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Nameless Oct 2013
I'm sorry if I fell in love with you too fast.
But it was mesmerizing
The way that you
Took your pure sincerity
And made me feel
A little more whole

I'm sorry if I fell in love with you too fast.
But how could I not
Immediately attach to someone,
Who saw something in me
That I didn't never believed
was there?

I'm sorry if I fell in love with you too fast.
But when I told you,
I was damaged,
And lost,
And you should've left right then,
You made a home for me
In your arms,
And all I'd ever wanted was a home.

I'm sorry if I fell in love with you too fast.
But you whispered sweet words,
And looked at me the way
The sun looks at the moon
In that moment before
They're forced apart

I'm sorry I fell in love with you too fast.
Because you deserve more
than a ghost of a girl
With nothing more than
naive optimism
And broken butterfly wings
In her flickering soul.


And that's all I have to give you.
2.2k · Dec 2013
Dead Tulips
Nameless Dec 2013
If you try to force a tulip
to become a rose,
it will die.
1.9k · Nov 2013
Dear Moon
Nameless Nov 2013
Dear Moon,

You looked beautiful tonight.
The kind of beauty
That grabs all eyes
and insists that they pay you attention.

But moon,
tell me,
are you lonely up there?
The infinity of stars that lay
scattered in your presence,
seem as if they could be pleasant company,
but is it all an illusion?

The stars trick the foolish
into thinking that they are in your
constant amity.
That’s what it looks like to us, Moon.
But those stars have never uttered one word to you
have they?
Immeasurable distances
make conversing quite difficult,
I would imagine.

Are you sad, Moon?
Is it distressing, Luna,
that us,
the ignorant,
believe that just because
our eyes see the stars in a way that
makes us believe they are near to you,
that you are not hurting?

Child of the night
who lives solitarily.
Do you weep?
Do you shed tears that we mistake
for beauty against the vast night sky?

Daughter of the dark,
who graces all with her
entrancing despondency,
Was there ever a time when you
had hope that somebody,
anybody
would save you from your fate?

Do you feel forsaken my love?
What have you done, Moon,
that would condemn you to this
paradoxically poetic reality?
You didn’t want this.
You only wanted to shed awe upon us,
and light the path home when it got
too dark.
And what have you gotten in return?

Isolation.
Nameless Jun 2014
I don't want to hate daisies.
I love daisies.
I love daisies so much they might even be my favorite flower.
And I don't want to hate daisies.

But I have to hate daisies.
I have to hate daisies because I was stupid enough
To let myself fall in love.
And I was stupid enough
To let myself fall in love,
Before I looked where I would land.
And before I could even shut my eyes
I was laying naked on the ground
With a spinal fracture and
Bullet holes in my chest.

And I didn't  know how to continue living,
feeling the breeze that would've given you tiny goosebumps, and made you fold your arms across you chest, whistle through your exit wounds.
Hearing it whisper your name every time I blink my eyes.

So I went and I broke my last promise to you.
And I didn't do it to hurt you.
And I didn't do it because I had a choice.
I did it because I can't get the image of the layers of all the shades of blue in your eyes out of my brain.
And how do you expect me to continue living knowing I'll never feel
The heat radiating off the trees burning in the forrest fire that was the way you kissed me.

And I'll never tell this to you,
But before I ripped out every sane thought in my head that always put the cap back on the pill bottle,
I prayed that if there really is a God up there,
That he would stay with me,
And keep just a gasp of air in my lungs
So that I'd wake up
And maybe
Hopefully
You would be there holding my hand,
And I'd be able to see you smile at me one last time.

But God is just too good at his job I guess,
Because I swallowed those dumb things an hour ago;
50 minutes ago;
Contemplating the probability of the existence of heaven and hell
As I waited for the final words of the book to dissolve into my bloodstream
And to finally, print the all-to-predictable
Ending of the story in relaxed letters of black ink.

I will not be sorry that I don't want to live in a world where I have to fall asleep in the cold air that has seemed to replace the way lullabies played in my chest feeling your arms wrapped around me.

But God is too good at his job. Because the blackness I needed never came over me. And instead of feeling my broken heart slow to shallow beats, and my breaths become as slow as the seconds did in every moment we ever had between me telling you I loved you and waiting for you to say it back,
I only felt nothing.

And I frowned at myself for being relieved at first.
Because in the morning when I lose the temporary escape from every cell in my body screaming for your touch that sleep will bring me, I know I will wish more than anything that my lungs had been idle for hours and that my body was as icy and stiff physically, as my every move will feel, having to function without feeling the air vibrations caused by your laugh.

When I first started writing this half an hour ago, my intent was to express the unexpected paralysis
And comfort
That was flowing too quietly under my skin
And how, while it was only temporary,
I felt almost okay.
I could barely feel the dull ache hanging in my ribcage,
And I felt like maybe I would even genuinely smile again someday.

