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Adrian Mar 2020
Every word
Every phrase
Every line
Every time
I pull a blank.

My mind is writing
From a odd feeling state
But it’s power is dwindling
And my drowsiness is kindling
For a inferno yet to come.
The underscores that are the title means “blank”. I really can’t write very well atm it seems to me. I just can’t think and it angers me.
Adrian Dec 2019
00001010 01000100 01100101 01100011 00101110 00110010 00111001 00101110 00110010 00110000 00110001 00111001 00001010 00001010 01001001 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101010 01110101 01110011 01110100 00100000 01100001 00100000 01101000 01110101 01101110 01100011 01101000 00101100 00001010 01100001 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101001 01110000 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01101101 01101001 01101110 01100100 00101100 00001010 01100001 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110010 01101111 01101111 01110100 01110011 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101111 01110101 01100111 01101000 01110100 00101100 00001010 01100010 01110101 01110100 00100000 01101101 01100001 01111001 01100010 01100101 00101100 00001010 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101100 01100101 01110011 01110011 00100000 01101101 01100001 01101100 01100101 01110011 00001010 01101001 01101110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110000 01101111 01100101 01110100 01110010 01111001 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101101 01101101 01110101 01101110 01101001 01110100 01111001 00101110 00001010 00001010 01001001 00100000 01100001 01101101 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01101110 01101111 00100000 01110111 01100001 01111001 00001010 01110100 01110010 01111001 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100100 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100110 01100101 01101101 01100001 01101100 01100101 01110011 00101100 00001010 01001001 00100000 01100001 01101101 00100000 01101010 01110101 01110011 01110100 00100000 01110011 01101000 01100001 01110010 01101001 01101110 01100111 00101100 00001010 01101101 01111001 00100000 01110000 01100001 01110011 01110011 01101001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101111 01110101 01100111 01101000 01110100 00101110
If you had the time and took the pain to translate binary to text (its using ascii conversion) don't take any offense in the contents. I translated this by hand... it took a while.
Adrian Feb 2020
I am by no means omnipotent,
So the meta-thoughts I have
About the couples on this day
Are quite biased.

I have to wonder
What these people are thinking
When vigorously presenting their love
Without even a shred of conscience
Or shame.
It got repetitive within a heartbeat (ha... ha... ha...). And after being too repetitive, it brought itself into my bitter contempt. Jealousy is powerful...
Adrian Feb 2020
A thousand miles away
I’ve got a lot left to say.
Could you not just stay
And listen for one more day?
The earth is roughly 8,000 miles through, that’s where the 1/8 comes from.
Adrian Dec 2019

