12:37am

Nights like these, I think. I feel weight on my shoulder, I feel almost broken but I think maybe I might be.  My fingers are so small and the days that I look at them I feel like they keep slipping away from me. MY tiny bones that make my fingers strong seem to disappear and the warmth of my chest go cold not slowly at all but all at once. My mind is feeding in all the imagines of gentle rain that was carried thought out the week. The smell of rain calms me and it makes me weak in the thoughts that seem to ease the pain. The pain seems to get weary and I seem to drown myself in sorrow and while the months pass my sleep last longer.  My words never seem to find them self’s while my mind rushes all the words into sentences that never come out of my mouth.

My mind is bruised for the better, it hurts and it’s sore with the thought of you.  My bones ache with the lost contact that even my lungs are fading in to the endless amount of oxygen around my body. The sugar coated words that remained engraved into my thoughts are nothing but a small sound that whimpered out of your mouth. My affection will never be silent and while your chest opens with a fresh breath of warm belief. I sit with an endless amount of useless air that runs out of my mouth.

My lips crack and the water turns red
Deep it goes
My breath is holding the morning liquor on my breath
A touch from you could only feel
Different.

Together as one we could never face this alone
The clock ticks with the voices that yell at us all
Deeper they go and they cut
Drown in the same sorrow that held you down from the constant thought
“I’m useless.”
Playing you like a filthy pest
“I will never be happy.”
Screams and the raw imagine of the battle that was finally coming to an end.
I lost.