Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Jul 2020 · 77
ekelhaft Jul 2020
the walls have heard:
things you haven't,
the scars tell
more than you could ever speak.
the bruises know
more than you could ever muster;
how i cried without tears
and screamed without a voice.
i kind of regret that i found poetry to rid myself of emotional baggage; i wish i found it when i was at a happier place.

i'm kind of losing how i write, and at this point i don't know if there is anywhere else i could return to.

and it scares me.
May 2020 · 95
ekelhaft May 2020
what transpires here
are things that have just arrived;
none of them kept baggage,
or maybe some.

might i be given
the benefit of the doubt?
why must i still hear
the very same demons?

saying too much
or too little;
or both,
different on each ear;

why must the dark
feel like soothe,
when those who i call home
fear it?

maybe time will yield,
and to good things, tell;
what there is to triumph,
what stars are there to align.
Hi, it's Nes.

It's been a while since I've actually written anything.

I'm finding it hard to say at the very least the right words.

If anyone can read me, tell me anything. So that I feel like there's anyone who listens.
Dec 2019 · 125
ekelhaft Dec 2019
I guess, it's selfish:
Not going back where it first began.

So I shoot blindly, in the dark,
Hoping that anyone would remember.

I have never been complete,
But i feel like a part of home is here.
It's Nes, trying to pick up the pieces. How is everyone doing these days? I hope you all are doing well.
Mar 2019 · 113
ekelhaft Mar 2019
i overthink things;
my head gives me
no other choices.

what is silence
can be a murmuring
only i cannot understand.

what is darkness
can be a monster lurking,
waiting for me to fall into bait;

what is accidental
can be a scheme
that someone planned, and planted.


what was a missed reply
due circumstance
can be just avoiding me,

what is a glance
can be a glower;
someone scheming.

what are words
can be disguised
as something sinister;

what are things
can be triggers
pulling more than the other,

what are things
can be painful
can be my death

i overthink too much.
it's sad that i see poetry as a venting for pent-up, ******-up feelings.

i'm sorry.
Sep 2018 · 185
For I am
ekelhaft Sep 2018
A coward;
A weakling,
Unable to stand on his own,
A sorry mess of a poet,
With nothing but lies
To tell and feel;
A scapegoat,
Without a soul to lean on,
One that confides solitude
In the few people he cares about,
And that leaves him about;
A restless ******,
Without strength to be alone
And an eye for uncertainty;
Yet he hurts by himself
And hurts himself,
Yet he says he's fine
With a smile close to crying,
Yet he speaks not to others
And not even to himself
What he feels;
He still stands
But he thinks not for long,
Not for long
Until he tries again.
And fails;
A defect,
Useless and better off dead
it's getting too much of me
no matter how much I scream for you to save me
you don't hear it
the world may have eyes
but never, will.
Aug 2018 · 221
Death of a Hypocrite
ekelhaft Aug 2018
all i can do is write,
words that tell how ugly truth can be,
or so i choose to think;

all i was asking for,
was another soul to see;
but i guess it was otherwise;

now it's clear,
it was never friendship,
but rather obligation;

pity that eats from the inside,
a guilt that never tires;
a guilt that you don't deserve;

it's hopeless praying to the stars:
they might shine even if they're dead,
how would it reach the heavens?

is it my selfish cause,
to ask for one broken to stay,
even if it cries to leave?

is it my cowardice,
to think that there's no way;
but the easy way out?

maybe the angels are deaf,
or better yet, blind;
unless the light shines, it's nonexistent;

how i wish the ground would swallow me,
but i'm guessing,
even the ground would gag on my choices.
I do hope I get killed already
Aug 2018 · 1.3k
Misplaced Euphoria
ekelhaft Aug 2018
You struck me like how old gods would
Without a fervent touch
Yet still you got me

You were grand to me
As you thought you won't be
But I still loved you

And I know
You weren't built in a day
Much like how I felt lasted

More than enough
Much more painful
But it's fine now

What's left of you
Is stone
But you're still so beautiful
Jul 2018 · 257
Little Light
ekelhaft Jul 2018
Come, little light,
Shine your brightest.
Come, little light,
Go and do your best.