I’m bleeding happiness
I watch it flow, a cheerful ruby red.
No time for the cold regrets and darkness
I cannot go back upon the path i was lead
The pain is the best thing that I’ve felt
It’s a wonderful, blissful feeling.
It makes me fall in a temporary relief. i gladly melt.
Until my body starts retching and reeling,
Im keeping things the way they’ve been.
I love the blood, i love to watch it flow
It has a wonderfully rose sheen
Especially when the wound starts to grow
Why cannot you, or even anyone see,
That i am ok with this happening to me?
It’s almost 2am and I’ve just been lying in bed, so I decided to do something productive and share these poems I made a while back describing how depression was a ***** to get out of, and that everyone was tryna be “helpful” but apparently I wasn’t having it.
Adrian Dec 2019
Why are you here?
I never wanted you to exist
Yet you stay and cause me self fear
You never cease to persist
Wanting me to bleed
Maybe even to beat myself dead
Its all a mystery, a warning I won’t heed
I never wanted to let out so much red...
I ******* hate you
Hiding behind a shield of lies
Its all you ever seem to do,
The fake tears, but you never heed my cries
You need to leave me alone
You are a fiend that needs to atone
Me trying to turn back and retaliate on the piece of crap (the other part of me that hates me), telling him to *******.
Adrian Dec 2019
You know I love this, you do as well
We all love the feeling of the dripping blood
I know this feeling brings us closer to hell,
But I cannot live through this emotion flood
I need it to stay alive and sane.
The feeling is good too, it’s bliss
I love all the self inflicted pain
I want more, everyday, without miss.
You may think I’m out of line, I’m crazy
But i know you love it too
You are a *****, you’re lazy
I deal with that **** everyday, and so do you.
We need our emotion vents to let out the crud.
Why not again use our own blood
so I’ve figured it out. The even numbered poems are me, while the odd numbered poems are... also me. But the odd numbered ones are by the ****** up me, the one that wants me to die and hurt myself.
Adrian Dec 2019
You’ve gone insane, I’ve gone insane
We are two in one so we both are as such
Listen to yourself, you cannot live without the pain
I don’t get why you love the bliss so much
I know it feels so great
I know it’s extremely addicting
But it also carries a lot of emotional weight.
we’ve stopped feeling the pain we are inflicting
Is that a problem? We could find another spot
Stop. Get out of my head
You are a ****, you mentally weigh me down a lot
I just need to forget, to lie in bed
You make me fight this endless strife
Just shut up, all I want anymore is my knife
If you’ve gotten this far and haven’t decided that I’m mental, good job bc I promise I’m not. Anyways, these are close to internal arguments that I’ve had in my head during this time.
Adrian Dec 2019
Don’t you see,
The ruby red blood?
We love the pain, you and me.
Bother sides of me are mud
So we should just let it out dude
I love that we can finally get on the same page
I love the blood, i love the cuts crude
Now that we bleed, we have left that cage
We are truly free, flying above all
Not listening to anyone’s pleas
No matter how much the beckon or call
To us they are nothing more than fleas
You shouldn’t trust them, ever.
Just trust me, I’m your benevolent endeavor.
All these poems were written on the same day. Oh yeah, if any of you are in the least bit confused, don’t hesitate to drop ur confusion in comments or in the spatial void, I may or may not get it either way, but I’ll try fix the confusion.
Adrian Dec 2019
You need to leave now
I’m not doing this anymore
I don’t feel the urge. I don’t know how.
I’m not submitting to that pain, I’m not it’s *****
If i end this, so do you.
Or even better, just leave.
It will be better for the both of us if you do.
I know you want my pain every time I breathe
It’s hard to stop, i know we both love it
The reassurance of the cold knife and hot pain
It’s quite a nice thing to do before a potential fit.
There is just too much that i can gain
I don’t wanna stop but i know I should
I don’t need any help though, it’s all good.
If you’re reading these out of order, find the collection on my profile and read them in order, they’re all there.
Adrian Dec 2019
Why did I need to leave
It was so much fun dragging the knife through
1 for every time I shakily breathe
On a wave of pain, we flew.
I have always loved that other side
It breaks me that I left
He just wants to hide
Leave me to carry it, to heft.
I have no words for my treacherous acts
I hate me down to every last shred
I want to rip them apart with... possibly an axe?
He means nothing to me, i will turn him red
If it’s the last thing i will ever do alive
I will **** him, or at least stop his thrive.
Said more as an aside than directly at me, but since it’s myself I kinda knew what was going on... also from my random *** suicide thoughts that came during thus time.
Adrian Dec 2019
I know this didn’t happen, but it is how I am currently, i think.

Who am I?
I am me,
I am not to die
I am free.
I have not bled
I have cried
I have fled
I have lied
I killed myself
I killed that half
I killed it for good health
I killed it so i never have to experience it’s wrath.
I experienced the pain of life’s cruel counterpart
I experienced it all without dying
I experienced the pain of never losing heart
I experienced it all and I’m still standing
The top bit was in italics, but that doesn’t carry over well. I kept it there for the irony because 2 months later I tried to **** myself one last time before I came clean out of it. (this was written jun 9 2019)
Adrian Jun 12
The tide proceeds to escape the shore,
Receding like a quelled rebellion.
Now a pair of lonely eyes
Becomes the sole true witness
Of this snapshot of life.
Adrian Dec 2019
I once had a phone...
it was an IPhone 6.
Worthless to many,
but to me,
could have bought
that bank of emotion.

