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May 4 · 119
i
Mrs Robota May 4
i
it's been raining
like waves crashing on the sidewalk
i've been avoiding the puddles
waiting on the dawn of something i can hold
to come along and make me feel alive
again?

but the days never come easy
the morning rush only brings silence
the loneliness drags on
i've been wondering if the strangers on the bus
feel the same way
i do
are they breathing?

sleep won't come
affectionate offerings mean nothing
it could get better
but all it is
is getting worse
and all i to know
is i want to know
what it feels like
to feel hurt again
because all i feel
is nothing

so if this happens to be a rare situation
a bad dream where i'm running
a sweet dream where i cut
off everything i hate
about myself
maybe it'll turn out alright
and i'll find the feeling
to feel alive
again

i've been fighting a long time
i can't save him now
i've been fighting a long time
she can't save me now
i've been fighting a long time
i can't save me now
I might come back to rewrite it because I'm not 100% happy with it, but I think for now it's okay
Mar 19 · 153
There is HallWay
Mrs Robota Mar 19
There is a hallway;
a red door;
a doorway
I cannot pass

something has changed
she is dead


There are ravens
at early dawn
singing in the fog
a lullaby for me

something has changed
she is dead


There is a cold
that turned my soul to stone
left me in ruins

something has changed
she is dead


There are sleeping sheep
before the wolf feasts
and there is no going back

'cause something in me has changed
the girl you knew is dead


There is a hallway;
a red door;
a doorway
I'm walking through
Feb 2 · 108
missing
Mrs Robota Feb 2
A part of me is missing
And I don't know how to get it back

I don't understand why I'm so broken

A part of me is missing
And I don't know how to get it back
Jan 30 · 114
Mad at Cha
Mrs Robota Jan 30
Got Tupac in my ear
Singing “I ain’t mad at cha”
And I feel it
Cause it was my fault
I ****** up again
but all I can do is beg

Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me

Yeah I know you're tired of hearing it
The excuses and sorry's
But it's all I have
and all I can do is beg

Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me

Got Tupac in my ear
Singing, “I ain’t mad at cha”
And I need it
Cause I know I don't deserve forgiveness
And all I can do is beg

Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me
I ain't mad at cha
Please don’t be mad at me

One day I'll make it all right
But for now
all I can do is beg

Please don’t be mad at me
Please don’t be mad at me
Please don’t be mad at me
Please don’t be mad at me
So don’t be mad at me

I ain't mad at cha
To my friends, family, and everyone
I'm sorry I'm such a ******* ***** up
Jan 28 · 116
The Comfort of Sadness
Mrs Robota Jan 28
We didn't start out in love
But there was something in your madness
My familiar
I realized what others couldn't
So I stay holding your heart
And find comfort in your sadness

You stopped listening
While I'm patiently waiting
Still a Stranger
I thought we'd be okay
When you said you cared (about me)
But you'll always be sitting on the edge
And I'll always be saying goodbye
To the man I think I know

When you show your flaws
I find comfort in your sadness
So take my hand, take my hand
Cause the rain is turning to flames
And you won't be sleeping
When your mind keeps leading you to the chair
Say "Goodbye", Say "Goodbye"
Cause you find comfort in your sadness
I'm not sure if I'm happy with it
Jan 10 · 95
Grey Wall
Mrs Robota Jan 10
I am a grey wall
stained and full of cracks
but you've hung a frame
with a memory of us
over each *****
and you've spilled words of love
over each stain
Jan 7 · 1.1k
The Way He Saw Me
Mrs Robota Jan 7
"You're adorable"
he smiled
"a lovely person;
very passionate;
caring;
sensitive...
I don't even think I'm complimenting
It's just a truth"
And I don't accept compliments
But because he said it
I'm accepting a truth
Jan 6 · 214
Addict
Mrs Robota Jan 6
You are the cigarettes on my lips
And you are the smoke filling my lungs
Giving me shelter from a reality I refuse to accept
And I don't think I could quit you
So I'll die as the addict I am
Dreaming of words I will never hear
Dec 2018 · 2.9k
STUPID
Mrs Robota Dec 2018
I was little
The first time they called me that word consisting of six letters
For trivial mistakes
For being a disappointment
For asking for help
I am insecure
I tried, but they broke my confidence
I developed a fear of failure
I tried, but they broke my enthusiasm
And it left a permanent mark
Dec 2018 · 140
Line
Mrs Robota Dec 2018
There is a black line between the page and the words.
When the line smudges
I get anxious
'Cause it makes the page ****,
Feels out of control
And I'm wondering do I rip out the page
Or continue the line
What would you do?
Aug 2018 · 187
Footsteps
Mrs Robota Aug 2018
All I heard were footsteps
Moving further away
Fading into silence
Aug 2018 · 779
You can leave
Mrs Robota Aug 2018
You can leave if you really want to
I'm not going to try to stop you
And I won't tell you I love you
You should know by now
Know me by now