Yonder, little light;
The future you aim to reach,
The vibrance of your days,
The radiance that you preach.

Yet you fret, little light,
For the darkness that covers thee,
Yet you see, little light,
How the darkness swallows me;

You hurt, little light,
You flicker and whimper
Until you shine;
Shine dead.

Be brave, little light,
Shine in the midst of oblivion;
Yet be one wise,
Don't venture the darkness alone;

The light of many,
Illuminates south pole north;
Yet never drown,
In the light of the crowd.

Come, little light,
Never be afraid;
Flicker, but not burn out,
In the strife that reality brings about.
I **** at writing now.
Jun 2018 · 969
Because I'm Never
ekelhaft Jun 2018
You look into my eyes
and I allow;
Although I know through it
you look at yours;
I'm nothing but an object:
Something to get what you want.
Never the one desired.
At a loss for words,
Beaten up by distractions.
I'm tired but I can't yield;
The world never cared
for unannounced rejects
like me.
The only way I can escape
is to die.
And I can't change my mind.
I'm sorry.
...the one needed.
Jun 2018 · 222
Is To Err Human?
ekelhaft Jun 2018
I've always been lost:
In my thoughts, in actions;
So it seems, a wanderer I've been.

I've strayed no matter what be the cost,
No matter what I face, endless prosecutions;
More than meets the eye, I've seen.

A conflagration in frost,
Nothing more than a raging vexation,
Of the extreme, nowhere in between;

The words I've used, I've disgraced,
Of no form, of no beauty,
Such of that my carelessness;

Such of the wrist vandalised, razed;
As for the love turned pity;
Such for resolves, spineless;

As of the words, played,
As the truth grow vague yet dainty;
This is to the reality I digress.
I told you I can't write right.
Jun 2018 · 431
ekelhaft Jun 2018
The irony of the doubt
Of the one that came out of my mouth

Is that this head won't make flowers out of words
Or gardens out of stanzas;

That when these hands write or type
None would be so quite the hype,

That words would be just words:
They are, yes, but the irony is that it still hurts;

When I said I can't make more out of a word,
My head sabotaged me, albeit absurd:

I made flowers out of words
But, out of nowhere, it'd hurt me:

For the thorns of the rose I plucked,
From the garden I thrashed, crocked,

To the truth that the one I plucked the rose for
Would do none but to abhor;

Now I cry, knowing,
What the irony of the doubt would sing;

How I'm bound to fool myself with words,
And hurt by them, soon after;

How this heart would endlessly flutter
Over love that is destined to falter.
I can't write right
ekelhaft Apr 2018
And so I might've said
Goodbye a million times,

And so I might've sighed
And given up more than once.

And so I might've typed a lot,
Words that tell the truth,

None seen correctly
Always the spur of youth.

And so I might've said I'm done.
And so I might've lied.

And so I might've said I'm fine
Then cried a million times.

But I'm still here.
And I still ache.

And I still say so.
And I'm sorry.

And I can't put off
The urge to end

Because it's a part of me
That never makes me pretend

That even if I want others to live
I don't want to fend

And so I can't put off
The urge to end.

And so I say I'm sorry
Without an end
I don't even know where my mind has gone off to
Apr 2018 · 161
ekelhaft Apr 2018
In the sea I dived in,
I feel so little;
Compared to the other fish,
Grand, and loved:
I stand in a position far from them.
The currents wash me out;
I swim a death wish.
I mistook the ocean for a sea.
Apr 2018 · 186
Not Art; Rant.
ekelhaft Apr 2018
I wish you could know how much I regret who I became.
Not because I'm fazed by the good sides; it's for what I want:
I want to belong.
Not a very warm thing to say but, it's what's been missing. I think.
I wish I can drown what I should've.
I wish I can be someone's best friend.
I wish I had someone to openly talk about everything.
I wish I had the heart to say no.
I wish I had courage to tell everything I feel.
Not like this.
I wish I wasn't this ******* weak.
I wish I fought when I wasn't able to.
I wish I can stop hurting myself.
I wish someone was here for me.

And although there may be people like that,
I wish I'd feel they're here.

