at what point did we shed
our skins, drunkenly flutter from young
to young adulthood.
can't get it back. it's like catching
snow, blank and gone before morning
but we'll keep our eyes open
even in the mist for
a glitch, a blur of our former selves
in a shadow, a guttural voice, maybe
your own that says 'when will you
move on from this.' Oh your tears
don't taste the same now but
the television's still on.
Written: September 2023.
Explanation: A poem written in my own time. Feedback welcome. A link to my Facebook writing page and Instagram page can be found on my HP home page.
The skies were clear the day after he died.
I peeled off my clothes by the river
and watched the water breathe,
folding into itself like a chest wound.
It trembled at my touch,
as foot became current,
kissed thigh and naked breast,
warm cheek and curled lip.
The water was soft
and the world sighed beneath me.
My skin was built of goosebump
I floated on my back and my body became the water cycle.
Evaporation is just another word
I have no memory of breath
till we kissed
now each breath recalled
spoke of you
each moment infused
with airs of your inclination
your unfolding sigh
your lips on mine
breathe into me
my last breath
must be yours
till I return it
I've been living under a spell for so long
A lying backbiting little runt of a demon
Who points out all my faults and humiliations
And throws them in my face at will
I can feel my strength being drained
And it takes all my focus to redeem myself
I say to my soul, I am innocent
Compared to some, I am a saint
In each flashback or vision I have
The demon is there to laugh
My memories are a mess of truths and lies
Time distorted my mind to the events of the past
We are living through trying times
We are at the cusp of a breakthrough
I will be holding my post
Even if I must stand alone
somewhere between the drink that burns my throat and Anderson Paak's voice, i find my thoughts drifting to the same place they always do
i never thought remembering
would burn this much, nor that it would consume my sleep at night.
I remember how happy and sentimental
cute clingy songs made me feel, because my pathetic heart felt every lyric.
I now find myself skipping those songs because they remind me the pain of you. That last taste of your lips that used to give me comfort, but none of it was real. How could you sit there, look me in my teared up eyes and lie to my face? I wonder how many times you touched me, kissed me knowing **** well you did not love me anymore, these questions torment me on my daily basis. Therefore I keep myself busy to distract my thoughts from you,
I can heal all i want, but how do i get this feeling of betrayal off my skin? I find it very ironic how you used to blame me for the sins you were comitting. Broken promises and blood spilling, but you're perfectly fine.
That's such a *******.
These memories became a wound on my soul and you my stabber but i gave you the dagger, i regret you all the time. We became a tainted memory id like to fully erase from my being.
I would have loved if I had known
Love is not something you can hold
Everything's so overgrown
I cannot toil, I must control
For once I turn my back it folds
Like a house of cards it falls
Back to dust it slowly goes
Rust consumes within these walls
And like the dust that moves with air
One day It will settle down
I'll live my life without a care
And dig my roots into the ground
You were constantly telling me I was sunshine and roses when I am obviously orchids and moonlight.
The way you held me, caressed my body, said my name…
They were pleasant enough but never filled the void in my soul.
You spoon fed me lies and wrapped me in a warm blanket enveloped with deception.
You cared for me up to your standards but never asked me mine.
Your words enraptured my thoughts and buried doubt into my brain.
You said you couldn’t live without me .
You told me you loved me.
That I was perfect for you.
We moved boxes and made a home.
Our possessions and limbs intertwined like lovers in the night.
We were blended.
But like water and oil we drifted, we separated.
You wanted me to change…
Not something as simple as to stop smacking my lips as I ate or to watch my intake of wine.
You wanted me to change core beliefs.
Wanted me to believe in a man in the sky who lets children starve, women get abused, and men to die.
Meanwhile my taro cards and crystals are charging in the moonlight as star dust dances upon my skin.
You were constantly telling me I was sunshine and roses when I am orchids and moonlight.
I am the universe wrapped into a humans body.
I am love.
I am acceptance.
I am all encompassing kindness.
You took it for granted and want it back.
I know who I am while you are searching for yourself.
You are wanting others to change to better your life.
When you should be accepting people you turn them away.
You took a piece of my heart… for it was yours.
But you just took a portion. Not the whole.
I see your call
I pick up the phone and stall
Maybe I answer and say
Baby where have you been...?
Why haven't you been around...
This scenario plays in my mind
Yet I know what your answer would be
I wasn't very kind to you
I wanted to change your truth
And now I regret the present
Yes I have lost you, sure
Now your absence speaks in honest words
I thought we would journey worlds
I must move on, not to dwell
And hope to see us some day well