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Aug 2016 · 334
*Apraxia*
nate1990 Aug 2016
It's been a while
Boxes upon boxes
Of unorganized ponder's...
Thoughts,
Day dreams......
Wishes...
No hope to sort through it all
A lit cigarette smolders
tangles It's compelling scent
throughout the void

Sigh.

A single match teasing it's unparalleled aptitude, as it dances between my fingers.
By the stoke of a single feathery touch
All is erased.
May 2016 · 348
click. *flash* red eyes
nate1990 May 2016
I don't write poems
I live through words
I don't know how to haiku
How about you?
Do you even stanza bro?
No..
I don't.
And I don't really care
Get lost.
Or
Out of here?
See its complicated.
Misinterpreted.
I live through words.
I don't write poems.
Picture this as a mirror
Your reading a reflection.
Past tense representation.
A thought " selfie"
Tomorrow I'll look back
Probably find something I lack
I don't stanza bro.
I just live.
Through words.
I don't write poems
May 2016 · 246
don't ask
nate1990 May 2016
You couldn't tell by looking
Or even asking for that matter.
That I'm not alright.
Every day is the worst day of my life.
It's just a cycle
I think.
**** everything.
For the most part.
I mean. I do smile
When I see someone **** up.
Satisfaction comes from sadistic reaction.
That's just me.
I hate me.
But...
Who really likes themselves anyways?
Even the most narcissistic animals
Bathe in self pitty from time to time.
Though I've seemed to have drowned in it.
I like the smell of it.
It's hell.
But...
That's just me.
A selfish ****.
But you could never tell by looking..
Or asking.
Mar 2016 · 236
good for nothing.
nate1990 Mar 2016
It always changes
Never stays the same
Left in the dark
Force fed the blame
Locked in prejudice tides of emotion
Drowning in the swell of your ocean

It always changes
Never stays the same
Painting the white to grey
Painting the white to grey.
Sickness works it's way in
Keep praying to these demons within
Born into misery
It loves my company.
Hanging around my throat
Bringing me down to lunacy
Depression
crawling through the seams.
Feb 2016 · 288
sobeit
nate1990 Feb 2016
I've built these flames so high
With passion that's eating me alive
They once served me
With their warm
Graceful licks
And angelic light
Guiding me
Comforting me.
Now,
Becoming so out of controll
I can't stand within one hundred miles
How I wish I didn't work so hard
To gain everything at once.
I just want it now.
I just want it all.
Consume me and take my body
Leave the ashes as proof
That
Slow and steady wins the race.
You will get there.
Don't let greed's vicious-
Serpent like tongue
Taste upon your motivation
It will rob you
Of everything.
Feb 2016 · 258
Fuck common s3ns3
nate1990 Feb 2016
It can't
Ever be
Like before
Before it was
Was before
And before it was
Was it ever be ?
So it is.
When it's gone
It goes
Before it was
Ever be
Feb 2016 · 787
Determination
nate1990 Feb 2016
Life's a smoking gun
It's either hit or miss.
Whether your wrong or right
The scent of your intention
Always sticks around
For a minute or two....
Feb 2016 · 223
Untitled
nate1990 Feb 2016
Staring at the ground
Moping in the weather
Try to turn around.
Wondering if I'll ever
be loved
By someone like you
nate1990 Feb 2016
[Verse]
I was staring at the rearview thinkin.
Is it to late to turn this truck around?
Head back down that road
Pick you up
Girl I don't know.
It occurred to me
As I sat in the hot seat
It's been four **** years
It's been way to long
I should have turned around
and came back home girl
What went wrong?

[chorus]
I was drivin down the road.
And there you were
Standing there all alone
So beautiful
Standing there all alone.

[Verse]
I was staring at our front porch thinkin
Thinkin to myself in the pouring rain
Five beers down
One to go
Not alot has changed
And I can't belive
You were here right beside me
Singin to our song on the radio
Why did I have to leave
Why did we have to fight girl
I don't know!