To part with it was
to part with some of me.
I am in no way a phone addict,
it just was full of precious bytes,
these 64 billion bytes described me.

The vehement texts, sent with wet eyes.
The entertaining games, played frequently.
The photos of friends and places held dear.
The contact of whom I am too shy to speak to.

And most importantly,
yet saddest of all...

the thousands of poems.
The stories of my doubtless fury,
my love for the pocket knife,
the yearn for another ****** line,
the sadness of another failed day,
the crushing expectations,
and the love I still feel.

The stories that pulled me from depression,
the stories that listened when nobody else would,
the stories that only I will ever have seen.

Even though it's fried silicon chip works no more,
I keep it still, not willing to let go.
So many things, lost forever,
all these things only I am to ever know.
Oh yes. classic 16 Y.O. of me to write about my broken phone. I started writing poetry in February, and I would write tens of poems a day.
Adrian Jan 2020
Suicide to joy,
Cyanide to happiness,
2019 held a lot.
From sudden love
To soft rejections
And a hard ones as well.

But now 2020 is around the bend,
So I bathe in my raven black darkness,
Waiting for the clock to turn up a year,
An hopefully my life will move with it.
Hopefully, but sometimes life throws some illegal lowballs and makes you wanna cut open ur arms hopefully none of you are as messed up as I am... happy new year everyone! I hope I can still read poetry in 2020.
Adrian Jan 2020
Sifting through the simmering desert of time,
The golden sand reflects the open sun,
Making this a bright, golden hellscape.
The sun scalds my damp body,
Donating my pale skin a rosy sheen.
I don’t know where I’ve come from, or where I’ve been,
But I know that all I can do is sift further,
And grimace with each step on the scalding sand,
Hoping to leave this golden hell,
And traverse to a green heaven.
A green heaven would be a forest in this case. This is a bit ironic because in the older puritanical belief, the forest was the home of the devil.
Adrian Jan 2020
A note lies on a wooden desk,
Its words conveying a coward’s half baked decision.

It was once clean and blank
But this changed, as all things do.
First was ink, forming a needlessly long message.
With this, came the tears, dripping at random.
The upset scrawling accidentally rips the note...
A pen thrown down, blotting the paper and words.
And lastly, more ink, but it’s from a different well.
Aug.7.2019. I remember writing this with two possibilities at mind, either a breakup note, or a suicide note. I feel bad for the paper...
Adrian Feb 2020
The initials of my name.
I hate 2/3 of
That dreaded sequence.
I would redefine
This personality of mine
Under a new name,
But then who would I be?
I took the R from Ryan and swapped around the letters in Aidan to make Adrian. I would’ve done Austin but my name doesn’t have a U T or S in it.
Adrian Mar 6
Into the ground,
Pulling up dirt.

It splashes like water
On a brilliant summer day,
We all love to play in water...

Bury me
Under this weight,
Bury me
Under my sin.
Bury me,
for I will never win.
Inspired by “Dig” from Mudvayne
Adrian Apr 25
Have you fallen again?
Through the world of dreams
And into the endless expanse?

Lifeless yet living,
I ponder your loving existence.

The silent voice
fades to a whisper.
Where have you gone,
My sister?
It’s important to note that the speaker doesn’t have a sister, he never did.
Adrian Feb 2020
As the fire sprouts up,
The rain screams down.
Volcanoes ***** themselves,
Peeping above the sea-ceiling.
The land we live on is created,
Now we just need life
To ***** it’s soulful flame,
And populate that desolate ball.
A frozen ball of rock became a flaming hellscape. Then Mother Earth found a compromise, and gifted her world with life.
Adrian May 2020
Am I afraid to fall?
Or am I just in fear
Of unavoidable pain?