You can leave if you really need to
I won't beg you to stay
And I won't tell you I miss you
You should know by now
Know me by now

You can leave if you really have to
I'm not going to cry
Because you aren't in my life anymore
You could've kept me
But you, you never wanted me
Never saw me

So you can leave if you really
need to;
want to;
have to
Jun 2018 · 1.5k
Devil Stop Falling
Mrs Robota Jun 2018
i wish to be the
Devil
who can control time
then I could
Stop
myself from
Falling
back into darkness.
I was 16
Jun 2018 · 199
Writer's Block
Mrs Robota Jun 2018
Black roses scattered along blank pages
Coffee cup is half-empty and in need of a refill
Dawn is about to break, but I haven’t slept
Flowers placed by the window are wilting
Goodbye, let’s continue tomorrow
Jun 2018 · 160
Office Job
Mrs Robota Jun 2018
Dreary office job
Rain knocking on the window
Bland client phone calls
May 2018 · 278
Darker
Mrs Robota May 2018
We stood together quietly
Staring at the painting of a woman with olive eyes
I hear myself say I wish mine were as beautiful as hers
And find myself engulfed in light-blue skies
He says they’re darker…repeats the word
Darker
At times he pauses as if trying to find another word to describe my eyes
….but he doesn’t say it
I’m wondering does he want to say Beautiful
Or is it just that I want him to say beautiful
But he continues to smile as he says
Darker
And continues to get closer as he says
Darker
I wonder if this would be the part of a movie where the characters kissed
But this isn’t a movie
And I turn to walk past him
Across wooden floors
Towards anything else that catches my eyes
I can feel his stare
And the space between us feels
Darker
...Beautiful
May 2018 · 151
I'm a liar
Mrs Robota May 2018
I promised myself I would never again
But I don't know how much longer I can force it down
Today I thought about how disgusting it is
Whatever happens, happens
Above 15 and you're safe
Below 11 and you're dead
I know the extreme
I know the healthy way to do this
But I'm disgusted by it
I'd rather starve
May 2018 · 358
Knit me love
Mrs Robota May 2018
She spends her days knitting the ocean
Where the waves crash against the docks
And tides sweep her away

I wonder if she would
Knit me a collarbone of gypsophila
How I would love for those long fingers
To make me tremble underneath their touch
I’ve tried not to think about
What it would feel like if she painted my spine
An explosion of hues like galaxies
But here I lie
Thinking of her warm breath caressing my thighs

Flushed skin and swollen lips
Prends-moi et ne me laisse pas partir
White shirts and boxer shorts
Fais-moi rire entre les draps

Woke up without her again
Every passing day is like the red scarf she knit just for me
Unraveling like ice cubes melting on the pavement
And I can’t take this heat
If only we could rewind a moment
Then could we rewrite a moment?
Then could I keep her instead of saying goodbye?

I can’t decide if she was dusk or dawn
All I know is
She was beautiful when she smiled
And I forgot how to be sad
When she made grilled cheese sandwiches
And I couldn’t help but fall more in love
When she danced around the kitchen in her underwear

I miss bad jokes
I miss cold feet
I miss needing a reason…

I miss the way she knit me love
Does this make sense?
May 2018 · 256
At the Graves
Mrs Robota May 2018
I saw a boy walk between the bodies
Wearing their dog tags
Carrying their weapons
Dragging their armor
He made them a promise to send the letters
Empty promises they will never keep
They’re not coming home
But they said they would

I saw soldiers
Run towards death on shaky legs
When they stepped off the boats
Out of the trenches
Fly up and down the line
Determination in their eyes
To protect a boy and a girl

I saw a girl walk between the bodies
Placing flowers on their eyes
And a hand beneath their heads
As she took away their screams
Hers shatter the sky
She wiped away their tears
Hers caused a flood
She took away their cold
Her body is painted purple & blue & black
She no longer feels

Abandoned by the world
I saw a veteran fall
At their graves is where he lays
Where he replays the horrors

But we won the war

He saw his friends walk between the graves
They’re wearing their dog tags
Carrying their weapons
Dragging their armor
Determination in their eyes
As they fall and drown in a sea of blood

But we won the war

He sees his friends walk between the graves
Following a boy and a girl

But we won the war

They place flowers on his eyes
And a hand beneath his head
As they take away his screams
Theirs shatter the sky
They wipe away his tears
Theirs cause a flood
They take away his cold
His body is painted purple & blue & black
He no longer feels loss and pain and hurt

