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365
Mrs Robota Apr 2017
365
Many stand on the side lines
Take the small steps and get left behind
Others seem to rush through life
They have every moment planned
But never take a moment to hit the pause
And see the beautiful unfolding of
Who they’ve come to be

With a new age, comes new page to wake up in
And I can only hope I get to wake up in yours
Till we’re 97, sitting on a park bench
Feeding the birds on a Monday morning
Complaining it’s too cold & we’re too cold
Saying all the little things we’ve said a million times
And all the things we didn’t say
Because we don’t have much time before we run out of pages
And you need to know all the little things I didn’t say
These 365 days

Like everything inside you
That you can’t see
I see

Like how I should know you by now
But I know nothing about you
Because you’re always changing
But that only makes you
That much more interesting


Because I cherish all these small moments
These 365 days with you

I’m sure there have been days you wish to erase
I only ask you never erase me from your life
Because I’m sure someday we’ll be fighting
Coming undone in a wildfire
But I have no doubt that
We’ll get home safely
Cause there’s always an exit on the highway
And if you can’t drive
I’ll drive us home

Because I don’t want to be
365 days without you
This poem is for a dear friend
Mrs Robota Mar 2018
As people we live in a broken world
There is no denying that
And we're looking for something
We're empty and we try to fill ourselves with money and cars and *** and happiness...
If someone is hungry enough they'll try to eat their own shoes
If someone is hungry enough they'll eat their own heart
We’re empty and we try to fill ourselves by giving gifts and cards...
For those who have been forgotten and underappreciated
We’re empty and we try to fill ourselves by drawing silly faces on post-it notes and giving away our hearts...
Waiting on a thank you
A smile
Waiting to be held
To feel like someone cared
But we refuse to accept a touch of love
Would it even satisfy the hunger?
It's not what we need
Maybe we don't even know what we need
Maybe all we need is a friend to sit with us in silence
As it tries to split us in two
Because we know we need something
It’s why we eat our shoes
Even though they are worn and scuffed and covered in muck
We eat our shoes
Anything that will give us a temporary relief
The sensation of chewing
Swallowing
But it's killing us
And we think we're solving the problem but it just makes it worse
Because the silence splits us in two
Drags us further away from the warmth we desire
We try to feel loved
We try to feel important
But people are temporary
They leave, we leave, they leave, we leave
But if we remember one thing about each other
Let it be the day we were born into this broken world
And not the day we leave forevermore
Abandoned in the church
Because we can't find what we are searching for in others
Or their products
What am I hungry for?
Love
Belonging
People can't offer that
They let you down
Even the best people die
And in the end everyone will let you down
Every single time
Because they steal and lie and cheat and whisper things to sculpt our opinions of each other
And Jesus I stopped calling out your name a long time ago
I have to accept you’re gone
And my heart shattered into a million pieces a long time ago
But if they remember one thing about me
Let it be the day I was born into a broken world
And not the day I leave them forevermore
Abandoned in the church
Let them remember the simple days
When I made them laugh
When being my friend was the best choice they ever made
When choosing to keep me was the best choice they ever made
When loving me was the best choice they ever made
In this broken world
Was being my friend the best choice you ever made?
Was choosing to keep me the best choice you ever made?
Was loving me the best choice you ever made?
In this broken world
Mrs Robota Aug 2015
Intelligent life floating nearly three decades towards unification
With unsuccessful progression, just stressful aggression
That is preached on the mountaintop waiting for the wild beast to unlock its secretes
When underneath lies a labyrinth of tunnels
Full of issues spinning on a cursed wheel;
On the streets, there is no silver-lining
And ethnic cleansing, is a political approach to coax society
With an insurmountable wire full of electrons
Trying to tranquilize a foundation of "modernity"
That is drenched in red Beryl molasses
Causing another martyr to die in cold blood;
Sick with a plague that runs deeper than the cyanide in our veins
What a shame that these flowers wilt away
Not even rain can break down these red dreams mixed with criminal themes
No matter how hard we try, no gust of wind is strong enough
To fight off the spiders bloated with poison
That lurk in the shadows, at a quarter to midnight
They light the cigarettes like the patient wolves
Watching the calm night from the rooftop
The moonlight magnifies their grotesque facade
Baring their teeth at a lingering silhouette cast out of paradise
Into a void where sober logic is drowned by clinking wine glasses
Mrs Robota Jul 2016
I am the friend they will never know.
They are the love I’m weaning off
They were too scared to breathe
the sweet fragrance of lightening.
Now left behind in memories,

Another moment turned to ash
As rain kept pouring, slurred between the beds were lies coming into view
I know the truth.
The schemes to catch butterflies
The sport to **** mythical creatures
Always running
Gotta keep running
Far far away

No more secret letters passed around the classroom
About to enter the virtual world
Full of electric sheep
I’ll fall asleep covered in wires
And wake up with black ice in my veins
Mrs Robota May 2017
Abandoned umbrellas on the beach float by
And remind me of the broken promises I made to myself
When I was 7 rocking out to the new sounds
Then everyone told me something I shouldn't do
Then everyone chained me to the desk, destroyed the creative thunder
Then everyone trapped me deeper inside the attic
Of my own misery where nightmares became my best friends

Been sitting here all day, done nothing all day
Staring at it, just staring at it
Staring at it, just staring at it
Been sitting here all day, done nothing all day
Staring at it, just staring at it
Wishing I could walk through it
Find myself as someone other than who I am
If only for a day
And I wouldn't have to pretend that you don't really give a f**k about me

Been here four seasons expecting something to change
But I'm still the same me and I don't think shaving my head would change a thing about me because the thoughts are still there
Always gonna be there as four seasons pass

I want to play in the water
With them
But you can't teach a rock to swim
With dolphins
And I never learned how not to drown
So let me mope sitting hunched over drowning in the harsh light reflecting everything I'm not

It's only a temporary place to rest my head
But I can't sleep
How I wish the door didn't open because someone
who wasn't me unlocked it
"It's open", "Of course"
But will I walk through it?

