you regularly blessed my body with affection
and played
with my hands when they were numb
you would stage kiss me and pour yourself into me
then you'd really kiss me.
your lips like pillows were soft and plush
your teeth bad, but your abilities outweighed.
your hands laid on my face and they were
cold
and wandered
you kept me warm when I was outstretched.

and its my fault
i put that awkward space between us
i evoked our separation
because I was feeling hopeless
and tired
as usual and I wanted to be alone I thought
so
i
was
alone

but thoughts of us
and you
wouldn't, wont stop swimming in my head
and I got, I am scared
so I tried to fill your gap
with another body
who although, is great
is not you
and only makes the gap where you stayed in me

larger.

I try to cover my sorriness in humor

But when my eyes start to drift and my mind starts to glaze

Time ceases and thoughts cease and people cease and all that is left is the keys under my nails

The peeling of my skin
The scratching of my legs

The motionless shallow breathing that remains a steady and broken hum

When the quiet takes over

its explicit in my mind
to believe

I matter.