It's been a long time
Six months now has it not
I thought we agreed to never see each other again
But skeletons in the closet don't smell to great after a while
And your the corpse always in plain sight
So why not greet each other one more time
After all your the reason I'm still here
Every scar you gave me made me stronger
Now here I am talking to you like a stranger
Your my trusted side kick
The vault I always threw my secrets in
My last resort when I'm feeling down
My dear friend its been a while
Now you're all rusty
Collecting dust in the corner as you wilt away
Flowers bloom and flowers decay
But my love for you against my skin
Will never decay
Now my old friend dance across my wrist once again
Cleanse yourself in the rain your dance made
Hello my friend
It has been a long time indeed
It's nice to meet your friendship again
I missed you
Now help me clean out my closet
I have a story to tell you of my adventures
While in your noticeable absence

Drip drop
One tear two tear
Drip drop
One puddle two puddle
This **** is getting old
Tears falling on the inside of my face
Too shy to show their face
Yet the reopened scars on my wrist
Dance nakedly in public
Drip drop
My tears drip
Into the depths of my throat
The feelings all but pleasant
Choaking and coughing
Of every one that pelts my trachea
Drip drop
My blood drops
Creating puddle after puddle
I'm afraid to even look at my feet
Because I know their all overflowing
They say blood is thicker than water
Yet they dance so elegantly together
When their the ones that are drowning me
All because I'm afraid you'll say its my time to go
Pack up my **** and hit the road
Drip drop
It's kind of annoying
I'm glad I only have a few seconds left
Till the facet in my veins and tear ducts
Finally close themselves
Or the water company realizes I'm not paying the bill

It was before me
Yelling no screaming blood curdling wails
I should have never done it
I should have never walked hand in hand with my heart
It's too small
We never see eye to eye
Always on the opposite side of the train tracks
I'm the fool not my heart
I was the idiot stupid enough to think
This relationship would ever go anywhere
Was I ready?
Why did I try?
My mother was right
I am a pathtetic excuse of life
A waste of talent
A rotting corpse of emotions
Left deaf dumb blind and lost in this grave
Wondering when the sky will decide to fall
And show me
Show the world
I was always the fool
My heart was the one I blamed
I'm too weak to continue fighting
Yet I'm still clutching this sword
Like I know I'll win
Would I be the fool to let go and die
Let the anger decapitate me
Or would I be a fool
For not forgiving my own stupidity
Say I'm sorry
Hope you'll still love me the same
I know I'm the fool not my heart
But what should I think with
When both my heart and mind know
We'll both end up getting hurt
Should I think with my ****
Say I love you only when I'm trying to get in your pants
Should I think random
Start talking about the stars and say I love you out of nowhere
Should I think without thinking
Shut the **** up and be the pet
I don't want to be the fool anymore
I don't want to be domesticated
When I'll always have the instinct to hunt
The pain I feel in my chest
Every time we argue
With the razorblade you wish I would get rid of
I'm the fool not my heart
So when you break up with me
Don't target my heart
I'm the one responisble for all of this
Take aim at my forehead
My heart has seen the worst
It has the most scars
So this time I'll make my body and mind
Take the blunt force of your punches
I'm the fool
Always was and always will be
Not my heart
Never was

All I remember was a bang
A flash but no pain
I remember the feel of the hollow barrel
Stuffed in my mouth
The discomfort of the seat
And how far the trigger seemed
Now I'm here
Finally able to grasp deaths hand
Yet my hand she refuses to take
Like a ******* she requires money
The ferry wont leave this dock
Till I pay the toll
Yet I have no money in my empty pockets
I only have the hearts and souls
Of every tear that fell when my funeral began
When the last black rose fell 6 feet
When the last petal wilted away
I can't pay deaths toll
With the limbs and intestines
Of every skeleton in my closet
I can't pay deaths toll
With the smell of my scattered brains
Still painting the corner of my room
My empty pockets can't pay death's toll
So I guess I'm off to living
The life I was never meant to live
**** it was just a dream
I'm making sure
I have money in my pockets
Or at least the still beating heart
Of my angels voice
Always wishing me goodnight
Just before I dream of never paying deaths toll