The doctor is a liar, The doctor was a liar
The doctor, oh that doctor stuck a needle in my arm
And told me I was free to go home
The doctor is a liar, The doctor was a liar
The doctor, oh that doctor gave me an apple
And told me I was free to go home

But everyone knows that the doctor is a liar
Smile in the seconds that pass
Even thought you'll always be too slow
Tripping when they've been walking since 9 months
Trying to get ahead, but constantly falling behind

When did everyone's eyes become blank white sockets
The doctor said
But the echos of "just fix the holes" are yelling through the thunder
Aren't we all just trying to get home?
And I can hear the echos of "just deal with the holes" ringing over and over through the thunder
I've been listening since I was 7 years old
We used to run then
With broken umbrellas
But now we walk
Away from umbrellas
Because even if we drown in the rain we're gonna get home
Mrs Robota Jan 6
You are the cigarettes on my lips
And you are the smoke filling my lungs
Giving me shelter from a reality I refuse to accept
And I don't think I could quit you
So I'll die as the addict I am
Dreaming of words I will never hear
Mrs Robota Nov 2017
It snowed last night
I’m tired
I’d like to close my eyes for a while
Will you drive?
I don’t want to sleep anymore
I want to work
But I don’t know why I can’t
Am I lying to myself?
Am I motivated?
Why don’t I want to do this?
What happened?
Darling, have I lost the passion?
It’s a snowy day
Darling, have I lost the love?
It’s a slow day
Darling,
It must be me

I did the laundry last night
Took me twice as long as it usually does
My room is a mess
My hair is wet
But I don’t want to tend to it
Let it knot
I don’t know why I can’t
What’s stopping me from functioning?
My routine is so messed up
I’ve been sleeping till 2 in the afternoon
When I usually wake up at 7am
It’s a snow day
Darling, I have no purpose
It’s a slow day
Darling, I have no interest
Darling,
It must be me

This poem is hard to write
I want to stop right here
But I’m gonna finish it
Because I have to do something
I can’t lose myself like this
I don’t care if it ain’t good enough
**** THIS!

I like to write down little notes
Keep them in my back pocket
I’m all alone at the front
The bell rings
But no one comes in
It’s a snowy day
It’s a slow day
It must be me
Why is this me?

The newspaper has been torn
And written on
In blue pen
But the crossword is incomplete
And I don’t know how to solve it
But the crossword is incomplete
And I’d like to feel tears
But they won’t come
How did I get here?
I’d like to cry
I’d like for someone to scream inside my head
I’d like to get back
But it’s quiet
They must’ve given up

Something is wrong
Am I gone?
Mrs Robota May 2018
I saw a boy walk between the bodies
Wearing their dog tags
Carrying their weapons
Dragging their armor
He made them a promise to send the letters
Empty promises they will never keep
They’re not coming home
But they said they would

I saw soldiers
Run towards death on shaky legs
When they stepped off the boats
Out of the trenches
Fly up and down the line
Determination in their eyes
To protect a boy and a girl

I saw a girl walk between the bodies
Placing flowers on their eyes
And a hand beneath their heads
As she took away their screams
Hers shatter the sky
She wiped away their tears
Hers caused a flood
She took away their cold
Her body is painted purple & blue & black
She no longer feels

Abandoned by the world
I saw a veteran fall
At their graves is where he lays
Where he replays the horrors

But we won the war

He saw his friends walk between the graves
They’re wearing their dog tags
Carrying their weapons
Dragging their armor
Determination in their eyes
As they fall and drown in a sea of blood

But we won the war

He sees his friends walk between the graves
Following a boy and a girl

But we won the war

They place flowers on his eyes
And a hand beneath his head
As they take away his screams
Theirs shatter the sky
They wipe away his tears
Theirs cause a flood
They take away his cold
His body is painted purple & blue & black
He no longer feels loss and pain and hurt

They won the war
At the graves
Mrs Robota Dec 2016
Sometimes, I day dream about him, the boy with eyes like mine and ***** blond hair, and the different moments I wish we could experience. One of these moments begins with waves crashing against large rocks, the sun is high, it’s hot and birds are flying above us. We’re under a big yellow umbrella, on towels placed parallel to each other.  He lies on his back with his eyes closed, his left arm covering his face, while his right grasps my own. I’m seated with my knees pulled close to my chest switching between watching the ocean kiss the shore, playing with the sand and admiring the smile playing on his lips. It’s a sweet day.
Not really a poem, but a wish
Mrs Robota Jul 2016
You take up space & have a mass.
Matter made of various molecules & atoms
You are stardust
A result of massive explosions in galaxies
Are you completely gone?
According to the conservation of energy
which states that energy cannot be created or destroyed
but can be altered from one form to another
you’re a little bit less orderly
According to decomposition
a proccess where organic substances are broken down
into much simpler forms of matter
you have been recycled by invertebrates, fungi & bacteria
to help continue the circle of life.
It is impossible to know simultaneously
the exact position & velocity of your particles
And so you can’t be put you back together
But you’re back where you belong
Forever consistent in space and time
Back in the atmosphere
Mrs Robota Jan 2017
Have you known? Awhile

In coffee shops I sit for hours
Trying to compose a symphony  
As eloquent as the words on the pages of the novels I’ve read
But nothing comes
Sweet Lullabies - I hear
Black Swans
Float away