They won the war
At the graves
May 2018 · 122
hard to love
Mrs Robota May 2018
I’m hard to love
He couldn’t love me
It’s okay
I can’t love myself either
How could anyone?
Mar 2018 · 224
A Broken World
Mrs Robota Mar 2018
As people we live in a broken world
There is no denying that
And we're looking for something
We're empty and we try to fill ourselves with money and cars and *** and happiness...
If someone is hungry enough they'll try to eat their own shoes
If someone is hungry enough they'll eat their own heart
We’re empty and we try to fill ourselves by giving gifts and cards...
For those who have been forgotten and underappreciated
We’re empty and we try to fill ourselves by drawing silly faces on post-it notes and giving away our hearts...
Waiting on a thank you
A smile
Waiting to be held
To feel like someone cared
But we refuse to accept a touch of love
Would it even satisfy the hunger?
It's not what we need
Maybe we don't even know what we need
Maybe all we need is a friend to sit with us in silence
As it tries to split us in two
Because we know we need something
It’s why we eat our shoes
Even though they are worn and scuffed and covered in muck
We eat our shoes
Anything that will give us a temporary relief
The sensation of chewing
Swallowing
But it's killing us
And we think we're solving the problem but it just makes it worse
Because the silence splits us in two
Drags us further away from the warmth we desire
We try to feel loved
We try to feel important
But people are temporary
They leave, we leave, they leave, we leave
But if we remember one thing about each other
Let it be the day we were born into this broken world
And not the day we leave forevermore
Abandoned in the church
Because we can't find what we are searching for in others
Or their products
What am I hungry for?
Love
Belonging
People can't offer that
They let you down
Even the best people die
And in the end everyone will let you down
Every single time
Because they steal and lie and cheat and whisper things to sculpt our opinions of each other
And Jesus I stopped calling out your name a long time ago
I have to accept you’re gone
And my heart shattered into a million pieces a long time ago
But if they remember one thing about me
Let it be the day I was born into a broken world
And not the day I leave them forevermore
Abandoned in the church
Let them remember the simple days
When I made them laugh
When being my friend was the best choice they ever made
When choosing to keep me was the best choice they ever made
When loving me was the best choice they ever made
In this broken world
Was being my friend the best choice you ever made?
Was choosing to keep me the best choice you ever made?
Was loving me the best choice you ever made?
In this broken world
Feb 2018 · 276
What happened?
Mrs Robota Feb 2018
Young heart
Trying to fix a mechanical monotonous machine
It’s rusted
But the gears keep turning
Getting it through the tunnels
Blinded by flashes
Plastered on the face of every magazine

The masks move closer
Close your eyes tight
Don’t give them the satisfaction
They can’t shatter your shattered heart

She’s perfect.
It’s plastic.
Just tragic.
You crave her victory;
The affection of faceless strangers staring
On the other side of the glass
Snow white shackles
But it’s written on your grave

You think you’re in control
But you’re walking on a bed of nails
They’re pulling your strings, Puppet
If you fall from the tightrope you’ll disappear into emptiness

And the fear of ripped up teddy bears
Rejected to the shelf
It’s too much to bear

The possibility that what you want is a shadow you’ll never catch
You’re eyes, plastic immersed in porcelain
You’re falling apart at the seams
And no one seems to care enough to stitch you back together
You’ve forgotten how to smile
And pushed away those who used to care
Told them to stay out of your business

You’re drinking arsenic
Walking a narrow path with no doors
And every step forward erases another piece of you
Jan 2018 · 196
Untitled
Mrs Robota Jan 2018
I watched crimson dance on top of sapphires
Surrounded by moths
I begged forgiveness within their bars
Sent out a prayer for a savior
In return I received a mocking smile
As they took you away from me
In your death I was birthed
I bargained the flames of the raven
To burn the moths
I watched sapphires dance on top of crimson

I’m not who I claim to be
Few can see the chains I drag about
Still, they follow my lead
I’m wired into a new era of empowerment
Where I play the queen accordingly
Taking back control of the world
Reaching for what I want
That which rightfully belongs to me

I don’t know how to fix the mess they made
I can’t reset the past
I can only move forward along a twisted path
Abandoning all the answers
To watch them choke on the feathers they wanted desperately
One day you will understand
And maybe you will accept my apology
But I won’t rest till I get back what they took
I’m searching for that which rightfully belongs to me
Dec 2017 · 588
Lover
Mrs Robota Dec 2017
Lover!
I hold onto the promise
That lingered on your lips
That even if we don’t make it
You will Always love me
Lover!

I miss the way you and I used to
Dance like we were
Tom Hiddleston & Tilda Swinton
In Only Lovers Left Alive
You made me feel alive
Like a bright red vinyl record
You had me spinning
Like a carousel
I’m feeling ambitious
Would you like to dance?
One last time
For old times’ sake
Our movements
An explosion, an expression
A supernova
Of Love

Lover!
I hold onto the promise
That lingered on your lips
That even if we don’t make it
You will Always love me
Lover!

