I have oh so many thoughts and feelings,
Hundreds and thousands,
Millions and billions,
But can i put them into words?
No
Not at all
*Never

I'm chained to this system,
To these rules and regulations,
A constant spiral of the same sights,
Forced artificial happiness,
Recycled reinvented pleasures.

These comforts can only numb the aches,
Until dark skies and cold weather,
Expose my wounds to the wind.

Lack of materials, lack of all,
Keep me trapped in dizzy frustrations,
Fantasising new sensations and places,
Knowing the happy, coloured blurs will sharpen their lens,
And reveal their familiar, colourless forms.

Sitting on my fixed space of land,
Still rooting for the next month to win me over,
For the next week to triumph against the last,
I tug at my tired chains,
Hoping to God there's that there more than this.

I am a natural being,
I have a heart, and a brain
I am full of essence and breath,
I have a mind that emits itself for others to inhale.

But why does my existence bother you?
Do I not fit into your assigned categories?
Do I not clear all the ticks in your brainless mental box?

I appear too fragmented for your approval,
A broken disc glowing in its spectrum,
But the more I glow,
The more I am alive.

So I'm not sorry if your fragile, small head aches when I'm near,
I suggest you ask why it's so delicate,
Before you blame your afflictions on me.

Squinting eyes in the pale sunlight
Does not give me the freedom to know that I'm warm

Loud noises and bitter drinks
Make me numb but not happy

Because knowing that hole is still there,
That void that I cannot bare,
Is waiting to be full of something I'm afraid others cannot digest.