Love is the only sport
Where I won’t land on my feet.
Adrian Mar 2020
As long as the arrow is still airborne,
The sky shall be vehemently torn.

There are shockwaves you have yet to create,
And a life to live without you degrading hate.

Carried by the wind far flown
You are the phantasmal flying kite;
Your path shall not be blown,
And I will hold your string tight.

Dauntlessly, night after night.
Written for someone who needs these words, by someone who can give those words. Don’t give up!
Adrian Mar 2020
You can throw me
Right into the wall,
But I’ll still walk
Right down the hall

Your scratching stick,
And that scarring stone
Every day you’ve thrown.
I was always on my own,
Now those scars are my throne.

Swimming through the ocean,
I’m a duck, sleeping in the open.
But the teeth will soon bear,
You’re not the only one to rip and tear.

I’ve also got subtle flair.
I wish I could’ve fought back. Then I wouldn’t have been beaten up as much. The name calling was fine, but it wasn’t fun when I’d get beat up day after day.
Adrian Dec 2019
Set me on fire;
Put a match to my clothes
Watch me rise in a pillar of flame,
Listen to my livid screams of pain.
Feel my existence slowly fade
As my body finishes fueling the glow,
As my screams mellow into the silent cracks.

In time, the fire will turn to embering ash.
I will have been consumed by a long gone inferno.
And when I have been burned to the ground,
I know that the only place I can go is up.
Im not sure why I write so much about fire. I mean I don’t think it describes me or anything.
Adrian Mar 2020
Flickering lamps,
Dimming circles.

Lights running low,
Damp pavement
Reflecting their soft glow.

A muggy alleyway
With another at its end.
Another alleyway,
Where the light has stiffened.
Something about my mind.
Adrian Oct 2020
Maybe i never wanted it,
Simple formalities
To bore those who stand informal.

Maybe I couldn’t give it,
Slippery slopes
Taking away my ability to feel.

But really,
You didn’t want it,
So I never gave it.
Every action has an equal-opposite reaction, my feelings reciprocated your own, and now you’re long gone. I wish you well, my friend.
Adrian Jan 2020
This isn’t right.
My actions
Are devoid of light.
I run bluff after bluff,
So apparently,
Living life isn’t hard enough.
I act all high and mighty,
But if I’m asked in earnest,
I’ll get an early start on my nightly

It’s not going very well in my world. So I’ll keep lying and acting all fine.
Adrian Aug 2020
Squirming out of the rubble,
I stand on an empty battlefield.

No thoughts of war remain,
And no matter how much
I rack my brain,
I cannot feel war’s breath
Or even her pain.
Adrian Jan 2020
Everyone has watched ****,
It’s like peeing in the shower;
Everyone has done it,
Yet it’s too wildly embarrassing
For anyone to admit it.
I hope it’s not just me for either one of those...
And I hope that I don’t sully the innocence of any younger people.
Adrian Mar 22
Burn brighter than steel,
And stronger than a star.
You’ve stoked the flame,
Now take the reigns.

Subdued no longer,
Your ambition grows stronger.
You’re the unyielding flame,
Burn the fields away,
Nothing shall stay.

The match was lit,
The air became flame.
There’s only ashes left
And I’m to blame.
Adrian Aug 2020
Is it worth it to be mad;
To let myself drown in my blood?

A raging typhoon,
But only I get hurt
By the flying debris.

Why should I get mad
If it only scares others away?
I can be nice
If i want someone to return.
Being angry does nothing for me.
Adrian Dec 2019
Don’t say you hate it
Without having tried it first.
Hell, you might like it.
I doubt there are many other  people in the poetry community who watch anime... maybe in japan though... nah.
Adrian Feb 2020
As he said these words:
"Nobody could ever love me,"
I knew I loved him.
I wrote this in my program bc I got bored. No matter what the dictionary says, I say 'ever' is 1 syllable, not 2.
Adrian Mar 2020
I’m taking a break from poetry.
I’ve been forcing myself to write lately,
And it hasn’t been fun.
I’ll still read some poetry,
But I probably won’t be posting much.
Only when an idea is to vivid not to write,
I will post it.