I’ve seen the way the light hit the maple
Small delicate bites across the table
I’ve been waiting for summer days like this
Hoping to be inspired
But nothing comes
Sweet Lullabies - I hear
Black Swans
Float away

She smiled at me
I smiled back
The words echoed through
A slap to the face and I woke up
Sweet Lullabies - I hear
Black Swans
Float away


So underneath a chandelier of forgotten hours is where I’ll be
Surrounded by open windows staring through me
Dancing on a cloud of thorns and bleeding ashes on my tattered pink dress
Wondering “Does it make a difference?”
After all, I was promised your undivided attention
As soon as you walked through those doors and took your seat
The lights dimmed, the curtains rose
I came out, ready
Yet my movements were ignored
My voice forgotten
My masterpiece shattered;
Sweet Lullabies - I hear
Black Swans
Float away
Mrs Robota May 2017
Empty liquor bottles
Landscape dipped in gray paint
Humanity, I own you
Mrs Robota Jun 2017
The feeling inside is that of a broken clock
The second hand isn’t ticking
Time has your lungs paralyzed
But even so, at least twice a day you feel like yourself
And you can breathe for a second
Before you lose it all, again

Most would throw a broken clock away
Upgrade to a digital with a million other uses
Instead of replacing the batteries
Or taking it to the horologist
It’s rare that anyone who would pass it on the road
Would turn around to spare it a second glance
No one has time for a broken clock

It’s easy to lose track of time when you’re busy;
When you’re having fun; when you’re in love;
When you feel something other than a roller coaster of emotions
In your mind you wonder how did the screws fall loose?
Nothing makes sense in nightmares
Where images of pink one-eyed monsters chase you down the hall
But time never seems to pass
And somehow you find yourself falling through an hourglass
But the ending always finds you waking up
Broken, staring at a clock
Mrs Robota Jul 2017
Sent a ******* note calling it an apology
And a phone with a promise that if I needed you all I had to do was call
And I’d be tempted
If your shield never came crashing down on my chest

This is a Civil War
The moment I realize what I’ve always known
I was never your friend
This is the part of the story where you abandon me
In the middle of nowhere
But it’s not like you were ever there  

Shattered my armor, made of iron, into a million pieces
They said engineers could fix anything
Create a brighter, better, brand new future
So I’ll spend the rest of my life fixing my broken heart

This is a Civil War
The moment we disregard peace negotiations
No compromises, it’s all your fault
This is where I stop following orders and take control
I’ll take my chances with the guilt
As it swallows me alive

The longest hours of my life
Waiting in a hospital room
Playing with the lighter,
You gave to me,
As everything you ever said and everything I never said
Came crashing down like that shield on my chest

This is a Civil War
I woke up shouting in the best way
Trembling limbs, anxious heart
But I won’t back down
This is the end of the story
This time I refuse kneel before your monarchy
This Civil War is mine
Mrs Robota Nov 2017
I seldom wear dark colors
I like pastels
But all the colors faded
I searched for possible ways
To brighten faded colors
But I did it wrong
I suppose the colors look unique mixed together
But I feel faded
I think I’ll wear dark colors
Until I figure out how to wear unique colors
Cup
Mrs Robota May 2017
Cup
On a wooden table nested between purple flowers
A little cup of coffee sits
By a window perched on a bar stool
Fiddling with the cup, in the palms of her hands, sits a girl

She woke up this morning in a hurry to meet you
Took 3 buses to get to you
Because you made plans weeks ago, but you never showed up
And now this girl is left hopelessly thinking
“What’s the rush to being rejected?”

The barista came by, asked her if she was waiting on someone
No one important
because waiting on you is like reading the same paragraph three times
And never understanding a single word

They asked her if she’d like another cup, anything to eat
She can see the pity in their eyes
They can see past her faux smile
She doesn’t have an appetite, but accepts another cup

They filled it to the brim
Maybe its warmth will fill the cold inside her chest
Mrs Robota Jan 2016
Cut the rope
Before I pull you under
Don’t follow me
I won’t return to kiss you goodnight
I won’t return to hold you tight
So do as I say
Stay in the cave & don’t come out until I howl
Then you need to run & don’t look back
Not even when I whimper
Not when I beg for my life
I won’t survive
I’ll be dripping of tar
I’ll be hung by my feet
I’ll be hung & forced to watch them **** our family
So do as I say
You must be swift, don’t step on the screaming branches
The falling snow will protect you
Don’t make a sound & don’t you cry
Just run as I distract them darling
I’ll bite them until I’m bleeding
Their weapons will be laughing
But I won’t breathe my last breath until I know you're safe
So don’t look back
Not even when I whimper
Not when I beg for my life
I won’t survive
Just do as I say
Run far deep into the forest to our brethren in the north
Don’t come back, never come back
I’ll be long gone
I’ll be nothing more than a sweater, a nice coat
Keeping someone else warm
But you, you my darling
You will be safe in the warmth of the North
Summer will come & you will be grown
You will have a new family & one day
You might forgive me & understand why I
Cut the rope
Mrs Robota May 2018
We stood together quietly
Staring at the painting of a woman with olive eyes
I hear myself say I wish mine were as beautiful as hers
And find myself engulfed in light-blue skies
He says they’re darker…repeats the word
Darker
At times he pauses as if trying to find another word to describe my eyes
….but he doesn’t say it
I’m wondering does he want to say Beautiful
Or is it just that I want him to say beautiful
But he continues to smile as he says
Darker
And continues to get closer as he says
Darker
I wonder if this would be the part of a movie where the characters kissed
But this isn’t a movie
And I turn to walk past him
Across wooden floors
Towards anything else that catches my eyes
I can feel his stare
And the space between us feels
Darker
...Beautiful
Mrs Robota Dec 2016
My friend is in my pocket
though she is many miles away
before we met... time just spent
and today was just a day

