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Apr 9 · 215
Sophistry
Lately we drink
And then we talk,
And it’s perfect
Because I’ve missed
These conversations with you.

Lately we drink
And then we talk,
And then I get caught in my
Feelings because I don’t
Think I’m enough for you.

Lately we smoke
And I fall asleep,
And when I wake to
Your back to me, I pray
You didn’t fall asleep lonely.

Lately we smoke
And you fall asleep,
So I smoke some more
Because there’s a sadness
Brewing that I can’t explain.

Lately we ****
Instead of make love,
And it feels so good,
But I crave the raw love
You showed me the first time.

Lately we ****
Instead of make love,
And you moan in your dreams.
I stay awake at night
Hoping you’re dreaming of me.

Lately I think
And get stuck in my head;
Dangerous terrain.
My emotions flip and
Play tricks on my brain.

Lately I think
And get stuck in my head,
And allow my insecurity
To become reality,
Instead of using rationality,

And I’m so sorry.
Apr 9 · 150
PTSD
Shadow talk about
Z  o  n  i  n  g out
Like I’m not haunted
By its icy ghosts.

Fingers hold my eyes open
To memories of the last time,
Ones I’d hoped to
Never feel again.

I remember that my heart
Imploded, and my bones
Crumpled under the pressure
Of guilt, or pain, or shame.

My skin peeled back to
Reveal bleeding muscle and
Torn heart strings, still
Trying to play a happy song.

My eyes turned broken
Faucets the night he left
And I was so sure
He would never come home to me.

I stayed awake as long as
The lights stayed on,
And fell asleep trying to
Convince myself he still loved me.
Apr 9 · 157
Sacrifice
A silent look lingers,
Blurred to your angel face.
You tell me you can’t
Handle the stress anymore,
(Don’t you know how hard I’m trying?)
That it’s taking a toll.
(You think I don’t already know?)

A flood of tears held back
By dams behind my eyelids.
The anchor in my throat
Has me screeching to a halt.

You tell me that
Everything I once had, I can
Get it right back,
(Don’t you remember how unhappy I was?)
Because you can’t bear the weight.
(I see how unhappy you are.)

White flags high up;
Toasts from empty cups.
I’d give my life to
Ease your strain.
(Don’t you know how much I’ve prayed?)
Wake up and my
Head is cracking
Like Kentucky pavement.

Foggy and frustrated;
(At what?)
**** this, **** that.
Morning ******* *****
Worse than Kentucky pavement.

Coffee caresses my nostrils
And lures me to the kitchen
By hand. Inhale deep
Like the first drag of a stress cig.
Pour.
       Sip.
              I’m a brand new *****.
Apr 5 · 88
Rest in Peace
I allow winter to
Kiss me goodbye, and I
Feel its icy grip
Loosen from my flesh.

I never liked the cold,
But deem it necessary;
To remember how to feel,
To remember you.

Your name still tastes
Rusty and raw.
Remembering your life
Still brings rain.

Yearly, before I get
****** into the storm,
Spring welcomes me home,
Bright and warm.

And flowers still bloom on
Your birthday, blue speckling
Umber and orange, standing
Out in a world of autumn
Jan 12 · 1.3k
Fall Short
Desolate and barren,
The canyons call to me
Like the coyote calling the moon.
It feels so familiar,
Feels just like home.

Lugubrious and dwelling,
This weight cannot leave my
Chest until I relieve it;
And I can’t succeed,
Not this time.

Swallowed up into a sea,
I forfeit to a controlled fate.
Yes, I feel the downward spiral.
Yes, I sense the impending disaster.
No, I cannot bring myself to change it.

Here, I fall so short.
I never claimed to be an angel;
In fact, the Devil loves me.
I take his demons and allow
Them shelter within me.

Yes, I know the damage done.
Yes, I will never stop the spiral.
No, I cannot bring myself to change,
And that is where I continue
To
         f
              a
                     l
                          l
                                 short.
Jan 12 · 253
Love You Gently
I can’t love you gently,
It isn’t in my blood
To only give a portion
Of this heart.

I can’t love you gently;
My bones creak your
Name and my skin
Smells of you.

No, I can’t love you gently
When all this vessel is,
Is heart, and love, and
Love, and love.

