At least now
I get back to this
Mired in meaningless
Never the writer
I thought I would be
Just the one
Who gets by
On emotionally
Unapproachably
Truculent
Daily dose supplement
Of my deficient
Self-worth
Ego shattering
Into a million persona
Brains splattering
All across
Can’t carry on
Not the same
But my noose is indifference
The rope is existence
Resistance again
My futility pen
Proudly pressing its muses
To paper
To savor
Unfortunate cycles
Of bliss turned to anger
Whenever I fail
To maintain
The “my” concept
Own up to the tragic flaw
There from the onset

It’s almost like
There could be blissful
Amidst
The conflictual
Phantasmagoric
Abyss
Like a day
I don’t want to die
Nearly as much
The resultant
Residual
Remnant of trust
I’ve adjusted
According
To where she would stand
Were I poor,
Powerless
With no titles and land
Just a man
With a hand
For composing discord  
With this pain as my shield
And this pen as my sword

Inward seeking
Shrinking violet
Red dwarf
Morphing
Into silent
Shades evade
Intrusive gaze
A spotlight on
An empty stage
Arrayed for how I play
The role
Of one’s so growing older
Soul
Where love is found
Less in caress
But more in what
I can’t express

Have I done enough
Thinking
For both of us now
My accomplishments
Nothingness
Still don’t know how
I could ever be down
For a down-payment town
For submission
Conditioned
To bow to the crown
Never found
The unbound
To its soaked in blood ground
I remain
My remains
As the Earth spins around
Not demanding my presence
But yet nonetheless
She accepts me
Addresses me
An
Honored guest

Somehow still plenty
Of energy left
Fell asleep on the couch
Then into my bed crept
Like a crypt for the restless
Upon which I write
With increasingly recent
Infrequency
Nightly
Entire day typing
Like lightning
A living
Is humble and honest
Yet fraught with misgiving
I taught
More tautology
Wrought my own ends
As I sought the renewing
Undoing it pens

Now feel it flow through you
The upper
Class privilege
And rip it to shreds
In your miscreant mischief

Still so much without you
Not so much as doubt you
Could ever be there
When I wasn’t awake
Looking on as we’ve had ourselves
Lost in the quake
But await me no further
I’m bound to beside
You can hide.
You can bide.
All your time
In my mind
I’ll be there when you realize
At the end tides
There is no other rising up
Save our demise
Let me hear it be sung
Into walls of night shrieked
Let me watch
As it ruins
The siege In retreat
For no storming advance
Of tempestuous furies
Could stray from the favor
I wager on juries
On people
The equal
No more
And no less
But to me
She is everything
This can’t express