I've walked paths paved centuries ago
Walked hand in hand with demons without a name
Talked with voices without a tongue
Yet I still find myself
Lost amongst the blind
Vision not failing
Only the lights that are diming
I should have been sent to heaven
There the true torture I've expected will begin
This is home
Am I living in Hell
Or is this still Life
The very one I've been trying to run away from
I don't know
I really don't care
I'll just smoke another blunt
Listen to the voices slowly get louder
And hope they pass out just before I do
So I can hear that one angelic voice wish me goodnight

I've never been somebody
Worthy of recognition
Worthy of saying I achieved something
It's not like I want to write this poem
Yet its the only thing on my mind
It's not really complicated
I'm just misunderstood
Left to be insane
With the voices only growing louder
Maybe I'm somebody
Somebody truly losing my sanity

Have you ever watched an hourglass
Drip grain after grain
Telling you the seconds that tick by
In doing so I found myself with a new phrase
Slowly emptying into my mind
One grain falls, the lies begin to pile
The moment I asked you
Will you be my Valentine year round
Those sands of time
To our loves imminent demise
Began to pelt and pile at the bottom
Like the lies I told you of me never leaving
Of me always going to be there
I'm partially human
Yet that doesn't make me super
Baby I don't even know
If you can understand this metaphor
But when the sands empty from the top
I'll flip it over again
I'll never let our time together end
I'll be honest with you
Ask me anything I'll tell you the truth
I don't have any secrets
But this very one
I want to be your first for everything

I hunted through the foggy meadows
Weary of all the shadows
Spear held low
Aimed at one figure
I didn't realize my insanity
Creeping up from behind
I hunted my sanity
Yet I became prey to my insanity
Fangs tearing into my throat
Blood spewing from my jugular
I felt no pain
Once the hunter now the prey
Fed on every time I searched for my next meal
I guess it's a famine
My sanity became extinct
Long before it shattered from my parents torment
It was only an illusion
A hallucination to cover up the scars
My body only scarring never amputated
It's a monster I feed
When I become like my egregore
Starved and boney
Hatred and anger became my poison
Finding my sanity could be the cure
No matter how careful I am
I'm still the feast my insanity awaits

I don't need a god
Or any idol before me
I'd rather not kneel and show my weakness
I'd rather weep the tears
Mourn a final time
To show how scared I am
I don't need a cross to hold
I don't need a bottle or blade
I need the silence of a vacant altar
What I need is never what I get
What I want is nothing
But **** it I require a voice to say it'll be ok
For something or somebody
To comfort me in the darkest of days
Even those who love the dark fear it
They know all to well the monsters created
The demons that awaken
It's more than just a nightmare
It's a abyss always drowning its victims
With their own fears
I just pray to my insanity
Maybe my depression
Or perhaps the dark
To allow me one more river of tears
So I can finally swim out of this desert
I've loved and lossed
Lived and learned
Made mistakes invaluable
My proof is the scars
I doubt you'll ever believe the story to
This isn't just an atheists prayer
This is the plea of a monster with no conscious
To finally feel an emotion rather than anger and hate
Depression brings only crimson tears
I just wish somebody can tell me they understand
Yet you'll try and tell me
I should find an anchor in your heavenly father
It's not as easy as saying you believe
I'll never believe in a hypocrite
I'll only believe that one day
My prayer will be answered
With the bringing of boney fingers to my throat
Grains of sands falling
Causing the bells of my demise to toll
Swinging about the sythe to my chest
My prayer is to finally cry
To finally let out all the pain

Mommie
Daddy
I've always wanted to say...
*******!
I've walked these streets
You always kept me shielded from
Never supported what I wanted
I'm not three anymore
How many times do I have to say it
Now I have a new phrase for you
*******!
Your backs are upon me
Thinking I'm the strongest
Just because I'm the biggest
Mom
Dad
Guess what guess what
*******!
The lemons you gave me were rotted
Made the lemonade taste like ****
Couldn't sell it because I'd end up dead
Murdered by the zombie voices eating at my brains
I also would like to say
*******!
Mom
Pops
You just chased out girlfriend #???
*******!
Can't even start making out
Without you busting in and acting like you didn't see this coming
Hey guess what
I've already grown my *****
My ***** dropped
You can go check out the crater they left
So here's a riddle for you
what has 7 letters its a phrase I use quite often
The answer is simple
*******
Mom
Pops
I'm leaving this place
Don't bother coming to my graduation
I don't want you there
You never supported me in school
You just told me what to do
Left me on my own to figure out what the **** to do
Thanks for being an anchor
These currents are really strong
Good thing I'm a good swimmer
Because then I would have let this life **** me
This world will not determine when I die
I will
So *******
*******
*******
I'm tired of hearing you call yourselves parents
You never earned that title
You think having a few kids
Changing diapers and feeding bottle after bottle
Makes you a parent
You're dead wrong
It's the nightmares
You're suppose to help me fight
It's the school bully
You're suppose to help me get rid of
It's the blade across my wrist
You were suppose to notice
Not once did you ever see my pain
You just mocked me when I confided in you that I was scared
You call yourselves parents
Yet all I see are people who fed me nothing but *******
So saying *******
Is my thank you
Without it I wouldn't have learned how to live
How to survive a world
You thought was too wild for me
You only encouraged a monster too wild for this world
******* to the people that have no value to me

