I don’t even know what “like” is.
How could somebody like me know love?
I’ve never put make up on for anybody
And I’ve never tried to give anybody
My sweetest smile.

I have never wanted to kiss anybody.
How could somebody like me know love?
I’ve only seen it in the movies
And I’m not even sure if I know
How it works.

I don’t know what a crush feels like.
How could somebody like me know love?
I’ve never thought of anybody as “hot” or “ugly”
Or known what being attracted to someone
Even feels like.

I’ve nodded along with everyone else, but
How could somebody like me know love?
I love my friends and my family even though
It’s not the same kind of love that others keep
Talking about.

My focus has always been elsewhere.
How could somebody like me know love?
I don’t think there is someone out there for me.
In my life I will very likely wander this world
On my own.

I can’t tell if I’m able be sad about it.
How could somebody like me know love?
I have spent so long – as long as I can remember - worrying
About surviving until tomorrow that maybe
I never lived.

I’m afraid of most everyone around me.
How could somebody like me know love?
It is very difficult for me to trust someone enough
Since anybody could get mad enough
To hurt me.

I don’t even know what “like” is.
How could somebody like me know love?
I see everyone around me talking about his or her love
And I wonder if my lacking is what the experienced
Call naivety.

What is courage?

Is it a sharp breath before jumping off the edge?
Is it the tightness in your chest
That pulls you up when everyone else is sitting down?
Is it the burning heat in your eyes
That smolders and boils
As you gaze upon those who oppose you?
Is that courage?
Or is courage the defiant silence –
The silence that watches your nose bleed
In the foggy cracked mirror?
Is it the child who says, “I love you”
Between the sniffling and trembling?
Is courage allowing the tears to come
When there are people around to witness your suffering?
Is courage looking up?
Is courage focusing on the next step forward
Rather than the hundreds already taken?
Is courage doing what you believe is right
No matter how much your palms sweat
Or how much your knees shake
Or how much your stomach twists
Or how much your lips tremble
Or how much doubt you feel
That anything you do will change anything?
Is courage a lie?
Does Courage exist?
A dictionary says Courage is
“The quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc. without fear”
If that is truly what courage means,
Then there is no such thing.
Fear is not something that you can decide not to have.
Fear is deep.
Fear is psycological.
Fear is biological.
Fear is natural.
Fear is not a pebble in one’s brain that can be removed on a whim.
Fear can, however, be ignored.
Fear can be climbed over.
Fear can be conquered.
Facing a difficulty fully aware of the fear
Is what makes an action courageous.
Courage is speaking up
Acting out
Crying
Smiling
Holding back
Being silent
Knowing the punch is going to come
Knowing the insult is going to come
Knowing the tears are going to come
And the conflict
And the questions
And the darkness
And the thunder
And the criticism
And the judgement
And the violence
And the doubt,
Disbelief, and denial
And knowing that 3:30 AM comes around every single night
Regardless of whether or not you can sleep.
Courage is opening your eyes
Even when you don’t like what you see
Because you have to.
And you don’t have to just because somebody told you to
Or because you read it somewhere
Or heard it somewhere
Or saw it somewhere.
You have to because there’s substance in you.
There’s a third dimension to you.
You have to because that tightness in your chest
Isn’t something you control.
There is no Courage Switch.
You can’t cultivate courage.
Everyone has it but not everyone has seen it.
Not everyone has used it
But everyone can.