Small little creatures,
Laying on the beach,
Why don't you come over,
And sit with me.

Itty bitty turtles,
May look weak,
But their shells are nothing,
Near weak.

They are stronger then you think.

He looks down at his bruises,
The bullies they do this.

She looks down at her scars,
The bullying went way to far.

He smiles,
But the bullying has broken his heart.

The bruises, scars, and broken hearts,
Show nothing in comparison,
To the mental scars.

Why can't they like me,
Why do they hurt me.

These questions come to them,
Daily.

Have you heard these wretched names?
Ugly
Fake
Or even,
Clinically Insane

Have you ever stopped to think,
The pain has made them this way?

No they are not,
Ugly .

No they are not,
Fake .

Never have they been,
Clinically Insane .

But this pain,
Is more potent ,
Then red wine,
On white sheets.

Causing them not to,
Laugh,
Smile,
Or wish to breath.

Bullying,
Don't you see what you have done?

This pain,
Cannot be undone.

Coconuts,
Fall from the tree's,
Knocking passerby's unconscious.

They can give us sweet milk,
Or what the locals would call "meat",
But I'm pretty sure this isn't the kind of meat I usually eat.

Breathing heavy,
Heartbeat quickening.

Panic attack beginning.

Memories being triggered,
By random actions.

Touching my shoulders,
Or even my back,
Makes me begin to strain.

Tranquillity,
It has come over me,
Like a wave washes over a beach.

Tranquillity,
Is beauty,
No destruction.
No havoc.

Tranquillity,
Is rare to see lately,
With all these wars raging around me.

So tranquillity,
Will you ever come back to me?

Self-Harm.

It's when you can't handle yourself,
So you let blades and fire do it for you.

You claim to be second best.

What happened to first?
I don't see anyone there.

Unless you wish to stay second,
That works to,
But he will always be right after you.

Saying you're behind him,
Is like saying that the tortoise came after the hare.

Either way you win,
Because you're in first place.

It's not going to change.

Gesia,
The beautiful brown haired girl.

Her personality is beautiful,
Like a little girls first smile.

She only seems to see the best in people,
Never looking for the worst.

She is so nice it is scary,
Her happiness seems to be intoxicating.

Gesia,
The beautiful brown haired girl.

It's not what you do,
That makes you perfect.

It's how you do it,
Why you do it.

Your messed up,
But you've gotten through it.

You've been hurt,
It's happened before.

But still with you,
I can't help but adore.

People are like caterpillars.
We all start out the same but we all change.

Not being trusted,
It alone is enough to put a strong man on his knees.

I believe color,
Is a beautiful,
Superficial thing.

I believe darkness,
Holds beauty,
Very few can see.

Color,
And,
Darkness don't mingle.

Darkness,
Understands the light,
But doesn't like it's fake feel.

Color,
Doesn't understand the dark,
Because it isn't color.

Brandy, the beautiful punk-rock girl,
Her personality,
Could light the whole world.

Her black and blue nerd glasses,
Help her see right past us.

Her wicked nose piercing,
Is piercing our souls,
Showing us what her words cannot hold.

She makes me smile,
With her never ending smile,
Shows us, that you don't need to be sad,
With Brandy you can be very glad.

Brandy,
The Beautiful Punk-Rock Girl

The girl sits with a razor kissing her wrists.
The boy sits in a corner enduring never ending kicks.

She says she'll be fine.
He says he just stepped out of line.

She doesn't understand that this is far from fine.
And He doesn't understand that this is not because he was out of line,

She believes she deserves this.
He believes they love him.

Neither of which are true.

Why would she deserve pain,
and why would he deserve the cold bottom of their shoes?

There are people who cut themselves,
Some of these people are the most sane people I know.

There are people who burn themselves,
They have some of the brightest personality's I have seen.

Some of these people you may tell,
Go **** yourself.
It's all for attention.
Or maybe even,
Cut a little deeper, it's not like anyone cares.

But what you don't see is,
They are all ready battling a pain inside,
It's not something they can just up and hide.

It's almost as if there are demons inside,
Telling them the lies,
That there eyes are to far apart or,
Their thighs are twice their size.

These people were once happy,
They were once beautiful in there own eyes.

But now they have broken,
It's almost like their souls are shattered window panes.

But you don't understand is all they seem to feel is pain.

Pain is becoming like their middle name.

It's all they feel,
All they breath.

