Old memories and dizzy songs from her childhood dance across the roof of her brain eyelashes dripping tears and hiccuping painful sobs. Hiding in the school bathroom not from bullies but her own fears. Blinking at the reflective yellow tiles she pushes away the yellow bathroom.

Water drips into the rusty ***** porcelain and the mirrors fog from humidity. Gasping for air and resemblance looking down to see that his hands aren’t there.

Fingers trembling and stepping out of the stall, one among over the sink washing the tears from her face and praying for a vacation, vacation from hell, mania, and psychosis infested cranial cavity and fog swirling swarming her.

Worrying about her fate again that a small breeze of nostalgia fluttered in her heart. Thinking a moment past she had someone in her room that she loved. A person of flesh to talk and hug.

She is lonely now. She could not be more different and she has lost the memory-self that come to the state of reality where she is in the high room alone.

Waking up at 2:26am. I am numb and the blankets are heavy against my skin. Twisting, turning, turning the music down, turning the music up. Staring at my window and the clock.

Wake up again, after a nightmare. Loneliness in my heart and how I longed to have somebody to understand next to me surrounded by the same floral sheets. There’s a rip in the sheets and I stick my foot in it, feeling the soft mattress. It’s 5am and the tears in my throat have caused it to run dry.

The world pounds at my eyelids, the sun licking the bottom of the world sky awakening. The pillow is hot, my blankets are heavy, I want to cry but I feel dizzy. I feel like i’m violating someone’s sleep, although i’m not sure who’s i’m violating.

I’m walking with my head down, I look up and i’ve been walking in circles this whole time

-time to reroute

I don't

2. Think I will

3. Ever stop

4. Counting

5. But I can

6. Learn to live

7. Around the numbers

You were letters of a time away and floating on my air as rain pelted our windows and soaked my hair.

Cold with our own ambition and the sky swarmed by grey clouds ridden with my nightmares, dreams, essays that i turned in past the due date and wine you took from the back of your mothers liquor cabinet.

Your car sneezed and coughed cancer cells perpetuating when you turned the key. from the dents on the side and the tobacco scent on the seats i knew you took this from the junkyard on the south side of the boulevard.

You thought you were the problem but I was the one snacking on empty prescription bottles and then chewing glass for dessert blood running down my chin and giggling at the hopelessness that I felt in my soul.

I swallowed broken vases and cut up my esophagus as you spoon fed me unrequited love. i thought we were going to
make it but we only got to the gas station before the car broke down and i went home.