I love with all of me;
I love fiercely and with
Strength. I can’t be loved,
Nor can I love you, gently.
Jan 3 · 275
Origami Me
Hang me
Like a Dali painting.
Oil on canvas,
Blood on skin.
No one understands me
Anyway.

Drape me
Like foreign fabric.
Silk on bedsheets,
Clothing to vessel.
No one feels my softness
Anyway.

Fold me
Like intricate origami.
Paper to paper,
Chest to chest.
No one feels the heartbeat
Anyway.
Jan 3 · 108
Melting
I am hard again.
There is concrete and it traps me.
There is a numbness and I can feel it.

I am not well, in dream state;
Unconscious and heavy
With guilt.

I am changing,
    And it is chaos.
I am changing,
     And it is destruction.

I’m soft again.
There is a river and it fills me.
There is feeling again, and how I feel it.

I’m awake and alive,
Full and bursting
With love.

I am changing,
     And it hurts.
I am changing,
     And I love it.
My own take on an Instagram poets’ piece.
Dec 2019 · 437
Til I Get It Right
All I want is to grow.
My heart aches for it,
My bones scream.
In the dark silence
That sits inside and listens,
A lilac endlessly grows,
Withers,
Dies.

Its petals float to sea
And carried away by the wind.
They’re brought back to me
In forms of seashells,
Cracked and crooked.
I piece them together like
A riddle on my tongue.
All I want is to create,
And destroy,
And rebuild.
Dec 2019 · 138
Something New
Insecurity.
Hold it until the
Alcohol takes over
And the courage you
Hide from all
Spills out like
Oil from ruptured,
Rusted pipelines.

Insecurity.
I hold it like
A security blanket.
Being high takes
All of my courage
And lulls it to
A whispering halt.
Let go.
Dec 2019 · 112
New Year Song
Spread a kind song,
Unwind the dream,
Fall new on your veil.

Spread a soothing cold,
Twist the imaginary,
Surrender to the obscure burning.
Dec 2019 · 190
Quiet Passions
A silent yearning,
A splash of soft renegade.
This gold softness
Close again like armor;
My collapse, his surrender.

Please my quiet scream;
I crave your emotion,
My charming melody.
Dec 2019 · 171
Homesick
The surprising secret
Shrouded in sweet song,
Rhythmic as morning.
The small whispers are glass.

A tickling bouquet
Of unending dead fields
Appear again.
I don’t believe without prospect.

His touch, sacred;
Cloven lips.
Together, I can’t
Feel homesick.
Dec 2019 · 35
Divine Intervention
You, the heavenly protected,
A hidden glow spun for us;
Touching missing time,
Ascending her wishes.

He gladly forms fresh flame
Entwined in newfound patterns;
Charming the imaginary,
Exploring the wandering.
Dec 2019 · 142
Devil’s Advocate
A dreaming surprise;
She does your emotion
Through heart memory,
It’s unfortunate.
"Face me",
Whispered silver seduction.

The soft beauty;
He does her song
Through a crashing existence.
I tremble,
Warm with
A certain, familiar aching.
Dec 2019 · 134
Sensual Therapy
A closer embrace,
He is blurred with time.
Assemble simple reality,
Linger in its engulfing sea;
A sensual therapy.

A gliding storm,
She resonates beyond the rage.
Slow the melody,
Wake into calm light;
Dreaming of eternity.
Dec 2019 · 156
Color Blind
Clear of color,
My edge is unknown.
The burning candlelight
Question shimmers in me.

Kaleidoscope vision
To the color blind, given.
I’m grey with envy
Knowing all your truths

But
       Being
                 Robbed
                               Mine.

Dizzy and dozing,
Color explosions
Pour into my pores
And fill my eyes.

Pixelated greys,
My color is a haze.
How unfair to be teased
By canvas within my dreams.
Nov 2019 · 159
Trading Perspective
This veil spun by
A knight of reality,
Breaking struggle into riches
Like a heavenly collapse.
An intricate escape from
The waiting womb
Of distortion and melancholy;
Illusion of a metaphorical tomb.