Today is my birthday
***** *** real bad
I'm sick
Nobody even noticed
I'm 18 yrs old
Finally made it
Didn't think I would actually
Suprisingly I did
Just have to love my life
Couldn't even express my feelings to the girl I like
Without her pushing me away
But it doesn't matter
I won't be around for much longer
Getting me another job
Moving somewhere quiet
Where only the ocean screams at me

*****
****
*****
*****
Nerd
Punk
******
First words out of your mouth
On the last day of my life
So moments before I pass away
I'll take the time to write them all
On the skin you feared would give you ***
******
Transvestite
Dweeb
*******
Seriously?
You don't remember it
The moments we bumped into each other
In almost every bathroom
Stuffing my face into the fresh ****
You just so happenly dropped
And had all your friends **** on me
As you flushed the toilet over and over again
I'm suprised
You were just joking about it in 5th hour
So allow me to introduce myself again
Hi my name is...
Not going to finish the statement
You usually do with
Queer
***
Short ****
My name has become whatever you decide to call me
And never once do you ever use the same one twice
But today I've kept track
Every name
Every moment in my high school history
Hell even in elementary and middle
You've been there every step of the way
Bullying me even more
Pounding me in the playground
Well I guess I'll show you what you called me
With the bruised body you left me
But I'll finish this off with my actual name *******
My name is Robert Guerrero
I was a poet, the voice to all the people
You thought were your stepping stones to success
Now I'm the corpse you left nameless

With crimson tears in my eyes
I needed you
I wanted those joyful kisses
That always made the day
Worth fighting through
I told you I loved you
I told you I missed you
I told you I was wrong
I swallowed my ego
Through away my pride
Knelt before you
Like the altar of god before
With open arms
Repenting all the sins I did to you
You were my everything
No matter the distance between us
It just made my heart grow stronger
Taking the black hole of nothingness
Turning it into the altar of every mans worship
Wishing their love could be as strong as mine
I told you I would marry you
Give you love happiness and everything
I knew that I would never obtain
Yet again you proved me wrong
You made me the immortal statue
Set in love not stone

Tonight when you feel depressed
Just remember
all it takes is the ****** if a knife
To end it all
Feel the sharp metal
Sink in your skin
Cutting through you life
Feel it slip from your body
All your problems
Going away
All the times your were called
An emo freak, antisocial
Just end it all with that knife
Make it all end
Make it all go away
Never cry again
Never say good bye
Let them know its their fault
Just ****** the blade in your chest
And make it all go away

She thought rain
She whispered to herself for days
As her door locked
Steel plated to keep her in
Lights out to break her sanity
Thunderclouds rolling in
Her foster father knew she was terrified
Yet that sadistic ******* only thought
Of how tight his daughter's ****** would be
If he locked her up and kept her to himself
Foster mom would enjoy watching
Sometimes even record the exploits
Her husband took in those uncharted land
She cried crimson tears
As they laughed at her agony
So she curled up and planned it out
Her Escape
It was simple
When they came to take her once more
She kick him in the *****
Her in the throat
And take a knife from the kitchen
Come back upstairs where they laid in agony
Plunge it deep into their chest
64 times
The amount of times that *******
Plunged himself into her
Storm clouds no longer rolling on the plains
But instead in her eyes as the hatred built
As the hunger for freedom burned
More than the fire her eyes felt
As they cried crimson tears
No longer of fear or pain
But this time
It was of joy and solitude
With them dead
No longer preying on her virginity
No longer stalking her dreams
Their dead and their chest
Are crying the same tears her eyes once cried