It's almost like every breathe they take,
It's almost like breathing acid.

But just remember some of them are,
The most sane.

I love you with all my heart.

Your love giving my thoughts a "jump start"

Your choices make me want to glare,
And yet I continuously stare.

Yet I choose to love you minus you being unfair.

Jealousy laced with possessory,
Ripping into this thing called me.

She’s like a porcelain doll,
But you kiss,
You kiss those poison lips.

For I may be jealousy laced with possessory,
But she will make you pain laced with insanity.

His Dad,
Refuses to like me.

Saying my friends,
Seem to be more important to me then his son.

What he doesn't get,
Is it was killing me.

Being called those names,
Every single day.

They were breaking me,
Inside I was torn.

I was crying,
Almost everyday.

Unable to breathe,
The pain inside was crushing me.

But what he doesn't understand,
Is his son was, is, more important to me then myself.

He means the world to me.

I physically,
Couldn't live without him.

But I guess,
I'm too ******,
For you to know that.

These bruises,
Bring so much pain,
It's a wonder how I'm alive.

I can feel the air coming into me,
Filling this hollow cavity.

I act as if I feel nothing,
But the pain you bring me,
Makes me feel everything.

You bend me,
You break me,
Telling me you're making the,
"Perfect me".

This thing,
This,
Abuse.
Escorts self-hate into my life.

Makes me hate me,
And what I am.

I wish I was nothing,
Even if I truly am something.

The bruises you leave,
Decorate my body like graffiti,
Splotches of purples, pinks, and blues,
My body, the canvas.

I feel nothing,
I feel everything.

Abuse.
Why?

I feel the hot air strong in the room,
It is surrounding you.

Maybe thats what your anger must do,
Surround you in heat,
So that others won't wish to step through.

Maybe thats a thing you must do,
Surround yourself in misery,
So others don't see the insanity.

Insanity is what misery brings,
They walk together,
These evil things.

Insanity,
Misery,
Walk together,
Don't you see?

What if the illnesses,
Were human?

Would depression be an emo kid,
With long black hair, and dark clothes?

Would he hide out alone,
Finding comfort in things that bring others misery?

Would bipolar be popular,
Then unpopular the next day?

Would he hang out with different people,
Every other day?

Would anxiety be a kid,
Would he hide in a hoodie,
Fearing what lurks around every corner?

Would he be sporty to get out the energy,
Or would he be very cautious,
Always picking at something.

Would ADHD be a kid,
Shaking so fast you could hardly see him?

Would he be sporty,
Trying to get out all his energy?

What you wouldn't realize
Is most of us are our disorders,
But only because we let them consume us.

I don't have many close friends.

I don't see a reason to have them.

They do everything a journal can do.

The only difference is journals can't talk.

But sometimes that's better.

Joey,
This crazy boy I know.

His tight hugs in the morning make me smile,
I kinda wish they could last a little while..

His bright eyes,
Shine when he smiles.

He may just be a crazy boy I know,
But he is also so trustworthy,
Even if it doesn't show.

I don't really think Joey,
Is just a crazy boy that knows me,
He might also be,
A crazy boy that knows the true me..

Red pill,
Blue pill,
Green pill.

So many pills,
Making her life go downhill.

This guy I know,
Brings me more smiles then I would like to show.

This guy I know,
Never fails to shock me.

This guy I know,
Let me sit with him,
Even when I thought I was hated by him.

He seems to accept me,
For being the completely weird me.

This guy I know,
His name being Joe,
Is a really good friend,
Even to a girl like me.

It's hard not to fall for someone,
Who you can go to at 4am,
And cry your heart out.

It's hard not to fall for someone,
Who knows who you are,
Behind the makeup and the smile

It's hard not to fall for someone,
Who makes the pain disappear,
For a little while.

It's hard not to fall for someone,
Who understand it's okay,
To not be okay.

It's hard not to fall for someone,
Who knows that when you say,
"I'm going to bed"
It really means you're gonna think,
For hours on end.

It's hard not to fall for someone,
Who knows the difference between,
I'm fine and I'm in pain.

I watched as the rain pooled in the wells of your cheeks,
The shadows fought for dominance between the cracks in your teeth.

I watched as the light left your eyes,
Your wandering soul pulling its way out of them.

I watched as your breath fought to make your chest rise again,
Hammering its way up and down, like a jackhammer on a mission.