Eternally great is
The mask weaver,
Painting faces open to truth,
Waking new dreamers.
Sing to life these
Revelations while
I drop the veil
And truly perceive.
For “R” Series
Nov 2019 · 345
Bigger Picture
The silent winter engulfing me,
His eyes devour me.
Rhythmic approach from a
Seductive lover;
Strong edge, soft tone.

Surrender to wonder,
Soft touch, soft breath.
To know exciting texture;
Gathering you in like
The dazzling sky.

The wide warmth engulfing me,
His hands transform me.
Mindfully molding me like
Candlewax;
Delicate touch for a bigger picture.
For “R” series
Oct 2019 · 158
Ocean Eyes
Realize that the loving
Sea lulled my burning body
And its crashing memory,
Echoing with illusion.

Me, an obscure jewel
Hidden beyond the world;
Changing, wandering
Without form.

And the shore still
Spoils me with hope.
For “R” series
Oct 2019 · 201
Passion
Kiss in flame,
An unending blaze.
A sleek smoke dance
Gently spun
Changing to a sweeter one.

His body enfolded
In a warm glow;
Fire resonates within us.
Passion fuel without smoldering;
We make love while the world’s unfolding.
For “R” series
Oct 2019 · 141
Break Me Into a Whole
He breaks my heart
And peels my eyes
Open to the world,
No, I’m not a broken girl.

He’s the reminder
That my mask can be removed;
I don’t have to hide,
In him, I confide.

Emotional chaos
Disguised as playing victim.
He called out my delusion,
It was no intrusion.

He softens my feelings
But hardens my spine;
He nurtures me to health
And teaches me of my wealth.

Yes he breaks my heart,
He tears it wide open
So that the rivers may flow again.
He makes me feel whole again.
Oct 2019 · 153
A Tamed Beast
All the wild inside me
Didn’t know what to do
When this adventurous heart
Made a home out of you.

I saw myself a caged
Beast, newly set free
When the universe
Gifted you to me.

A true blessing;
I swear you’re divine.
You make everything
Feel like springtime.

Cool, collected,
Constantly blooming.
Your love, the nectar
I’m ever consuming.
For “R” series
Oct 2019 · 1.5k
Inside a Marcus Theater
Nerve wracking,
Gritted teeth
Shattering,
Fascinating and
Exhilerating.

A kid in a toy store,
Overwhelmed and
Joyous, I can
Feel the magic
Surrounding you.

Violet hue around
A face of blue,
No one wears excitement
Like you do.
How I want to kiss you.

My hands aching,
You’re breathtaking.
Touch me so that
I may stop shaking.
I’m yours for the taking.
For “R” series
Oct 2019 · 1.0k
I’m Okay
I wanted to scream
Until I heard the
Whistling in my ear.
I wanted a song
To pair with the freight
Train crashing through
My heart.
I wanted to feel my
Bones shatter
At the impact.

But instead,
I implode
And my lips pull
Into a smile.
"Don’t worry,
I’ll be fine
In a while".
Oct 2019 · 246
Paint Me Lovely
I tremble between sheets
And a devoted lover.
Our minds, a canvas,
Crashing into color.
His kiss lingers;
Touch, patient and tender,
Seeking to paint
The cold night.
Sep 2019 · 347
Caught Feelings
Oh God,
Is it true?
Dear lord,
I’ve fallen for you.
Paper thin,
You’ll see right through
Me.




|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||­|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||



The birds chirp
And I’m reminded that
I haven’t slept
Again.
But it didn’t bother,
Because at night
I was the light
Of your world,
And darling,
You’re mine.
For R series
Sep 2019 · 229
A Blessing In a DM
A knight pretending he
Is imperfect,
Surrendering the bind
For softeness and
Passing his earthly
Emptiness to the
Sleepy sea.

A surreal muse for
This rejected girl;
Emotionally abandoned
And feeling discarded.
A knight armed
With charm
Was gifted to me.
For “R” series
Sep 2019 · 130
Wounded
Thin skin,
Self infliction;
Melancholy oozing
From my pores
Like a leaky bandage.

Self esteem,
What a dream
To feel like someone
Beautiful, instead of
Feeling invisible.

Feel like ****,
What a trip.
Do I look just
As lovely
Wearing all my wounds?
Sep 2019 · 285
Karma’s Lover
Happiness is Karma’s sidekick.
A cruel twist of fate
Where you find everything you
Ever wanted and it’s
Ripped from your chest like
A bandage.