And I'd always loved gambling
But I'm pushing my luck too far,
And things are starting
to come into focus again.

And I'm racking my brain
Desperately trying to come up with
Something I could do to
That would convince the universe to give me back the privilege of feeling my body temperature increase by a number of degrees that I never bothered it measure due to the electricity that sparked in every atom making up all the bones in my skeletal structure in the high that I got every single time I looked at you.

But the only thing I am able to understand right now,
Is that I'm never going to be able to live a day in my life that I don't wish I had spent with you.
And that I hate daisies
Because they remind me too much of you.
1.8k · Dec 2013
Suffocating
Nameless Dec 2013
why are you sad?
Should I blame you?
I want to.
I wish so badly that I could point my finger
and truly believe myself when I
curse you for hurting me this way.
Should I blame God?
Why did you let this happen to me?
What the hell are you doing up there?
Why are you sad?
Should I blame destiny?
It was always supposed to end up like this.
HELP ME!
WHY AREN'T YOU HELPING ME?
And the reality that I am to blame for this,
reaches out it's icy cold hands and wraps them around my neck,
choking every last bit of air from my lungs.
WHY ARE YOU SAD?*
I can never escape my own mind.
I'm trapped here forever.
Suffocating.
slowly,

s u f f o c a t i n g
1.7k · Nov 2013
I Can't Remember
Nameless Nov 2013
i can't remember the day we first met
but i can remember the first time we kissed
and you walked away
as i stood there and fought with all I had
to not scream and dance around in circles

i don't remember the first thing
you ever said to me
but i can remember how
when i sat in a hospital bed
and the nurses were drawing blood from
the crazy girl with sad eyes,
you told me that you thought
that i was the most amazing girl you'd ever met

i can't remember what you were wearing
when i first saw you
but i can remember how mesmerizing you looked
in the black suit your wore that night
when i realized i was falling for you

and i can't remember what event it was exactly
that brought you to me
but it was the best thing
that's ever happened to me

because now i have you.
1.5k · Oct 2013
Autumn Leaves
Nameless Oct 2013
Autumn leaves
Are a trick of the mind.
An illusion of beauty,
That mask the harsh reality
Of what they represent.

Mesmerized by their colors
People mistake them for beauty.

But what are autumn leaves really?

They are leaves
Changing
Inevitably changing
With no control over the matter
Loosing what they once were altogether

And then
When the cold fully encompasses them
And it becomes too much to bare any longer,
The simply fall away,
Completely forgotten by the people who were once
Infatuated with their beauty
But have lost interest now
Because they are no longer
appealing to the eye.
1.5k · Nov 2013
Starburst
Nameless Nov 2013
A warm summer night long ago,
the brightest star to the left of the moon
exploded into a shower of stardust
that, as it fell gently,
through the layers of the atmosphere,
combined with the rain,
and the laughs of lovers,
and butterfly wings.
And by the time it reached the ground,
it had materialized as the shimmer
in your bright blue eyes
that gazed at me
in a way that almost mended
the most broken parts
of my soul.
1.4k · May 2014
I hate poems
Nameless May 2014
I'd always thought
That when you finally left me
I'd use that pain to write poems
The best ones Id ever written
Because the most passionate pieces of us
Are hurt.
Pain is the emotion we feel the deepest.
And I thought I'd be able to use it
In a way that cleansed me of you
But now that you're gone,
I see I was wrong.
I can't even lift up a pen.
In fact
I think I want to burn every ****
Paper I have scribbled words accross
Trying to describe you to people
Who would never understand.
Now that you're gone
I hate poetry.
I hate metaphors
I hate similes
I HATE THEM BECAUSE YOU YOURSELF ARE THE GREATEST POEM EVER WRITTEN.
And you're gone.
1.1k · Nov 2013
Sinful
Nameless Nov 2013
Sinful was the day
that I sold my soul to the devil
in exchange for a home
in these firey pits of hell.
1.1k · Nov 2013
Sandman
Nameless Nov 2013
why can illusion not
synthesize in the dreams
my subconscious paints
the way it constitutes my
gullible awakened perception?
sprinkle fragments of light from the moon
and pinches of a powder made
from the innocence of a child
on top of your exuded love
that I inhale into the
deepest parts of my lungs
Fearful that one day it might escape
and the disillusioned state of my
inner self will see nothing but
the stars weeping
as you walk away from me.
1.0k · Nov 2013
Innocence
Nameless Nov 2013
I woke up
alone
feelings of
cold
and
isolation
surrounded me in a haze

My eyes were open
yet the world was still dark.

It was so dark.

Dark enough to make me forget that
light had ever existed.

How had I gotten to this place?
I had no answer.
Maybe there was no answer.
Perhaps I was always
fated
to land in this location.

