the water is dark. we've been in this boat for a long time.
we're holding each other, shivering.

the water is dark. Black
we lie in the bottom of the boat, trying to stay warm

holes, tiny holes.
breaking through our little boat.

stand up.
water covers our toes, turn yours blue.

the boat rocks.
you are losing your balance.

the boat rocks.
you grasp at me, at the edges of our boat.

I reach for you, taking your hand.
that was close, my love.

something in the water.
the sky is dark; no stars nor moon.

"what is that?"
I don't know, love.

scared, all of a sudden.
tears, as cold as the water.

will we make it?
I don't know.

Wind blows suddenly
a wave crashes

what is happening?
I don't know.

You go.
You had to leave.

I couldn't hold on to your hand
fingers frozen

I'm sorry.
I don't know.

I tried,
I tried.

I wanted to help you.
We were in this boat together

and all of a sudden,
I had to save you

I don't know how.
I don't know.

You are sinking.
Sinking.

The boat is sinking.
Sinking.

You are gone.
Do I jump in after you?

Do I hope that you will make it?
Can I help you?

Is it too late?
I don't know.

I don't know.

I reach
            My arms are not long enough
my heart feels like a lake of clear
                                water, bursting through a dam


I explode with desire
                                  to hear your voice

to understand everything about you

               My feet are rooted to the ground
                        and yours have blisters from running

I do not understand
                           I wish to understand

to know how and when your heart beats
                when and why you feel pain

                         where you are
      
                                    where are you?


How can I get to the place to where you
                                            are going?

Listening to you breathe, your head tilted back
The pillow a blueish tint in the light from the window
It is unclear if the light comes from the moon or from some street light
But it does not matter
The light is blue
And it shines onto the skin of your face, with little stubbles on your chin and the space on your cheeks near your ears

You on your back, my hand draped over your chest
You shift to face me, you slide your leg over mine, and our toes search for empty spaces in the other, then lock into the gap. I lock myself to you.

You are gone.
In a place of nothing, darkness, and light
You do not understand what is happening as I kiss you awake
Your eyebrow my target, I feel the tiny hairs against my lip as your lids flutter open
Like wings on the back of a bird that never lands

You stare at me in awe
Love in your eyes

Outside the cars go by on the highway
Wasting gas
They should turn around, go home to the ones they love.
Loudly they vvvvmmmm past us,
While we,
Sweet and slow moving like molasses
Move our hands up each other from legs to hips to mouth

Then down, and feel for textures
You call me smooth, my skin like a cool stone in a river

You are like a grass covered hill,
Mossy and full of earth

We move together, the light blue from the window shifting from you to me,
And then back to you
The light on your shoulders to the light on my hips

Everything is blue
The love
Your shy smile
My flowing hair
everything is blue.

even
My hands
Moving across you

Like a little sailboat
In the middle of the ocean

They were scattered all over my house,
                                                      in a mess. An explosion of you, everywhere
I took the old plane tickets to Texas
                                 the movie stubs from a year ago
      these letters, in smudged envelopes

                          I found homes for them.
Tucked away safely in places I can find
                                                  them again.
I like to take them out
              hold them in my hands,
                                        feel memories wash over me

of warm sun on my red hair,
of tears salty on my lips
of your beautiful fingers around mine


I put my music in its case,
        my poems on the shelf,
              my love on the windowsill

Taking the parts of my past that I don't like
              giving it away;
                                        some goes in the trash.
                                                (but I know I won't miss
                                                                ­  any of it.)
I need to make room
     I need to make space
               for the letters, movie stubs, plane tickets
I need to make room for
                       new memories
                               with you.

A new future

                         with you.

in the air,    in the blue sky
      The same sky I often look up at
but I find myself looking down
   watching cars become specks then -

                                         disappear.
Endless horizon,
                         that blur of white and
          sea green, then
                            the clearest blue
                                   the perfect sky.

The earth is so much larger
                    than I can possibly
                         comprehend.


       Much like your love for me

in seven and a half days
you will pick me up (from the airport
and i will pick you up (from the slump you've been in
and we will hold each other there
in the air

in seven and a half days
my mind will finally be at rest
i no longer have to snap back into focus
after dozing into daydreams of
your sweet skin

in seven and a half days
my heart will burst from the feelings you elicit
inside of me, you keep me afloat
the world tries to pull me under
you save me

in seven and a half days
our worlds will collide
after remaining seemingly separate for months
I will know the people you know
we will share

in seven and a half days
i will not worry about grades
or missing the bus or getting fat or being alone
you will extract the ****
replace with beauty

in seven and a half days
your arms will become my safe haven
your body envelops mine, covers me
i have never felt so safe
in my life

in seven and a half days
our bodies will melt into each other
waking up next to you
kiss your forehead, toes intertwine
yours mine ours

in seven and a half days
I will love you
-in person.

If I wrote a poem for
      you
              every time you crossed
                 my mind
I would never be without a
           pen in my hand.

But as it stands
        my mind has stopped

   finding words to  put on
      paper

but my heart knows

how
       I feel

and how
                I think
about
     you

every time I
     take an order
             for a Left-hand
                     Milk-Stout
    at the restaurant
         where I now work