to change you

You helped me to realize
That loving someone
Wasn't always going to be enough
And it doesn't matter how much you love them
They really have to want it
And they have to want to open up

How can we be on the same page
When we're not even in the same book?
I've written chapters about you and I
Yet, you write about me only when you're in trouble
Here I am for you
But that takes a toll

I need someone to be there sometimes too
But, that doesn't change the fact
I love you
Jul 2016 · 455
A True Art Form
Nathan Pival Jul 2016
I saw you as beauty
A true art form
I was a fan and couldn't get enough
The curves and shape of your body
The way your smile
Could pick me up if I was down
The way your touch
Would steal my breath away
Throughout my life
I had been searching for you
You
Were who I had been looking for
Jul 2016 · 626
Do It
Nathan Pival Jul 2016
Make it, grow it, feel it
Love it, work it, do it
Say it, mean it, be it
Hold it, caress it, endure it
Question it, solve it, understand it
Nurture it, direct it, protect it
Smile for it, live for it, die for it
Cry for it, blush for it, never deny it
Jun 2016 · 1.2k
Prevail or Fail?
Nathan Pival Jun 2016
So many little tests
Presented with we contend
Understanding the risks
Of the chances we take
To take that chance
Should we prevail or fail
Some failures beat us
Down
Into the depths
And we may never be the same again
Some successes also
Make us never the same again
Because we've gotten so high off of it
We cannot see straight
I've made a lot of money before
And it has made me arrogant, ungrateful, and wasteful
I've also been broke and poor
It made me more appreciative, understanding, and productive
The middle ground that works for all of us
Is an individual thing
Prevail or Fail
Is nothing more than a perspective
Life is a game we play with no clear winners
But if you keep love in your heart
It doesn't matter how broke or rich you are
You have prevailed
Jun 2016 · 478
Accepting Destiny
Nathan Pival Jun 2016
This reoccurring  problem
That continues to trouble me
Is fighting my own destiny
Mostly
It is because of other's expectations
Of what they think I'm supposed to do with my life
But their perspective is not mine
Maybe what I do
Isn't going to make everyone happy
But I need to focus and search for
What will make me happy
I need to accept my destiny
And choose to be happy with it
Jun 2016 · 1.2k
Let me be your Hero
Nathan Pival Jun 2016
I will be your hero
Let me save you from yourself
I will hold you tightly
In my arms and in my soul
The affection I have for you
Will never grow old
You are the final piece
That completes me
Saving you will save me too
Let me be a real man
A good man
Your partner, lover, and friend
Let me be your hero
We can fight fear and loneliness together
I will give you 100% of my everything
If you will have me
I will be yours
Always
Jun 2016 · 643
Her soul is old
Nathan Pival Jun 2016
Just about as stubborn
As she is beautiful
Her soul is old
Like mine
And that is fine
Jun 2016 · 506
How your Hair Lays
Nathan Pival Jun 2016
It was so nice
Just to see how
Your hair lays
Upon your shoulders
Not a huge thing
But maybe
It is to me
Jun 2016 · 690
Magic Exists
Nathan Pival Jun 2016
There were times
When I was young
I believed in magic
In superheroes
Santa Claus
A fine line between
Right and wrong
Summer vacation
Seemed to last forever
But never too long
Now
As an adult and a man
My idea of what magic is
Has changed entirely
Even more special now
Than through the eyes of a child
I believe in possibilities
I call it magic
When I touch someone's heart
When I see a baby smile
An old couple holding hands
My son hugging me
Magic exists
It is everything that is beautiful in the world
Jun 2016 · 552
The Sweetest Touch
Nathan Pival Jun 2016
Yours was the sweetest touch
I broken upon your grace
Never had I ever seen such beauty
As my eyes lain upon the sweetness of your face
You got me exactly where I was weak
So open to me
You shared your pain and secrets
I saw you for what you were
And I wanted more
I gave you myself
No holds barred
You kept lightly touching me
When we first met
Sending vibrations through my all
I kept telling myself
It was an accident
Even though your intentions were obvious
Our first kiss
Made me forget all others before
I remember it every time I think of you
Yours was the sweetest touch
You got me where I was weak
Unlike any other
I fully submit to you
Your touch broke down my walls
You stole my heart in the middle of the night
Feeling your lips touch mine
That first time
The memory still causes me to pause
And I still catch myself holding my breath
Lost in that moment
Yours was the sweetest touch
You got me where I was weak
Jun 2016 · 364
How Many Ways
Nathan Pival Jun 2016
The idea was very novel
That I should write words
Again and again
To find new ways to tell you
How much I loved you
Turning something intangible
Into something so beautiful
It hurt to fully absorb it
How many ways can I find
To tell you how I love you?
The prospects are endless
As is my endearing affection for you
Jun 2016 · 647
Little Flower
Nathan Pival Jun 2016
Little flower
I consider you closely
And admire your beauty
You are a little miracle
Your colors and fine lines
Every little bit of perfection
In your creation
Leaves me awestruck
I'm glad I took the time
To find you and appreciate you
You represent hope and determination
You are my little flower
As the sun causes you to grow
Your simplistic beauty inspires me to grow as well
Jun 2016 · 723
Bottom of the Bottle
Nathan Pival Jun 2016
Sobriety was easy
When I was broke
When I had money
It became a joke