I wish I can be okay.
But I'm not.
And I've learned I never will be.
But knowing is different from accepting.
I'm sorry for being who I am
Apr 2018 · 122
A Coward Tries
ekelhaft Apr 2018
Here it is, I'll try to write,
This blocking thought I'll try to fight;
So ****** up yet not of spite,
I'll try, even if I'm scared it won't go right.
I thought why not be wordy while being living in this hellhole, right?
Mar 2018 · 595
A Poet Scared to Write
ekelhaft Mar 2018
It's been a while since I had to write;
Words that may be lies; words that may be right;
It's been a while since I let it out,
Emotions not of joy and not of spite.

Oh who am I ******* kidding
I can't write anymore
No matter how I try
I can't do it anymore
I ****** up big time. Literally.

But it's not like you'll understand.
Not like anyone would understand.
Feb 2018 · 182
ekelhaft Feb 2018
I'm sorry:
To the words I don't give justice to;
To the words painted meaningful

*But end up lackluster.
Not meant to appease anything or anyone
Jan 2018 · 136
Interstellarly Bland
ekelhaft Jan 2018
You are a star:
Shining bright in the darkness;

You are a star:
Your brilliance astounds me;

You are a star:
In this pitch-black room, you light me up;

You are a star:
*Out of my reach.
I bet you'd hate that I used a star as your meraphor

But you wouldn't know that. You would never.

Sorry I just had to get it out.
Jan 2018 · 229
Coward's Love Story
ekelhaft Jan 2018
I want to tell you,
You matter to me so badly;
But I fear if you knew
You'd just turn away.

I want to show you,
How you make me so happy;
But I fear if you saw,
You'd think of me differently.

I want to hold your hand
For at least once;
Hug you so tightly
For even just a few moments;

But I know if it happens
Or if you just knew,
The World would paint me differently;
You'd get further away from me.

That's why I'll be okay,
Loving you from a distance;
Seeing each other
But never to stay;

Remembering those moments,
Of words without sense;
Meant none but meaningful;
Everything, you are to me.

Then again, stars never align
For wishes bound by will;
The world screams otherwise
*For this Coward's love I feel.
The closest I can tell you I love you is through ****** poems

I know if I ever try you'll just cast me

I really wish you could read this but you won't

Cut this guy some slack
Nov 2017 · 371
ekelhaft Nov 2017
I wish I could undo
These feelings I have for you;
Hoping these butterflies in my stomach calm down
Because I know;
They're fluttering for a lost cause.

I wish I could unsend
Those awkward messages;
Those weak clauses I try and make
Just for you to keep talking;
Making your time a waste.

I wish I could erase
The memories of the little things we do;
That to me mean everything
And that to you, mean nothing at all;
An unfair compromise.

I wish these wishes
And keep on wishing
That this wishful thinking
Just cease on wishing;
That I go back to the reality and stop believing.

But I'll never forget.
How you saved this lost cause.
When you pretended that nothing was wrong;
How you said everything was okay;
How you said you want to help.

I'll never forget
How I said no to your offer
How you said I broke you
How I pushed you farther away;
Yet how desperate I was to welcome you back.

I'll never forget
The things we shared;
Those little things we said,
Those words you told me;
I hope you don't forget;
Even if I mean nothing special.
I should've never felt anything at all
Nov 2017 · 188
ekelhaft Nov 2017
I might **** up again.

I want to know if you still remember me;


I might ***** up again.

I want to know if you still care;


I might cease,

I want to know if I still matter;


But in the first place,

*I meant nothing, haven't I?
I can't write now

Too many things floghing my mind

Trying to find composuRe


Yet I just might fail more in doing so.
Nov 2017 · 153
Unfound Persona
ekelhaft Nov 2017
He had no one

He hated to ask for help

Yet it was the only thing he cried for


"I need you"

But he can't tell

Because he can't afford to burden them


The only word that went through his mind

Yet cannot spit from his mouth


Everyone leaves

Because everyone thinks he's fine

He's not.

He needs help

He must live.

He deserves to live.

Yet he can't see it.

He just can't.

And it hurts him.

He knows yet he can't change anything.

It hurts him.

It pains him.

It torments him.


Help him.

