He feeds my soul
Sings my song
Dances my rhythm
Paints my smile
From within
He sees me
Hears me
Plays my strings
Gently
He feeds my soul

Our song starts softly
A beautiful murmur
Hinting at joys ahead
As Spring shyly blooms before the Summer

I used to think I knew what it is
to miss someone.
But I cannot think of you.
The instant that I think of you
my stomach twists,
my heart tightens,
my eyes sting.
Not just a thought but
exquisite, undefinable pain.
So I do not think of you.
I used to think I knew what it is
to miss someone but
I cannot miss you.

Heartless
One heartless *****
I am
One
Heartless
*****
Staring at those words
Over and over
Their sharp edges cut
Heartless
Heart
Less
If I am less a heart
Why does it hurt so much?

Empty beer cans punctuate our union now
They are real but their metaphor mocks me
I don’t remember when I started
Counting them full
Counting them empty
Every night
counting them has become
my obsession
Each full can a warning
Each empty can like a stone on a plumb line
Weighting my heart
Dragging it spiralling down
Every night it sinks
Plummeting until it nestles with the eggshells scattered   on   my   floors

I
only
really come here
to be
told

I look nice today

Did we build a little paradise, you and I?
A place where we can
escape together.
Only us.
Ours.

bite my lip
pinch my skin and
rip my love fiercely
from within this flesh

grasp my hip
strike firm caress and
undress my lust thirstily
from within this breast

strip me bare
scald hot kisses and
devour my senses blissfully
from within this soul

I have always loved the stars
And admired their simple beauty
But since you came into my life
They hold new meaning for me
For if I threw a pebble up
If I could reach those stars
It would fall down freely to your hands
And you wouldn’t seem so far
So now when I look up and smile
At stars that we both see
I know there’s nothing between us -
Just you, my love, and me

he wrote
“Please understand...”
apologetic words blurred thereafter
swimming in a dark murkiness that I
simply could not face
he still waits for my reply
but I had no words
all skill of literate communication
left me
just a tearing of heart
a silent scream
he still waits for my reply
so do I

That feeling of warmth that nestles my heart
That calmness of safety you bring when you’re near
That feeling of longing when we are apart
That full happy feeling whenever you’re here
Happiness brimming until it spills over
All worries and pain in my heart washed away
Sweet moments we share through this distance, my lover
That blissful contentment a heartbeat away

If I could talk to you now
I would tell you
I’m OK.
I would tell you
That I took the best of us,
Cherished it
And carried it forward into my life.

If I could talk to you now
I would show you
The places you knew my eyes should drink,
The music you knew I’d love to feel,
The poems you knew were in my heart.

You left me
Polished stones of opportunity, smoothed and shining
Every gift cherished, caressed and
Held in my heart
Your legacy to me.

I wish I knew
...did you achieve your dreams?
The dreams we shared endlessly in those dark hours.
...did you find that love?
The one to hold you in the darkness, like I never could.
...did you keep my stones and
cherish them too?
I hope you kept the best of me too.

Endless words drip from my eyes,
Pouring out
unrestrained now.
Ours was a hopeless love, but it left
Poetry and music and words.
Pebbles.

If I could talk to you now
I would ask you
If you are flying now?
I’m still growing my wings
But I can feel them.

This heart bereft.
No longer flushed with promises and flowers
Blossoms wilt as quickly as their sentiment
Promises made earnestly that could never be fulfilled by these changed souls
Confusion, bred by sadness

in another life
you would be mine
and I would be yours
it would be
that simple
in another life
your heart would not be
promised to another
too soon
in another life
my heart would be free
in another life
if only
it would be
you and me

This place is my secret
A world of words and angst,
Every exquisite emotion
Perpetually eluding capture,
A cacophany of thoughts in a crowded room, spilling out on our pages in a glorious,
thunderous chatter of
Love, anger, fear...
Bravely we expose them all
Here
But this is not my only secret

Poetry
Rhetoric
Identity
Dreams
Emotions
Hidden in
Intimate wording that strips the
Meaning of truth

And

      Love
Oh so much love
   Verbosity bringing an
Escape in indulgent
    Rhythm

Secrets within secrets
Sometimes we ‘hide’
Sometimes we bare ourselves for scrutiny
But the scrutiny remains within

He touched me
So I lift my pen,
Roll its familiarity between my fingers
Gently blow the specks
Seeking that clarity of definition
From the dusty drawer
Slammed shut by daily mediocrity
Suffocated in Life’s metaphor.
A muse has stirred within
Sentience no longer blinkered
Searching songs and poets’ prose
Such beauty of rhyme and form
My love of words reborn
Yet few can truly capture those
undefinable thoughts
I glimpse myself
perpetually grasping
clarification
Since he touched me

And so I lift my pen
and write
and fail
and write again

I don’t need to make promises
to love you unendingly
or think of you incessantly
I don’t need to swear
that I will never leave your side
Those are things that I cannot control
They will happen regardless of my choosing
Because my soul has already chosen yours

Never doubt you
I promise
Never doubt me
You promise
I meant it.
And then autocorrect happened.
It sees what I do not see
It remembers everything
Even a girl’s name.

She named her baby your name.
Not after you
Because she never knew you
I never told her
Or anyone

What you did

Who you are

Or your name

(U n b e a r a b l e)

So it happened that she named him,
Amidst her joyous moment I knew
I could never speak that name,
it
chokes
me
still.
So I lost
Another friendship

More innocence tarnished
Powerless and hurting
Hating that
your twisted lust triumphs, again
I will feel guilty, again
But you are a scar much deeper
And your name presses the wound
A sharpened blade slicing into my secrets
Spilling the stain of my past

In my head I know the shame is yours
Still I bear it all the same
Unable to speak
your name