Alas,
my eyes land on a flickering in the distance.
A diminutive glow
contrasted by the vast night.

The curiosity of it
commands my legs to go towards it,
while something else,
something nameless,
warns me to stop.

But human nature can not be overridden.

Now,
in perspective,
I see a scene playing out
familiar to the
back-most parts of my brain.

A memory.

Myself as a little girl.
I watch myself draw.
What am I drawing?

I am drawing a butterfly,
every color of the rainbow
can be seen in it’s wings.

They resemble the smile on her face.
Wonder and innocence and ambition.
Life in it’s purest form.

And watching her, my heart warms.
She has everything to live for.
Her eyes filled with brightness
give me hope.

And with no warning at all,
the little girl is gone.
In her place is a girl,
still me,
slightly older now.
Perhaps around 11 years old.

I am still drawing the butterfly.
And it’s still vibrant with color.
And I still have hope.

Even when the shadows
tap on my shoulders,
telling me,
“No. It’s wrong.”
I still have hope.
Only questioning myself
for a fleeting moment.

And while I should be proud,
watching myself turn away
from those monsters,
I feel only a feeling of
blackness
enter the pit of my stomach.

Because I know how this story ends.

And like I foreshadow in my head,
the scene morphs again.
And this time,
the eyes,
the brown ones,
that used to reflect light off of their innocence,
are dead.
And the butterfly is now only two colors.
One is black,
outlining it’s hollow carcass.
The other is red.
The shade of red that didn’t come out of a paint bottle.

And before I can allow
any emotion to enter me,
the scene is gone again,
and replaced.

But this time there is no girl,
only a stone with her name and
a few dates carved into it.
The butterfly is still there though.
It lays in a box 6 feet under.
1.0k · Dec 2013
Paralysis
Nameless Dec 2013
ice water shot through through my veins
that's almost as cold as the barren landscape of my mind.
one by one every single cell in my body,
becomes numb to the point of insanity.
arms no longer move.
head unable to be lifted.
so you stare at the agonizingly white ceiling,
and try to keep your eyes open long enough
to see something with any sort of meaning.
something my brain can hold on to
for fear of losing the humanity that's left.
so I paint your blue eyes with the will I still have;
trying so hard to capture the light
that the sun himself injected straight into them.
and by fate or by chance,
I can sometimes get the color of them
exactly right.
the one and only shade
of any color
that returns some feeling
back to me.
Nameless Aug 2014
I don't know where you are tonight
but the air in my room tonight just feels a little bit heavy
and I'm a little but drunk
and I can't stop listening to the last voicemail you left me
and thinking about how cliche it is that it's you telling me you loved me
and how you always knew I loved cliche things
but my blanket still doesn't feel heavy enough
and the window I left open for you is letting cold air in
and I can't stop wasting my 11:11 wishes on trying to  feel you fall out of love with me like the life draining from a car crash victim instead of the desperation of the lover having to watch from behind the caution tape
Does that make sense?
I haven't been making much sense at all lately
I hope you think of me when you're drunk
I think you at least owe me that
I loved you
I really ******* loved you
I still ******* LOVE YOU
WHERE ARE YOU
I miss you.
All these people are worried about me
I'm fragile I guess I
have to be worried about
They keep telling me that
time heals all wounds
But it still hurts to breathe whenever I smell Indian chai tea
with too much milk
And not quite enough sugar
And I can still see the
scar on my left knee from
Where you scratched me
I got so mad when you did that
I'm sorry I got mad
I'm sorry
I'm just so sorry.
11:53 pm
989 · Jun 2014
Nightlight
Nameless Jun 2014
I started having to sleep with a nightlight on again. It just gets too dark at night now that I don't get to see your face anymore. The artificial brightness that is absolutely nothing in comparison to you makes it a little harder to fall asleep but maybe that's the point because the nightmares that play when I do fall under are getting unbearable. I spent $14 on a dream catcher that does nothing to protect me from having to see your god ****** eyes every time I shut mine. And I guess the light makes it better when I wake up from another dream where it almost feels like we are dancing around your kitchen together again, but you of all people should know that I only like to cry in the dark.
987 · Oct 2013
Human Nature
Nameless Oct 2013
Human nature is inevitable.

We want what we can't have.
And when we see others who have
What it is we desire,
We want to take it.

Human nature is inevitable.

And eventually,

The girl who laughs will no longer grace the room with her lighthearted giggle,

because they took  that from her.

The girl who dreams will no longer have anything to live for,

because they took that from her.

The girl who embraced people with her kindness will be turned to stone,

because they took that from her.

And the girl who did nothing but give love away will no longer feel anything but pain,

Because they took that from her.

Human nature is inevitable.
955 · Oct 2013
Summer Eyes
Nameless Oct 2013
I once new a boy
Who had eyes like summer.