I miss the way you and I used to
Talk about the most interesting things
The way Kenneth Branagh talks about Hamlet
Passionate and Adventurous
And I hate Shakespeare, but I’d recite every line
So that you never lose that passion
I’m feeling ambitious
Would you like to go watch Keegan Michael Key play Horatio?
Opposite Oscar Isaac.
I’ll be confused, but I’ll try to understand it all
To see that smile reach your eyes

Lover!
I hold onto the promise
That lingered on your lips
That even if we don’t make it
You will Always love me
Lover!

I’ve missed you
I’ve fought my demons
And through the frustration
Through the anguish
I found my balance

Lover! I will always love you
Nov 2017 · 163
Colors
Mrs Robota Nov 2017
I seldom wear dark colors
I like pastels
But all the colors faded
I searched for possible ways
To brighten faded colors
But I did it wrong
I suppose the colors look unique mixed together
But I feel faded
I think I’ll wear dark colors
Until I figure out how to wear unique colors
Nov 2017 · 263
Sleep
Mrs Robota Nov 2017
I think about falling
Asleep
Beside you
But you don’t know me
And I don’t know you
So I guess I’ll fall
Asleep
Alone
Nov 2017 · 152
Am I gone?
Mrs Robota Nov 2017
It snowed last night
I’m tired
I’d like to close my eyes for a while
Will you drive?
I don’t want to sleep anymore
I want to work
But I don’t know why I can’t
Am I lying to myself?
Am I motivated?
Why don’t I want to do this?
What happened?
Darling, have I lost the passion?
It’s a snowy day
Darling, have I lost the love?
It’s a slow day
Darling,
It must be me

I did the laundry last night
Took me twice as long as it usually does
My room is a mess
My hair is wet
But I don’t want to tend to it
Let it knot
I don’t know why I can’t
What’s stopping me from functioning?
My routine is so messed up
I’ve been sleeping till 2 in the afternoon
When I usually wake up at 7am
It’s a snow day
Darling, I have no purpose
It’s a slow day
Darling, I have no interest
Darling,
It must be me

This poem is hard to write
I want to stop right here
But I’m gonna finish it
Because I have to do something
I can’t lose myself like this
I don’t care if it ain’t good enough
**** THIS!

I like to write down little notes
Keep them in my back pocket
I’m all alone at the front
The bell rings
But no one comes in
It’s a snowy day
It’s a slow day
It must be me
Why is this me?

The newspaper has been torn
And written on
In blue pen
But the crossword is incomplete
And I don’t know how to solve it
But the crossword is incomplete
And I’d like to feel tears
But they won’t come
How did I get here?
I’d like to cry
I’d like for someone to scream inside my head
I’d like to get back
But it’s quiet
They must’ve given up

Something is wrong
Am I gone?
Mrs Robota Nov 2017
Hand on my armor, Hand on my chest
Asking me “Where you going?”
I got to get off this planet before I fall intoxicated by your lips
This armor’s not enough to protect me from your…
Hand on my armor, Hand on my chest
Asking me “What’s your name”
Take a seat, enjoy the show
But I know this armor’s not enough to protect me from
Falling into your vortex

I know I shouldn’t take a chance, sneak a peek at you
From my side of the couch
But I find myself wanting all your attention
Guess I’m just selfish, jealous
This must be how it feels to be in love
Think I like that I won your favor by just being myself
Tear off my armor, Unlock my chest?
Nov 2017 · 285
It must be Summer
Mrs Robota Nov 2017
I saw you dancing with fairies in the forest
You gave me a book of spells
But I cast you away
I heard you sing lullabies for only my ears
You taught me to dance with knives
I stabbed you in the heart

I was trapped inside a white room
You could see me through the glass
While I was blinded by bright lights
We shared a visit
I tried to hold your hand
But it passed right through
An illusion of my grief disguised as you
You vanished
Leaving me to regret the last words I said

It must be summer where you are
Because it’s a dark world here without you
I hold onto anger for my mistakes
You must know I did it for you
Because I never got that last goodbye
I seek revenge, but I'm the one to blame
Oct 2017 · 239
Red Burning Black
Mrs Robota Oct 2017
Clear
1
A second became an eternity
Never had I thought you’d betray my trust
So I decided a second ago
To step out on the docks
Find a solution to this divide
Because I hadn’t known eons ago
I’d be swallowed by darkness in the curliest way
Never had I seen anything as bright as…

Red burning Black
Love Is Red, Love Is Black
Black burning Red
Love is Red, Love is Black
Red burning Black


Clear
2
I lived in a glass house
An estate many did covet
But never did I see greed resonate within you
You were not born to hate
I was drenched in naïve-ignorance
I believed you to be a friend
It was innocence that sought you out
Instead you sold my heart
For a fortune of your own
And never had I seen anything as bright as…

Red burning Black
Love Is Red, Love Is Black
Black burning Red
Love is Red, Love is Black
Red burning Black

Clear
3

I never knew what it meant to fly
When they handed me a plane
Said go up and down the line
Shoot at everything that is not ours
Till red rivers cover green grass
Trees fall unheard and the clouds turn
And never had I seen anything as bright as…