I don’t remember
What I’ve done to deserve
My fate. Karma
Surely gets hers, but
Happiness refuses
To love me back.
Sep 2019 · 169
Bitter Winters
Tear into these sweet
Autumn memories;
Break the girl silent,
Desperate,
Bitter.
Bind fall tightly at the wrists,
Restraint or protection?

The shrouded but
Shining collapse,
Rhythmic and raging,
A heavenly surrender
From a sinful woman.
Desperate,
bitter,
Just in time for winter.
Sep 2019 · 942
Guilty Pleasure
Violet emotion,
Dark and sensual.
These secrets kept,
I confess,
Are protected by a
Soft guilt.

Seemingly rude,
Peer through your
Rose colored glasses;
I confess,
It honors me to wear
Your fingers like a necklace.
Sep 2019 · 105
I Just Want You to Want Me
I fell in love with
The sinless man,
But even he can
Still break my heart.

Sentences like daggers
Thrown mindlessly,
Likely unintentionally,
But still sharp nonetheless.

Intimate betrayal,
I’m overreacting,
Under reacting;
I’m done reacting.

You find pleasure
In others;
It’s not another,
But it isn’t me.

Wide open arms,
You run right past me;
You don’t touch me,
Not when you’re *****.

Sinless man exposing
His lust openly,
A lust not for me,
A sinless hurt.
Sep 2019 · 139
Untitled
Elusive eyes,
Hold my gaze,
Look me over
A little slower.

Entwined in rich
Belonging,
Moonflower vines
Blooming,
Follow their DNA twist.

Seductive eyes,
Follow my gaze.
Hold me slower,
Just a little longer.
Sep 2019 · 81
Untitled
The shadows are a
Newfound emptiness.
Winter collapses on my
Blooming form;
The aching is like a
Rose in a withering bind.

Show winter goodbye
Without a velvet kiss,
Your lips intricate like
Candlelight flooding darkness.

The whispers are a
Newfound romance;
A deep melody
Burning a quiet
Softness into me.

Show softness a warm
Welcome, with wide, open
Doored arms.
Your delicate fingers like
Raindrops to seed.
Sep 2019 · 468
The Silver Lining
An echoing dream,
Realize sacred vision.

Falling toward the
Obscure sense simply
Within.

The surrounding color
Silver,
A lining will be revealed.
Sep 2019 · 150
Wake Up
The night devours the magic,
Distorts the laugh,
Shows the sorrow.

Poisoned dream of mystery,
Seeking the closure,
Awaiting the day.
Sep 2019 · 132
Self Care
Tend sweet to the
petals,
The sense of touch
Meaningless
Without these
Satin violets.

Tend softly to the
leaves,
The sense of smell
Meaningless
Without taking a
Breath of the roses.

Tend lovingly to the
roots,
The sense of stability
Meaningless
Without this
Firm foundation.

Tend kindly to the
flower,
Beauty is
Meaningless
Without
Sweet nectar.
Aug 2019 · 232
Stolen Innocence
A stolen fragment
Of me turns into
A whisper.

Black, envious, engulfing;
My texture too watery,
So I turn into mist.

Entwined by the moon,
a charming shadow
Soft to the touch.

The sorrow in me
Melts quickly
Into the dark.
Aug 2019 · 91
Beginnings
The new moon phase;
Here’s to bold beginnings
And new manifestations.

When I look into the
Mirror this time,
I won’t see the
Present me staring back.

The future told
Through reflection like
A crystal ball.
The season is changing.
A coolness kisses my skin
And each blade of grass.

The season is changing
And so am I.
I’m becoming,
I’ll be brand new again.
Aug 2019 · 258
The Art of Letting Go
September was a
Porcupine kiss.
My tongue, swollen
And aching to
Spill these words
And thoughts
And feelings
On why it hurts to talk.
My lips, fat and
Speckled in ruby,
September is a jagged
Blade, rusted by
Memory and
"Why did you go?"
September tasted like
Pennies and
Smelled like morning breath.
It sounded like
Grinding teeth and
I couldn’t move for days.
September felt like
Stagnation.