They were the seductive blue
Of the condemning ocean.

His laugh was the sound
Of safety and warmth
Security and innocence.

His heart was a waterfall
That gave away understanding
And love.

And this boy,
With the Summer eyes
And waterfall core

Met a girl.

Who he thought,
Had eyes like bliss
And a core filled with optimism.

But she was an illusion.
Her picturesque smile
Was only a trick of the mind.

And her core
Was not filled with optimism,
But with the wings of broken butterflies,
And fragments of lost dreams.

And that fall, when he told her he loved her
She told him she loved him too
When in reality,
She had no form of any
Love to give

But even her,
The soul stolen girl
With eyes like a dying fire
Could not bear
To turn his summer eyes
Into those of winter
880 · Nov 2013
Reliant
Nameless Nov 2013
Hearts that beat like
My fleeting sanity.
Fast and slow
Steady yet chaotic all at once.

passion

Can you hear them?
The words that encompass
Us when my eyes land on you.

electricity

touch
feel the complete bliss that is exuded
when I am near to you

escapes

Do you realize
I am at your mercy now?
You have the power
To destroy
Completely
The deepest parts of me
Because they are made of you.

reckless

Sing me a lullaby
That reminds me of the stars
And how in their simplicity
They rule everything beneath them

hush

Luna controls the tides
But looking at them
In all their force and power
You would never think that
They are commanded by anything

Sort of like my love for you
Seemingly strong and independent
But completely
And utterly
Reliant
On you.
866 · Nov 2013
Contagion
Nameless Nov 2013
Take caution when you peel back
the layers of my skull
and look inside my mind

The human psyche manages to be, perhaps
simultaneously
the most dangerous
and the most breathtaking
place to visit.

It houses every part of a person.

And not all of those parts are ones
we want to see.

There lives the nightmares,
the self hatred,
the pain,
the hollowed out shapes that were once called
hope.

It’s too late to turn now
shut the lid and
walk away pretending you saw nothing
until you believe it.
You are held in place
forced to watch as the black swirls
consume that person.

But even worse,
are the light parts.
The pieces of them still
filled with color
and signs of life.
The fire,
the innocence,
the good that refuse to be
taken.

Worse are these parts because
they force you to realize,
as you watch them try to survive,
that no matter their will to live,
blackness will always cover up light.

And as soon as you understand this,
a piece of your own mind
fades to black.
Nameless Dec 2013
He loves me.
The single yellow petal falls like I fell for you.

He loves me not.
Another drops to the ground like my heart did when you forgot to call.

He loves me.
The softness of the flower reminds me of your kiss that night under the stars.

He loves me not.
The inaudible sound of the section being ripped from it’s origin almost sounds like my heart did when I realized you deserved more.

He loves me.
The easiness of pulling the petal resembles how easy it was to fall in love with you.

He loves me not.
The small scar in the top corner of the delicate foliole disenchants the image like the ones on my wrist did to the way you looked at me.

He loves me.
I grab on to this last petal like I grabbed on to that last, “I love you.”

He loves me not.
This tattered, empty skeleton of something once breathtaking will never truly be able to convey the hollowness of my being when I lost you.


He loves me not.
858 · Nov 2013
Infinity
Nameless Nov 2013
A day
For every drop of water
There is in the ocean,
Is how many days
I'll love
      You.
800 · Mar 2014
Longing
Nameless Mar 2014
the static breaking
the space in which silence travels
but not loud enough for my
ears to hear
over the memory of the childlike
innocence in the laugh you graced
the world with moments ago,
as soon as the atoms of you
leave the company of mine,
ever fiber in my body
that was just on fire with the electricity
produced by your touch lingering on my skin
slows down to a feeling of still numbness
with as much heat as a steady candle flame
instilling within me a feeling of longing
each cell in me, gripped,
crippled, by this aching unwholeness
but in a way that is backed by almost a
lining of hope,
hope in looking forward to knowing that when I see you next
the fire that's gone now,
will be back stronger than ever.
Does that make sense?
754 · Oct 2013
Cracked Ice
Nameless Oct 2013
Walking across a frozen pond
When it begins to crack.

Knowing what will happen,
You fight to run back.

But the foundation you stand on
Is spidering faster than you your feet can carry you

And the ice you seek to flee from
Was not made to be escaped,

But you refuse to succumb to it's commands
Getting back up each time it's slippery surface
Grabs your feet and brings you down
to meet it's cold heartless complexion

And the cold grows more paralyzing with each fall
Making it more difficult to get back to your feet

All the while, in the back of your mind is
The knowledge of the imminent break
That will send you falling into the
Inescapable icy black depths of  numbness

Yet, for a reason unknown to you,
Despite the unavoidable doom you are fated with,
You deny to give up.