I’ll be back to posting at some point.
It could be tomorrow,
It could be next March,
I have no clue.
But I will be back.
For those in my ***, I’ll still message and talk, I just can’t write with as much passion as before, so breaktime. No I’m not one of those “I’m not getting views so I’m quitting.” I’m just not feeling like a half decent *******, more like a full on *******.
Adrian Dec 2019
I love you,
Truly, I do.

From the bottom of my heart,
You shake warmth into my core.
But not from the base of my ****,
My mind dares not open that door.

I could never defile you in my head,
It sickens me to even think of it.
In all my honesty:
My heart will forever love you more
Than my ****. To me, my genitalia’s a bore.
After writing this it made me reflect on how someone said I’m innocent in a way.
Adrian Dec 2019
Why do I write so much?
Because you have emotion to take care of.

Why am I so emotional nowadays?
You were once a man of steel... look at you now.

Why are my scars still there?
Because you never cared enough to treat your wounds.

Why am I crying?
I don't know.
Asking and answering, pondering my empty mind in my favorite writing spot. I fixed my bike so it got easier to get there now.
Adrian Dec 2019
The damp world, slowly yet ardently wiping itself off
from the previous evening’s unannounced showers,
Blew a feathery breeze, kissing my skin with ghostly lips.

As the air’s playfully gentle push spirals about the atmospheric arena,
A lightening overcast desperately strains it’s diminishing predominance,
Fraudulently struggling to keep a hold over what it never owned.
But as all things come to a close, the clouds were no exception,
For the articulate wind maiden seduced the cloudscape,
And spread a delicate gap among the once steadfast scenery.

The further I wander,
The further I shall ponder.
I had always dived so deep
Into my abyssal mind,
That I never once noticed
A material bliss, such as this,
Could have ever existed.
Here is my sorry attempt at a different style of writing, with personification and heavier description. If you got this far, thank you for bearing with it.
Adrian Dec 2019
Side to side I look
Hearing the icy taunting voices
Of all these people
Talking behind my back
Ridiculing my every action
My every action is a mistake,
Even staying still is a sin.
My heart pumps my chilled blood,
Faster and faster
Until I feel my veins will burst
My mind runs faster and faster
Filled with terrifyingly venomous thoughts
Now they’re taunting me,
Pointing ambiguous shadowy fingers,
Laughing in deep, echoed unison.
My vision starts to turn as black as the figures.
I want to run
I want to run
I want to run
I cannot run
They will taunt me for running,
They will toss me around,
Taunting me and beating me,
Bruising me all the same.

Collapsing on the icy floor of hell,
My delusions got the better of me.
I covered my head expectantly,
Waiting for it to come.
My face was wet with perspiration.
But it was not perspiration,  
It was my tears,
I was silently sobbing,
Trying not to show them.
They would find out, but I don’t want them to.

The distant black figures are next to me now,
Crowding around me and pointing.
I’m now sure they exist.
Their heaving laughter rings through my ears.
Their breath hitting me with an infernal flame.
Their bodies radiate a subzero aura,
Chilling than heating me just the same.

The shadows start to replace my own reality,
I want them to leave,
I want me to leave,
Neither of us move.

Their ambiguous shape is standing inches away now,
They are still closing in,
Getting ready for the ****.
My delusions are reality now.
I feel I will die when they reach me.

