You make me think of poetry -
the type that doesn't deserve to be written in ink.

I sing hymns about the way you twirl a cigarette stick between your thumb and your forefinger.

My spine tingles whenever your mouth curves slightly upward; your left eyebrow arched in derision.

You make me hold my breath when you tilt your head in my direction, your gaze full of dark promise.

You captivate me - mind, body, and soul.

How I arrived there
I'm not quite sure
through a rabbit hole
or through a door
was it a fraction of a second
or a thousand tears
a world that lives
within my fears?
what I saw with my mind's eye
were shades of me
against the sky
I traveled still through
realms of blue
I touched a dream I had of you

in a life that awaits
our souls would remain
together as lovers
we danced in the rain
I felt a hope I had never known
I saw a light that had never shone
and all the doubt and fear within
had vanished in the very thin
breath
before my death

As I'm thinking this won't last I'm thinking back to the past when I remember what it felt like to truly love someone. Presently I understand that I'm not in love with this man. I am sorry though, I didn't mean to do you wrong I didn't mean to make you sad, and I didn't mean to make you frown. It's just the memories of him become trapped in my brain. I have no way of releasing them. You have to understand I was broken before shipped to you. Without bubble wrap leaves potential cracks and bruises. I care and love you with all my heart but this must come to an end because it's not fair to you that I play pretend. I don't like you as a lover but as a friend. You are a kind man who took my hand and showed me how a man should treat a women, but I guess Cupid forgot to hit me after hitting you.

are you strong-willed?
                     nothing can break me
                     i'm already broken
did i hurt you?
                      no one can hurt me
                      you're going to
did someone hurt you?
                       no one can hurt me.
                       he ripped my heart out and i
                       still haven't found it
are you scared?
                       fearless
                       terrified
how did you wait for me for so long?
                       patience is a virtue, my friend
                       i've been on my knees for years
can you handle it?
                        i'm ready.
                       i'm so scared
your eyes lack life
                        i'm complete
                       please don't look at me
are you happy?
                         i'm at peace
                        never
do you want me to stop?
                          maybe
                         please
why won't you let me in?
                          i'm not a stranger
                         it hurts
                         please it hurts
                         stay away, please go away
                         *please make it stop

There were different pinks blues oranges and yellow,
Her feelings were depicted in the sky.

She remembered that time you counted off the stars
With her; the ones so neatly aligned.

She was as lost and mesmerized
As she was in your eyes..
The set with different blues and yellows
She hated to admit it but you had her at hello.

I'm done looking for love in all the wrong places,
I'm done withdrawing any evil from all the wrong faces.
Done telling myself this time it'll be different.
I no longer want to settle for 40 degree weather,
Telling myself it's warm enough,
Telling myself it's better.

I want to be held... Tightly
I want things to finally... Finally, go rightly.

When I tell myself that I'm done,
When I tell the world I'm no longer looking toward the sun,
I'm told I need to not beat myself up, not to be so down
I'm told I will only go up.

But I hate constant uncertainty,
I hate being mislead,
I hate wondering if it's me
That always makes them leave.