Red burning Black
Love Is Red, Love Is Black
Black burning Red
Love is Red, Love is Black
Red burning Black

Clear
4

Stripped of a name, of a family, of a life
Never did I imagine I’d bath in sin
Make a deal with the devil
But we were fighting
To get back what is rightfully ours
I lost what is rightfully mine
When I ignored their pleas to spare their life
And never had I seen anything as bright as…

Red burning Black
Love Is Red, Love Is Black
Black burning Red
Love is Red, Love is Black
Red burning Black

Clear
5

Just the other day we made a promise
To save the broken souls
Just the other day I zipped my mouth
Defied orders because I never saw a thing
Just the other day I saw her body sleeping in the snow
I buried her where the poppies grow
Because I never want to see anything as bright as…

Red burning Black
Love Is Red, Love Is Black
Black burning Red
Love is Red, Love is Black
Red burning Black

Love will stay Red
Where the poppies grow
Sep 2017 · 328
Ghost of the Past
Mrs Robota Sep 2017
The memories of you
Scream louder than their weapons
Pointed at me
Saying I should erase you from this life
They bring back the words you spoke
Just before you left me sitting alone in a theater
Watching a movie

I can follow the plot, but cannot pause
I watch the ****** stuck on repeat
And it won’t slow down

I feel the promise we shared
In the tides along the beach
It bring back the words I spoke

I promise I will never forget to remember you
Driving on the bridge watching the sun
Warm the Ireland moor
We survived the ghosts that night

The windows shattered when you woke up beside me
The gates opened and we’re moving into our new home
I know you’ll come home
Because I feel your presence as gentle as a hummingbird
Your bare feet walking through the door everyday
You walk straight through me
My eyes flash open

I never packed up your things
Never closed the gate
Never fixed the shattered windows
Because you promised you’d do it when you came home

But nothing makes sense
Am I a hostage of hopeless thinking?
But I feel your fire consume my heart
Was I too occupied by the warmth of your arms
When you pulled me in, sat me down, I lost my breath
You gave it back
Soft like the English rain tapping on my windshield
As I drive towards the station where we never should’ve said goodbye
I feel the train pass by
And this world is monochrome
I feel the train pass by
And this world is monochrome
I feel the train pass by
And this world is monochrome
Aug 2017 · 343
On this fine August day
Mrs Robota Aug 2017
It starts out as a simple day
With a raining symphony playing around me
I walk to the bus stop and meet a stranger
Tell her how I’d love to buy a pair of bright blue rain boots
And though others quicken their pace
I find tranquility in the rain
Because she works the pavement like a runway
I find charisma in her words
They hit me the way the rain throws pebbles at my umbrella
I find fulfillment with her by my side
Like the rain collecting in my gutters
Washing away the muck

And on this fine August day
All I see is summertime smiles, bright red umbrellas
Loud noises from cars passing by
On this fine August day
I watch fireflies light up my heart
I watch the twinkle, twinkle of her character
Brighten this fine August day
Jul 2017 · 146
Screams
Mrs Robota Jul 2017
I could hide within my own screams
because you can't hear them
and you can't see them
or maybe you just like ignoring them
Jul 2017 · 236
Civil War
Mrs Robota Jul 2017
Sent a ******* note calling it an apology
And a phone with a promise that if I needed you all I had to do was call
And I’d be tempted
If your shield never came crashing down on my chest

This is a Civil War
The moment I realize what I’ve always known
I was never your friend
This is the part of the story where you abandon me
In the middle of nowhere
But it’s not like you were ever there  

Shattered my armor, made of iron, into a million pieces
They said engineers could fix anything
Create a brighter, better, brand new future
So I’ll spend the rest of my life fixing my broken heart

This is a Civil War
The moment we disregard peace negotiations
No compromises, it’s all your fault
This is where I stop following orders and take control
I’ll take my chances with the guilt
As it swallows me alive

The longest hours of my life
Waiting in a hospital room
Playing with the lighter,
You gave to me,
As everything you ever said and everything I never said
Came crashing down like that shield on my chest

This is a Civil War
I woke up shouting in the best way
Trembling limbs, anxious heart
But I won’t back down
This is the end of the story
This time I refuse kneel before your monarchy
This Civil War is mine
Jun 2017 · 405
New York in the Fall
Mrs Robota Jun 2017
Snowflakes melt in the palm of my hand
No matter how hard I try to prevent it
Droplets slip through my fingers

This is New York in the Fall

Could I have a snow globe to store this feeling - awhile?
I’d like to hold on a moment longer
Could I have a flicker of warmth to duel this cold – awhile?
When dark days crash through

This is New York in the Fall

I stand at a crossroad
Fearful of being left behind
I don’t want to be stranded on the side of the road
Waiting for time to stop
Wishing snowflakes would Freeze!
As if I was 10 again playing a game of wax museum
I’m not ready to give up
When I’m certain I’ll win
In time

