Upon the announcement of my arrival
my ancestors weaved brillant threads to make a quilt for my bed
with steadfast hands, they weaved themselves a plan
who i was to become, what kind of man
upon the days of my arrival
my ancestors fantastically wrapped me up in the quilt of blue and red
this quilt housed me for many seasons
itched me, pinched me, left me cold at night
bit me, tripped me, straggling my rights
the brillant quilt made to protect became my golden cage instead
their plan created my strife
their plan corseted my life
after years spent suffocating in the threads
i decided to break away from the plan
emerging like a little chick out of an egg
i chose to live my life today
still the foundation laid was unscathed
every trigger sent my heart into disarray
independence fortified, return to the egg
the quilt might be itchy, it might be tight
but it is easier than learning how to fly

ride the disco horse into never-land
sparkling, shining
do you understand?
power is birthed from these hands
alchemy is all you have
so cut, chop, slice
push, pull, fight
your way up that mountain to gain wider sight
the disco horse responds to your light

Discovering all of the holes in my boat
changing channels, moving remote
wonder how far my legs can take me
ponder where i hid my hope
clinging then climbing
stimming then silent
i have anxiety that i wear like a backpack
i have meds that keep my grey train on track
tired of wildfires and thunderstorms
they say its natural you know?
that my autonomy is second hand
to the chemistry
its factual you know?
the cocktail of chemicals that ruminate
dispelling a flesh body’s gloomy state

indite my insights
emotions caught in my windpipe
journaling makes it easier
label my pain a distinct kind
not a single tear shed when the king died
sinking into the riptide
giving myself some time
to grow, to show all my tremors
to know, Monroe, angel feathers