Nov 2017 · 150
ekelhaft Nov 2017
Everyone expects a clear explanation
Just cause they don't see the scars
Nor the pain that burns in my throat
Or how bitter everything tastes in my mouth

Everyone thinks I make it up
Just cause I can stand
I wish I could just lay down and give up
But I won't, because you still won't believe.

Everyone thinks I am a liar
But if I drank the whole bottle
How would you feel?
If I fell limp and lifeless?

Everyone says my words are empty
Just cause they can't carry the weights
Why pretend to care?
What gain will you have from it?

Everyone says I'm wrong.
But none of them know I know.
Everyone wants to knock some sense into me.
But none of them know I have more of it than them.

Everyone thinks of me differently now
Everyone thinks of me, deranged;
Everyone thinks so since I continue to live;
I wonder if I grew languid.

Everyone has their words to say.
Everyone has their censures to tell.
How cowardly of me to hide in these words,
Without a voice, without a resolve.

I wonder if you knew what burden I bear
I wonder if you felt how ugly is the ugly
I wonder if you felt sympathy without a hidden agenda
I wonder if I—
Everyone please pretend I'm okay.

Don't bombard me

I'm a mess

I know

Don't rub it in my face
Nov 2017 · 1.0k
I am a Coward.
ekelhaft Nov 2017
I am a coward,
But you wouldn't know that,
Because I am a coward.
Through my thoughts and words.

I am a coward,
Silent when I should've been loud;
I am a coward,
Doubtful when I should've been proud.

I shall bring shame to my family,
As some of them have brought mine;
I shall bring shame to those who surround me,
Those who said I shouldn't give up on the line.

I will be selfish,
I will be foolish,
I will be fiendish,
I will try to end it.

I have seen the ugly,
I have felt how ugly.
I have seen your sorrows;
Yet I have not faced mine.

Now I am a coward,
Keeping the things I should've said,
Nothing more than a coward,
A lost cause better dead.

Don't blame yourself,
When you come see my grave,
Put your fake face on the shelf,
For once don't be a knave.

For those I will leave grieving,
I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough;
Maybe you did start caring,
Started caring but not enough.

I am a coward.
Put none on faith,
All alone, a *******,
Alone and lost and frail.

I am a coward,
To let myself be conquered,
By sickness and my thoughts,
By circumstance and words.

I am a coward,
Without saying why;
I am a coward,
To leave without saying goodbye.

I am a coward,
To end abruptly my own strife,
I wish you would forgive me,
For giving up my life.

To those who see these words,
May my omen bring you a sign;
Don't be alone, or at least try;
Don't repeat what mistake have I.

I am a coward.
It took me so long to let you know.
I am a coward.
Hopefully this goodbye isn't just for show.
I'm sorry but I'll try to **** myself tonight.

The pain's so much to bear

A dumb decision but one I stand by

Nov 2017 · 410
Forget to Remember Me
ekelhaft Nov 2017
Is it that you forget me,
Or is it you try to ignore;
Is it that you think I'm already better,
Or is it that you think I am a lost cause?

I have been here countless times already,
Yet none still ease the pain;
Qualms of grief and guilt,
Screams of help but none so inviting;

I'm still in this mess,
I'm sorry for dragging you in;
But I have no one else to go to;
No one wants to stay.

I just hope I pass by your thoughts,
Reminisce the pain,
How we hurt together,
Unknowingly but with consent.

Then again I guess I hurt you more,
Maybe that's why you would not rather.
I guess it's my fault but I still need you;
Please don't forget to remember.
I don't hate you
It's just that
I wish you do remember me.
It hurts to see
Without a word
I miss you and I want you so bad
But I'm scared I'll hurt you more
But I'm so tired of hurting alone
This is foR you.
Nov 2017 · 333
Trigger #1
ekelhaft Nov 2017
You ask for help too much
No one believes you now
How it echoes in your head
How it makes its deafening sounds;

You try and talk too much,
No one listens to you now;
As opposed to words few and meaningful,
Sentences lengthy yet empty;

You cried too much,
Now you refuse to make tears;
Now it rots from the inside,
Bottled-up feelings;

You pester too much,
Now they're gone;
Maybe they've forgotten,
Maybe they thought you've won;

Little do they know,
Though change will come;
That it will grow stronger,
And worsen.

