I'll *******
if you want
because I want it too
I want your hot breath on my neck
as you come closer to me in the middle of the night
or day
I want the stubble of your chin on my thighs
when you explore my body
I want pressure between our hips
as we toss and turn in the sheets
playfully
violently
silently
And when it's done
I'll tell you 'I love you'
but you don't need to reply
even though I know you will
Just nudge me with your nose
or graze me with you fingers

1.)    I don’t want you to think I’m crazy

2.)    People see your pain and they see an opportunity to play the good guy. The hero in your twisted little fairytale. The public finds out you’re chemically imbalanced and the magic spell is cast! Like Cinderella’s dress, their contempt for you transforms into love and admiration. They now feel the need to let you know they are there, they care, they pray for you. When they can’t even remember your name.

3.)    Expression of my depression is not a cry for attention. You asked me how I was and I’m really tired of using the word “fine”.

4.)     “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” **** THAT and all the same psychobabble ******* that’s recycled over and over again. If you want to help me tell me what you think. Tell me how you feel. Don’t google mental illness and memorize the wiki page I already did.

5.)    Self-harm gets enough publicity already. If you want this trend to go away stop drawing hearts on your wrists, wearing orange ribbons on your chest, and telling people you love them but only if they hate themselves first.

6.)    And while we’re on the subject what’s this obsession with kissing scars? You're not the lead singer of some punk band you’re my boyfriend. Kiss my lips or kiss my ***

7.)    If I wanted another therapist I’d buy one

8.)    What if you think I’m weak 8) What if I am weak 8) You’ll know I’m weak

9.)    How am I to explain to you what’s wrong with me when I can barely admit it I have a problem in the first place.

10.)  I want you to know my favorite songs, Why I hate my name or how I once ate 50 starbursts in one sitting. I want you to know the good things. I want you to know me. I don’t want you to think I’m crazy.

First, you dig your self a hole
Deep enough to lose control
Then, you push yourself inside
At the bottom, where there's no place to hide
Next, you try to claw your way through
Until there's nothing left to do
Tired, helpless, body worn
Wrists among everything else is torn
Drowning in your own salty tears
Condemned by the most realistic fears
Gasping for air, destined for execution
Feeling like death is the only solution.