And you're not sure whether to call it strength,
Or tragic naïveté.
736 · Feb 2014
Star Crossed Lovers
Nameless Feb 2014
lay my head down in your lap
and do not speak,
but with your crystal eyes
tell me the story of the sun
and how he fell deeply
in love with the moon
whom which he could never be with
the laws of nature forcing them apart
each day
and how despite their circumstances,
the sun knew that love was stronger
than the distance between them
and although they could never
dance together
or get close enough
to clearly distinguish the color of
the other’s eyes,
he couldn’t help but use every ounce of his strength
to shine his rays on her
after it was his time to go,
illuminating her up in the night sky
so all could stand in awe at her beauty
even if he couldn’t.
708 · Dec 2013
Puzzle Pieces
Nameless Dec 2013
Insanity is scribbled handwriting in a tattered journal
words awkwardly strung together
like pieces of a puzzle that do not fit together
yet still forced together
arranged by someone who finally got tired of
trying to put it together correctly.

Or maybe that’s just life.
703 · Apr 2014
Closure
Nameless Apr 2014
I was really sad
for a really long time
And sometimes
I'm still sad
I guess
But what I have learned
Is that no matter what happens
There is always hope.
And that's what kept me here
Was the hope that one day
Flowers would look less gray
And I'd laugh a little more
And everything would turn out ok.
669 · Jan 2014
Fireflies
Nameless Jan 2014
cry in the meadow to
let the lighting bugs
catch your tears
selfless as they are,
knowing the salty manifestations
of those demons climbing up your throat
will put their lights out,
just like it did to you.
651 · Feb 2014
Insignificant
Nameless Feb 2014
we are the dampened muddy leaves
Littering Forrest floors in that
Time that's not quite yet winter
But not quite still fall

We are the pebbles at the bottom
Of an ancient river
Being eaten away at with each
Passing current

We are the spidering cracks
in the ice coating the ground
Inviting some unfortunate stranger
To come lose traction on our surface

We are the veins inside the
Flower stem
Begging for recognition past the
Garish petals who get all the notice

We are nothing
And we are everything
647 · Oct 2013
Faces on the Bus
Nameless Oct 2013
People sitting on a bus
All sitting in the same vehicle
Yet complete strangers

The girl who sits in the back
and looks out the window
thinking about selfish escapes
and leaving her demons behind
Trapped in the mortal world

Sits next to

The man who lost his wife
that one cold night when
the roads were icy and he was driving
just a little too fast

Who sits behind

The pretty blonde girl
who is on her way home from
The double shift she worked at her second job
that she needs to pay the bills for her and
the child she wasn't ready to have

Who sits across from

The boy with the piercings
and arms canvases in art
pictures that represent the emotion he felt
when his dad left him.

And if you had to pick just one,
Who would you say had it the worst?
640 · Jan 2015
Paper Cuts and Cough Syrup
Nameless Jan 2015
It's heavy tonight and every movement feels like a paper cut.
I thought I might be getting a cold but I just keep coughing up broken piano keys. It’d be no use going to the doctor, he’d probably just ask me something sharp like when the last time i felt loved was, or if i still pulled the heads off daisies like i started doing after you left. Jesus I wish you had left. You’re gone but you’re ******* everywhere. Does it get hard to breathe for you too? I’ve realized that missing you comes in two different forms. One is wild. Frantic. The kind that makes me gasp for air and rock back and forth hugging my knees. My mothers seen it enough now that it no longer concerns her. It’s desperate. It’s hysterical. It’s us. But the other is quiet. The other is breathing so steadily that you can hear the absolute silence in my ribcage. God that kind of quiet aches. It just aches and all you can feel is the absence of everything. Of anything. Of you. Of us. There’s never a clean break is there? You can never lose someone and not have jagged edges cutting into your sides every time you try to look at the moon or an old t-shirt or your favorite mug with a chip in the handle. I don’t know why I keep shouting at the sky like there’s a God up there, or like he’d be listening to me even if there was. I guess all I’ve learned from all of this is that sometimes love is just sitting at a bus stop but waving by every one that stops. And it tastes a lot like drinking cough syrup when you’re not even sick.

And that’s us.
631 · May 2014
I love You
Nameless May 2014
If there's one thing I've learned,
It's that love is real
And it does exist.
And you have no idea
What it is like
Until you're over your head in it.
And there's never really a specific moment
In which you fall in love with someone.
After a while, you just realize that
The way they squeal a little
When they laugh to hard,
Or how they always get  way too many banana peppers on their snadwich,
Or how they jump out from behind a corner and scare you
And laugh hysterically because you screamed,
Even though they knew you would.
Or how their heartbeat sounds when they're holding you in your arms,
Are things that you can't imagine ever living without.

And if you ever went to Subway with another person,
And they didn't ask for extra banana peppers,
It just wouldn't feel right.

