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ah
james Dec 2019
ah
do you remember when i was made of gold? these days i much more resemble tarnished silver, buried bronze...
i dont fill these shoes anymore, i barely remember how they felt to walk in
these old words dont stick to me anymore
praise lives in the past, and i wonder
what am i worth now?
trophy series-4
james Nov 2019
i see you, laying in the ashes
of the firestorm we've been dancing through

you were born in the heat of war
and winning's left you far too cold

gunpowder has settled in your lungs
though you try you cannot cough it up

all your life youve had to fight
so no one told you how to love
i wrote some poems using inktober prompts. (im just posting the ones i liked). here's day 13: ash
james Dec 2019
what does a prodigy become when the golden glow dims?
what does a prodigy become when the sun goes out?
where do you turn when the bush stops burning?
an unstoppable force becomes an immovable object
trophy series-3
i really like this series to be honest. i say that about a lot of my poems but i do only post my favorites on here haha
james Mar 2020
i am treading water
i am frantic,
though the water remains
motionless black
are you not too arrogant to believe
the future will come,
despite your kicking, screaming?
stop staring out the window
there are no rabbits worth catching
burnt sugar is bitter
shame can **** you if you let it
shame will **** you if you let it
despondency will take you
and make you fearless
i'll remember your sins for you
if you'll remember mine
keep them safe for me, wormwood
i like titles that are mouthfuls. there's something about them
james Oct 2019
icarus, i believe
is heavily overwritten
especially by me

but golden eyes
and golden wings
never melt
from the mind
of a poet;

it's our apollos
that drive our pens
to begin with
james Nov 2019
he keeps making wings
to have fleeting touches
with the sun
and every time, he falls

all he has for building
is what he finds in his heart
but wax always melts in the heat;
icarus & apollo were not meant to be

and yet:
he falls into the ocean again
and again
and again.

'perhaps,' he prays, young and naive
'that great star too, wishes
he were not made of flame
so that, for more than a moment, he might know me'
james Oct 2019
caught between the sun and the moon
both become lost to me
and i find i am nothing more
than the vast and endless sky inbetween
changed my bio, here's what it used to be
james Oct 2019
this will end in catastrophe
in fire and ash and empty feelings
and yet id rather set myself aflame
than prevent armageddon
however it strikes, may it strike
may it lay me to rest
oh, but i sit idly on the stone
these tremors of the hand curse my matchsticks
james Oct 2019
fun and games
and bright lights on strings
stuffed plushies & autumn leaves
and kindness from every
person i see

until
you remove the carnival glass
and im seen for what i am
and the carnival goers
in all their own carnival masks
do not understand

ive spoken my truth
so they pack up the stands
pile bright costumes
into dark vans

and i find myself left
with an empty field
of cold air
such is the harsh reality of being known
james Nov 2019
i pause before i go
hand on the doorframe
of rotting wood and ivy chains
before im wedded to decay
i turn to my innermost mirror,
feeling like a pillar of salt
this one's old but i want to put it here because its one of my favorites. i just really like the theme of self-betrayal and this one's particular meaning is really nice i think?
james Nov 2019
dear prince, your eyes seem light as the night
when heavy, new, and moonless
pray tell, where has luna strayed this time?
i know the truth, but to know a soul
and to be shown are separate things
i wrote poems using inktober prompts. here's my favorite part of what i wrote for day 26: dark
james Nov 2019
streets are flooded with petals from the reddest of roses
everyone whos set foot in paris knows this
chanting in the square for the lovers to be seen
in the romance of revolution, my head courts the guillotine
social studies class covers robespierre ONE time...
james Nov 2019
lay me down in the dirt. bury me in the dark soil from which i was built, hide me in the autumn leaves, plant me in the ground. **** me today and dig my grave tomorrow. my now must die before the wildflowers above its corpse sprout into later. ****** the boy you know; do it to make him better.
9/14/2019 11pm why the hell is my writing getting worse. like yeah this is some weird hozier type **** but i mean... kind of a big brain moment? sorry for all the gen z terminology i use in my notes lol
james Nov 2019
every smoking, electric chemical
balled into coals burning red and hot
white knuckles and eyes like swords
sharp and blinding in the sun
i light a match in the forest
and he throws himself into me,
inferno on his lips, in bared teeth

are we fighting? am i failing?
to **** a dragon that's already killed me
your breath is hot. your scales, rough,
are calloused hands that grip my collar
im breathless, but i havent thrown a punch
i see you falter.

are we fighting?
are you sure?
i wrote poems using inktober prompts. here's day 12: dragon
james Nov 2019
My body moves from room to room
My mind thinks, unobstructed
I eat and drink and wake and sleep
I work and play and work again
And yet
I am completely, entirely, pathetically,

idle.