You ask too much,
Now none will give;
You ask too much,
Now they'll just leave;

You hurt too much,
Now no one will help you.
Not even to stand,
Not even to comfort you;

I want to cry,
I want to lie,
I want to be free;
**I want to die.
It hurts
No one listens
Because I have been here countless times
And I asked for help countless times too
Nov 2017 · 249
Dead Slam
ekelhaft Nov 2017
He has said it over and over
I just want to die
You have told him albeit too much
Time will just pass him by

I guess little do you know
That what he said was true
Not even a miniscule consideration
When he said he didn't know what to do

Then lo and behold, hear ye, hear ye!
He's trying to pull himself out of misery!
He does horrible things to make himself free;
Nothing but a forlorn fallacy!

A fantasy where he exists as but a memory
A scenario where, for once, people would actually care
A time for a short-lived glory
A place where in a sense life plays fair

But where does it land him? Nowhere!
No such conditions exist!
He knows it all too well, too much to bear,
But it was a dream that he couldn't resist.

Blades pirouette his dainty skin,
Medication he ought for a happy pill
Shy of death and never for the ****.

I guess little do you know
That what he said was true
How it echoes when those words flow
Out of his head it cuts through.

I guess little do you know
How he wanted you to know
How he didn't want you to know
How it hurts him to cease knowing

How he cursed not knowing
How he needed it so badly
That he thought of nothing but forgetting
How he told you everything

It hurts.

He did it once he'll do it again
But the sadness only grows stronger
The light once seen; light now dim
If no one hears his pleas, at least his words cry for him.
It hurts
Oct 2017 · 221
ekelhaft Oct 2017
A desolate
Wishing for solace
In a rose-colored world
Spells nothing but disaster;
An ecstasy that pains more than it pleasures;

A broken soul
Too used to pain;
Such as one can see the answer,
Yet not how to claim it;
A painstaking assurance.

If it weren't for these demons,
I would've lived another life;
If it weren't for their voices,
I would've just died.
If it wasn't for them bugging me.

I might not remember what I say,
I may not know of what I would tell;
Maybe my demons would take over me,
By force, if they'd want it be.*
Pray tell what mishap I'll make you do.
I ****** up so bad

I may or may not regret it though

Swear me to secrecy
Oct 2017 · 269
Things Left Unsaid
ekelhaft Oct 2017
It kills me;
A random thought,
Of madness,
Of sadness,
Of guilt.
Nothing more than a coward,
Afraid of facing demons;
Became one.
Indifferent towards himself,
Sympathetic towards others.

It kills me;
What hope I say,
Is hope I cannot hold on to.
I drag you down, unknowingly;
I tear you apart.
Just like what I do to them.
I'm sorry.

It kills me;
That we see each other without saying a word,
A broken record in repeat.
Getting close but I guess never close enough.
A movie nearing ******,
Yet never there.

It kills me;
How I can't say a word,
When it's all about to explode.

I'm sorry;
I doubt you would even feel the same;
If I told you,
Would you still see me the same?
It kills me.
I'm not okay. I doubt that I ever will be.
You saved me more than once
I doubt you'll ever feel that
This is for you
Even if you'll never figure it out.
Oct 2017 · 192
Ambiguity #1
ekelhaft Oct 2017
I ponder
If you knew how much you meant;
I wonder
If you know how many tears I spent;

I know
It's a dumb thing, so feeble;
A stow,
Of feelings so much but none evil;

It's hard,
Trying to make sense of a love so brittle;
It's awkward,
We talked so much yet so little;

Wait, I forgot,
I'm the only one who knows it;
That's why it's all for naught,
Because you will never feel it;

Love that shouldn't be here;
Love that I fear;

Love that I just keep in store;
Love that could never be more.