My talents as a poet
As a master of my sanity
Have began to fade away
My freedom to write
Moving powerful emotional pieces
Has deteriorated before my eyes
I've calmed the monster
To ease my grandmothers fears
Of losing her only successful grandchild
I've silenced the voices
To ease my deceased great grandmothers worry
That I'll join her in the heavens of my fathers memories
I've noticed I'm now nothing
Just the average joe
Watching Netflix and eating popcorn
Listening to music dreaming of being something
I've noticed
You read my work
Watched me perform
Understood the hatred I feel
Felt the pain I've endured so long
Grasped the love I once expressed
Yet now you're only looking for those things again
Looking for the long poems I once enjoyed writing
The ones that erupted with passion
For all things I thought of
Five minute poems
One night stands with lines
****** paper with pen
As I forced it to swallow the inky ***
I've always wanted to write my last and final poem
To finally be free of my insanity
And embrace the story of peace and solitude
But in this world those are just mirages
Boiling from the hallucination of my desert mind
I've noticed
I truly am just Robert Guerrero
The guy who dreamed impossible dreams
Only because his talent dried up

Sleeping on a bed that's not even mine
Counting sheep to fall asleep
There goes number 98654
I didn't think there was that many
Maybe I should count stars
I'm alone again
My shadow lost its form
When the lights went out

It would have been a whisper
A voice dancing on your eardrums
A slight breeze trough your hair
It would have been easy
Watching love blossom in the winter
Wild flowers goring through feet of snow
I should have just ended it
Walked away from everything
And never look back on all this
Was it a mistake....?
No....a learning experience
So I'll never get close to another person
I'll become the ghost I always was
In the hallways of your fleeting memories
Should I have ended it?
What would have been the point?
You broke my heart
I broke your sanity
Guess we're even
Not like I had anything going for me
Goodnight
Thought I'd just write my thoughts
One more time
Before I paint them on the canvas
The corner of my room has become

Every story has a criminal
The one after the treasure
The one set on destruction
Reaping chaos among the land
If this life was a Fairytale I'd be the villain
Set on making your world incomplete
I'd be the one trying to steal the treasure
Out of your locked down chest
Stripping you of a life of happiness
I'd be the one who failed to overcome
The tragedy of my past
Failed in mastering the art of love
I'm the nobody
Trying to make myself a god
If this was a fairytale I'd be the villain
I'd be the one always losing
I'd be the one to die in the end
I'd be the one you save
As you accidently plunge a blade through my emptying chest
As we lay there realizing the faults
We both made in this not so happy ending fairytale
We both don't get to live happily ever after
The main point of it was to see good and evil side by side
Happily joining forces to finally see the peace of mind
Yet death always is the price a villain must pay
When his goal is ending the world
Bringing new color into a faded world lost in chaos
The villain was the hero
The hero was the villain
Happiness was prevented
By the one they all gave the flag to wave in their name

Time flew by so quickly
Still these wounds don't heal
Maybe it's from the constant picking
As each scab is pealed back
To expose the pumping scar of humanity
Still roaring with life
Why haven't you returned
To claim what you own
To take from me
What I took from you
I imprisoned you in lies
Fed you 3 straight meals
Of nothing but *******
Taught you not of science or literature
But instead the pain that comes
When you love the warden
Of a maximum security prison
Where the only conicted ciminal
Is the ****** serial killer heart
Awaiting its electric chair moment
Or the lethal injection
Of your never ending hatred
We both know it deserves

It's an upside down smile
Painted beautifully across the sky
It always happens when I leave you're side
Your world starts getting pelted by golf ball size rain drops
Every time I return to you
You say it's like the warmth of the sun
Coming out from behind the clouds
Of weekdays spent missing me
You tell me to never leave again
Knowing I have to make money
Just to live in a world I'll never be able to call home
You try everything within your power to make it
Feel like a home
With rainbow smiles
Scents of food cooking
With jalapenos you know I love to eat
You come to bed half naked
Hoping I have time to give you the baby
You think will make us more of a family
I'm sorry I'm too broken to give you want you need
What you truly desire more in this world
But I've always seen the rain clouds
And never once have I felt the warmth of the sun
Or the power of hope you have for this world
I'm an alien to your senses
I'm a ghost to your emotions
I'm nothing while you hold me as if I was everything
Maybe I'm too dumb to understand
Maybe I'm not the one you should be making rainbows for
But I hope somebody else can make rainbows for you
Somebody more deserving to taste the foods you cook
Somebody that wants to go to bed half naked
I'm not that somebody
I'm that nobody you fell in love with for no reason
And I'm sorry for that.