[CHORUS]
I was drivin down the road.
And there you were
Standing there all alone
So beautiful
Standing there all alone.
Work in progress
Feb 2016 · 343
background noise.
nate1990 Feb 2016
Silence
Unsolicited silence
Barging into the very midst
Of a lucid daydream
With intentions
To suffocate
A train of thought
Destined for elightenment
Perfectly executed
It despises all intentions
To become conscious
Blaring in monotone fashion
Silence
Deafening the very ears
That fall upon it.
Feb 2016 · 422
before it all started
nate1990 Feb 2016
Just a voice
Inside a void
Of lustful emphasization
His mother quick
To silence him
Before the deposition
In fear of recognition
Of her actions to be held
Accountable for raising another
**** stain like herself.
One time stand
Engraved with blood
Stamped across his head
The quiet voice
Inside the void
Spoke louder as he fled.
"You ******* *****
You wasted me
I never had a chance"
The tiny voice
Inside the void
A Victim
Of romance?
Poor parenting skills.
Feb 2016 · 262
thy witness
nate1990 Feb 2016
What do you want now
doorknocker?
Is my soul a seed
that which you'd like to take?
I know you come by
to shuffle your guilt
You promise me sufferings
from the grips of your gods hand.
Enter my household
Enter my house *****
Your words
they will leave you
Your words
they will not help
Behind enemy lines
I want your death
Stabbing, killing you flatline.
I know your name
Jehova, why do you run from me
I wish to give you pain
Visit me
Don't darken my door Jehovas witness.
Unless you wish to see your god
Feb 2016 · 400
still searching.
nate1990 Feb 2016
If only it was easy
To peer inside the mind
And find a bench of solitude
Beneath a darkened sky

Where hopes and dreams
And all desires
Flourish upon the dawn
A place to gaze
And fellowship
Where nothing can go wrong.

If only I had courage
To venture on my own
A journey into mind
Can daunt a failing tone.

Oh mind can you hear me!
I'm calling in the dark
Hear me, hear me
Hear me now
I'm willing to embark

No guiding hands
To share this struggle
The echos of my cry
My mind has left me lost again
For that was it's reply

I Press my lips upon the pane
Of windows to the mind
Fog up the glass
And leave a note-
to try and **** some time.

"You were here, but now your gone,
I'll wait for your return. I cannot help to think about what my thoughts may learn"

The message quickly dissapeared
And left a haunting trace
A Reflection scattered in the mist
My hands now hold my face.

In shadows will I wait
for daylights guiding view
For now I'll watch upon the past
It's all that I can do.
Feb 2016 · 228
pity
nate1990 Feb 2016
Life always seems to surprise me
When your up-
Your only half way up
When your down-
There's more to go!
Get a grip
End this ****
Stick a shovel in the ground
And dig. my. grave.
Before it's to late
A prisoner of self entrapping thoughts
I can't be held responsible-
for all the time that we've lost.
Finish it- Dig my grave
Finish me- dig my grave
Feb 2016 · 732
BrAiN pAiN
nate1990 Feb 2016
It's always growing
Collecting dust
This mountain of thoughts
Harboring rust.

Omitting a dark reflection
I can't help but stare
To ominous to wonder
How many might be there.

Unfocused, unkempt
Far to entangled to muse
This mountain of thoughts
Has left me confused

Too soon had I lost
Controll of it all
This mountain of thoughts
Needs to withdrawal.

Bleed out and purge
Alleviate the Pain
This mountain of thoughts
To much for my brain
Jan 2016 · 222
Untitled
nate1990 Jan 2016
A single serving of average
Nothing special
Less to salvage.
Jan 2016 · 500
[un]hinged
nate1990 Jan 2016
There's just one thing I long to do to you.
My minds fed up;
Frustrated.
I want to give you a *******
Facelift!
Staring at yourself
have you ever seen-
Your face so beautiful?
Have you ever been replaced
While watching it all go down?

I can't erase you from my mind
I can't controll the way I feel
Your memory
Consumes me
Like the cancer that you are.
I can't erase-
Or turn back time.
I'm so ******* sick from this
DEPRAVITY
CONSUMES ME
time to **** this ******* *****.

This times for real *****
Deep breath in!
Beauty...
It's only skin deep!
And so is my knife,
I'll erase you!
This times for real now
So let's begin!
Maybe it's always been me...
It's all in my mind,
I'll replace you.
REPLACE YOU!
IT'S ALL IN MY MIND [I'LL REPLACE YOU]
Borderline personality disorder
Personification of two very different ego's
Jan 2016 · 17.9k
lonely narcissist.
nate1990 Jan 2016
A N D
Nothing
Determined
                      Her value more
                      Than an injection-
                      Of opiates...
                                            In binary form.
It was a sad day for that lonely narcissist
When her battery decided....
                                             To toil no more.
Obsession with social media.
Jan 2016 · 221
Invivo [Exvivo]
nate1990 Jan 2016
I'm a monolithic man
           Forged from one grain of sand.
    When I die, I'll decompose as planned
                    Return back to ashes
                        Become the filth
                        That's consumed
                           By the masses
Jan 2016 · 239
soul flight
nate1990 Jan 2016
As I pass
Over and beyond you
I can feel the weight
of your envious eyes
Being lifted from me
As I pass
Over and beyond you
I can feel the weight
of your envious eyes
Being lifted from my shoulders
Why must you hate those who can fly?
Why must you hate me?
Your becoming smaller
As I ascend
Up this path towards myself
See you ******* later!