If you see these words,
You'll just flow astray;
If you see my words,
*I know you'll go away.
I'd like to keep it this way

It hurts but it's the only safe choice

I'm sorry
Oct 2017 · 420
All it Takes
ekelhaft Oct 2017
All it takes
Is a random conversation
To make me feel like
Anyone cares

All it takes
Is "hey";
To make me know
You still care

All it took
Was a single happening
That made me feel

All it took
Was someone so close
Doing something so bad
Making me so wasted

All it took
Were deafening fights
And whispering threats
To make me silent

All it took
Was a single "are you okay"
To make me budge
About the way you saw me

All it takes
Is a single conversation

All it takes
Is for you to see how deformed I am
For me to push you away
I'm sorry

All it takes
Is for me to cry help
For you to finally know
But never come

All it takes
Is sharing the truth
Then just leaving me
To make me feel forgotten

All it takes
Is a random happening
To make me want
Something I cannot control

All it takes
Is a few pills
To make you dizzy
Into the sleep you've waited for

All it takes
Is a few slits;
Pain to make you feel
Alive and dead at the same time

All it takes
Is a jump on the seawall
Or a glug of bleach
To end your suffering

All it takes
Is fear to know
And fear to live
To die.
I feel worse

This is an SOS that can't be answered

Oct 2017 · 152
ekelhaft Oct 2017
I'm here again,

It's me.

Again with many words,

Few messages.

A voice so loud,

Yet inaudible;

A resolve so strong,

Yet so spineless.

Again I'm overthrown by my weakness,

Again I turn to my drugs.

I wish that'd be the worse part of it all.

I lay at the couch half-sleeping, half-awake,

I lay my head down, I lay as my body ache,

I lay down and to there I see

A hand pulling mine;

Thrashed to the lobby.

Found me at the bathroom,

Still with breath cut short,

Left to me was rapport I hope so much to abort;

Body left helpless, body failed a last resort.

Now I write, barely sleeping, barely awake,

Life threw with everything at stake;

I can never unfeel the unspeakable things you've done,

I can never remove the handprints you have left upon me;

I can never undo the chaos you have left to run,

I will never forgive how you moved me.

Breath cut short,

Innocence left shorter.

Once. More.
I RegRet Not StAnding UP To Defend MysElf.

Now it's gotten much worse.
Oct 2017 · 522
ekelhaft Oct 2017
I write this with little force,

Autocorrect guiding my words;

Inhalers keeping this curse at bay,

Blades making blood flow.

I think of now with little hope,

Without a saving grace;

I think of now, a pitch-black room

With no one there but my demons.

Flurry of words seem to gush out of me,

As I hyperventilate;

Grief grows larger as they don't notice,

As these fingers grow numb.

I don't know how much I'll last,

Might as well collapse,

No matter how much I say I'll die,

I'll just live some time again.

But now it's worse.
.. .heoollp mded
Sep 2017 · 93
ekelhaft Sep 2017

Pick me up,
Piece by piece,

Try to find,
My matching tiles;

Put them all together,
See the figure formed;

If I was ever fine.

Pick me up,
Piece by piece,

Lay to wonder,
As to where which should be;

Lay to ponder,
As to how it should be;

As I am in disarray.

Pick me up,
Piece by piece,

Tear me up,
Little by little;

Conclude your volition,
Accept the frustration;

**I am a puzzle without a key.
4:56 am

An ambiguous write

As evident
Sep 2017 · 280
ekelhaft Sep 2017
I wish I'd just fly away,

Lead astray by the skies;

Soaring higher and higher until I just explode.

I wish I'd get tied to make me grounded:

Soft enough to sway,

But strong enough to stay;

Moving to the whims of the breeze until I just explode.

But instead I'm just filled with emptiness.

Unable to speak my censures.

But I float.

Drown me, but I'll float;

And float—

And float,

Until I get swept away.

I wish I'd just explode.
Stop crying.
Sep 2017 · 160
Pray Tell
ekelhaft Sep 2017
I've found a soul I've known before;

A soul I recognize yet one I am not familiar with;

A soul I've had a glimpse on,

A soul of a poet.

As I know your secret, I'll keep it sealed.

I hope you keep Mine as well.

We're all poets;

*We all ride our tunes.
Sep 2017 · 456
Case 1
ekelhaft Sep 2017
Must it be this painful?

Eluding salvation;

Looming over but never in reach,

Ordinal mess;


Red, painted red;

Amidst a room tinted pitch-black;

Must it be this unbearable?

A burning feeling in my chest,


Incandescent rotting;

Cut and bleed;

Cease and desist.

