Sometimes I hear my own heartbeat
It’s gets too loud, it’s hard to ignore
I thought, ‘maybe it’s trying to say something’
So I listen softly, listen gently
But there’s nothing but the repeating sound
Much like my thoughts in bed at night
They’re particularly loud,
But I can’t make sense of it at all

I wish I could take the sadness out from me. It sometimes feels too heavy to carry which makes me wonder, if I can touch it, would it be the size of my palm or would it be so **** enormous to affect me so immensely? Would it be the size of a pea and its weight is just a mere illusion that I conjured up which eventually became a reality? If I was cut open would it show how much sadness was wallowed within me? Would my insides be as ugly as my outward appearance? Would it be full of scars like my skin is from my desperate attempt to empty away the thing that eats away my entire being? I’m extremely curious how large this hole inside me is that it can make me do things.