She walks out
and bears her soul
to the unknown.

Step by step.
Trusting that the path
Will continue to form
Before her.

It's a feeling.
An instinct.
A drive.
A knowing.

It's malleable.
Create-able.
Magical.

It lives.
It relates.
It changes.
It grows.

And when I get lost,
I always know
This feeling will take me
Where I need to go.

So i listen carefully
For the calls in my soul.
And go the direction
That i feel pulled.

Mica Light

𝗧𝗪: 𝗦𝗲𝘅𝘂𝗮𝗹 𝗔𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗲

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

It wasn't until I heard
Someone say, "me too"
That I started to view
That this pain was from you.
And you. And you.
And yes, you too.
But especially... 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

I came fractured and bruised.
The deprecation of my self worth
Started before you.
I'd long since been used
As a punching bag for others'
Emotional wounds.

So, when I met you...
I was a perfect package
Of cracked porcelain
Just pretty enough
To salvage.

Your attention and approval
Became my food.
Like a flower needs the sun
I thought that without you
Shining on me
That I'd be all for none.

Your claws dug deep in my belly,
And mine into yours.
Validating eachother,
In a toxic swirl.
You in the center,
Creating a world,
Where "no" has no weight,
Coming from a young girl.

"You're so pretty" you said.

My skin was like rice paper.

"I love the curls on your head"

My throat was titanium.

"Come sleep in my bed."

My stomach turned sideways.

I had told myself enough times by now,
"This is what you signed up for,
So you'd better allow.
It comes with the territory."
I believed this somehow.

I attached so much of myself to you.
Addicted to the magic,
scattered in with the abuse.
The pleasure in the pain,
Covering up the dark truth.
So well, I couldn't tell
That we were actually living
In some kind of hell,
Being sold to us
As love and friendship,
But it was just a shell
For dead end *******.

Sometimes I find I look back
To these times reminiscing,
But then all I can think is,
"𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨?"

Cause now I sit here and wonder,
Why did I have no edge?
I had lost the understanding of what
A "no" feels like in bed.

It took me years to cut you off.
𝗧𝗲𝗻 to be exact.
All this time I've hidden
These dark secrets of the past.

Not even realizing
It was fear
Holding me back.
Not even realizing
That this ****
Fed how I act.

𝗜𝘁 𝘁𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝟮 𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘀 𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗹 𝗜 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗻𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 "𝗮𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗿" 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲.

How brain washed is 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵?

Ever since I dug your
Claws out of my belly,
My wounds began to heal
And i started to see fully,
This relationship with you -
You were nothing but a bully.
𝗔 𝗯𝗿𝗼𝗸𝗲𝗻 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗯𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝗯𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗯𝗹𝘂𝗲.

I've liberated myself from you.
And all the guilt and shame.
Understanding now,
Why so long I played your game.
I've taken back my power, and
I've taken back my name.
I'm not a victim of abuse.
I'm a raging, healing flame.
Burning down what you became.

Ashes are easy to blow away.
I rid of you and I'm on my way.
No longer afraid,
Of the monsters in the night.
Because, guess what?

I know what a '𝘆𝗲𝘀' feels like.

Mica Light

When I am 𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗵,
I am grounded,
I am safe.
But like rock,
I can be cracked, or
Crumbled.
Struggling,  
Trying,
To collect my self back up.

But when I am 𝗮𝗶𝗿,
I cannot break -
I can only be felt.
My state,
Doesn't relate,
To the futile,
Attempts,
To hurt me.
But it can get tiring,
Without being able,
To land.

And sometimes,
I'm like 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝗲.
A flame,
Of passion,
Can burst,
Into a Raging blaze,
Of love,
Or hate,
Or somewhere,
In between.

And other times,
I am like 𝘄𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿.
I am lifted.
I float atop.
I am given a break,
Or,
I am given a lesson.

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩,
The waves...
Can turn into a monsoon, and

𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩,
The fire...
Could completely engulf me, and

𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩,
The winds..
May blow a bit too fierce, and
  
𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩,
The earth...
Can sometimes shatter beneath me,

𝗜 𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿.

For if I am to live this life,
There is nothing more,
And nothing less,
I could do.

▪︎ mica light ▪︎

Little drips of honey,
Trickle down your kiss.
Fingertips like
Water wells
That know my
Every wish.

Liquid lovely spilling,
Messing up my bed.
Whispering
Like fire burns
On every
Word that's said.

Tattered trails tasted,
You know my every turn.
Tracing lines
Like pathways
That you never
Had to learn.

Flowing, we are floating,
Suspended in the air.
Lifted up
Like stardust
Bodies weightless,
Minds aware.

Move me through the night,
Take me all the way.
Touching me
Like morning glory
Opens up
The day.

▪︎ mica light ▪︎

I know you're there.
Deep in my bones,
I can feel you.

You're a written scripture,
On the ancient DNA,
Of my body of flesh, bones,
And impermanence.
It permeates,
Into any existence,
Where you and I,
Have hearts,
That beat.

I see now,
That I had to have it all,
Taken away.
Peeled back.
Removed.
So that all that was left,
Was me.

I never needed you.

You have an outdated version
Of me in your head.
And that's fine.
But I can't lie,
I'm pretty heartbroken,
That you'd leave me behind,
This time.

I thought you understood.
I guess...
I thought I knew you better.

I don't want to keep you.
I don't have a reason to.
Time and time again,
Your the constant,
That I always knew.
That simple kind of love,
That I never had to try to do.

But my trust in this truth...
This time - I handed you.

Of all the things I've had to let go,
You were the last.
And when you turned your back,
It was clear -
There really isn't,
Anyone,
To trust here.

And I don't mean that,
In some sad, bitter way.
I mean it to say...
I trust no one but me,
And what a beautiful scene.

My crystalline heart is,
No longer in hands that,
Bring me to places,
Too far from myself.

I am the only one that holds me.
This is how I'm meant to be.
More sure than I've ever been.
I've never felt more free.

But it's a funny thing,
That even though,
you can't be seen...

I can still feel you.

Deep in my bones.

▪︎ mica light ▪︎

You talk like being in love controls you.

Love is not meant to control you.

Love is here,
To show us radical acceptance.
To be trusted to be free, and
To have the freedom to trust.

Love shouldn't pull you away from yourself.

Love should bring you closer to you.

Are you afraid when you talk to them?
Or do you feel calm,
Well articulated,
At ease, with them?

Or do you feel anxious?

Do you feel like everything you say,
No matter what about,
Is always misunderstood?

Do you get embarrassed?
Frustrated?
Do you feel unseen?

This is because,
You are residing,
In a place
That is much too far
From you.

Sometimes, we have to walk away
From the things we love most, because...
By staying,
We are not listening to ourselves.
By staying,
We are not honouring ourselves.
By staying, we are saying:

"𝘐'𝘷𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶."

...

All I ask is that this time,
You choose yourself.

So that the love that is meant for you,
Can find you.

▪︎ micalight ▪︎

Fire burning red hot.
Who will be the next to burn?
Ignite a soul and light the way.
Okay.    Now it's your turn.

In my mind like spring time.
Dew drops steam off the soft
Flowers they became upon.
I evaporate to high skies from
The ground I'm standing on.

Something of a bad bliss.
I stumble into your forbidden kiss.
And I feel like myself again.

For I am no Saint.
These words may be faint.
But to you, I'd lend my hand again.
It's you who I will lay again,
In the dangerous alley ways
Of my hidden places.

And when you come looking,
Just search in the shadows.

This is where I'll meet you.