but now I know and can't forget
it's special because the one I met
19 years ago this day
was destined to type in all caps: "YAY!"
My friend wrote this for me & I love it.
Mrs Robota Jun 2018
i wish to be the
Devil
who can control time
then I could
Stop
myself from
Falling
back into darkness.
I was 16
Mrs Robota Aug 2015
He traveled the seven seas and conquered the world
Inherited the riches of the kings before him
Little did he know of the monsters under the bed
Creeping in the shadows, following
The man obsessed with the mirrors on the walls
Who hoped to be someone different
He really thought if he collided face to face with the problem
The misunderstanding would come into clear view;
In a fit of fury the man threw the bottles at the TV screen
Which played E channel's siren song
He was strong for only so long
Now he's anxious trapped in this cage
Ripping up all the magazines that report little white lies
They hypothesize, materialize, advertise
A false delusion that takes away the substance of a person
It's only a matter of time before the king
Who traveled the seven seas and conquered the world
Inherited the riches of the kings before him
Falls like the kings before him.
This poem was inspired by celebrities I admire. When I wrote this poem I was thinking of One Direction and Michael Jackson. I thought of Poets of the Fall, Nine Lashes...etc.
Mrs Robota Aug 2018
All I heard were footsteps
Moving further away
Fading into silence
Mrs Robota Sep 2015
I had a dream in October
One dark night, as the rain played the forgotten lullaby
Of a broken man who saw a rose strut down the catwalk
In her eyes, he saw the eruption of a volcano
A tree growing, branching out to feel the sun again

I had a dream in December
One afternoon, a blizzard came with little warning
White crystals attacked his lips
Froze his words before he could utter a word
The silver storm sung the sweetest song
While a cold, crisp, quite blanket of snow tucked him into bed

I had a dream in February
One early morning when the blossoms bloomed
Emeralds saw elegance float down the stairs
Carrying scarlet letters of atonement
Anyone could see the forgotten lullaby written on her face

I had a dream in July
One hot summer’s day, he kissed away the lies of a jealous guy
Mended the hole in the shipwreck with every gentle ****** of her tattoos
Now, a flawless smile lights the blue moon
As butterflies take them to a place, where love can never die  

They had a dream
Of four seasons full of love and laughter
Dedicated to a wonderful new friend.
Mrs Robota Aug 2015
I am the white gothic style driving up the walls like the black widow
Producing the silk threads and weaving a tapestry
Binding strange shadows together to get a bite of that electric heart

Embedded within my eyes, are the emeralds the pirates seek
They travel the seven seas, lost in a frozen fever
Knowing their quest will end when they drink the green poison

We call home, when our worlds collide
As the comets crash into frozen lakes
On a December night we are paranoid by the edge that listens to our fears
This poem seems incomplete to me. I'm not sure. The ending doesn't seem right to me.
Mrs Robota Sep 2017
The memories of you
Scream louder than their weapons
Pointed at me
Saying I should erase you from this life
They bring back the words you spoke
Just before you left me sitting alone in a theater
Watching a movie

I can follow the plot, but cannot pause
I watch the ****** stuck on repeat
And it won’t slow down

I feel the promise we shared
In the tides along the beach
It bring back the words I spoke

I promise I will never forget to remember you
Driving on the bridge watching the sun
Warm the Ireland moor
We survived the ghosts that night

The windows shattered when you woke up beside me
The gates opened and we’re moving into our new home
I know you’ll come home
Because I feel your presence as gentle as a hummingbird
Your bare feet walking through the door everyday
You walk straight through me
My eyes flash open

I never packed up your things
Never closed the gate
Never fixed the shattered windows
Because you promised you’d do it when you came home

But nothing makes sense
Am I a hostage of hopeless thinking?
But I feel your fire consume my heart
Was I too occupied by the warmth of your arms
When you pulled me in, sat me down, I lost my breath
You gave it back
Soft like the English rain tapping on my windshield
As I drive towards the station where we never should’ve said goodbye
I feel the train pass by
And this world is monochrome
I feel the train pass by
And this world is monochrome
I feel the train pass by
And this world is monochrome
Mrs Robota Jan 10
I am a grey wall
stained and full of cracks
but you've hung a frame
with a memory of us
over each *****
and you've spilled words of love
over each stain
Mrs Robota Nov 2017
Hand on my armor, Hand on my chest
Asking me “Where you going?”
I got to get off this planet before I fall intoxicated by your lips
This armor’s not enough to protect me from your…
Hand on my armor, Hand on my chest
Asking me “What’s your name”
Take a seat, enjoy the show
But I know this armor’s not enough to protect me from
Falling into your vortex

I know I shouldn’t take a chance, sneak a peek at you
From my side of the couch
But I find myself wanting all your attention
Guess I’m just selfish, jealous
This must be how it feels to be in love
Think I like that I won your favor by just being myself
Tear off my armor, Unlock my chest?
Mrs Robota May 2018
I’m hard to love
He couldn’t love me
It’s okay
I can’t love myself either
How could anyone?
Mrs Robota Nov 2016
He is a black sheep who causes a disturbance everywhere he goes
Recognized only as dead by those who said they believe he could succeed
Was it a lie; or did they simply change their mind?
I have looked into his eyes
I am haunted…haunted