I’m sorry that I saw stars in your eyes,
And I fell for you, yet I wasn’t there when the light left.

I’m sorry I saw flowers within your heart,
And I picked a few, but I wasn’t there to pick you up when you fell.

I’m sorry I heard birds sing each time you took a breath,
And I held a few of those birds, but I never let go and you suffocated.

I’m sorry that I fell in love with your smile,
But I got nervous and left to quickly.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry for loving you,
Because regardless of the nights we spent smiling,
I left and you fell apart.

And lastly I’m sorry,
I’m sorry I never told you I was falling apart too

Long distance.
Short distance.

The commitment is what matters.

Can you hear her screaming?
It is because she is finally breaking.

She has held her ground,
Whereas others around her broke under the pressure.

She is not screaming,
She is tearing.

She is ripping at the seams.
Like a old dish towel,
Easily torn.

She is falling apart,
Her confidence failing.

Her heart breaking,
Her spirt falling.

She can feel the pain.
She can feel the hurt.

And yet she smiles,
That breathtaking smile of hers,
Never fails to work.

Her smile,
No matter how fake,
Always seems to fool the others around her.

Physical pain goes away,
Mental usually doesn't.

It hurts more sometimes,
But it usually doesn't.

Physically I am fine,
Mentally is a different story.

Mentally,
I'm a mess.
Physically,
You wouldn't even notice.

My perfect batman boy,
You make me think happy thoughts.

I am your weird little batgirl,
Forever we will be.

Batman,
And,
Me.

Elephants..
Stomping the ground with a mighty force.
They have more power then a horse.
Can pull with a ton of more force.
Their trunks is there only source of air.

I'm here when needed.

But I don't seem to be needed much anymore..

Virginity is not about,
The first time you had ****** activities.

But being a ******,
Is about the first time you made,
Love.

As I reflect on my past,
I realize many things have passed.

Flowers have bloomed,
Yet I can't ever "find the room",
To watch them as they bloom.

People have graced me,
With their beautiful personalities,
And yet I never find the time,
To allow their personalities to overwhelm me.

I wish I could reflect on my past
And say many good times have passed,
But sadly there is more good then there is bad,
I wish there was more happy then there is sad.

But alas I cannot change where my pieces have landed,
But I can't fix my past either,
So I shall allow the past to remain in the past.

So if you ask me to reflect,
I will not reflect but honestly say,
The past is just another fallen day.

My love may be blind,
but my eyes have never failed me.

You placed a gloved hand over my eyes,
Telling me “our love is undying.”

That my stubborn personality lit a new flame
Inside your heart daily.

You expressed your love for me,
In songs you found on the internet.

Then I began to see cracks
Between your fingers.

Seeing the way your smile would falter,
As would the way you would look at me.

The way our eyes would meet.
Like we saw stars that had yet to be discovered.

I remember the day
You began to remove singular fingers.

You began to tell me
That my stubbornness,
Is annoying.

That the songs you had found on the internet,
No longer applied.

I think that was the day you removed your hands completely.
And told me our love was dead.

The line,
Til death do us part
Applies.

Because we may not have died,
But the love between us had.

That was also the day,
I realized I had won that stupid game of,
I love you more.

Tires,
They spin faster,
And fast on the ice,
Never seeming to stop.

Your life,
Flashed right before your eyes,
Faster then the tires on the ice.

You have grown older,
Have made something of yourself,
But the ice never changed,
But the tired got off the ice.

Then the ice melted away,
Like your life slowly does,
Day after day.

It slowly happens,
But seems so quick.
Your tires soon unstick.

You life flashes,
Time to say goodbye,
Goodbye you,
Goodbye tires,
Goodbye ice.

Clowns smile.
Clowns frown.

Maybe behind that clowns smile is a face that is nothing but down.
And maybe behind that clowns from is a smile that goes on for miles.

Maybe there happiness,
Is all an act.

And maybe their sadness
Is all an act.

Maybe their entire life is an,
Balancing act.

I feel so lost.
Like nothing matters but finding my way.

But my way has been concealed.
Taken from me.

Its like I have become blind,
Everyway has gone into hiding.

So which way do I take?

Welcome to a girl.

A girl who built a city,
Raised it up in her own hands
Held it out to me.

Showed me her work.

Then crumpled it in her palms,
Like puddy in her hands.

She told me to help her make it real.

