Not getting younger
Insatiable hunger
I feel in my bones now
The calm before thunder
Increasing
Insouciance
Elusive girl still
Unattainable
Pain
I sustain
Like a skill
And she will
Appear often
Go silent for days
Lead me on
Like a guide
But I’m trapped in a maze
And the turns that I’m taking
Make two rights a wrong
But parochial focus
Is narrow and long
And exceedingly dim
Down the walls closing in
As my love-maker rusts
Like a man made of tin
Any win
Is a loss
More misfortunate
Cost
And upon my tombstone
The word “Nothing” embossed

Can’t make her
My only good reason
For waking
For finding some semblance
Of meaning
In taking
Too much of the earth
For illusion self-worth
And this lackluster prose
Devoid even of mirth
But she makes my day
Feel
More complete
And fulfilled
And with each message sent
Overjoyed
I am thrilled
To respond then await
Formulate a response
As I anticipate
The next ghosting
It haunts

Just give me the ocean
My only last bastion
My massive
Enormity
Thralldom
Comes crashing
To swallow me whole
Then unfold
My serenity
Visions of boundless
Effulgent
Prosperity
Stretching and spanning
Horizon tomorrows
To bottle me up
In a vial of sorrows
I’ve written to her
Ever faithfully true
And submerged in her mysteries
I am deep blue

She is just wow
One I’m thinking ‘bout now
And in subsequent moments
I know she’s around
Won’t forget what she sounds like
Tenacity sweet
And I can’t even speak
Save for when our eyes meet
I’m replete with
A million dumb things I could say
But I don’t overthink it
Just let her hit play
And convey with precision
Her smile,
Her laugh,
Is my only sole mission,
My finalized draft

What comes after
Departure
From my life beyond
Overwhelms me with dread
But she will not be gone
From my head
From my heart
Mark my words
She lives on
And I cherish her memory
Dearest along

The despondent,
Impending,
Oblivion
Vast
That ensues
In her passing,
Impels me to grasp
Desperately
At her fading,
Pervading
My wavelength
I’ll still be here waiting
Delighted,
Enamored,
Ignited
I’ve stammered

To pair with her,
Share with her,
How hard I fell
As if Icarus plummeting
Under her spell
Like an elven enchantress
Divines how my mind
Will respond to the message
And mirror the vibe
Redefines what attraction
Exaction
Could be
In totality
Even the world
Less than she
Means to me

When she doesn’t answer
Romance is a cancer
No chance to convey it,
Impart it,
Display it,
Articulate,
Codify
How it’s created
So plainly
It drains me
Restrains me
Held down
By a weight
Heavy deeper,
It’s dragging me down
Always found
At least one
To do things to my mind
And fixation upon her
Within it confined

Not expectant,
Dependent,
Nor think she can mend this
Dysfunction
Defunct
Beating hunk of junk
Heart
She’s not looking for love
But still jumpstarts its parts,
Its ignition
Conditioned
To running on E
And then pumps it with
Once upon
Sincerity
Real with me,
Not a dream,
Not a fantasy
Fallacy
Balancing my
At war peace
Of mentality

Weekend away
Weakened in this new state
I feel aging
Contagion
My veins permeate
Permanent
Mental illness
Sequestered aside
For it goes undefined
But still no where to hide
The whole time
I’ve exhausted
My options
Are toxins
For fun
Has become
An impossible topic
Discussion
Just leave me alone
I’m not talking
Except to
The me’s that I’m prone
To prepare
To pretend
To prevent hitting send
Doesn’t get any sadder
Just happily end