His notorious reputation is a running joke
For he will never amount to more than a disappointment
Destined to smoke a chimney clean
For the rest of his **** soaked life
Many say his future anticipates a jail cell
Does he think that too; or does he strive for more?
I am cold…cold

I saw him on my way home once
He rode his skateboard
Wearing some torn-up black hoodie
I wonder where he went
For a bird with broken wings he seemed to fly
I am content…content

The shackles on his feet grew and grew
With each unruly act he was prevented from molding into a phoenix
His own parents seem to turn to drastic measures
Shoving pills down his throat
When I know there was nothing wrong with him
Only accusation of “Criminal acts”
I can hear them echo
“Disappointment”, “Disobedient”
They say he was unwell
But I wonder if they ever did talk to him
He was a black sheep who caused a disturbance everywhere he went
I am haunted…haunted
This is from an old story I once wrote. I tweaked it a bit.
Mrs Robota Dec 2016
Maybe I could live with an empty chest
Would that be so bad?
Maybe my heart could just follow me around like a ball and chain
Until I found a new one
I’m starting to wonder
Would a new heart even fit?
Mrs Robota Apr 2017
Days like this hold my mind
What we left unfinished
A time out in the corner flashes before my eyes
When my first grade teacher forbade me from going outside
But wouldn’t tell me what I had done wrong
What had I done wrong?

Days like this hold my mind
What we left unfinished
I snuck out of bed at midnight
A soft carpet welcomed my feet
Promising a silence that wouldn’t disturb sweet lullabies
I was watching with wide eyes, screaming within crowds
Till it was over
Why did it have to be over?

Days like this hold my mind
What we left unfinished
Loneliness is my greatest tragedy
A malicious motivator
Second place didn’t matter as long as I had a place
You granted me moments
But left me on the swing
I walked home while the emptiness within my chest
Mirrored the gray winter days
Why did you leave me?

Days like this hold my mind
What we left unfinished
Umbrella abandoned by the ocean
Little children collecting seashells
An elderly batch are playing chess
Until the sun sets
But I’ll be sitting by the ocean
As days like this hold my mind
Mrs Robota Aug 2015
I am often seduced by ideals out of reach
Which have caused a manifestation of bloodstained fog
Transmissions to ******* my white imagination
Tearing down the picture frames and destroying the films of my past.
I vaguely recognize the harsh taste of lies escape my mouth
Shaving the white of my teeth;
It tastes like swallowing a mouthful of infected Whisky
It burns my insides as if I were being repeatedly punched in the ribs
During such an awful moment, I shouldn't feel dreadful apathy of my crimes
Instead, I smell the sweet sugars of the Chocolate Factory
Which was once radiant with a glow unlike any other, but those days are gone.
As I lie here alone on the pavement howling at the moon
I hear the tune of waterfalls hitting the pavement approaching
Though the evening is quite dry
A gust of wind blows harsh against the cars and every so often they yelp
Only when I open my eyes do I comprehend the situation
The waterfalls belong to the person above me
I gaze into their colorful eyes then cling to their outstretched hand
They take me home where I no longer feel the pain
I feel like I'm constantly fighting myself. It's a poem inspired by a dream I had, but also how I have changed over the years.
Mrs Robota Oct 2016
It hurts to know that he is used to being alone.
It hurts to know that he regrets never telling him he loved him
It hurts to know that he never told him loved him, but if he was someone else you know he’d hug them & tell them he missed them & he loved them
It hurts to know he chose someone else over him, and that someone chose someone else over him.
It hurts to know he loves him; the man as cold as the arctic.
What’s the rush? What’s the rush? What’s the rush?
Could you stay a little longer? Could you stay one more day? Another night? Why do you have to go?
When he went under why did he have to take his heart with him?
And if he went under would he be able to come back to find that he has stayed?
It hurts to know that he would save them.
That he would lie down on the wire and get cut and be close to death and still put their needs above his own because he can’t lose them again
Because he probably keeps thinking, “not this time, this time I can save them” but all he does is mess up.
But he keeps getting up and trying to make it right, which is more than anyone else does.
At least he tries.
He could lie, lie to him and he can lie to them and he can lie to the world, but he can’t lie to the truth.
He can’t lose them
He has to fight for them. He has to protect him.
He’ll bleed until there is no more blood
He’ll breathe until there is no more air
He’ll fight the lions, tigers, and bears threatening their world.
He has to because he can’t lose her
He doesn’t want to hurt anymore
i
Mrs Robota May 4
i
it's been raining
like waves crashing on the sidewalk
i've been avoiding the puddles
waiting on the dawn of something i can hold
to come along and make me feel alive
again?

but the days never come easy
the morning rush only brings silence
the loneliness drags on
i've been wondering if the strangers on the bus
feel the same way
i do
are they breathing?

sleep won't come
affectionate offerings mean nothing
it could get better
but all it is
is getting worse
and all i to know
is i want to know
what it feels like
to feel hurt again
because all i feel
is nothing

so if this happens to be a rare situation
a bad dream where i'm running
a sweet dream where i cut
off everything i hate
about myself
maybe it'll turn out alright
and i'll find the feeling
to feel alive
again

i've been fighting a long time
i can't save him now
i've been fighting a long time
she can't save me now
i've been fighting a long time
i can't save me now
I might come back to rewrite it because I'm not 100% happy with it, but I think for now it's okay
Mrs Robota Dec 2015
I don’t know how to love you. I’m not going to love you.
I won’t love you.
But I can kiss you
I can hold you when thunder yells.
I’ll reach deep down inside of you and rip out the knife that’s embedded just under your heart, that knife that has been causing you agony all your life.
I’ll take care of you
I’ll whisper the secrets the butterflies keep
I’ll touch you like you’re a fragile glass rose, but I won’t keep you behind glass walls.
I’ll destroy the mirror spitting Red all over your skin.
I’ll make you breakfast in bed
I’ll make you laugh, just don’t ask me to love you.
Don’t ask me to make you happy.
I don’t know how to do those things.
I can’t love you like you want me to.
I don’t know how to love you.
Mrs Robota May 2018
I promised myself I would never again
But I don't know how much longer I can force it down
Today I thought about how disgusting it is
Whatever happens, happens
Above 15 and you're safe
Below 11 and you're dead
I know the extreme
I know the healthy way to do this
But I'm disgusted by it
I'd rather starve
Mrs Robota Sep 2016
For 64 days I played a game of "Truth or Dare"
Cross my heart, beg to die
This is the confession of a broken heart
That sacrificed it's sanity for a steamy love affair

