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Are you thinking of another
While you're lying here with me
Is your mind out there cheating
wishing it were free
free to love another
while we lay here once again
Your body is here with me
But, your mind, it is some where else

Are you laying in bed when I’m not home
Fantasizing and searching for what you don’t have
because I’m not giving you enough
I’m not you’re fantasy
But really what is enough now a days
Tell me please
Because I try
sometimes  i even push myself
Push myself to do stuff
To make you happy
But I see it
I know I've lost you
Theirs no passion anymore

I’m not happy because I know you’re not happy
You’re in you’re own world
Searching for what you don’t have
I’m not good enough
Maybe i was never good enough
We are right back at square one
Why did we waste all this time
We have a child now
This is all just really sad

Why are you still holding on
If I’m not giving you what you want
Why are you hiding what you’re hiding
When I’m not home
What are you searching
Just stop lying
It doesn’t have to be physical
It all just hurts the same
Because
while we lay here once again
Your body is here with me
But, your mind, it is some where else
The Good times, the bad times
And all the other ****** times in between
5 years together
Strong as ever
From dating
To marriage
To having a baby
We’ve made it through
The Cheating
The Lying
The trust issues
The ex
We seem to get through it all
Sometimes I can’t believe it
I can’t believe I’ve put up with all this ****
But we are better people today
But...
One thing that seems to get in the middle
I’m tired of putting up with
We always fight about it
Is your father
He hates me and well I hate him
He’s a *******
He’s a pig
He doesn’t know how to treat women
He’s hated me from day one
And that’s ok
What is not ok is not having a husband that doesn’t stick up for you
Always makes up excuses for his father
It hurts
It really does
He treats me different
Different then your brothers girlfriends
It’s sad
It really is
when your brother sticks up for me
But my own husband can’t
I sit in my car most mornings
And just cry
Because that’s all I can do is cry
I can’t talk because we fight
So I cry
And I honestly don’t know how much longer I can do this...

Sorry for how sucky this is I haven’t wrote in a while just needed to get my feelings out...
Michaela Gagnon Apr 2017
Where do I start
or should I say what do I do.
I use to be able to write my words so easy,
they came out like nothing.

No thinking,
Just writing,
My thinking was the reason why I wrote,
And why everything was so easy to put into words.

I didn't have to think to put my feelings into words.
My writing is what made me stop for a second,

Just for a second,

And let my hand do the work on how I was feeling.

Word by word
Poem by poem
my feelings were so easily out of my head
And on the paper.

Now I lay here,
I'm thinking about my feelings,
I'm thinking about how I put those feelings on paper

My head hurts
So much thinking,
And so much ****** writing.
I miss when it all just came out so easily
Now where do I start...
  Nov 2015 Michaela Gagnon
Dev A
You broke me
But somewhere deep inside I always knew,
You and I were not meant for forever.

I always knew we wouldn't last;
Something in me told me that.

But over and over
My mind runs through our time
And I wonder why?

Why does it hurt when I knew we'd end?
Why does it hurt knowing I won't see you again?
Why do I wish for one more day? One more night?

My mind tells me to move on forward,
But my heart, it wishes for just a little more.
I'm at war with myself,
Logic and reasoning
Versus
Wishes and dreaming.

My mind says move on
But worse off
My heart says what if?

You broke me
But deep inside I always knew you would
And yet I still hurt.
Michaela Gagnon Jun 2015
Lets make love like its the very first time
Come closer and let me show you, what’s on my mind

As I wrap my arms around you and squeeze you tight
I feel the butterflies in my stomach deep in flight

I can feel your body shiver at my mere touch
As your breathing becomes heavy and very rough
Relax cause as long as im here you have nothing to fear

The warmth of your breath
As you whisper in my ear,
Sends chills down my spine
As you say I love you

Slowly kissing my lips,
Down to my neck
My body becomes paralyzed
As if I just wrecked.
Our body's sweats wetness of love
Its like fog fills the room from ceiling to rug

The smell of love essence fills the air
If anyone’s hear's us I don’t even care

I love the motion when our two bodies connect
If we had to vote a moment to keep, this is the one I elect

You rub my back so gracious and slow
Don’t hold back just let it flow

I love you so much
Our body's begin to shiver so its almost over

My heart is racing faster than the speed of light
Baby lets take a break so we can start all over

We don’t have to rush cause there’s no where to go
Michaela Gagnon Jun 2015
Have you ever had a cry where it feels like your chest is cracking?
Where you feel the tears running down your face.
Where you can't cry out because your breath is knocked out of you due to the pain in your chest.
Where you squeeze your eyes tightly closed it almost hurts.
And finally you let out that curling sob.
Over and over again.
As if it would go on forever.
And you can't stop yourself.
Have you ever felt this?
Because it's on my list of worst possible experiences that I am having....
Michaela Gagnon May 2015
You cheated
I stayed
Your fine
I'm not
The pain is eating me away
You say it was a one time thing and that your sorry
You love me and it won't happen again
I say I love you and it's ok
But it really isn't
Once you do something wrong you lose my trust
Cheating isn't always physical
It hurts like hell no matter what kind it is
I want to trust you again
I want to be happy again
I want us again
Right now I don't have any emotions
I pretend I'm strong and I can handle it
But I can't
I try to pretend like it didn't happen and trust you again
But I can't
While I lay here at night I wonder what your doing
Are you texting her
Are you lying to me
Do you really love me
Do you really want to talk to me because it doesn't seem like it
I'm sick of being the only one trying in this relationship
Man up and tell me what you really want
Maybe my friends are right I'm to nice to everyone. I get walked all over on
But I'm done  with that
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