I walk and talk, and scan with my eyes
As if they weren't hollow inside
In truth, even if I had life enough to run
I would still be consumed by a stillness, because

Dear friend, I feel precisely
                                         nothing
                                                  at
                                                      all.

Don't be deceived.
I am as empty as i have ever been,
And ever could be.
ive written a lot of poems about apathy and this is my least favorite by far but i really like the phrase "emotional comatose"
james Oct 2019
your hair was golden blonde
and your eyes were equated to stars
far more than once
by an ocean of sands within an hour glass

his hair was shimmering bronze
and his eyes were blue as the sea
and he saw you
and he smiled as he answered your loving plea

i assume he felt like four leaf clovers, and shiny lotteries
oh all the sands in the hour glasses
when i spotted you among the masses
couldnt match the yellow hyacinths
that sprouted so surely from me-

for you walked in
hand in hand.

you are an angel bathed in light
as anyone could see
does it make me so blind to shift my gaze;
to know the light was he?
(you are a fair maiden with smiles so saccharine)
(i am a boy much darker than i am sweet)
(so why do i cry to the midnight sky)
("he should've loved me- he should've loved me!")
james Nov 2019
you have known a world
in which the world is nonexistent
and so you value every bug
and every bird
and comes across your windowsill
you hold them all close
and sing them to sleep

and yet, i continue to observe
that to have lived in death for so long
makes one so hungry for life,
so that even after a hundred lifetimes
of living-
you will maul and **** and tear apart
a thousand butterflies
and a million men
to run from the silence of the void

the warmth in your eyes explodes into fire
no, you refuse to die
james Nov 2019
words spoken softly
may still pierce my heart
and stain themselves crimson.

cast your carnations to brimstone
please, i reminisce upon a
voice like rushing waters;

you wield daggers that cut
not so sweet as they sound, you
sun shining in all its brilliance;

try as you might, i am frail
dont gaze upon me as though i am
seven stars in your hands;

i crumble at the whisper of a touch,
my eyes upon you, pillars of salt
the beat of my heart
a betrayal of biblical proportions

i know what comes next
[revelations]
"And his voice was like the sound of rushing waters. In his right hand he held seven stars, and coming out of his mouth was a sharp, double-edged sword. His face was like the sun shining in all its brilliance."
i wrote poetry using inktober prompts. here's day 8: frail
james Oct 2019
the air is thick, hot, and forest green
with the daggers youre always staring
i cant help but sigh; theyre always for me
i never meant to destroy you
but ill take your gaze however it comes
you destroy me too
loosely based on carry on by rainbow rowell
james Dec 2019
are you suffocating
behind glass corridors?
to put yourself on display
is not the same as letting people in
very short but i like it and when my friend read it she said "WKGW RKFB KRJT" so that means its good i think
james Nov 2019
his eyes were so many hues of gray
and i didnt quite understand back then
how they could fill me with color
but a hundred lifetimes later, oh
i know its because theyre a half of a whole
and i always come to know them
far better than my own

this time around, i remember
every other monster we've slain
and every other story we've told
but every time, every time
ive fallen back onto eyes
that are so many hues of gray
soulmates. in every life
james Dec 2019
some days i feel that
despite the weight of legends
that behold our names
in the light of golden inkwells
and the pull of the tide
that had ****** us together
with the inevitability of a crashing wave
that we are not so much like
the sun and the moon
for the eclipse is a collision of epic proportions
for the eclipse is a parting of a thousand red seas
the eclipse, explosively desperate, and as rare as can be