This is New York in the Fall

Walked in, showed up out of the blue
wait, waIT,WAIT!
Black feathers fall on marble floor
Elegant, the way he wants to end it all
get out, get OUT, GET OUT!
We fell to the floor
Held on tight as he sobbed
Wanting to forget it all
Held on tight to the enemy

This is New York in the Fall

Said he knew of unrequited love
But he knew nothing
Of impossible things
So, don’t bother with breakfast
If you can’t be bothered to return these feelings
Open-Close-Door

This is New York in the Fall

The shower was running
When he entered the room dripping wet
Caught by surprise and exposed
Well? Kisses on my lips left me startled
Why is it he can’t return this unrequited love?

He is New York in the Fall
Jun 2017 · 394
Broken Clock
Mrs Robota Jun 2017
The feeling inside is that of a broken clock
The second hand isn’t ticking
Time has your lungs paralyzed
But even so, at least twice a day you feel like yourself
And you can breathe for a second
Before you lose it all, again

Most would throw a broken clock away
Upgrade to a digital with a million other uses
Instead of replacing the batteries
Or taking it to the horologist
It’s rare that anyone who would pass it on the road
Would turn around to spare it a second glance
No one has time for a broken clock

It’s easy to lose track of time when you’re busy;
When you’re having fun; when you’re in love;
When you feel something other than a roller coaster of emotions
In your mind you wonder how did the screws fall loose?
Nothing makes sense in nightmares
Where images of pink one-eyed monsters chase you down the hall
But time never seems to pass
And somehow you find yourself falling through an hourglass
But the ending always finds you waking up
Broken, staring at a clock
May 2017 · 108
Blank Canvas
Mrs Robota May 2017
Empty liquor bottles
Landscape dipped in gray paint
Humanity, I own you
May 2017 · 594
Cup
Mrs Robota May 2017
Cup
On a wooden table nested between purple flowers
A little cup of coffee sits
By a window perched on a bar stool
Fiddling with the cup, in the palms of her hands, sits a girl

She woke up this morning in a hurry to meet you
Took 3 buses to get to you
Because you made plans weeks ago, but you never showed up
And now this girl is left hopelessly thinking
“What’s the rush to being rejected?”

The barista came by, asked her if she was waiting on someone
No one important
because waiting on you is like reading the same paragraph three times
And never understanding a single word

They asked her if she’d like another cup, anything to eat
She can see the pity in their eyes
They can see past her faux smile
She doesn’t have an appetite, but accepts another cup

They filled it to the brim
Maybe its warmth will fill the cold inside her chest
May 2017 · 455
Abandoned Umbrellas
Mrs Robota May 2017
Abandoned umbrellas on the beach float by
And remind me of the broken promises I made to myself
When I was 7 rocking out to the new sounds
Then everyone told me something I shouldn't do
Then everyone chained me to the desk, destroyed the creative thunder
Then everyone trapped me deeper inside the attic
Of my own misery where nightmares became my best friends

Been sitting here all day, done nothing all day
Staring at it, just staring at it
Staring at it, just staring at it
Been sitting here all day, done nothing all day
Staring at it, just staring at it
Wishing I could walk through it
Find myself as someone other than who I am
If only for a day
And I wouldn't have to pretend that you don't really give a f**k about me

Been here four seasons expecting something to change
But I'm still the same me and I don't think shaving my head would change a thing about me because the thoughts are still there
Always gonna be there as four seasons pass

I want to play in the water
With them
But you can't teach a rock to swim
With dolphins
And I never learned how not to drown
So let me mope sitting hunched over drowning in the harsh light reflecting everything I'm not

It's only a temporary place to rest my head
But I can't sleep
How I wish the door didn't open because someone
who wasn't me unlocked it
"It's open", "Of course"
But will I walk through it?

The doctor is a liar, The doctor was a liar
The doctor, oh that doctor stuck a needle in my arm
And told me I was free to go home
The doctor is a liar, The doctor was a liar
The doctor, oh that doctor gave me an apple
And told me I was free to go home

But everyone knows that the doctor is a liar
Smile in the seconds that pass
Even thought you'll always be too slow
Tripping when they've been walking since 9 months
Trying to get ahead, but constantly falling behind

When did everyone's eyes become blank white sockets
The doctor said
But the echos of "just fix the holes" are yelling through the thunder
Aren't we all just trying to get home?
And I can hear the echos of "just deal with the holes" ringing over and over through the thunder
I've been listening since I was 7 years old
We used to run then
With broken umbrellas
But now we walk
Away from umbrellas
Because even if we drown in the rain we're gonna get home
Apr 2017 · 242
365
Mrs Robota Apr 2017
365
Many stand on the side lines
Take the small steps and get left behind
Others seem to rush through life
They have every moment planned
But never take a moment to hit the pause
And see the beautiful unfolding of
Who they’ve come to be