Now, I sit by the window wishing I had had a crystal ball
because it'd  have saved me a century of torment
Knowing I wasn't your knight in shining armour
It'd have saved me a century of screaming
Instead I watched Atlantis vanish
My pretty, perfect, paradise turned to ash

In my fantasies
We're still in the attic staring at it
The picture of broken love
Holding on to a hope, so cold
I should let go, but I'm paralyzed
Covered in apprehension that we'd survive
And come down from the attic
I am convinced, I'm staring at it
The picture of true love
but true love left, walked out the door
and it's all my fault and if I was honest
I'd admit it's over

Hello, unhappily ever after
Thoughts that refuse me to let me sleep
I remember when I first saw you
I ran out of words
I lost my breathe as butterflies erupted
I couldn’t resist entering the maelstrom despite the warnings
This is my odyssey
I couldn't resist the enchanting music
I thought I could take it
I wanted to be imprisoned
I never knew something so beautiful could be so dangerous

But in my fantasies
We're still in the attic staring at it
The picture of broken love
Holding on to a hope so cold
I should let go, but I'm paralyzed
Covered in apprehension that we'd survive
And come down from the attic
I am convinced, I'm staring at it
The picture of true love
but true love left, walked out the door
and it's all my fault and if I was honest
I'd admit it's over

I still want to be your ***** little secret
The thing you write your love songs about
But I'm nothing more than a wilting February song
Lost in the bitter, biting, bleak winter air
Because you were never mine
And every day I woke up alone, lying to myself
That I could live with empty arms
Instead of a soft lullaby
I scream words of a banshee

Inject me with your love, baby
Give me your love, honey
Fill me with lush tender dreams
Make cotton, candy, clouds rain sweet sugars of incandescent ecstasy
Just give me what I need because underneath I’m breaking

But in my fantasies
We're still in the attic staring at it
The picture of broken love
Holding on to a hope so cold
I should let go, but I'm paralyzed
Covered in apprehension that we'd survive
And come down from the attic
I am convinced, I'm staring at it
The picture of true love
but true love left, walked out the door
and it's all my fault and if I was honest
I'd admit it's over

You need to tell me if you feel the things I do
Your hard exterior, your indecisions are making me wonder
If it’s worth staying up until 3 am
To meet you for our  little rendezvous
But I'm tired of sleeping with the enemy
A person I can't recognize  
Take off the mask, end this façade
Stop blaming me for losing yourself
When you got caught up in someone you invented

But in my fantasies
We're still in the attic staring at it
The picture of broken love
Holding on to a hope so cold
I should let go, but I'm paralyzed
Covered in apprehension that we'd survive
And come down from the attic
I am convinced, I'm staring at it
The picture of true love
but true love left, walked out the door
and it's all my fault and if I was honest
I'd admit it's over

I admit
It's over
Our masterpiece has crumbled beneath your feet
Turned to ash, you left the remains in my chest
Because none of it was real
It was just a game of "Truth or Dare"
But I was never given the truth
So I dare you to tell me the truth
But you refuse
But that won't stop me from sleeping tonight
Without nightmares, without shadows
In my fantasies
Mrs Robota Nov 2017
I saw you dancing with fairies in the forest
You gave me a book of spells
But I cast you away
I heard you sing lullabies for only my ears
You taught me to dance with knives
I stabbed you in the heart

I was trapped inside a white room
You could see me through the glass
While I was blinded by bright lights
We shared a visit
I tried to hold your hand
But it passed right through
An illusion of my grief disguised as you
You vanished
Leaving me to regret the last words I said

It must be summer where you are
Because it’s a dark world here without you
I hold onto anger for my mistakes
You must know I did it for you
Because I never got that last goodbye
I seek revenge, but I'm the one to blame
Mrs Robota May 2018
She spends her days knitting the ocean
Where the waves crash against the docks
And tides sweep her away

I wonder if she would
Knit me a collarbone of gypsophila
How I would love for those long fingers
To make me tremble underneath their touch
I’ve tried not to think about
What it would feel like if she painted my spine
An explosion of hues like galaxies
But here I lie
Thinking of her warm breath caressing my thighs

Flushed skin and swollen lips
Prends-moi et ne me laisse pas partir
White shirts and boxer shorts
Fais-moi rire entre les draps

Woke up without her again
Every passing day is like the red scarf she knit just for me
Unraveling like ice cubes melting on the pavement
And I can’t take this heat
If only we could rewind a moment
Then could we rewrite a moment?
Then could I keep her instead of saying goodbye?

I can’t decide if she was dusk or dawn
All I know is
She was beautiful when she smiled
And I forgot how to be sad
When she made grilled cheese sandwiches
And I couldn’t help but fall more in love
When she danced around the kitchen in her underwear

I miss bad jokes
I miss cold feet
I miss needing a reason…

I miss the way she knit me love
Does this make sense?
Mrs Robota Sep 2016
Let's think about...
Let's think about...
Let's think about...