You've helped pave the way
For blood to travel freely down
Flesh meant to be torn apart
Limbs to be melted into the form
Of a sleeping corpse
Blade you've become rusty
Your edges still sharp
Yet you show the stains
Where rivers flowed
Begging mercy as I ******-ed you into
Eyes of veins so they could no longer see the pain
Each nerve ending rattled with
But tonight I'm putting you down for good
Will you sink or float
You're no longer going across the oceans
You'll be going down
Setting a crimson glow to walls
Long since been vacant
Distant from the pain I've been cursed with

Like the moon and the sea
Push and pull
Gravity not really on our side
Forces of nature
Not sure where we are meant to be
Close enough to feel the chill done our own spines
As the icy tips of each others fingertips
Poke at the warming flesh
In and out
Make up your mind
Which direction are you heading
In the door towards our bed
Or out of my heart disappearing forever
Shadows cast by your moon light
Memories written on the sands
Washed way by my salty tears
Rolling and splashing into the rocks
Just the way we were meant to be
Possibly a guessing game
With one pawn
No rules
Just a simple title
LOVE

Her pain scorched into the sides of pillows
Branding feather stuffed sheets
With the catastrophe of her sorrow
Weeping at the thought that he'll never return

That's always going to be your name to me
It means perfection
It's a symbol of hope and peace
Adreishka Moonlight
My only light at the end of every tunnel
The only reason I'm abl to sleep peacefully at night
But with your disappearance
I'm finding myself lost in the dark again
Adreishka Moonlight
Just a nickname to who you really are
My One And Only
Guess I'd be insane if I didn't tell you
And I don't care if my girlfriend gets mad
You mean more to me than a petty fight
Adreishka Moonlight
The real you is the mother of our son Warrin
And I really miss you

One push one step
All it takes till they're all weeping
Horrified by the morbidity of my depression
This is what you all did as you watched in amusement
As flesh turned to stitches
Stitches turned to masks worn daily
This is the consequences to what you think is funny
Laughing at the gay guy
Picking on the nerds
Wedgies and swirlys
After school beatings
Lame excuses for the reason their noses are bleeding
One bullet away
And it's your conscious getting locked up
Guilty...Guilty...Guilty
It's all your fault
Your to blame for the red walls
Once painted a baby blue like the sky
Where they all found comfort in the clouds
Now they're waiting patiently
To assist in dragging you to hell
My depression is that of everyone I've lost
To the unreasonable bullying
You pathetic ******* just don't see
The torment your behind the back laughter
In the face fists
Face to **** stained porcelain
Maybe you should taste what you prescribed
For every gay, ****, *****, nerd, underling you so pleased
Priding yourself with their tears
Not realizing it wasn't the only thing you caused to cry
A wrist, a thigh, a chest
Now I'm filling graves you dug
With the bodies of my beloved misfits

Long awaited fate
Death's hand reaching out to me
Should I grasp it
What would happen
Would the boney fingertips guide me
Deep into the pits of hell
Or lead me into the life I was living already
Will I ever reach the place I was condemned to be
Or will I forever walk the same corridors of this everyday life
Passing masked faces that seem to think I'm still human
I died so many years ago
Is it sad that I await my fate
To be rapped by the trident in the right hand of the devil
Speared through the chest
As my body begins to be fed on by the tormented souls
I can consider my brethern
Don't ask me why but I want to go to hell
Bask in the flames of malice
Let my decadence for the last millenium
Burn and melt from my bones
I'd rather let the rotting souls
Feast on my sins
Then bear to watch them add up
Will I go to hell or live forever
I'd prefer living forever in hell
And everyday I'm not sleeping eternally
I'm living that dream

I'm not playing with legos
I'm not ripping Barbie's head off
I'm not that smiling kid anymore
I learned the pain that comes
When abandonment is everywhere
Pops gone so much
If I did the math He's probably been around
For about 3 years out of 17
So tell me if he's still a man
When money was the root of his departure
Time is more precious then money
Yet I've spent no time with him
You abandoned me the quickest
16 years I've watched the pain
Spread throughout my body like a virus
Overwhelming me
I'm done with converting it into anger and hate
Yet it's all I know
I've not once received an apology
For not doing anything to help me
You let the darkness consume me
You let the world feast on my soul
And the sinister teeth of almost every girl I've been with
Eat out the heart so cold
They considered it a dessert
I'm not three anymore
So the pain I feel I can understand
But it's not something a band-aid can fix
Not something a kiss from a mother can cure
So I hope you're happy with yourself

Have you ever wonder what a snowflake looks like?
Have you seen the color of the snow
Dancing on the threshold of winter
It's a shame that you haven't
I was wondering if you could tell me
All I've ever seen is the rain clouds rolling in
Lightning setting fire to everything on it's way
Have you ever seen the snow?
Will you tell me what it looks like?