I thought it was.

But I guess city's don’t crumble
The way my walls did when the tone of her voice changed.

She got louder and my walls fell apart like sand.

Little did I know,
Her broken city
Held an army.

A army that you can’t hide from.
You have to meet it head on.
Or, it kills you.

Or at least that's what I thought.

But her army emerged,
And pushed, and molded the city
Until it was perfect again.

She held a city in her palms.
Showed me it again.

This time,
I held her fingers back.

Her city had cracks running deep.
Canyons that weren’t in it before had now shown up.

Showing a beating heart under it.

It was her heart.

She crumpled her city,
So her heart would be hidden.

But once the army showed up,
It showed her heart once more.

The army helps her regain her humanity.

The air is intoxicating,
And malodorous.

I feel it suffocating me,
It saddens me.

Makes me feel nothing,
But nothing is a feeling so complex,
Because nothing is something,
And something is not nothing.

I can feel the air,
Tightening around me like a fist fighting death.

I can feel I----
Nothing.

I love you,
More than an astrologer,
Loves the sky.

I love you,
More than an lawyer,
Loves arguing.

I love you,
More than a cow,
Loves to eat.

I love you,
More than a banker,
Loves money.

I love you,
More than you,
Love me.

I'm speaking.
But no one is listening.

I'm breathing.
But no one is caring.

I'm smiling.
But no one is noticing.

Why bother anymore?

My little Raven,
My newly found friend.

We will definitely,
Be together til,
The very end .

My beautiful Raven,
My very good friend.

You'll probably take,
My hot chocolate,
Once again.

I make weird faces,
For your weirdness.

My scary little Raven,
My weirdest friend.

His smile is intoxicating.
I can't help but smile with him..

His lips seem so kissable.
May I kiss them?

His blush is adorable.
I hope he doesn't mind if I make it worse.

Your lips,
Are sweeter than honey.

Your smile,
Is more addictive than *******.

Your eyes,
Are so intoxicating its like perfume.

Your laugh,
Is music to me.

You,
Are perfect for me.

I tell you that I love the way you draw.

The way you draw,
It's like you're seeing perfection right before you,
And you're not seeing what you're doing,
But rather what you're feeling,
Or imagining.

You're just showing what your mind sees.

Marisa,
The breathtakingly beautiful girl.

Her sarcasm,
Is defiantly a large part of her personality.

Her personality,
Is very amusing to me,
She seems to be so happy and bubbly.

I love her eyes,
They are a vibrant green,
Probably one of the prettiest I have seen.

Her beauty is,
Breathtaking.

I loved with a passion in my soul,
The kind of love you find
Coming from an alcoholic with a fine bottle of brandy.

It was toxic.

They say I was out of control,
I say blame it on love.

After all this time
I’m still holding onto rundown excuses.

Trying to chase away the blues,
With a baseball bat,
Engraved with the words.

Go Away

I’ve found myself wandering down every empty street
Hoping one of them would lead me back to myself.

Then before realizing you can’t find yourself
Within a pothole stricken road
Without catching a cold.

I caught a cold.

And the cold I caught was wretched.

Only cured by a carton of Ben and Jerrys
And a long night

That night was the longest.

It was one of the nights were it felt
Like a hand with arthritis was clutching your heart.

I found myself downing any bottle of anything,
And finding nothing.

Then I found myself questioning
The nothing I was finding.

I found myself second guessing,
Every breath I took.

Like my lungs were the problem.

But honestly,
I’m gonna blame love,
And I’m gonna be blaming it hard.

And I’ll use every rundown excuse in the book,
If it helps me find something.

Something to hold onto
Just so I get through the night.

I will use every rundown excuse in the book,
To find substance in the nothing I’ve been finding.

Because within this nothing,
There must be something.

Because nothing is something,
And something is not nothing.

So here's to me and my rundown excuses
The excuses I use when I need something.

But can’t find anything.

I sit on the floor,
My emotions surrounding me.

We are having a tea party,
Don't you see?

Mr. Sadness,
He has a cold cup of tea,
No sugar though,
He must be bitter not sweet.

Happiness,
She called in sick,
She will attend another time.

Mr. Depression,
He is sitting next to Mr. Sadness,
They are both sitting quietly,
Stirring their bitter cups of tea.

Why stir the cup?
Nothing bitter can become sweet,
Especially when Happiness didn't attend the party.