If we did this my way
blurry, blue, blades
wouldn't pin me to the wall
pull me under oceans
Deep
Till I couldn’t breathe
but my heart was racing
thinking

Made me think about...
Made me think about...
Made me think about...
the

Shld've told you,
couldn't swim
but the thought of drowning
Alluring

My lips are sealed
No more love songs
Still

I think about...
I think about...
I think about...
the

Torn up floors boards
Broken doors
house -left abandoned
No attachments
To the crystalline portraits

Don't you think about...
Don't you think about...
Don't you think about...

Something different
less tragic
No couldn't sleep
Just you & me
home, together
Feeling the salty breeze
On the beach
Darling,

Let's think about...
Let's think about...
Let's think about...
Mrs Robota Dec 2018
There is a black line between the page and the words.
When the line smudges
I get anxious
'Cause it makes the page ****,
Feels out of control
And I'm wondering do I rip out the page
Or continue the line
What would you do?
Mrs Robota Dec 2017
Lover!
I hold onto the promise
That lingered on your lips
That even if we don’t make it
You will Always love me
Lover!

I miss the way you and I used to
Dance like we were
Tom Hiddleston & Tilda Swinton
In Only Lovers Left Alive
You made me feel alive
Like a bright red vinyl record
You had me spinning
Like a carousel
I’m feeling ambitious
Would you like to dance?
One last time
For old times’ sake
Our movements
An explosion, an expression
A supernova
Of Love

Lover!
I hold onto the promise
That lingered on your lips
That even if we don’t make it
You will Always love me
Lover!

I miss the way you and I used to
Talk about the most interesting things
The way Kenneth Branagh talks about Hamlet
Passionate and Adventurous
And I hate Shakespeare, but I’d recite every line
So that you never lose that passion
I’m feeling ambitious
Would you like to go watch Keegan Michael Key play Horatio?
Opposite Oscar Isaac.
I’ll be confused, but I’ll try to understand it all
To see that smile reach your eyes

Lover!
I hold onto the promise
That lingered on your lips
That even if we don’t make it
You will Always love me
Lover!

I’ve missed you
I’ve fought my demons
And through the frustration
Through the anguish
I found my balance

Lover! I will always love you
Mrs Robota Jan 30
Got Tupac in my ear
Singing “I ain’t mad at cha”
And I feel it
Cause it was my fault
I ****** up again
but all I can do is beg

Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me

Yeah I know you're tired of hearing it
The excuses and sorry's
But it's all I have
and all I can do is beg

Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me

Got Tupac in my ear
Singing, “I ain’t mad at cha”
And I need it
Cause I know I don't deserve forgiveness
And all I can do is beg

Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me

One day I'll make it all right
But for now
all I can do is beg

Please don’t be mad at me
Please don’t be mad at me
Please don’t be mad at me
Please don’t be mad at me
So don’t be mad at me

I ain't mad at cha
To my friends, family, and everyone
I'm sorry I'm such a ******* ***** up
Mrs Robota Jul 2016
I can hear you beg for it

But I'll never write you a love song

This isn’t a physiological thriller

I’m not Betty Davis

Still, I'm wondering

Whatever happened to "Ever ever after"?

I’d rather be Singing in the Rain

Than holding back tears waiting for a key

To unlock my chest



Convince me I need this too

Because I never thought the hardest thing I’d ever do

Would be hating you



I try avoiding slipping through the cracks

Into the trenches, but anchors pull me under

I try to dream outside of war, but memories haunt my days

I had no intention of staying

But I feel your hands around my waist

And it begins again
Mrs Robota Feb 2
A part of me is missing
And I don't know how to get it back

I don't understand why I'm so broken

A part of me is missing
And I don't know how to get it back
Mrs Robota Aug 2015
Mrs. Styles, who sits by the window
Leaning back in her chair
Reading the future in the crystal ball
Coffee cup in hand
Taking sinful sips with sinful lips
I can't help, but breathe in the brim of your demeanor
You're nursing a dreamer's addiction

Because at four past midnight
I'm tempted by harmful pleasures
Tugging at my skin, confusing my thoughts
My heart quivers, my breath stutters
Halfway between truth and lies
Hundreds of words flip through my mind
I'm confessing, these are my weakest moments
I'm playing with bottles in closets
I'm gabbling my ***** little secrets

Presumably, Mrs. Styles you are  death twisting my tapestry
Tearing at the thread, hovering above me
Engulfing my bright skies with paranoia,
Anxiety, overwhelmed by overcasts
Calling a storm that screams like the shadows on the walls
When the lights are off
I'm trapped in a choke-hold like a dog trapped in a cage howling at the moon
The beast inside can't be tamed Mrs. Styles

Because at four past midnight
I'm tempted by harmful pleasures
Tugging at my skin, confusing my thoughts
My heart quivers, my breath stutters
Halfway between truth and lies
Hundreds of words flip through my mind
I'm confessing, these are my weakest moments
I'm playing with bottles in closets
I'm gabbling my ***** little secrets

Mrs. Styles, this future is a panic attack
Stop writing, erase the ink and listen to my pleas
I'm lost in an empty theater with velvet chairs and silk curtains
Waiting for someone to sit down and listen
As I eagerly try to play a piano that makes no sound
I don't want to come down from the clouds
Why is my world trying to pull me down?
I've had enough

Because at four past midnight
I'm tempted by harmful pleasures
Tugging at my skin, confusing my thoughts
My heart quivers, my breath stutters
Halfway between truth and lies
Hundreds of words flip through my mind
I'm confessing, these are my weakest moments
I'm playing with bottles in closets
I'm gabbling my ***** little secrets
I'm not sure about this one. I'm not sure if I should end it like this.
Mrs Robota Aug 2016
Woke up early this morning
To discover you weren’t lying beside me
Ran to the kitchen hoping to find you
Ready with pancakes, pouring my coffee
But it’s empty.