Suddenly it all goes black,
Then brown
Then blue
Then white
I’m curled on the floor.
I remember my delusions and shudder
I try to convince myself that it wasn’t real
But I cannot fight the fear overrunning me
It was too real that time.
I know it only could get worse.
“Fun” hallucination that happened due to an unnoticed mental breakdown in public. I didn’t edit this one so sorry if it’s bad. I call my old (not really this one, it’s kinda new) poems that I didn’t edit raw copies, which means they are probably bad, but it’s good to show that stuff. Relatable poem? Prob not, but there may be a few other nuts (no offense) among this community. Wow this is a train wreck of a desc.
Adrian Feb 2020
It's a game
where all the players
try to be the most sorry,
making them victim
of their guilt
like a haiku, but not. I'm very prone to saying sorry a lot, sometimes I don't mean it, I just react out of fear.
Adrian Dec 2019
Lets say the case that
"you are what you eat" is true...
I'm a cannibal.
No, I am not a cannibal.
Note to self: clean laptop screen at some point... ugh its gross.
Adrian Feb 2020
Ebbing and flowing freely,
Unrestricted by man’s chains.
Nothing can ever stop this flow,
Or the luminescent lunar body
That raises these soulful waters.
You cannot control who you love, so make up for that by loving them fully. This poem is also about just how emotion changes in response to outside occurrences (outside of one’s mind)
Adrian Mar 2020
A crisp ashen smell
Waves in greeting,
And the hotpot bubbles
It’s spicily warm curtsey.

A sliding, wafting heat
Caresses your skin
With it’s cottage comfort,
And the small light
Finally reaches your sight.

Too long have these lonesome winds blown,
But now your company dashes in.
So, welcome home.
Tried to get that ***** feel that’s nice to think of.
Adrian Feb 2020
Swimming through the void,
I hear your words,
I lose myself
Just to find you holding me.

The time slows to a crawl,
And I’m warmed by the light you’ve brung.
Your words are preached and sung,
The words hit as comfort,
But not comprehension.
Q’s stood for questions. A’s is answers. Someone said to me at one point “I find boys who write poetry really distracting.” I don’t recall the name of who said to me, I can’t even remember what they looked like or even where we were. I’m not sure if I want the one I like to say that to me, or to see that person again. I’m kinda stupid for thinking like this.
Adrian Jan 2020
the ashen flower
continues to grow on
after the demon's power
destroyed the world we thrived upon,
but more flowers will rise anon.
Adrian Feb 2020
It’s only when I’m alone
Have my skills ever grown.
In solitude I continue to hone,
And make this language my own.
Maybe eventually she’ll be blown
Away by the world that I’ve flown.

Today I’ll silently ***** and moan,
But tomorrow my skill will be shown.
Written on my phone.
Kida like the ate poem I wrote
(I’m gonna stop rhyming with “own/one” now)
JK! Ugh, now it’s time to atone...
Adrian Jan 2020
Slowly slipping as of late.
Im falling into a pit of hate,
My mind’s becoming irate.
I reluctantly anticipate
That I’m soon to suffocate,
Under the water that’ll inflate
And call an end to my fate.
An idea that wasn’t that great...
I guess I fell for rhyming’s bait...
(The poem has a nice trait.
The poem ends in ate,
While the desc ends in eat or ait
(Ate but it it’s an alternate))
Adrian Feb 2020
I’ve grown too far,
And now I’m lost
in the absence
That she left for me.

I wonder why I feel so.
A silent word was made
That I won’t fall again
And shall take a break.

But push came to shove,
And she pulled me into love.
The feels are getting to me and it’s not even the 13th.
Adrian Nov 2020
Green to amber,
And amber to brown;
Reflective blue
To a tumultuous gray.
Glimmering dew
Now a shining frost.

The sun,
Once beaming overhead
Now longingly gazes sideways,
Bestowing a more gentle light
Over the delicate landscape.

The marsh is ever changing,
But I feel the same.
I’ve been here for a year... it went by so quick. I’m amazed. I’ve written over 500 poems and used 11 thousand words. But I have a question: does the word count count how many different words I’ve used, or how many words are in all my poetry? It could go either way with me, so I really don’t know.
Adrian Aug 2020
Maybe it’s time
That I wake up;
Throw caution
To the wind
for once in my life.

A fleeting flame
Only needs a log
To relight it’s inferno.
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