I'm sorry courage took a longer time for your hair to grow out past your shoulders

Maybe I regret the coveted gazes that took residence in the threads of your muscles now precinct, hardly noticed nor remembered

You're the seventh page of my diary, as well as the eighth, the ninth, the tenth and it goes on till the edge of this cliff you call home

There are things I don't know why I do

Like the time I gave myself bruises on my shins just because I liked the colour

Has anyone ever thought of how bruises are actually a metaphor of everything unsaid?

Capillaries bursting under the surface of your skin and not flowing, like the words that ride in submarines in your head but never brave enough to say them out loud

Things sound nicer when they come from your lips anyway.

I laugh too much

Is the passion carved on your skull as deep and carefully thought out as the things you say?

Warmth from you is as untrue and synthetic as your boxing gloves strapped tightly on

Punches with the soul of death, you pretend your stares are empty

I’ve watched sunsets more times than I have seen your smile

The darkness that swallows the harbor isn’t something we’d talk about over steaming cups of coffee

I don’t drink coffee anyway

I heard you make lovely icy rainbow popsicles and hand them out at barbecues

But nothing’s colder than your hard gaze, as hard as your cheekbones

I wish you’d grow your hair mid-back so you can finally braid it

I am not so sure what waiting is supposed to do except breed hope and a whole lot of misery

Silhouettes are me and you and everything intangible, just like me and you and black and white, just like me and you

I am in love with you but I do not love you.

How are things going? I desperately want to ask
But now I remember how I called you that night crying and desperate
“Sorry dear, I have bigger priorities,” you mumbled nonchalantly in a tone that cut
I guess what was important to you was your short silver dress which you had to keep tugging at
And your layers of mascara which smeared in the heat and the sweat
Maybe you didn't feel like being responsible or putting up a fight
Didn't feel like talking in the pulsating strobe lights
Where you drank and danced and smoked,
Your hands around the masculine men with whom you hooked
I wonder if you still would have hung up if you knew I was crying for you.

And one year later you still haven’t changed
You’re out of school and awfully deranged
Lying at the side of the road in a drunken stupor,
Stinking of smoke and giggling hoarse
Your dress riding up mid-thigh and your heels strewn across the street
Ordering McDonald’s, planting fries in your friend’s garden throwing fits
Sitting in trolleys in supermarkets at 3 am in the morning screaming at the top of your lungs and I
Miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you.
If I ever saw you again I’d bury my face in your long raven hair and whisper how much you meant to me, once.
I’d stroke your whiter than white skin, touched and kissed by fifty other men
Bruised by the very people you call your friends
And I’d cry in your chest and tell you to come back
If all you’d do is swig down a bottle of beer
And not look my way, but cackle cruelly wailing dear
I would die more than a little inside

You stopped caring about anything that was supposed to matter,
Like being better than everyone and writing beautiful badass essays about saving the sharks
(And understanding everything I never understood about myself and laughing at the things I used to say and pinning my name with stars on your charts)
You forgot your dreams of wanting to travel and petting kangaroos, carving out something of yourself so they’d remember you for your passion
and loneliness is the only place at which you’re stationed.

Now all you’re doing is living monotonously, “the *** life” you call it, your dreams all burnt up in the intoxication of the hookah you pretend to love and dissolved in the alcohol you swallow now pulsing through your veins.
Come back.

You realize your breath doesn't burst forth through your ribcage anymore
That the simmering heat comes from within, making your body walls sore
Because there is nothing left to boil on even though you're a tangled mess
And all the noises around you bounce off the bones in your chest
The echoes resonate along the hollow corridor of banality
So that's when you realize inside you're completely empty
The surroundings **** out all vitality that remains in the cavity of your lungs
You are empty inside.

When I gripped your rib cage tightly with my goodbyes
I was simply hoping to hoist myself up to get a better view of your eyes
I never realized it was so frail and brittle
Till I smashed through and accidentally squashed your heart in this one way battle
It collapsed under your great lungs
Pushing half- hearted apologies and cruel forgivings from our tongues
So pain beats with your every breath
Creeping up with marvellously vicious stealth
I never apologized for your broken bones
Nothing more than scattered blood void stones
I already knew how empty you were
I was simply pushing your desolation further
You were empty then, darling now you’re even emptier.

The human condition that we are all probably familiar by now is that
We tend to fall back on loneliness and darkness.
It is as if we would allow ourselves to accept love, care and concern from the people around us
But eventually we will be consumed by our very own sadness.
We create a shell that filters the care we choose, but even then
We allow it to dissipate and we end up with nothing but despair.
We all struggle to escape from ourselves
Then we strive to escape from the people around us,
And the aftermath leaves us very much stranded and lost.

I wonder how we all know how sweet tastes like

I wonder what you’re thinking about
When we’re sitting on a park bench on our lazy days
I see you staring deeply into the distance
Like you’re slicing the air with your gaze

All I might get would be sighs in slivers,
If maybe I reached out to stroke your skin
Your wrist made up of tired fragile whispers
Forgive me if I steal one
I’d just like to remember how you look like
Your cheekbones catching the light from the sun

You’re swimming in your thoughts
I can see your eyes brimming over in clouds
Hey now you won’t be able to hear me if I called your name
But it’s okay, I know you-we’re both the same.

I could stay here a little longer and watch you for hours
You look so perfect; sad and tired but perfect
It’s just you and I, the time is ours.

I can't say a word, I'll break the spell

Is this what you’re looking for- some comprehensive clearance?
Darling, I've died a hundred times in my head
You run a knife through me, it wouldn't make a difference
I am already dead.
But maybe it’s your turn now
For it seems you’re too alive
Turn around, take that final bow
Give that last hi-five.

They've weeded you out
There’s nothing left in you to bloom
Does your life revolve around doubt?
It’s alright, you’ll be gone very soon.

Right, left, front and back again
Why are you dodging the bladed lunge?
Don’t be scared, courage is a thing you need to attain
Hold my hand honey, we’re going to take this plunge.