I’ve spent a lot of time warring with myself
To make a change, leave you behind
Start new because you’re always late
And I’ve noticed your eyes wander
I’m feeling betrayed,
Wondering, “Shouldn’t they be on me?”

I used to be able to read your mind
Now there’s only vacant stares
Fake smiles exchanged across the room
Arrogant laughter tickling my ears
I’m feeling insecure
Wondering, “Is this a phase?”

I see the way you look at them
The warmth in your eyes
Used to be directed at me
Instead, I receive shallow waves of insincerity


I’m looking down from the edge of no-turning-back
I tipped over the hourglass  
I can feel each grain passing through the pinched center
I can see time running out
For you and I

Woke up early this morning
You weren’t lying beside me
Walked to the kitchen knowing I wouldn’t find you
Readied the pancakes, poured my coffee
Feeling content
I’m ready for the conquest
Mrs Robota Oct 2016
My heart has been following me around;
Chain smoking, carrying this rusty old saxophone
Never plays it though. I don't think it knows how.
But, it always performs for me. Singing silly love song.

Tonight, the city lights didn’t overshadow the night sky
And I thought about who I’d want to journey back home with (too)
If I was trapped in space 200000 miles from home
If I was trapped in a failing ship, running out of oxygen
I’d want to be trapped with you because I know we’d get out of it alive.  

My heart has been following me around;
I locked it out, promising it I was blind
But it’s chained to my chest
I locked it out, promising it I’m deaf
But I know the signs. I’m attached.

I’m avoiding the sympathetic overtures
Because I’ve been through all of this before
But I’m not sure if I’m afraid
Because every moment unfolding gives me a feeling I never imagined

And I’ve spent the bus rides thinking I’d want to journey back home with you (too you)
If I was trapped on a boat, lost at sea
If I was trapped in an odyssey, and pirates invade
I’d want to be trapped with you because I know we’d get out of it alive

My heart has been following me around;
And I’ll never let it back in.
But I’ll cover it with a blanket when it falls asleep on the couch
Because it deserves someone who’ll keep it warm
And I’ll never let it back in
But I’ll fill its world with joy
Because I want to make it happy, I want to hear it laugh.
And I’ll never let it back in
But I’ll write it a love song and sing it with my chalkboard voice
Because if it wasn’t chained to my chest, if I wasn’t keeping me alive
I’d give it away to someone who knows how to treat it like it deserves
Better than I ever could
Mrs Robota Nov 2016
My Important Things

Come away with me
we’ll go down to new Orleans
Get on the bus with me
And we’ll spend the time
In comfortable silence
Separated from the distance

I'm out of my mind
because I can't help but wonder
when you became one of the important things
You’re my everything
My important thing

Now I’m asking
Can we repeat the years over and over?
Give me one more year if just for a minute
Give me over and over
Give me the small moments
I'll cherish them over and over

You don't even know, you don’t even know
And I can't explain, I can’t explain
The difference you make
Each day I'm waking up to "Good Morning"
And every night I'm going to bed
With the promise of over and over

I’m having a heart attack
I'm out of my mind
because I can't help but wonder
when you became one of the important things
You’re my everything
My important thing

And I’ve never laughed so hard
I think I might die
You’re my laughing gas
Because my chest never felt so light
Is this an illusion; A siren’s hallucination
I'm reliving these moments
Over and over
And I won't, oh I won't share

I must be playing a fools game
Because I’m so attached
Being honest, So open
Showing you the broken pieces
Hoping we never drift apart
Separated by distance again

Though I am prepared
For when you disappear...
disappear from my world
And become a stranger again

I can see it now
I'll be calling your name
Over and over
I'll be falling apart
over and over
I'll be missing you
over and over

So, I don’t want forever
And I don’t need you to give me everything

Because you, you’ll never know  
I'm out of my mind (I’m losing my mind)
Because I can't help but wonder
When you became one of the important things
You’re my everything
My important thing

You’ll be my important thing
Over and Over
For my friends
Mrs Robota Jun 2017
Snowflakes melt in the palm of my hand
No matter how hard I try to prevent it
Droplets slip through my fingers

This is New York in the Fall

Could I have a snow globe to store this feeling - awhile?
I’d like to hold on a moment longer
Could I have a flicker of warmth to duel this cold – awhile?
When dark days crash through

This is New York in the Fall

I stand at a crossroad
Fearful of being left behind
I don’t want to be stranded on the side of the road
Waiting for time to stop
Wishing snowflakes would Freeze!
As if I was 10 again playing a game of wax museum
I’m not ready to give up
When I’m certain I’ll win
In time

This is New York in the Fall

Walked in, showed up out of the blue
wait, waIT,WAIT!
Black feathers fall on marble floor
Elegant, the way he wants to end it all
get out, get OUT, GET OUT!
We fell to the floor
Held on tight as he sobbed
Wanting to forget it all
Held on tight to the enemy

This is New York in the Fall

Said he knew of unrequited love
But he knew nothing
Of impossible things
So, don’t bother with breakfast
If you can’t be bothered to return these feelings
Open-Close-Door

This is New York in the Fall

The shower was running
When he entered the room dripping wet
Caught by surprise and exposed
Well? Kisses on my lips left me startled
Why is it he can’t return this unrequited love?

He is New York in the Fall
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