And I love you.
For Hunter.
602 · Nov 2013
Change
Nameless Nov 2013
Do you want things to change?**
I should say yes.
I should tell you how
"this is not my destiny"
"I deserve better"
"I want to get better."
I should tell you.
I want to tell you.
I want to think those things.
But in all honesty,
I don't think I want to change,
because if you take away my
sadness
and pain
and hurt,
I don't know who I would be anymore.
So I'm sorry,
No.
I don't want things to change.
597 · Jul 2014
Rain in July
Nameless Jul 2014
My grandmother always used to tell me that July was the best month for a wedding. It was the only month you could count on to not have rain. And she was right, as long as I can remember, not once have I seen rain in July.
It did rain however, that last Wednesday in May you still looked at me like I had stardust in my hair and the amazon river in my eyes. And it also rained, that Thursday in June, when I wrote you the last of many letters I never sent you. And now I'm 2,000 miles from you realizing that even when I was still in the same zipcode, we were galaxies apart. I was stuck on a planet with a very stable climate of a constant downpour, and I don't know where you were, but I do know that it was nowhere near me.

And today marks 30 days I've been dead in the water, calling your name and hoping that wind really never does die. I still don't know much but it has to mean something that it's July and it hasn't stopped raining.
Nameless Nov 2013
the moon herself could not
find the words to describe you my love

being a self acclaimed poet
I want nothing more than to rewrite you
into beautiful metaphors and verses
until I've used every single word
there is available to use

I want to be able to say that your eyes
felt like the ocean and looked like home
But your eyes are so much more than that my dear

I want to say that your laugh
Is more precious than the diamonds
In my mothers jewelry box
That I dreamed of as a little girl
But your laugh makes the silly rocks
Seem like litter on the street in comparison
To you

I want to be able to say that your arms
Are my shelter in the blizzard of fleeting sanity
That has become my home
But really,
I no longer live in that cold place much at all anymore
Because your arms feel like breathing
And safety

I want to be able to put you in words
But I can't do that because the words would never
No matter how hard they tried
Shine as bright as you
563 · Nov 2013
Oblivion
Nameless Nov 2013
Oblivion
is a blanket.
A cover that protects
from what our souls
subconsciously determine
they can not handle.
We shield ourselves with it's mask,
and cast away what we do not-
can not-
cope with.
It is self preservation in the purest form.
We slip into the comforting embrace of oblivion
and pretend as if the demons outside of it
do not exist.
551 · Nov 2013
Breathing
Nameless Nov 2013
when the only thing
illuminating the world
are the stars who live
life times away
and the moon
who gracefully rules
everything beneath her
and the weight on my chest
begins to increase so subtly
until I am being fully crushed underneath it
laying there as the whisps of forgotten dreams
are pushed out of me
and my heart struggles to continue beating
the simple thought of your crystal eyes
returns some feeling into the tips
of my fingers that tingle as humanity
begins to flow within them again
you feel like breathing in a world
that thrives on asphyxiating dreamers
543 · May 2014
And I'm Just a Planet
Nameless May 2014
They say the sun is the only star in our solar system.

They've obviously never met you.
532 · Jan 2015
come back when you can
Nameless Jan 2015
The clock keeps ticking and im still bleeding but the paramedics stopped operating right after I started asking for you because they knew I was a goner. These broken teeth taste like piano keys and jesus, why is it so cold in here? Hell isn't real and the punishment for our sins are these tattered lullabies and the photos hidden in the backs of drawers your mother doesn't look in. I met god once and all I remember is feeling the wind whistling through the exit wounds on my back as he tried to muster up the courage to ask if he could *** a cigarette. Nobody will tell me where you are and these fluorescent hospital lights won't cut me a break. I keep burning my mouth on this coffee because I guess I've run out of patience for everything except you. Even though I hope you question it sometimes, I hope you always wear your seatbelt. My nails are bitten and somebody forgot to tell me that the only two options when letting go are to drop it so it shatters, or release it so gently that it aches forever. I'm kicking and screaming but no one will look at me and it might be the painkillers but the only thing I love anymore are the bruises on my legs and jesus christ somebody change this ******* song.
1/1/15
7:23 pm
531 · Mar 2014
I'm Lying To You
Nameless Mar 2014
i'll sit here alone
and try to decide which is heavier;
my eyelids or my heart.
and while I ponder this decision
even though tears fall from my hollow eyes
stinging my face like acid as they roll
and even though my hands are wrapped
around my stomach so tightly,
they may actually sink through my skin
far enough to touch my spine
and even though these sobs that I'm heaving
as if the light in your smile depended on my lack of oxygen,
are gripping me so tightly, i almost forget what it's like to be able to
breathe.
I will use every last ounce of life in me
to shine a flashlight through my eyes,
so they look a little lighter,
and stitch up the corners of my mouth,
into something that will make you think I'm not dying
and every cell in my body will ******* when you fall for it.
522 · Nov 2013
How Poetic
Nameless Nov 2013
Broken girl.
Is it poetic?
Is there any way you could
Idealize it,
Or put it in words
That could maybe
Just maybe
Make it sound more aesthetic?