With a new age, comes new page to wake up in
And I can only hope I get to wake up in yours
Till we’re 97, sitting on a park bench
Feeding the birds on a Monday morning
Complaining it’s too cold & we’re too cold
Saying all the little things we’ve said a million times
And all the things we didn’t say
Because we don’t have much time before we run out of pages
And you need to know all the little things I didn’t say
These 365 days

Like everything inside you
That you can’t see
I see

Like how I should know you by now
But I know nothing about you
Because you’re always changing
But that only makes you
That much more interesting


Because I cherish all these small moments
These 365 days with you

I’m sure there have been days you wish to erase
I only ask you never erase me from your life
Because I’m sure someday we’ll be fighting
Coming undone in a wildfire
But I have no doubt that
We’ll get home safely
Cause there’s always an exit on the highway
And if you can’t drive
I’ll drive us home

Because I don’t want to be
365 days without you
This poem is for a dear friend
Apr 2017 · 510
Hold My Mind
Mrs Robota Apr 2017
Days like this hold my mind
What we left unfinished
A time out in the corner flashes before my eyes
When my first grade teacher forbade me from going outside
But wouldn’t tell me what I had done wrong
What had I done wrong?

Days like this hold my mind
What we left unfinished
I snuck out of bed at midnight
A soft carpet welcomed my feet
Promising a silence that wouldn’t disturb sweet lullabies
I was watching with wide eyes, screaming within crowds
Till it was over
Why did it have to be over?

Days like this hold my mind
What we left unfinished
Loneliness is my greatest tragedy
A malicious motivator
Second place didn’t matter as long as I had a place
You granted me moments
But left me on the swing
I walked home while the emptiness within my chest
Mirrored the gray winter days
Why did you leave me?

Days like this hold my mind
What we left unfinished
Umbrella abandoned by the ocean
Little children collecting seashells
An elderly batch are playing chess
Until the sun sets
But I’ll be sitting by the ocean
As days like this hold my mind
Jan 2017 · 1.1k
Black Swan
Mrs Robota Jan 2017
Have you known? Awhile

In coffee shops I sit for hours
Trying to compose a symphony  
As eloquent as the words on the pages of the novels I’ve read
But nothing comes
Sweet Lullabies - I hear
Black Swans
Float away

I’ve seen the way the light hit the maple
Small delicate bites across the table
I’ve been waiting for summer days like this
Hoping to be inspired
But nothing comes
Sweet Lullabies - I hear
Black Swans
Float away

She smiled at me
I smiled back
The words echoed through
A slap to the face and I woke up
Sweet Lullabies - I hear
Black Swans
Float away


So underneath a chandelier of forgotten hours is where I’ll be
Surrounded by open windows staring through me
Dancing on a cloud of thorns and bleeding ashes on my tattered pink dress
Wondering “Does it make a difference?”
After all, I was promised your undivided attention
As soon as you walked through those doors and took your seat
The lights dimmed, the curtains rose
I came out, ready
Yet my movements were ignored
My voice forgotten
My masterpiece shattered;
Sweet Lullabies - I hear
Black Swans
Float away
Dec 2016 · 429
The best damn thing
Mrs Robota Dec 2016
I know a boy
With eyes like mine
He is breathtaking, refreshing like the ocean
When the tide comes in
He is extraordinary, radiant like fields of amber
When the harvest begins

I know a boy
Who loves Java as much as I do
My favorite pass time is when we’re coding
He is teaching me theories
We’re experimenting
Seeing what works best
Efficient, Effective solutions  
We’re engineering the simplest algorithms
It’s a practical approach
And it’s all his fault
It’s the best **** thing

I know a boy
He knows me better than I know myself
He understand the explanations I cannot give
The result isn’t a misunderstanding
I don’t have to scream, but I want to
I want to argue with him
Even though I’m running out of air
My face is about to break
My heart is about to explode
And my mind is moving a mile a minute
But when the war is done
In the silence I find familiarity  
I’m falling asleep to affectionate lullabies
I’m waking up to inside jokes
This warmth has me leaking like a faucet
And it’s all his fault
It’s the best **** thing

I know a boy
He blows my mind
The conversations are weird
Slow and Sweet
Anxious and Calm
I’m rambling without a filter
Swearing and Laughing
I just want time to stop
Just hit the pause for a moment
So I can memorize the moment  
Save the conversation
So we can live it together later
And it’s all his fault
It’s the best **** thing