You've become a heretic
With every passing moment
As you search for the creator
You've become what's wrong-
With this world
And you will never find the path
The path to the saviour

Creating a god
From your own demons
Your consumed by uour own flame
Consumed by your own flame!
Return back to ashes
Return back to ashes
Return back to ashes!
I resent your ways!

My anger has gathered like a cloud
Ready to give birth to a new hell;
I'm no god of love!
You will be left astray,
To blindly-
Walk a path that cannot reach me
You will never reach me!
nate1990 Jan 2016
I'd like to whisper....
......I'd like to whisper....
                                          In your ear....
                                          With
                                          A
Shotgun.
Jan 2016 · 421
waves of mind
nate1990 Jan 2016
I
Ts
Jus
Taga
Mewep
Laywith
Ourminds
Combinatio
NsofLetter
Stomakes
ensofita
Llthou
­Ghitn
Ever
Eve
Rw
IL
L
Continuous sentence.
It's just a game we play with our minds. Combinations of letters to make sense if it all - though if never ever will ~
Jan 2016 · 383
comfortably numb
nate1990 Jan 2016
Lost inside
I'm falling to pieces
Darkness surrounds me but-
It's comforting
To know I'm not awake
I tried to be there for you
But I'm just to ******* selfish
To care at all
Anymore

Im tired of giving you everything
Haven't you taken enough from me?
I tried to find a way
To guide you through your mind
But we both got lost inside

The lies
Were pitiful
but they were our disease
Your eyes
Are beautiful
But they can't see through me.
Your not taking any more from me
Struck in a world of fantasy
I'll lay here by myself
In my own shallow grave
While I rot
And fade
Away.
Jan 2016 · 213
box thought
nate1990 Jan 2016
And I drown myself
Inside this bottle
Once again

And all I have
To think
About

Is you
Again

If these walls could talk
They'd say we hate
The way you've been

Now all I'm left
To think about
Is how it
Ends.
When alcohol makes this worse.
Jan 2016 · 687
Grape flavor-aid
nate1990 Jan 2016
Come and join the fun
This world has just begun
to get crazy
There's room for everyone
**** your life
It's not worth living

So follow me
Down this road
That No one knows of
Just the moon
And the stars
I'll take you
Far away
From this place
No one
Will find you there.

Once you leave with me
And finally see
What you've been missing
You'll never want to leave
They say that time
Is never ending

So follow me
Down this road
That No one knows of
Just the moon
And the stars
I'll take you
Far away
From this place
No one
Will find you there
As if youve
disappeared
I'll think I'm in the clear
But this is just an ordinary fix
For dealing with a world like this
End this
Is the end
Is the
End this
is the end
Is the
End this
Is the end
Is the
End this
Is the end
Is...
Jonestown.
When you follow the leader.
You may end up in Jonestown.
Jan 2016 · 323
toe tag
nate1990 Jan 2016
One step over the line
With nothing left to dissect
You **** our innocent minds-
We the
People
Mindless follows
Divided by invisible hands
Plagued with fear
And
Deceit
To destroy the common man.
The floodgates have opened
We're all going strait
To hell
The floodgates have opened
And there's nothing you can do
To stop it.

Harvest the sheep
Nowhere to roam
Harvest the sheep
Unvail the wolves
Missapropriated minds
Cloth the people in
Blood
Stained
Wool

We've lost our innocence
It's all our fault
With Noone left to blame for our sins
Feast upon
the blood
The blood we spill.
Our only sustenance
Is the addiction of
Addiction of power.
We are going
Strait
To
Hell.
Jan 2016 · 642
street walker
nate1990 Jan 2016
Purged by violence
Body distorted,
Weathered by ignorance.
Miles of shame beneath your feet
Exchanging pleasure for disease.
Lifeless and wrought
Contempt with your miserable life
Owned,
By a hypodermic puncture site.
Willingly you undress,
Your shamefully reflection;
To wolves of prey
With violent intentions.
Mentally inapt
Incapable of discretion
A spirit void waste of flesh,
Used for others accession
Your foreboding creation
A ceremony of pain
Unable to have an objection.

Flies on the fruit of your body;
A maggot nest
for nature's protection.
Falsified hopes
Stem from paralyzed delusion.
Drug induced comma
Keeps your pain in remission.
Transfixed by your own demise
7 masked figures lure you inside.
Thrown into the back of a van.
Oil soaked rags
Bind each of your hands
No sirens to chase you Down
Adorned in a bag,
Is how you'll be found.
Violently emancipated;  
cleansed of your pride.
Washed with gasoline,
To help you subside.
Set ablaze,
With violent reactions
***** no more.
Welcome to the procession.
A common reflection
To prostitutes given
Without notice
Of her past
Complications
Don't judge a book
By its Weathered pages.
Every life holds a unique story
Some...
More glamorous than others
Sadly.

— The End —