no, i find myself
something much closer to earth
deep in the ground and deep in the dirt
for you meet me like a blue sky
meets the planet below
and you kiss me at the horizon line
all-enveloping, steady, constant, sweet
sometimes in the dancing hues
of some celestial body

but most days,
yes, most days
you are the photo in the locket
that my soul has always carried
and you are the peace
in always arriving home

though you may follow me to the ocean
and its raging waters,
to be held by you
is to be held by the shore
one of my longest poems! and sweetest!
james Oct 2019
its two in the morning
and i remember the nights when i was 11
and i tried to understand my true nature
and became afraid and confused

because the more i asked why i
felt or thought some thing or way
the less i was sure
that i had no ulterior motives

(this is how i spent my weekends
when i was not comparing
the local colleges-
yes, i was very fun at parties)

i hadn't words for it then
just frustration and shame
but tonight, in the moonlight
i found them

"the world is a story, and we are all nothing more than untrustworthy narrators," i thought
over popcorn and juice

but i was so young, too young
when i started to ponder
what my actions and beliefs
could really mean

i wouldnt say im smarter now
i wouldnt say im more at peace
but really, the best thing ive done done for myself
is forget how to think
i am not exaggerating
when i talk about not thinking.
once i didnt really like
a situation i was in
so i merely pictured television static
and a blank white room
and i spent the next twenty minutes
not thinking.
james Nov 2019
the fire in the tower outshines the moon
nearly as blinding as the darkness encasing it
raging storms collide with my eyes
and echo each others lightning
blade plunged into my chest, my heart still beats
but as i am pushed from the railing,
forget-me-nots and pomegranate seeds fleeing my fingertips,
i know i will be dead before i hit the water
9/1/2019 7:07pm
james Nov 2019
i ask you:

as you stood before the mountain peaks
do you remember its name
do you remember the bite of the frost
on the fingers you dont have anymore?
do you remember the cold and how it clouded
the vision youve gone so long without?

"when submerged in darkness,"
you say
"one grasps at the light-
no matter how deeply it stings,
for it is something, anything-
in a world of nothing, nothing,
nothing"

your silhouette falters, you shake until your shape is unrecognizable

though i test your limits with the pain of postcards, like scalpels in your side

i must admit: i am sorry.
nobody tell jackie that this is about the dnd campaign im writing. she will deduce the plot before the first session
james Nov 2019
four arms
four legs
two faces

"haven't i-
haven't i seen you before?"
james Dec 2019
"I stood alone against a terrible monster."
-
It eyes were as numerous
as its digits,
and its digits were as pointed
as its teeth
and it towered above me,
clambering, twitching,
inching
closer
the fire did nothing, the light
had done nothing,
my knives and my fingernails
did nothing, at all-
it looked right into me
past my eyes and into my brain
slithering through my blood and my bones
it was hungry, so hungry
and i stood alone
dnd character generator gave me a "defining moment" and instead of making a character i wrote a poem about it. whoops!
james Dec 2019
the medals on my chest weigh heavy
they drag me down
gold is hard to carry
when the glimmer gets old
trophy series-1
james Nov 2019
how could you take so much from me
while convinced i had nothing to give?
lay me down by the stream now
if nothing else, wont you please let me live?

how did you ****** my head in the water
and still find my lips cracked and dry?
leave me down by the riverbed
if nothing else, wont you please let me die?
9/19/2019 6:50pm
james Oct 2019
i try take it as i see it
but it slips through my hands
like sand, i try to grasp it
but it doesnt make sense
james Oct 2019
you were golden
and filled with fire

exploding with life
you flickered and flared

in my washed out,
moonless night
i was silver and cold

and i found myself drawn
like a moth to a flame
and i thought i would burn.

but when our paths brushed
and i lingered too close
to the sun...

you were warm, you were warm
(and you would never hurt me)
perihelion / noun
the point in the orbit of a planet, asteroid, or comet at which it is closest to the sun.
james Oct 2019
your armor burnt like paper, then
my sword stuck in your hide
i didnt know how to use it, then
and you didnt need to die
james Feb 2020
i smothered the flame and i
let it strangulate, slowly
i stifled its breath as its
sparks licked at me
like a shrieking victim kicking
and kicking

but the fire was hushed, always;
i would strangle that
brilliant crimson gold
before it roared, before it even dared.