Because plainly stated,
There's nothing pretty about cuts defacing her skin
It's not tragically beautiful, the way she
Has lost her ability to feel happiness.
The tears she doesn't know how to stop
Are in no way elegant.

But wouldn't it be nice to think they were?
Because maybe, then they'd feel a little less real.
Maybe they would be just a little                       easier to deal with.
Maybe.

Wouldn't that be nice?
504 · Jul 2014
Losing Faith
Nameless Jul 2014
Ever since you left
Angels keep appearing to me
and the iridescence of the snowflakes settled on their wings
never fails to entrance me.
And while I admire the starkness of the white in which they're clothed,
And the brutal honesty
Of the contrast between them and me,
They fall to their knees begging me to answer what they were sent to ask.
And it's become my burden to send angels with skinned knees back to God with no answer of why you could no longer love me. And I suppose understanding would not make living without hearing you murmer constellations in your sleep any less painful, but not even God himself was prepared for this and I think I'm forgetting how to breathe.
501 · Nov 2013
Remedy
Nameless Nov 2013
Run away with me*

Sometimes
Late at night,
When I lay alone
Aching to feel the absolute electricity
Of you pressed against me.

I think about things that
Aren't exactly pretty.
Like how I forget how to feel sometimes.
And how I might never be ok.
And how hurt can completely consume me
Whenever it choses too.

But then I remember
The way your eyes looked into mine
And I felt ok again.
How the light reflected off of them,
And I felt like a piece of myself,
One I thought was gone forever,
Came back to me in that moment.

Our souls entertwined so
intricately
That no one would ever
Be able to disconnect them.

And the darkness still consumes me at times
And I still don't know if
I'll ever be really ok,
But
I want to try to be,
For you.
500 · Nov 2013
I'm Sorry. I'm Sorry.
Nameless Nov 2013
You reach out a helping hand
as you try to understand
the fleeting thoughts that fill my head
of pretty flowers now dead

You want nothing more than to make me better
but I only see your eyes get wetter.
The desperation in your face
looks to me like burned lace.

I am sorry this is what I’ve caused,
everyone’s happiness has been paused.
I didn’t mean to make you hurt
staring at your ripped out heart laying in the dirt.

You only want to know what’s wrong
why my life sounds like a sad song.
Do you see what I’ve done?
My mind has plagued everyone.

I’m really am trying, please know
that one day my demons will be let go.
And even if that isn’t true,
a piece of my soul still fights for you.

So wipe your eyes and lift your head
I am not completely dead
Times of darkness will come and go
But I will always love you so.
484 · Jun 2014
1:41 AM where are you
Nameless Jun 2014
Reaching.
Reaching out my hand
Feeling the cool worn fabric
Of the bed sheets accross from me,
Where I would steal every star in space just to have your body laying there
So that instead of finding
The crushing emptiness that already
Hangs in my ribcage,
Tightening it's chilling grip as gently as such a malevolent force can,
Instead of my finger tips encountering this as I stretch my arm out in the middle of another night I can't stop dreaming of your eyes the last time I ever saw them, I could maybe touch a trace of your existence again. I could feel the crippling weight in my chest be lifted as my grasping fingers grab hold of some piece of you. Any piece of you; your painstakingly bright smile, the light in your heart breakingly blue eyes that I still swear could power the New York skyline as long as you wanted it to, maybe the slow steady beat of your heart that I can still sometimes hear in our favorite song.
Then maybe I could breathe again.
472 · Dec 2013
Untitled
Nameless Dec 2013
Sit with me on the ridge, to watch the sun come up,
and for a single moment,
gaze at the moon
in a fleeting instant before they are once again forced apart.
And even after they are separated,
you can feel the rays of warmth from her that beat down on the back of your neck.
They rays that whisper old love songs and feelings of wholeness.
And for a minute,
they almost sound as beautiful as the words "
I love you" did
when they escaped your lips
464 · Jan 2014
Life is Dangerous
Nameless Jan 2014
tainted lungs make for harder breathing
teary eyes make for harder seeing
broken hearts make for harder healing
empty chests make for harder being
lights burn out
people shout
dreams die
and people cry
darkness is contagious
you can not get away from this
and so you sit here and rhyme these words
but dead you'll be before they're ever heard.

