i crawled in here
like an emaciated
****** up
catipillar.

im gonna fly out
like a half-*******
butterfly.

a belly fat
off the nectar
of this place.

the spiders in my dream
crawl out through my ear
and into my shelter.

i wake
and watch them
while they sleep.

age chases you
and beats you
to the ground
unless you
set aside
time to
sit and
wait
for
it
.

i talk to old ghosts
who have changed their bodies.
they look at me
and ask with their eyes
"how have you been?
what have you been doing?"

and im speechless.
glued to the chair.
ive filled up with smoke.

"i have no idea.
i really couldnt tell you."

the past 8 years.
theyre not real anymore.
i wouldve given up my life
for so many moments
but now cant remember
who i was
or who i was with
or who i loved
or what was so funny.

the past 8 years
were a thundercloud
and rained down
each hydrating moment
and i look back
and all the puddles have dried
without the courtesy
of heat waves
at the end of the road
and everyone stays inside
because its too hot now.

soon the ghost will leave
and ill be a mirage
talking to myself
in the city.

you end up where i am.
you dont know how you got there.
youre starved and youre weak
like youve been walking for days.

i have some food set up.
at the bottom of a lake.
we make our way to it
i move the water with my mind.

you eat and you feel better.
youre strength returns to you.
youre mind returns to you
but the food it isnt real.

its what i put into your mind
at the bottom of a lake.

we talk of how weve been.
youve been so lost without me.
this is what you feel
but these emotions are not real.

im feeling weak
you start to see
the ugly in my face.

i force with all my strength
the love i send into your head.

you start to shake
convulse and sweat
my eyes are rolling white.
im absent.

your skin starts
to crack with heat
you scream
i wake
and you ignite.

your heat is white and floating
and youre floating above me.

i forced love in your mind
and were quieted by the lake.

.not a poem.