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m a k a y l a Jul 2020
there’s this sick comfort in depression
the absence of feeling is welcoming compared to the constant rush of emotions
the quietness and stillness from all that nothingness
it’s different from peace, it’s the lack of joy

there’s a sick comfort in depression
it’s the warm bed you can’t feel, it’s the concerned faces you can’t care about
it’s the locked door you can’t open
It’s different from calmness, it’s the lack of a steady heart beat

the comfort in depression is real, it’s the lack of feeling, it’s something on fire isn’t dulled out but completely extinguished
It’s gone
It’s dark
It’s black
m a k a y l a May 2020
Brother I know you’re tired
It’s your time to rest
Brother you died not by hands
You died of weight
The weight of the white man
The weight of your black skin

Brother you know we’re tired
But it’s not our time to rest
Brother we lift you up to sing and dance in the sky
m a k a y l a May 2020
I feel envious of your smile, even though its probably forced
it looks better than mine
I feel envious of your crew, even though they cropped you out
they look more comforting than mine
m a k a y l a May 2020
you are your skin
your skin is good skin
my brothers, no one should be scared to raise you
your skin is good skin

black
black
each for times you were hurt
that’s all they saw

you are your skin
your skin is good skin
Ahmaud Arbery
m a k a y l a Mar 2020
Hot
you know that sticky skin? those sweat palms?
the hair that grips the back of your neck, feels like hot glue
that stick skin is stubborn
everything is hot
m a k a y l a Feb 2020
There is no expiration date for grief
You can’t rush a healing heart
You can blow the glue
Praying it keeps the pieces together
It won’t make it heal faster
You can’t rush grief

Sometimes the pain is too much
It’s like the last minute of a run
The 60 seconds stretch so long
But every second counts it’s necessary
You can’t rush grief
m a k a y l a Feb 2020
this is the problem
the problem is trying
trying can make you tired
i'm feeling real tired
the problem is trying
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