I don’t fight to stay alive. I fight to function.
I fight for those who need me, for those who would blame themselves.
I fight for those good days.
The ones where my body is my friend.
The memories I can make on those days are the ones that keep me going.

I don’t want to be a prisoner of my past.
I am building my life on the foundation of rock bottom.  
My house has windows that look out over the meadows of the future where my children will play.
My house has a front porch painted yellow, where my husband and I will sit and rock in our chairs singing the songs of happier days yet to come.
I am building my house on this solid rock, reaching up to the heavens for guidance.
I will not be a prisoner of things I cannot change.
I am a survivor, I am strong, and I am building my house.

I drink so I don’t want to **** myself.
I drink to forget the day.
My sorrows are washed away with each sip I take
Of that magical nectar.
Sobriety is hard.
When the alcohol is like a siren
Calling out for just one more date
It’ll be the death of me one day
But at least it won’t hurt.

I don’t want to be sober.
I don’t want to have to be sober.
But I want to be healthy and if I can’t control my drinking then I need help.
Self control has never been what I’m best at.
I want to go out to the bars with my friends and enjoy alcohol that way.
Not drink myself into the next dimension at 1am so that I don’t **** myself.
I want to tell my parents.
But I can’t stand the thought of adding another reason for them to be disappointed in me.
I’m not ready for the accountability and pressure of someone breathing down my neck.
I don’t want to be sober.
I just want to be normal.

I’m tired of writing poems about suicide. I want to write about the trees, how they dance in the wind, and how mother nature’s artistry shows through the leaves as autumn approaches. But it’s hard to write about the beauty of this world when every thought is consuming you, telling you to leave.

I want you to know
You are stronger than you think
You will be okay

Even with me gone
Hold close to our memories
They’re all you have left

Thanks for the flowers
And the bruises you left me
May they never fade

I want you to know
I loved you in so many ways
But I’m letting go

So goodbye to you
My dearest almost lover
My heart still awaits

I am so tired.
I wake up every day more exhausted than the last.
I’m tired of fighting my body,
Through a war I know I cannot win.
I feel like I’m constantly fighting gravity just to stand on my own two feet.
I don’t trust myself when I’m alone,
And I only feel alive when I’m with you,
So please don’t get mad if I hug you a little bit longer,
Or ask to hold your hand,
Because I am so tired
And you are what I’m fighting for.