it didnt matter if i
burnt my hands
down to their britle bones;
the fragile self ive built is paper in the wake
of knee-**** fury
This has a very specific meaning, but id like to see what you guys think its about
james Dec 2019
my mind crescendos
until the violin strings
are screaming more than they sing
and i cant hear my heart beat
over the sound.
when the world is too loud,
i will grow louder
until my bow snaps, and death drowns me out
100% in my top favorite poems of mine
james Nov 2019
pieces of me leave their marks in the snow
hot and wet as they slip from cracks in my soul
did you know that rain is just ice that burnt in the sky
all this winter stardust was lucky to survive
do you know

why my body is freezing and flaming at once
lord please silence the beat of the drum
that hiccups inside me and sets fire to my lungs
your fingertips drift like summertime hummingbirds
youre stood before me, yet gone
why do i yearn
i wrote poems using inktober prompts. here's my favorite parts from day 11: snow
james Dec 2019
your name weaves through the cool breeze
of a busy afternoon
and i pray that its bittersweet melody
never plays for me again
what would they say if they knew?
if they knew how it lingers on my lips
when i call to you?
what would they say if they knew?

rules arent meant to be broken
no matter how they break you
james Nov 2019
we spent our lives on opposite sides of the same room
we spent our lives on opposite sides of the same coin
we spent our lives on opposite sides of the same war
these days i wish i could cross the threshold
these days i dont want you to die
when i met you, you were heir to the throne my father wanted
and the one my mother didnt deserve to lose
since we were eleven, i was meant to **** you
but i hadn't expected you to be so *kind...*
james Mar 2020
he was weak, and pathetic
and earnest, and kind
but he was that bleeding, aching, pain in my side
so i took both my hands and choked him to death,
forgetting the shell is as weak as the man
james Nov 2019
a dead man showed up at my door yesterday
its been a long time since ive seen his decay
he poured me my daily coffee every morning
but the devils bitter poison never gave me any glory
an eon ago i undid the trigger of the gun
to escape from my heart's loud & ceaseless drum
i took shelter inside the towers of static
they drowned out my pulse and everything else in the attic
9/6/2019 8:24pm
james Dec 2019
"surely we couldnt"
i think to myself, with you by my side
no. surely we couldnt
and i leave the room
and you dont follow
because you think to yourself:
"surely
we couldnt"
i lean into the cold
for i have found warmth
in forbidden places
james Nov 2019
i still imagine a future
like the one i pictured before
and though these thoughts hurt once
it doesnt quite sting anymore
because old habits die hard
but they die all the same
and i can imagine a future
where the past knows where it stays
still picking out old favorites to post. this one has a message i dont read or write about often and i actually like its flow?
james Nov 2019
i dont feel a thing and i cant lift a finger

look me in my hollow eyes and tell me, how can i be considered alive?

in the midst of apathy i am nothing more than a dead man,

and in its wake i am merely a ghost
some days its business as usual in spite of that chasm inside,
but some days, the hole fills itself with liquid lead
and you cant move. and you cant think. and you cant feel.
what is the point of living when living as though asleep?
my personal answer:
the point is that i cant be bothered to die

[US National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255]
[for those who need it]
james Nov 2019
I WISH I COULD SAY
THE ABSENCE OF PAIN
IS A PAIN IN ITSELF
THAT A COLD VOID
BURNS LIKE EVERY FURNACE AND FIRE OF HELL
BUT THE COLD VOID
IS NOT COLD TO BEGIN WITH;
IT IS MERELY THE VOID
AND IT IS NOTHING
AT ALL
james Mar 2020
the fire doth strike like a storm in the night
in the burning rain do find the aftermath
of the river dragon,
and its broken world
james Nov 2019
your lips are red
from kissing my hands
like a rose wilting
in reverse
dont you know what ive done?
also an old one, but im looking through works and filing my favorites onto here
james Dec 2019
why do anything if it will fall short of perfection?
i have a reputation, after all
and ive been dragging its corpse with me
for a long long time
the weary old corpse of when the sun still shined
and i had dared to be brighter
trophy series-2

— The End —