I know a boy
With eyes like mine
And it’s the best **** thing
I wrote this for my friend.
Dec 2016 · 405
December Baby
Mrs Robota Dec 2016
My friend is in my pocket
though she is many miles away
before we met... time just spent
and today was just a day

but now I know and can't forget
it's special because the one I met
19 years ago this day
was destined to type in all caps: "YAY!"
My friend wrote this for me & I love it.
Dec 2016 · 268
Austin
Mrs Robota Dec 2016
Sometimes, I day dream about him, the boy with eyes like mine and ***** blond hair, and the different moments I wish we could experience. One of these moments begins with waves crashing against large rocks, the sun is high, it’s hot and birds are flying above us. We’re under a big yellow umbrella, on towels placed parallel to each other.  He lies on his back with his eyes closed, his left arm covering his face, while his right grasps my own. I’m seated with my knees pulled close to my chest switching between watching the ocean kiss the shore, playing with the sand and admiring the smile playing on his lips. It’s a sweet day.
Not really a poem, but a wish
Dec 2016 · 416
Heart
Mrs Robota Dec 2016
Maybe I could live with an empty chest
Would that be so bad?
Maybe my heart could just follow me around like a ball and chain
Until I found a new one
I’m starting to wonder
Would a new heart even fit?
Nov 2016 · 236
Haunted
Mrs Robota Nov 2016
He is a black sheep who causes a disturbance everywhere he goes
Recognized only as dead by those who said they believe he could succeed
Was it a lie; or did they simply change their mind?
I have looked into his eyes
I am haunted…haunted

His notorious reputation is a running joke
For he will never amount to more than a disappointment
Destined to smoke a chimney clean
For the rest of his **** soaked life
Many say his future anticipates a jail cell
Does he think that too; or does he strive for more?
I am cold…cold

I saw him on my way home once
He rode his skateboard
Wearing some torn-up black hoodie
I wonder where he went
For a bird with broken wings he seemed to fly
I am content…content

The shackles on his feet grew and grew
With each unruly act he was prevented from molding into a phoenix
His own parents seem to turn to drastic measures
Shoving pills down his throat
When I know there was nothing wrong with him
Only accusation of “Criminal acts”
I can hear them echo
“Disappointment”, “Disobedient”
They say he was unwell
But I wonder if they ever did talk to him
He was a black sheep who caused a disturbance everywhere he went
I am haunted…haunted
This is from an old story I once wrote. I tweaked it a bit.
Nov 2016 · 355
My Important Things
Mrs Robota Nov 2016
My Important Things

Come away with me
we’ll go down to new Orleans
Get on the bus with me
And we’ll spend the time
In comfortable silence
Separated from the distance

I'm out of my mind
because I can't help but wonder
when you became one of the important things
You’re my everything
My important thing

Now I’m asking
Can we repeat the years over and over?
Give me one more year if just for a minute
Give me over and over
Give me the small moments
I'll cherish them over and over

You don't even know, you don’t even know
And I can't explain, I can’t explain
The difference you make
Each day I'm waking up to "Good Morning"
And every night I'm going to bed
With the promise of over and over

I’m having a heart attack
I'm out of my mind
because I can't help but wonder
when you became one of the important things
You’re my everything
My important thing

And I’ve never laughed so hard
I think I might die
You’re my laughing gas
Because my chest never felt so light
Is this an illusion; A siren’s hallucination
I'm reliving these moments
Over and over
And I won't, oh I won't share

I must be playing a fools game
Because I’m so attached
Being honest, So open
Showing you the broken pieces
Hoping we never drift apart
Separated by distance again

Though I am prepared
For when you disappear...
disappear from my world
And become a stranger again

I can see it now
I'll be calling your name
Over and over
I'll be falling apart
over and over
I'll be missing you
over and over

So, I don’t want forever
And I don’t need you to give me everything

Because you, you’ll never know  
I'm out of my mind (I’m losing my mind)
Because I can't help but wonder
When you became one of the important things
You’re my everything
My important thing

You’ll be my important thing
Over and Over
For my friends
Nov 2016 · 435
RED LETTERS
Mrs Robota Nov 2016
It’s raining red letters
And it’s not slowing down
Hitting the pavement
Draining the color in the earth
And it reminds me of my reflection in your eyes
Because you were the thorn in the side of my heart,
You were a rose with teeth
And your bite stung like a scraped knee
You locked me out as I banged on your door
The sound pierced the air
And I wish I was strong enough to rip through
To get to you
But I’m left out in the cold with a broken umbrella
I’m drenched, swallowed whole
And part of me wants to stay here forever
Standing on your porch
Because I feel like I can breathe when I’m actually suffocating
In raining red letters
A friend of mine wrote this with me.
Oct 2016 · 248
One Day
Mrs Robota Oct 2016
I’ll give you one day
It doesn’t have to be today
And it doesn’t have to be tomorrow
It can be all the days gone by
As we keep getting older
Getting closer to new adventures
Sharing small moments
As beautiful as cherry blossoms
Like now, as you turn 19
And I can’t make the promise;
To always be around
But I’ll give you one day in three hundred and sixty five
Where we won’t have the day flash by
Where we’ll forget our responsibilities
19 or 90
We can live the day until the sun goes down
Until one day ends
For a friend's birthday
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