Analytical confusion;

Torn to shreds with an order.


A fuzzy head thought full yet thoughtless,

Roaming an abyss so quiet

Stars can be heard gushing through the wind.

Inevitable pleading;

Salavation, eluding.
Melodramatic catharsis

Save me
Sep 2017 · 154
ekelhaft Sep 2017

Blacked out.

Woke up with scars,

Left from mindless spurs.

Yet blamed.

Though it is my fault.

I still don't know why I do this.

Now I'm just dragging other people down.

I try to make up for it;

The more I do the more I'll drag others deeper.

The more I become honest the more I destroy.

Erratic slashing,

Woken up by a stinging pain,

A nostalgic feeling.

Blacked out.

I'm getting worse

And this time I'm dragging people around me
Sep 2017 · 326
ekelhaft Sep 2017
Locked into each other's eyes
And gave a smile;
Yet never uttered a word;

Cloaked in alibis
Faking a want so agile;
Vague and awkward, spurred;

Believe obvious lies,
Add to the pile;
Waning thoughts, absurd;

Melancholic sighs
Stare at the mile
Scream feelings never heard;

Pain albeit nice
Comforting yet vile;
Hoping to happen; cursed;

This wish is a vice
A corundum out of style;
Punishing; forgiving; stern.
I saw you today

I just miss you more

Even if I know I mean nothing
Sep 2017 · 251
√ Seen
ekelhaft Sep 2017
I wish you'd say something;

I wish you'd say the words I'm dying to hear,

I wish we'd talk like we used to,

But we won't.

The more I try to push it,

All the more that I'll destroy it;

A friendship.

I don't even know if I mean anything at all to you.

I wish I do.

But that's a request near to never.

...we haven't even spoken yet.

Here's to hoping it won't **** me deep inside;

I should stop

But I can't bring myself to

I know I'm waiting for a lost cause

I know I'm foolish

I'm sorry
Sep 2017 · 147
• Active Now
ekelhaft Sep 2017
I know we've never talked in person;
Dumb, right?
Though once we open the chatbox
We'll talk like long met acquaintances

I know I've said a lot of spontaneous ****,
You'll patch them up with yours;
The moment you typed those random words
It instantly meant something to me

I told you when I wanted to die.
I told you that would be the last.
Yet you peered through me,
Saved me from something I thought I wanted.

It ought to be awkward;
A way I can't fathom,
Yet you talk like nothing's changed;
Comfort I needed.

We talked boring days and sleepless nights,
We talked shows and music,
We talked about lives,
We talked about us.

"Thanks for keeping up with my ****"
"It's cool I talk about random **** too"

"What's up?"
"I hope I'm not botheting you"
"Hey, it's okay"

"gotta go"
"wait, I—"
*Never mind
I'm too scared to say it in person

Let alone in chat

I know it cannot happen
Sep 2017 · 243
I Fear
ekelhaft Sep 2017
I fear
That no one would know;
When I'll die and lay down;
They'd just let go

I fear
That when I stop caring
That's when you'll start;
I know how hard it is hurting

I fear
When my tears would stop
Yours will start flowing;
Then momentum would suddenly drop

I fear
When I stop feeling
Is when you'll give yours;
Senseless dying

I fear
When I start speaking
Truth I try to keep;
You'll start leaving

I fear
My heart split,
Love detested;
A thousand slits.

I fear
Wounds felt;
Blood spilled;
Damage dealt

I fear
Scars that may be seen;
Say words that sting more;
Even to eyes never keen

I fear
That you'll never see this

I fear
That you'll never notice

I fear
That you don't know how much I want you to be the one to save me;
How selfish.

I fear
How much I fear
How much it hurts
How much it ravages;

I fear
I'll never stop fearing;
Without anyone knowing,
*How much I need saving
Asthma and depression and heartbreak really are a good mix huh
Sep 2017 · 370
ekelhaft Sep 2017
I wish I could've put
A capo on 4
So that we can sing the tune
That felt so real before;

Or maybe it should've been
The capo on 7;
The pitch when we fought
And decided to call it even.

An unlikely key,
A capo on 3,
Can't decide if I should be relieved
Or hurt when you left me.