First thing you said when you saw my name
First thing I thought of was a field of daises
Us runningtowards each other in slow motion
Lullaby tunes whispering on the winds
As petals dance to the rhythm
I guess I have a weird perspective
I never expected that you'd be the one
To make me think love was a funny thing
I never expected that someone miles away
Could stop the demon from rising
I'm glad I'm back
Back to basking in the light of your smile
Watching you glow with the thought of our love
It's not everyday I'm given something perfect to protect
But with you I'm not just the guardian
I'm the creator of the perfect twinkle in your star gazing eyes
Wonder how long it will be till I can kiss you
I hope it's not much longer
Because I'm actually going crazy
With the thought of you at my side
Heaven and Hell wreaking havoc
On the true definition of love
I missed you was the first thing I saw you say
I love you will be the first thing I hear you say
So I better get to running towards you
In this world of daisies
Wilting away as long as I'm not close to you
Gaining life as come closer to touching
The chest that holds two hearts
Hearing the orchestra of love
Play the music that will save my soul
I missed you too
I love you even more
I should have never let you go in the first place
So I'll make it right
When I hold you tight in my arms

I don't know if I'm even able to love
I don't know if I'll ever meet you
I only know that if I was given the chance
Hell would freeze
Heaven would know pain and sickness
Death would flourish
Just for me to reach you
So you could teach me
The true meaning of love
I don't even know if I'll live past 18
I don't know if the world will even care
I just want that good morning sunshine feeling
That heartbreak when we fight
That love is more important conversation
When we make up
I want a love story made perfect
I'm not asking for miracles or fantasy
I'm only asking if we could share something
Nobody can ever understand
A love on a new level
To the love of my life
I want to be true
I want to exist
And if that feeling comes only from a blade
Then I know this life isn't worth living
If pills and bottle become the most affectionate
Then I'll dance in the darkness as I slowly erode
I don't want only death and darkness
I want a love I can call mine
I want to make love
I'm tired of just *******
I want kisses that mean something
Not kisses from the thousands of thorns
That cover my flower bed
I'm looking for something impossible

The sky must be in love with another soul
It's raining the affection
In the form of rose pedals
Wilting as the truth becomes clear

That soul sent itself to hell

One step and I've already failed at being insane
Two steps and I've forgotten I was insane
What the **** happened for me to be here
Locked in a padded room
Crawling into the safety of the shadows
Am I breathing?
Am I high?
WHAT THE **** IS GOING ON?
Am I insane or just the offspring of my decadence
Am I just another victim
To the early stages of my insanity
The last?
It's a scary feeling
No time to hide
When you're always running

Fool me once shame on me
Fool me twice shame on you
That's the saying right
But it's wrong
The jokes always on me
I'm fooled by the everyday laughter
Thinking it's with me
Not realizing it's against me
It's the silent joke
An inside little laugh
The kids around me have
Could it be their laughing at my scars
The way the blade laughs at me
When I try to hide it
The jokes always on me
I'm not the comedian
I'm the comedy
A simple commodity
They sink their teeth in just for a smile
Am I less of a man
Because of the scars
Am I less of a human
Because I don't smile properly
I have a crooked smile
That's always upside down
The jokes always on me
Because I am the joke
The laugh of the town
The little **** ****** disregard
I'm a human yet you all make me feel
Like the jokes on me
The shadows over my face
Are the shadows of your backs
Turned and whispering the joke
Giggles turn to laughter
Laughter turns to glares
Glares turn to open wounds doctors can't stitch
Yet I'm always the ******* joke
Think again
The jokes on you
I'm the one laughing
All your lives are in my hands
I have 40 pounds of C4
This mall won't stand the explosion
I'll **** you all
I'll be the one to disappear first
Laughing because the jokes on you now
You're too stupid to realize
The joke became the joker
Chock on the ash of my laughter now
I'll tear your world apart
If you survive
You'll be the one with the scars
A perfect reminder of the joke I was