Fighting my own battles
Living my own personal hell
All the while trying not to hit the bottom
By hitting the bottle
Every sip and drink became a punishment
For all past wrongs wronged
Self forgiveness is for what I longed

The sadness and loneliness was quite unbearable at times
How many wake-up calls would I get?
How many wake ups did I have left?
The best had yet to come and I was squandering it

Drinking my sorrows away at the bottle of a bottle
Was doing nothing but creating more problems
I couldn't fight it

What was done is done
I was no longer forever young
It was time to make things right
This is why I write
Jun 2016 · 469
Get what you Give
Nathan Pival Jun 2016
My hunger for recipricated love
Had left me starving
I was famished because I had been left without
Too much at once could **** me
I had to take it slow
So unfamiliar to me
I couldn't even remember how to do it properly
Out of place
Out of mind
Out of patience
Out of time
Wondering if this circus will ever end
Keep on giving
Never receiving
I'm setting a trend
All I want
Is to get what I give
Jun 2016 · 390
To The Bone
Nathan Pival Jun 2016
The rain has come and soaked me to the bone
Set me out to dry so I can get along
Should the clouds turn against me again
I'll be alright because I'll still be alive
Whether it's thunder or lightning
Rain or snow
If I get to my bed at the end of the night
Everything is going to be alright
If a storm cloud follows me around
An umbrella will become my best friend
I won't be caught unprepared again
Things aren't always inclement
Knowing that the sunshine will eventually come back
Is what keeps me going
Jun 2016 · 665
Moonlit Dance
Nathan Pival Jun 2016
Moonlight slips in and touches your face
Reminding you of another
While being held by someone else
The moonlight takes you back in time
To a place where shivers and goosebumps
Were the results of the right touch
Wonder and innocence still existed
Magic was not only possible
But was the definition of that time
You found solace in the moonlight
Because it reminded you to be happy
To have been lucky enough to crossed paths
With someone that made you feel like that
Not everyone has a chance
Being truly free in that moonlit dance
Jun 2016 · 872
Cascade of Memories
Nathan Pival Jun 2016
As the past slips in
I remember
Sometimes the smallest things
Trigger a cascade of memories
And I remember you
As the past pulls me back
I wonder how I ended up here
Like reading chapters of a book
To not understand how you managed to end up on page 53
Is kind of how I wonder what ever happened between you and me
As the past teaches me lessons
I learn to look back
Just as I look side to side
Before I cross the street
So I remember what obstacles
Tripped me up before
I know this time
To walk a little more carefully
As the past broke my heart
I'm still not fully broken
The future holds a chance at a new start
Jun 2016 · 420
Each Kiss was an Escape
Nathan Pival Jun 2016
Kiss me
And take my mind away from here
Each kiss was an escape
A break from reality

Kiss me
And take my heart on vacation
Teach me how to forget
There has ever been pain

Kiss me
And tell me with your lips
What it means to touch
A wish on a star's tips

A kiss from you
Was nothing short of a rescue
The light they shown upon my path
Delivered me home

© Nathan Pival 2016
Jun 2016 · 552
The Walls that Imprison
Nathan Pival Jun 2016
The walls we build up around ourselves
With intentions of protecting us
Inadvertently imprison us
Made wary by our own cautions
Afraid to take chances
Never letting anyone in
And never getting out
We have locked ourselves in and away
Our own fears have swallowed the key
With this type of thinking
We will never be free
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