I wish I should've gone
Like the capo on 1,
An unfulfilling venture;
A bitter Love's run.
I don't know where this came from
Sep 2017 · 194
ekelhaft Sep 2017

A **** holy time when my mind shouldn't be thinking of such things;

Yet here I am,

Frail and desolate.

An uneasy heart and a volatile head;

I could just explode.

I could just cease.

I, I could just—

Never mind.

Never mind not knowing.

Never mind not being here for me.

You,you couldn't listen anyways.

At least you'd keep me company.

Just like a room dim lit.
I don't know if I spew out real words


I still miss you

Even if you remember me as a last resort
Sep 2017 · 135
Pulley, Pt. II
ekelhaft Sep 2017
Listening to my own noise;


Craving help,

Yet never asking.

As I see your world;

I might just stain it,

Take away time and waste it.

I'm being left behind;

It ain't your fault.

Don't bother.

I'm not worth anything, anyway.

With hapless weight at the other end of the chain,

Fallen down,* forgotten.

**It would be nice if it was at least remembered.
Don't bother finding the first one
Sep 2017 · 326
ekelhaft Sep 2017
I'm left alone but it's okay

At least you kept me company

Even if you're not here;

Words few and random,

Yet words meaningful to me.

Words cut short;

Not more than beautiful lies.

Even you have to go,

Yet again I'm left alone.

Listening to laughter I wish I had as well,

Joy that I wish I grabbed when I had the chance;

If I had taken a whole different path;

A haunting thought.

Frightening, yes, but also comfortable;

Thinking I should be happy after all that happened,

Yet I'm not.

I can't think straight

But I still think of the feeling of how you hurt me with one-sided love

Without even noticing it
Aug 2017 · 79
Probably My Last
ekelhaft Aug 2017
Been too tired fighting alone

Too much weight upon my shoulders

Crying for help
Yet no one listens

Pleading for salvation
Yet gave in to the ******

Exhausted of pretending

Everything; nothing's fine

Too scared to tell the truth

Too hurt from keeping it

Wonder how much my smile covered up

Now too fed up with everything

Not that I want to play the victim

I'm just too tired to stand alone.

Too many things left unsaid,
Too many lies spewed out.

Nothing follows me but agony;

It's so unfair

Why is it that I'm the only one that you dump your anger in?

Stop fighting because of me.

If it wasn't for my ******* mouth.
If it wasn't for my ******* body.
If it wasn't for me

None of this could've happened.

I'm scared. I'm furious. I'm tired.

*I'm sorry
I want to die


Thanks for keeping up with my ****.

Though I guess this won't **** me
But just in case

I'm sorry
I wasn't strong enough
Aug 2017 · 451
ekelhaft Aug 2017
Sunlight peers through the waning leaves;
The waters dance in the puddles from the passing rain;
Yet still humid,
Yet still serene.

Gazing through casual talk;
Lips wet with unspoken words;
With an uneasy heart,* left heavy-handed;

With all that's here to see,

*Silence never left.

Trying to be happy
Aug 2017 · 182
Worth Hurting
ekelhaft Aug 2017
You're just there,
Yet I can't seem to bring myself to talk.

I know deep within me I long to,
Yet I digress.

The feeling that made my heart flutter,
My lungs, uneasy air;

You made me feel as if I meant anything.
Yet the feeling was never mutual.

My lungs, uneasy air;
My heart, shattered;

Holding a flower that'll never bloom;
*Such a flame that envelops the forest, but never burns.
I miss you

Even if I know you don't remember me
Aug 2017 · 276
I Don't Know
ekelhaft Aug 2017
I promised I'll forget,
How you make me feel;
I promised I'll shrug it off,
No matter how it bothered me.
I promised I'll bury the words that I wanted you to hear;

Stuck between crossroads;
None I know would lead to where I want.
Denying what seems to be truth,
Lying to myself;
How bad of a liar I am.

Gave it even if I knew,
A losing bet;
A certain uncertainty;
Guilty innocence;
Out of words,
Loud silence.

Still staying,
Even if it's been long due.
I'll reminisce it in the words you once said,
Even if we never talk.
A lost cause,
*To a battle that hasn't even started.
I miss you

Even if I know you don't remember me
Next page