I'm everything you ever wanted in a man
But I'll never be your man
Because you don't recognize the look of disgust
In eyes full to the brim of ****
I can't promise you pain
I can promise you hatred
I can promise you tears worth nothing
I can promise you a half dead smile
Wandering aimlessly in the silence of your eyes
I wish I could love you the way
My heart wants to
I wish I was yours
But I have no heart
I forgot where I left it
But I can feel it beat in my chest

Age 13 your heart called out for attention
Bed sheets stained with your innocence
Every tear flooding out the cotton fibers of your pillows
New Orleans had it bad with Katrina
Yet your tsunami desires for love
Hit harder than Haiti's tsunami
Quicker than the loss of life in Pompeii
I'm sorry age matters in this world
I'd take you in my arms
Hold you close and hope your wings develop
In the safety of my nesting heart
Age 15 and you're already being considered a *****
Tattooed, branded with the titles of ****, *****
And the constant question of guys 4 years older
"Can you **** my ****?"
I'm sorry I was never given the chance to love you
Tell you how much you mean
To me and my world of death and pain
I understand
17 years old and I'm labeled a psychopath
Only because I love the sight of horror
I'm crazy because I dissected an already dead cat
Insane because I stabbed my brother with his own knife
We're outcast in today's society
Because we don't conform to the fashions
The styles of tomorrow
Instead we bask in the glory of our demise
Praying to every god in every book
To take the blade another 6 cm deeper
To have the alcohol in our liver
Erode the burning emotions
We were blessed to have yet cursed to never be reciprocated
I'm sorry I was never given the chance to love you
I would have loved you the way an angelic demon like yourself
Always dreamed of since the age of 6
Shame you're a thousand miles away
Dancing on the rose pedals that wilted on your grave
I should have sent a bouquet
You would have known you were loved

I've spent day in and day out
Puffing on the blunts of my depression
Sipping on the bottle of my pain
I've cut wrist that bled lakes
Tattooed my pain across my chest
Making it not the first mistake
But the one mistake that could have ended
Years of hatred toward a *****
Resentment towards a *******
Both of whom taken my sanity
Twisting it into the death feigning fantasy
Where blood runs thick and rotting flesh
Smells of sweet rose pedals kissing lavender
I should have cut down
The same way the sun becomes extinguished over ancient blue horizons
I'm tired of the pain
The smell of decadence in the morning
Malice tales sung from harps
As blood sparkles with the sun peeking through the window
Down is so much better than across
Because I know I'll just be another limp lifeless corpse
Hidden from society till the neighbors
Become sick of the wretched smell of my dusty bones

Riddled stories sung of war and death
Fire blazing as friends gather round
It's a feast on the list of sins
Your heavenly father cursed us to add to
I'll never be sorry for the ripped throats
The still bleeding hearts from two years past
We're the vampires of hell
Drinking the flames of heaven
As we set it ablaze
With good times and bad stories

You cast the shadow of my heart
Into the deepest pits of hell
Chained it as you set fire to gasoline
Skin melting under the intense heat
I should have said **** it
Long before I let you wrap ten fingers
Cyanide tipped nooses
Around an already cold dead artery
Pulsing blood through my veins
Filled with toxic hatred
For those pretty brown eyes
You dragged me in with
Sent me to hell
With no possibility of parol
I'm surving nine life sentences
Because I fell for you
The queen of the ******
The mistress of hell
Monarch of shattered hearts
I should have walked away
Before I drowned in the quick sand
You so joyfully called love

Wrap your hands around the hours
Seconds passing by as your heartbeats
Father, send the sands to my snoring bed
Drown me in my sleep
Crush my chest under the weight
I'm tired of being a speck of dust
On the ancient gears of your clock
Let me fade wipe me away
Father, give me the gift you blessed me with
When you said it was my time to rise

I'm hidden in the lies
Cascading the mountains of truth
You so blindly try to climb
You can't seem to comprehend
I'm the master of death
The father of the gods
You ritualistically worship
I'm the truth in the lies
I'm the lies in the truth
I'm everything but what are you
A flea biting a dog
A dog in the sewers
A rotting corpse sailing on the sands of time
Lies hold my truth my existence
My way to say
I'm just a nothing