Because life is dangerous.
464 · Jul 2014
This is an outrage
Nameless Jul 2014
I don't know why I keep writing you letters as if you will ever read them or really understand what they mean. I'm just struggling with the fact that it's two months later and I still know the pattern in your eyes so well I could make a blind man feel like he knew them too. It was supposed to get easier, but all that I feel lessening is my faith in destiny because God never would've let me hold your hand if if wasn't forever he's not that cruel. But my hand is empty and yours is probably in somebody else's. And I seem to be the only one who understands how that is an injustice to the world. I'm starting to wonder if this is some joke I haven't been let in on because it makes no sense why the heavens are not in an uproar watching you forget what my smile looks like.  And I never seem to be able to think of how to end these letters but maybe that's because there is no end, at least for me. It's never going to be over and I'm going to have to live my life with skinned elbows and a broken compass just praying that someday you'll come home.
455 · Nov 2015
Down With The Ship
Nameless Nov 2015
Darling I must say that I’m

            quite surprised to see you here.

     Not that it’s unlike you to show up unannounced,
and track mud throughout my living room,
     even though I just had the carpet redone.
But how can I yell at you while
                  you’re sitting here
          coughing up bits and pieces of        broken piano keys and tainted silver?

I would ask how they got inside you in the first place,

but I won’t

because I don’t think I would very much like the answer.

But you’re here, on my couch,

making a mess of things just like I taught you how,

and the kettle hasn’t begun to scream yet,
         so let’s talk.
That is what you came here to do isn’t it?

Well maybe I don’t want to talk.
        Did you ever even consider that?
Maybe I don’t want to think about January anymore.
                After all these years,
      after all these frost bitten cheeks and lost sunglasses and nails bitten down to the quick,
maybe I want to get out of this car.


                                   I don’t,
but I can’t very well tell you that now can I?
No, I can’t.

Don’t worry about the bruises on the wall or the shadow in the corner.
      You’re not.
You’re not even looking.

How are you?
Fine.
Nice weather we’ve been having.

     Yeah maybe,
except the air is always so cold that there’s ice in my lungs and it
        never stops being Tuesday.
Don’t just look at me, say something. Or if you won’t, then at least  build a fire.
           No, I’ll do it.
Go lay down,
there’s a space in my bed next to Nostalgia that’s
      probably still warm.
            Just throw the book on the floor.
I can put it away if it means you’ll stay awhile.

Turn the heat down, turn the lights off
                  this is all just temporary.
      We don’t have to talk about the car crash or the window or what’s buried in that yard.
      Focus only on my skin now.
We can think about that night in the pool later,
         when you’ve gone home again and turned up the music so loud          that you can’t hear the gunshots.

I have to say that I’m quite
               disappointed,
      and slightly offended by your
lack of attention to detail.
Don’t you remember
     when you were eight years old,
             all filled with soda pop and sidewalk chalk,

and you won that fish at the state fair for something silly
          like knocking over three milk bottles stacked on each other with
    four tries and a baseball.

Who the hell needs four tries for that?

But you won the fish and made it a home
           in a small glass bowl set on top            
                               of your nightstand.

Four days later while you were at school your mom discovered it floating belly up,
          flushed it down the toilet and rushed out of the house
      coming back twenty minutes later     with a fish similar enough to keep you from noticing
          that anything had changed at all.


Oh well,
     I’ll keep that in it’s wooden box at the back of my closet,
Let you keep your ignorance.
Let you keep your bliss.
    And I will sit quietly in the backseat
                   of your car while you drive,
and watch all the different girls
   get in and out of the passenger seat.

But I will never buckle my seatbelt,
     and always keep the door unlocked

just to see if it will scare you enough to turn around.
Nameless Jun 2014
It's 12:06 AM
And I lost you today.

I actually lost you quite a while ago
I guess,
And was just grasping at something
That had disintegrated.

But I really lost you today.

And I can't breathe
Because my veins are currently being flooded with
An infinity of moments
In which I fell in love with you,
Taking up all the room in my blood,
So no oxygen is getting anywhere
At all.

And it's a weird feeling
Not being able to decide if your rapid breathing is being caused by
Your heart completely giving out,
Or your lungs trying to catch up to your running away from every trace of his presence.
Feeling like you were just possessed by
Every demon that ever crept into your bones,
And feeling a relief.

I'm terrified.
Im so terrified of having to
Snip apart the seams that sewed us together.
Every ******* second spent with you being a stitch in the warmest blanket I ever slept in.
And I hate the cold.

And if anyone out there knows, could you please tell me how to not think of him whenever I see the moon.
424 · Oct 2013
Nursery Rhymes
Nameless Oct 2013
A story learned from ages young
So slyly disguised a future hung

The tale of an egg held up so tall
One day fell down off of his wall

Broken were the pieces that once made a whole
And no efforts to repair could fix his soul

But was the story really about an egg?
Or was it a warning of what came ahead

For the sing song voiced girl
With a gleam in her eye and hair in a curl

Who too crashed down from up so high
Pieces too shattered to put back in tie.
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