Until I saw the color,
And it was like
My eyes were brand new.
Another who could see
Them in his own way
Lifted some of the
Burden.
He’s a reminder to exhale,
To appreciate the loss
Of the ones we love;
The poster child of
This type of pain.
So I breathe,
And September is here
Again.

But now September
Tastes like sweet *** and
L&M, the gemstones
Kissed from my lips.
September smells like
Warm sheets and apples,
And it sounds just
Like your laugh.
September is a
Drunken kiss and
101 "I love you’s",
And even that isn’t
Enough to express
How much it all means.
September feels like
Celebration,
As it should have felt.
Aug 2019 · 165
The Gift
I read between the seams
Of your microphone dreams
And I see you as a
Complete individual
Walking amongst halflings
Like you had no idea.

A mystical man
Cloaked in purple robes,
I throw lavender at
Your feet and place a
Lilac crown atop your head,
Truly divine.

The universe kissed me
With clairvoyance; she
Promised me a gift: I saw
True color of all life.
One look at you and I
Realized you’re Heaven’s gift.
Aug 2019 · 111
When He Plays
Your heart dances a
Funky little beat,
And your jazzy fingers
Strum right along
To the song.
A sugar sweet soul
Made of rock and roll.

Indie lips sing
With an alternative twist,
A little reggae in your step.
Behind your lips, a classical dance;
Oh love, give the world a chance.
A musical melting ***, mon chèri.
Darling, you’ll be legendary.
Your hands
Braided with mine,
Like Lady Fate and
Father Time
Begged the Creator
To let us be.
Tangible connection,
Like you could
See the wires
Drawing me into
You.

You, the piece
Of the puzzle
That makes me
See the bigger picture.
You, the eye-
Opener that I do
Desperately needed to
Believe again.
You, the hand-
Picked violets I swoon
Over nightly.

Charming and
Breathtaking;
I am in
Awe of you,
Sweet baby blue.
The heavens crafted
You for the world,
And instead you
Picked me.
How lucky I am
To love you.
Aug 2019 · 102
The Heart of a Musician
Sad songs hit sweet
Like cardiac butterfly kisses,
They’re a favorite because
Pain is the most creative emotion.

Give a musician heartbreak
And he’ll make the world fall in love with him.
Give him love and
He’ll make the world love you, too.

Heartbeat to the metronome,
Keep beat with the blood flowing through.
Lyrics float from your lips,
Balloons of symbols and metaphors.

Baby blue, change the
World with the strum of a chord;
Save the world by
Giving us your words.
If I were to lose my eyesight,
My vision would be heightened.
Free from worldly distraction, I
See humanity for what it is.
It is terrifying.
It is beautiful.

2. If I were to lose my sense of smell,
Well,
I think I’d be just fine.
I’m used to not breathing,
Smothered by emotion
And over-love.
I think I’d be just fine,
But I’d sure miss the smell of you.

3. If I could never hear your voice again,
Please kiss me with all of your
Words. Let me read your lips
With mine,
Our own sign language.
Let your secrets spill on to
My tongue.
If I could never hear you say
"I love you", dear,
Let me feel it.

4. If I lose my sense of taste,
A fire would burn within;
To never taste your lips again
Would be a deadly sin.

5. If I lost the ability to touch,
I’d go madly insane.
A most basic comfort;
A primitive coping mechanism
Lost to the world.
A world without touching you
Is no world at all,
But the deepest pit of hell.
I do not wish to go there.
Aug 2019 · 904
Goddess Tanka Trio
Hecate the great,
A being of magical
Origin. She’ll make
Your crossroads feel clear again,
A kind of sweet sorcery.

2. Guru of healing,
Darling Gula, patron of
The Sumerian
Followers. Nurturing
And motherly, her embrace.

3. Goddess of the pen,
The brain, the stars, all in one.
Nibida reads the
Stars and writes the story to
Keep it immortal and free
Aug 2019 · 95
Burnt Out
I wish you liked to
Do things confined within these
Familiar walls.
My interaction meter
Is full, and I just want you
Aug 2019 · 82
Growing Pains
Pain that is root- deep
(Growth has never been comfortable)
But not pistol height;
On a journey for the map
To metamorphosis.
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